Wednesday, November 27, 2013

And to this I say: I don't know...

Hi there! I know it has been awhile yet again since I have written. Life has had many ups and downs lately and so many momentous decisions made behind the scenes. I couldn't even begin to share all of what has transpired in the last month or so in my life. That sounds all dramatic, and I don't mean to be so-but it has been a lot. In October I finished my CNA 1 class. At the beginning of November I tested and passed to now be a certified nursing assistant. Also in November I began job searching. The plan at the time was that RN school was still 9 months away IF I got in the first try. I decided that I needed a job, preferably part-time, and it could be anything. I applied at Barnes and Noble, the local Safeway, for all kinds of clerical jobs with Samaritan Health Services, for in home health care and even for a teaching position open mid-year. 

If you follow me on Facebook, you will know that I thought I had rocked the teacher interview-only to find out that I was a "close second" choice, and the position had gone to someone else. I will admit that I was crushed, and is the "close second" thing supposed to make me feel better? I had visions of me in the job-probably highly romanticized, but still...I obtained a job with New Horizons right away, but then after orientation didn't pick up any shifts (purposely) because I was waiting to hear about the other job interviews. After 2 interviews and a long THREE weeks that seemed to stretch forever (and give me LOTS of time to think), I was offered a full-time position with Samaritan. The job is clerical, I will have my own cubicle, and be part of team of 6 women who also analyze insurance claims, overdue accounts, etc. I know it doesn't necessarily sound super adventurous, but I am looking forward to the office environment, the ladies (who I have met and liked...at least so far, lol), and just being and feeling professional and productive again. It is good hours with benefits and okay pay, and opportunities to make more, have more responsibilities and cross-train. Oh, and they will honor the 2 vacations we have planned (Hawaii in February, and Great Wolf Lodge with the kiddos in March). While I am not looking forward to 5 whole days a week (I know, I know...), I am looking forward to the job. 

What does this mean, you may ask? I left a career to go into nursing. I have a BS, an MS, and now CNA 1, and a pretty, little office job to begin soon. Well you know that whole gap of over 3 weeks with lots of decisions? Yeah, the tip of the iceberg is that we (again) talked about a baby, and NO we are not planning on having one now (or ever), but felt it needed to truly be discussed and put to rest...and you might be surprised that that very decision right there could have easily been flipped the other way.  We talked in depth about teaching careers, but I stand by my thoughts that at least for me, it was not family friendly. To be a truly great teacher meant too much time without my own family. It meant hours upon hours grading and planning for 6 different courses! That helped me also to feel better about the job offer I didn't get, because I had prayed incessantly, and well, maybe God agrees with me on that one. It's hard to explain how much I wanted it, but yet didn't at the same time. We talked and prayed, and talked some more about nursing as a career for me. The thing is that I want it, but I do not want the probable nights, long shifts, weekend and holiday work. My prerequisites are complete...drum-roll please, but we do not know what that will mean for me in the future. We even discussed alternatives, like Medical Assisting because of the more family-friendly hours. For every tear I shed (and there were many), I prayed even more. I want to do the right thing-and that means it's not just about what I want. 

I have again changed.  At first I was disappointed when I realized I felt unmotivated about future possibilities. I have always had SO much drive, but my priorities have sometimes put my own goals first and my children (and husband) second. I feel that my degrees, education, or even ambition pale in comparison to how very important it is to me to be here for my family. So let it be said that after talking God's ear off for the past month (as well as Barrett's), this job helps us in a number of ways. I was honest in my interview as far as that I do not know what my future plans hold-that really depends on a lot of things, especially how happy I am at the job, but I am an excellent worker and will do my very best for as long as I am part of the team. 

I know where I will be come next Monday, and I feel that this is the most right path for us at this moment. Sometimes what makes a good job is your availability outside work.  So where will I be in the future? I have asked myself this very question.  And to this I say-I don't know, but I am going to enjoy the journey.



Monday, November 11, 2013

Of Cubicles and Classrooms...

With today being a holiday, I am trying to not be quite so anxious. It is a waiting game, and I have a definite liking problem with waiting. I tend to be more of a "good things come to those who hunt them down" kind of a person than "good things come to those who wait." Just sayin'. 

About 2 weeks ago I decided that I needed a job. Isaiah has adjusted surprisingly well to kindergarten, and I have to wait until February to apply to the RN program which if I got in (BIG if) doesn't start until next Fall-as in a year away. This girl has moments she loves being at home, and moments that she's so stir-crazy she'd happily come clean and organize YOUR home (because this one is done), lol. So I set out to find a job. I got hired the same day for an in-home healthcare company, and I took it, as a CNA 1, but....I wasn't given any hours at first, and then I began applying to other things. I have heard good and bad about the company itself, so technically I am an employee that has so far only been paid for orientation. I have told them I will come in end of this week (if nothing else pans out). See, I set the hours I wanted to work, and there weren't many clients within those needs, so I'd be getting like 10 hours a week. 

I applied and interviewed for an Account Analyst position with Samaritan corporate offices in Corvallis. It is similar to work I had done in the past at the dental office. It is pretty good hours, full-time, better pay than a CNA, and the interview seemed to go pretty well. I find out about that job this week sometime. 

I also applied and interviewed for a teaching position in Sweet Home, that is great hours, even better pay, and 4 days a week! The interview went very well, and I should hear by this Wednesday or Thursday (I am hoping for tomorrow though). The position is in Alternative Education, and is as a teacher/tutor to students that are making up credits. There is a cute little classroom with attached office and bathroom, and I can just FEEL the potential! I want this job the most, but I am unsure if it will leave me wanting to stay in education again (??) or not. 

My last plan is that I am scheduled to be in the CNA 2 class in December, something I obviously won't do if hired at either job, but something I will do if not. Then I can apply to hospital CNA jobs after December, and gain great experience. I hate not knowing, but all plans are pretty feasible, so wish me luck! :)

Thursday, November 7, 2013

The Witching Hour

What's your "witching hour" like? If you are a parent, no doubt you have heard this term used in reference to none other than your own sweet children. If you haven't heard this term, let me explain. When my sons were littler (infant and toddler...eek!), the witching hour was that time in the evening when it isn't quite dinner time yet, definitely not bedtime, too late for nap-time, and the children are tired, fussy and no doubt underfoot while you try to be productive by cooking said dinner, opening mail, straightening up the house...whatever.  I will admit to lots of help from my parents during this time of day (we all lived together then) and lots of...ahem....cartoons. Yes, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse was a Godsend when dinner needed to be made! 

Last night I am starting dinner, and laughing to myself as the witching hour descends upon my house. I always tell Barrett that I cannot talk or text much after the kids get off the bus before he gets home. Why? Because it is plain craziness this time of day! Last night I congratulated myself with a pat on my super-woman caped shoulders for being patient, efficient, friendly and mommy-like while only snapping at a child once (Mind you this is when I was pouring pancake batter on the griddle, listening to Matt's pj day plight, and Isaiah asks for a glass of water-which he does darn well how to get for himself). 

For illustration purposes, and reminders of what you have already been through or have yet to conquer as a parent, last night looked something like this. I am cooking breakfast for dinner, and have turkey bacon sizzling in the pan and banana cinnamon (my specialty) pancakes laid out on the griddle when the witching hour begins. Here come two hyper boys off the "rabbit bus" (called so because of the pink rabbit picture on it). Matthew is in a complete, close to meltdown tizzy (my sweet husband says he gets this from me, lol!) as he comes in. 

"Mom, my class earned a pajama day tomorrow and we get to bring stuffies to school and everything...BUT I have to wear my Cub Scout uniform for the assembly!" My sweet child is near tears as Mom comes up with the plan that he take jeans and his uniform shirt and wear pjs, and just ask his teacher nicely if he can change for the assembly. Ah...disaster #1 diverted.  Just then a panicked Isaiah comes running into the kitchen from his room. He had been quietly munching on Angry Bird cheese crackers. "Mom?! Can you please feed my fish when I'm at school? I keep forgetting!" It is all I can do not to burst out laughing. Isaiah remembers to feed his poor fish like once a week, does he really think Mr. Fishy has managed to live this long on those measly rations?! I feed the poor, dumb fish daily. But I smile and tell Zay that yes, Mama can feed his fish when he is gone. I send the boys off to do their daily after-school tasks which is mainly emptying their backpacks (making sure I get anything I need to see), laying out school clothes for tomorrow, showering, reading homework in the kitchen with me, and maybe a chore or two-yesterday they had clean laundry to put away. It is the same everyday, but each day you'd think I made this routine up and pulled it out of my magic hat as I try to herd the little kittens into their duties. 

Matt (who is supposed to be cleaning the toilet-a chore we taught him that he hates) sidles up to me in the kitchen. "I got a part in the Holiday program." Me: "you did? that's great Hun. Did you have to try out?" "No, I just told my teacher I wanted one." Me: "What are you?" "Either a reindeer, a dinosaur, or Santa." Me: "That's awesome Matt." Then I think to myself why the heck are there dinosaurs in a Christmas program? At this time Isaiah hears talk of the program and comes running back into the kitchen to sing part of a song for me. I listen, laugh, then herd the children back to their tasks as I flip pancakes and start to make the made-to-order eggs. Sometimes it's scary how much like me Matthew is. He must have been on the same track in his mind, because he appears again to me out of his room. "Mom, the Christmas program is not very Christmassy. There's all these dumb songs about other things, and none about Jesus." Me: "Well at least you boys know the true meaning of Christmas." Him: "Yeah, it's just weird to sing about dinosaurs at Christmas
time." I could not agree more. He runs off to clean the toilet and calls out "Do I have to clean the inside?" Wow. I am laughing as I say "yes, that's the most important part." The witching hour includes Isaiah bringing me a book that we HAVE to read tonight, as well as 3 items of clothes that he just can't fold (but wants Mom to do for him). Matthew tells me his hair is getting too long, and that he needs a "buttload of cheese" on his eggs and we momentarily ponder what exactly a "buttload" is, and Isaiah insists that he needs a bubble bath, not a shower, so that he can be a crocodile in the tub. Oh, and he also needs me to get down his octopus decoration that he made in craft class last summer, as it needs to go to Show and Tell. 

Somehow, miraculously, one hour later when Barrett pulls up at home, dinner is warm and ready on the table. The boys are in their pjs doing reading homework, and the chaos has died down significantly. You;d have never known the absolute madness that existed only moments before. What is your witching hour like?

Monday, November 4, 2013

I'll Take My 30's Any Day

During this month of gratitude, I enjoy reading about the things that people are thankful for, as well as sharing my own blessings. Some people may find this annoying, but I admit that I truly smile for those that have so much to be thankful for, as I know that I too, have many thanksgivings in my own life. 

In a few short months I will turn 32, and I can say adamantly, without a single doubt, that I will take my 30's any day over being back in my 20's or (Heaven forbid, my teens!). These really are the best years so far. When I look back at pictures of my younger self, I see a pretty girl, awkward as can be, and full of self-consciousness. When I look in the mirror now though, I see a woman that has hurt, and been hurt, loved, and been loved, and above all someone who has learned many things (with many more to come!). The woman I see now has a few wrinkles and crinkles around her eyes starting to show, a few faded stretch marks and scars from being a mommy, and a few extra pounds here and there. You know what though? She is more beautiful, confident and happy than ever before. 

At 31, I love my life. I love my family, my boys, my home, and myself. In my 30's I have learned that what I think of myself matters more than what others think. I have learned that happy moms have happier children, and that a Saturday spent looking for adventures and making messes is far more productive than cleaning my house (though I still want it clean!). I have learned that pets make more messes than children, but when they cuddle with you-it is still worth it. I have learned to humble myself. Our economy cares not a bit that I have two college degrees-I still have to work my tail off and sell myself if I want a job doing anything. I have learned that it is okay to be friends with my ex, to invite him and whoever he is seeing over to dinner, because it is good for our children to see us have a friendship, and good for our own souls for us to let things go and realize that we both could have done much better for one another but now we can with others. In my 30's I have learned that spirituality doesn't always happen in a church-it often happens in daily interactions with others, and through who we help and serve, and who changes us along the way.  I have learned to be honest with my children in all things, in hopes that they learn life is  not perfect, but it is good. 


My mother tried to teach me years ago that there is no such thing as a set plan. I drove her insane with my inflexibility at times, and my insistence that anything wanted bad enough could and would happen. Mom, if you are reading this, you were right. Letting go of my need for a perfect plan has made me a better person. As I type today, I have many things up in the air being juggled. I am waiting for test results to see if I passed my CNA 1 certification exam. I am wondering if I should progress to CNA 2 and look for a hospital job. I am an employee (technically) for an in-home health organization, though I am holding off on accepting my first few clients until I know about some other things. I have applied to be a medical office secretary, and I have also applied for a teaching position that I am hoping to get an interview for. My plans right now are pretty darn amorphous. I have no idea which way things will shape up. I may get the teaching job and decide to stick with it, or a hospital job and continue going for my RN, or I could start taking prereqs to be a vet, a lawyer, or an astronaut (joking here). I guess what I am saying is that I do have a plan...but it is more like many plans, many paths, and they are all okay with me. I have a husband who loves me, boys that still think Mommy is a princess, time to spend with them all, and parents as well as grandparents that think the world of me. I'm doing ok-in fact, I am doing well.

 I'll take my 30's any day.