And to this I say: I don't know...

Hi there! I know it has been awhile yet again since I have written. Life has had many ups and downs lately and so many momentous decisions made behind the scenes. I couldn't even begin to share all of what has transpired in the last month or so in my life. That sounds all dramatic, and I don't mean to be so-but it has been a lot. In October I finished my CNA 1 class. At the beginning of November I tested and passed to now be a certified nursing assistant. Also in November I began job searching. The plan at the time was that RN school was still 9 months away IF I got in the first try. I decided that I needed a job, preferably part-time, and it could be anything. I applied at Barnes and Noble, the local Safeway, for all kinds of clerical jobs with Samaritan Health Services, for in home health care and even for a teaching position open mid-year. 

If you follow me on Facebook, you will know that I thought I had rocked the teacher interview-only to find out that I was a "close second" choice, and the position had gone to someone else. I will admit that I was crushed, and is the "close second" thing supposed to make me feel better? I had visions of me in the job-probably highly romanticized, but still...I obtained a job with New Horizons right away, but then after orientation didn't pick up any shifts (purposely) because I was waiting to hear about the other job interviews. After 2 interviews and a long THREE weeks that seemed to stretch forever (and give me LOTS of time to think), I was offered a full-time position with Samaritan. The job is clerical, I will have my own cubicle, and be part of team of 6 women who also analyze insurance claims, overdue accounts, etc. I know it doesn't necessarily sound super adventurous, but I am looking forward to the office environment, the ladies (who I have met and liked...at least so far, lol), and just being and feeling professional and productive again. It is good hours with benefits and okay pay, and opportunities to make more, have more responsibilities and cross-train. Oh, and they will honor the 2 vacations we have planned (Hawaii in February, and Great Wolf Lodge with the kiddos in March). While I am not looking forward to 5 whole days a week (I know, I know...), I am looking forward to the job. 

What does this mean, you may ask? I left a career to go into nursing. I have a BS, an MS, and now CNA 1, and a pretty, little office job to begin soon. Well you know that whole gap of over 3 weeks with lots of decisions? Yeah, the tip of the iceberg is that we (again) talked about a baby, and NO we are not planning on having one now (or ever), but felt it needed to truly be discussed and put to rest...and you might be surprised that that very decision right there could have easily been flipped the other way.  We talked in depth about teaching careers, but I stand by my thoughts that at least for me, it was not family friendly. To be a truly great teacher meant too much time without my own family. It meant hours upon hours grading and planning for 6 different courses! That helped me also to feel better about the job offer I didn't get, because I had prayed incessantly, and well, maybe God agrees with me on that one. It's hard to explain how much I wanted it, but yet didn't at the same time. We talked and prayed, and talked some more about nursing as a career for me. The thing is that I want it, but I do not want the probable nights, long shifts, weekend and holiday work. My prerequisites are complete...drum-roll please, but we do not know what that will mean for me in the future. We even discussed alternatives, like Medical Assisting because of the more family-friendly hours. For every tear I shed (and there were many), I prayed even more. I want to do the right thing-and that means it's not just about what I want. 

I have again changed.  At first I was disappointed when I realized I felt unmotivated about future possibilities. I have always had SO much drive, but my priorities have sometimes put my own goals first and my children (and husband) second. I feel that my degrees, education, or even ambition pale in comparison to how very important it is to me to be here for my family. So let it be said that after talking God's ear off for the past month (as well as Barrett's), this job helps us in a number of ways. I was honest in my interview as far as that I do not know what my future plans hold-that really depends on a lot of things, especially how happy I am at the job, but I am an excellent worker and will do my very best for as long as I am part of the team. 

I know where I will be come next Monday, and I feel that this is the most right path for us at this moment. Sometimes what makes a good job is your availability outside work.  So where will I be in the future? I have asked myself this very question.  And to this I say-I don't know, but I am going to enjoy the journey.