When True Love Doesn't Wait...What Then?

I am taking on this topic because it is one that I have genuine interest in, and because thanks to our freedoms in the US, I have every right to discuss it in the manner I see fit. I also am terribly aware of the fact that I may say something that offends you, my reader. I don't expect you to agree with me. Heck, I'd be surprised if everyone did, but I do expect you to be respectful and to add your own pearls of wisdom to the discussion if it pleases you. I welcome you.

After working at a Christian school, I became increasingly aware of just how big of a topic teenage sexuality is. I was not born yesterday, and I graduated from a high school in California with a graduating class of over 400 students...roughly 13X bigger than the school I worked at. Sex happened. Quite often and with no regards to social, economic or even intelligence levels. It was a common thing, not reserved only for the "cheerleaders and jocks", but for the "nerds," "4H", "drama," and "skater" kids alike. Plenty were not "doing it"-but plenty were. I hate to sound desensitized, but it really wasn't something anyone made much fuss about. I am not saying that is right, I am merely stating that no one really cared. At my former employer it was different, and presumably so. There was an annual assembly called The Silver Ring Thing that shared a message about sex before marriage and why it is better that true love waits. Many of the teens would also go to the nighttime version the same day, taking their parents with them. They would show up at school the next day wearing their own silver ring, right on the left ring finger where a wedding band would eventually go. In essence, I see nothing wrong with this sentiment. If waiting is important to a person, then they should indeed wait. 

What heightened my own curiosity was a study my college anatomy 2 professor shared with us. You can read it here: Virginity Pledger Statistics. The study found that among teenagers, those you pledged to remain virgins had just as much premarital sex as those who did not don a ring. 82% of pledgers actually denied ever taking the pledge within 5 years after taking it. The more unfortunate news was that the pledgers that went ahead and had sex, were much less likely to use any form of protection against STDs and unwanted pregnancy, putting their group at higher risk of sexually transmitted infections and parenthood. The fact of the matter was those that did not plan on having sex, truly did not plan even in the heat of the moment and then put themselves at higher risk then fellow teens that actively sought out birth control methods. Let me state the obvious: Sex is never an accident!!! For all the times I have heard the phrase, "It just kind of happened," or "We didn't mean to". Really?! This is when my sarcasm goes into overdrive and I am thinking, So you just kinda happened to take off your skivvies at the same time, and he fell and landed...You get my drift. 

I think waiting is a fine idea. I think that it is probably what God wants. I know that premarital sex can lead to many hurt and dysfunctional relationships and people. Here is what I also know, because I am trying to play Devil's Advocate (heehee...appropriate here I guess) on this issue as well. Saving yourself versus not saving yourself for your partner makes little difference in the grand scheme of things for your relationship and sexuality with one another. Now before you throw tomatoes at your screen in righteous anger, I said little difference in your relationship, I did not say little difference to God...so it may indeed make a difference to Him. I would just like to point out that plenty of couples who have had premarital sex (either with one another or a different partner) still enjoy happy, sexually fulfilling marriages and it does not stop them from having a faith either. On the same hand, plenty of people that waited to have sex may have dysfunction in their sexuality with one another, and then that special thing they waited for seems to pale in comparison to what they had dreamed of. Getting married to finally get the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow happens all too often. Then the marriage is driven by lust, not love or friendship. Sure, it can work nicely for a couple, and sometimes it doesn't. Both sides of the coin here, people. In this blog, the author takes on the concept of the Purity Ball: I promise, but what I found interesting were some of the comments the post elicited. What do you think?

My take on the matter is that purity because you want to have a stronger relationship with God is admirable, and I understand this take. But waiting your whole life, hoping someday God will bring you the man (or woman) you are meant to have sex with is...well, kind of sad, and the reason many virgins in their twenties and thirties stop waiting. You MUST read: Not "Waiting" Anymore. And even better, perhaps the reason it is SO hard for Christians to wait, but it is rarely talked about: people in Biblical times were often married off between 13-17 years of age-a must read article from CNN: Why Christians Aren't Waiting. Add to that the fact that though many pastors will encourage youth to wait, even drill it into them...many did not wait themselves. I am not saying that "two wrongs make a right," but I am saying that if you couldn't do it-how do you expect them to?

I am not sure what the "solution" is, or if one is even needed...What I do know, as a former educator from a charter then a Christian school, is that schools NEED to teach sexual education. We falsely reason that these kids are getting talked to at home (they come from such nice homes after-all)...but guess what? Many of them aren't. Then schools make the mistake of talking to them when they are 16 years old. Ummm....does anyone else see the problem with this picture. Talking to kids about safe sex does not make them want to go out and have sex, anymore than talking to me about airbags makes me want to purchase a  new car. We are doing our teens a huge disservice by not telling them the dangers and the realities that sex can bring. I used to watch Beverly Hills 90210 (yeah, yeah), and there is an episode that I LOVE and still remember about the school and parents arguing about whether or not to have sex ed. One of the moms finally says, "Not talking to our kids about sex is like us all having swimming pools behind fences but not teaching our kids how to swim. Sooner or later, they will all climb the fence, and if they drown..it's our fault." I couldn't agree more. While abstinence is a great answer, it is not the answer that 80-88% of teens choose by the time they reach 18. Open talks about sex with parents, teachers, even pastors need to become more prevalent. Just Sayin'.