Friday, May 30, 2014

What Would Your Timeline Look Like?

The other day at work, I was helping a student created a timeline about President Theodore Roosevelt's life. We printed out this document we found online that listed hundreds of events in his life. We tried to read through them and decide which were the most important to put on this timeline poster he was making. 

It really got me thinking that if my life was displayed in a timeline (and I don't mean the timeline that Facebook has that has a random activities on it from other people) what would be on it? What events would I include or would be included that were life changing?

 As we waded through the events for the Teddy Roosevelt timeline, it was decided that we would use things that were life altering, things that had they not happened he may not have been the person he had become. If that makes any sense at all? For example we thought it was important to note that he had once been a mayor and the governor of New York before ever being a president. But enough of your mini-History lesson for the day. 

I think back over my life thus far and think of the some of the events just in my adulthood or close to, that have completely altered the course of my life. In the summer before my junior year, my best friend and I decided completely randomly one afternoon to convince her mother to drive us 20 minutes or so to the mall. It was that day that I met my first husband. In the spring of 1999 when I was still a junior in high school, I got engaged. For some reason my now ex-husband and I thought it would be a great idea to experience our brand-new life as adults after graduation together. If that hadn't happened, I wonder where I would be today. But I realize that it HAD to happen to give me Matthew and Isaiah, and a lot of the experiences that made me who I am. 


I read somewhere about the ripple effect, and I loved the descriptions I came across. Basically it states that every action taken in a life creates hundreds (maybe even thousands) of events that happen just because the first event happened. It's an interesting What If type game to play. For example, for me, if I'd never married young, I never would have moved to Oregon at all. Which means I could not have met Barrett or his family. If I had never had children, I can't imagine having ever been a teacher OR wanting to be a nurse. It's interesting, but not worth dwelling on. What is important, is that we know that every action we make (especially the bigger decisions) can impact the rest of our lives, and how we treat other people can greatly impact theirs. Read Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver for a powerful fictional take on this that will leave you thinking about the story for weeks after reading (perhaps longer). 

Anyhow, back to the timeline. I think some very important dates in my life would also be these. What would be on your timeline?

 These are but a few moments that have created a ripple effect in my life.: 

  • Sometime summer 2000-I forfeited a scholarship to become a pharmacist, to begin teaching prerequisites. 
  • September 2005-I had my miracle Matthew, making me a mama, and opening my eyes to what could have happened. This also greatly renewed my interest in being a nurse.
  • April 2008-I became mama to a second son, Isaiah, and it cemented the fact that I was, and AM intended( I believe) to be a mother of sons. :) This is a good thing.
  • July 2010-"Celebrated" a 10 year wedding anniversary mostly unhappily. To me this was a huge defining moment, and likely to my ex as well. 
  • December 2010-separated from my 1st husband after 10 years married and 12 together. 
  • January 2011 AND August 2011-I was lucky enough to meet and then marry the best friend I will ever have, and to know love like I had never imagined.
  • June 2012-I decided to leave teaching as a profession, and though I have come back to it, this was the time I decided that I needed to pursue becoming a nurse.
  • April 2014-Accepted in nursing school. You know the rest. 


Thursday, May 29, 2014

The Hardest Thing About Co-Parenting...

The worst thing about co-parenting when you are a divorcee is not dealing with the new step-parent, or bitterness and arguments between your ex and yourself (though those things DO happen), or even disagreements over how to parent your shared children. No, the worst thing about co-parenting is the jealousy, the jealousy over what the other parent gets to do with your kids, what vacations they will go on, and what cool activities they do that the kids will always remember doing with them (and not you). 

Tomorrow night the kids go with their dad and get to go to Disneyland for a week.   I would be lying if I said I wasn't jealous. I am jealous that he gets to be the one to experience Disneyland with them, that he was able to put together a trip before we could manage to (it has been on our list, but is SOOOO expensive!). But the kids are very excited, and I know that they have a really good time. Their grandmother gets to go too, and I know they will be in great hands.


Deep down I also know that Barrett and I are not the best people to go on a Disneyland vacation in general. We are the ones that are more likely to take the kids somewhere else where we don't have to stand in endless lines waiting to go on rides, -though we both like rides,  just hate people. Maybe that's the part about co-parenting that I just have to make sense of.  Maybe instead of being jealous, I can tell myself that both their dad and I get to share with the kids what we feel is important, and not try to replicate each experience that the other one may  create for them. 

Maybe that's a good thing. I have a dream of taking the kids to Mexico.  Oh I know, I know,  it isn't the safest place to go, but we're talking to sheltered resorts somewhere, not to Mexico City or anything! I want them to know the joy and adventure of international travel. I want them to understand that getting a passport is more than just a cool little book with stamps, but a pass if you will for many possible experiences. I want them to know the irritation (and even some nervousness) of waiting to go through the customs line. I want
them to go somewhere where they can get a glimpse of other cultures (even just a small one) and see the sparkling turquoise water and experience the warm ocean with tropical fish. So maybe I need to concede Disneyland. Maybe their dad can have Disneyland and all of its glory, and instead of trying to repeat it later myself, maybe I can show them something else, something that both Barrett and I have fallen in love with. Maybe I should view co-parenting instead as an opportunity for each parent to pass on what they think is a cool experience to the kids, to pass on our own passions, without competing. Maybe I should realize that this actually makes the kids really lucky that they get twice as many things to enjoy. 


So, right now I am not the cool parent. Right now I cannot compete with the lure of Disney. So I have decided I am not going to try. We shouldn't compete on trips. Every trip is important, because it allows the kids to make memories. Instead, I will focus on what I can give the kids in the future. I would like to be the parent that shows the kids other countries (Mexico to start, but Europe and South America, and Africa...someday). I would like to grow a love of the world and all it has to offer. I would also like to take them along on volunteer missions to other countries (when they are teens) so that they can see how other people live and why it is important that we care and do what we can to help. So, right now, I will be uncool, and they will make wonderful memories with their dad. And I will concede my jealousy and realize that this is a good thing.

Monday, May 26, 2014

Happiness is NOT the Purpose of Life

There are many notions in this life. We are surrounded by quotes to believe in, cute e-cards to post on our Facebook walls, and sentiments for every occasion. One that I see often is that happiness is the meaning of life.

 I have to say that I fully reject this notion. This notion is BS, and by that I of course mean bologna sandwiches, which is what I have told my kids the few times I accidentally uttered that phrase. I believe that a life should be lived that is full of joy, yes. That is not why I reject this notion. I also believe that we are to find our happiness through our own selves and our beliefs, and through helping others. We should not rely on other people and things to make us happy. I know this is something that I struggle with as I am sure many of you do as well. 

Happiness though cannot be the meaning of life. The meaning of life is expected to be something grand and happiness is temporary. What do I mean by that? Just that joy in and of itself is fleeting like a butterfly lighting on your hand and then flying away. If you don't believe me on this, watch your child open a Christmas present and watch the way that their eyes light up with joy and happiness and excitement as soon as they open the present. Then fast-forward to five or 10 minutes later (or maybe two?).  The gift will no doubt get tossed aside as they move onto the next thing that they will find again temporary joy in. We are like that, always on the quest for the next thing, the new car, new job, new house, even new baby. I refuse to believe that the meaning of my existence is based on something so ever-changing. And if you want to get spiritual for a minute (because how can you ponder life without once thinking of where it came from), I refuse to think that the God I believe in is so limited, that happiness on Earth is all that life is about. Barrett and I had a deep conversation driving to dinner last night. One of the reasons I am so in love with my husband, is that we can talk about little stuff and we can talk about the BIG stuff as well. We talked about what he thinks life is about. He said he thinks we are here to learn, to learn to be the best people we truly can be. Now, contrary to what many religions believe, (and I am not trying to step on any feet here, just stating OUR opinions...), neither B nor I think that the meaning of life is to spread the word of God, at least not in the literal sense. We both believe that we are to share love and acceptance, wisdom and compassion with others, and by doing so to honor God. 

But back to the happiness cliche. If the goal of life was truly happiness, where does it start and end? And should I do anything to make myself happy? What if it is illegal? Or what if it hurts another person? Then is my happiness more important than the happiness of others? Because at some point you will cross this line if your search is only for things that make you happy.  Maybe sometimes happiness is found in making others happy. Deep thought. 



I know that today is a serious post, as these thoughts are some of the things I have been pondering, and I felt like sharing them. I like Barrett's idea that we are here to learn. I'd like to take it a few steps further and tell you what I believe is the purpose of our existence (or maybe I should say my own, so that you are free to choose what your purpose is). First though, a bit of history or diversity if you will for you. Confucius believed that the purpose of life was to live the best moral life a person could. In Buddhism the primary purpose of life is to end suffering. Christians have a few takes on this, but to sum up a few: obey God, lead others to God, become more like God. Still others (some Native American beliefs-they do not use the word religion, because they say it is limiting, as their beliefs ARE their way of life) believe that we are to take care of the planet and the creatures on it, that all living things have a spirit, and that we are to tread lightly while we are here on earth.  I have to say that I enjoy all of these purposes, and if you look at them closely, they are really not that different from one another. 

I think my view can be best summed up in a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson:
What is YOUR purpose?

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

What's on Your Summer Reading List?

Since I became a teacher, summers have become synonymous for me fitting in my "fun" reading, since I was usually taking classes throughout the school year as well. Looks like the next few summers will be no different, since I have fewer classes during the summer. I know that lots of "normal" people work through the summer (don't worry, I will join you soon enough!), but I do hope that it is a more relaxing time for all of
you.

If you have similar tastes to me in literature, here are some of my summer recommendations, as well as the ones on my list.


Books I Recommend 
I have read these, and these are absolute must reads in my opinion! These were books I could not get enough of. You know the ones when you are irritated that normal life has to go on while you are reading THIS book?  I mean everyone should STOP what they are doing and read it with you! You know? Each title is a link to Goodreads, so you can read the summary of the book and reviews. I rely on reviews quite a bit, and LOVE the site.



My Summer Reading List






There's a start for you. This is just a very small sliver of my "to read" books! Happy almost summer!

Monday, May 19, 2014

12 days remain!

We are in full swing of the counting down days until summer vacation here in my room. 12 days are left after today. Technically just 11.5 for me, since I am leaving early one afternoon to go watch Matthew give a presentation at his school...but who's counting? 

I have to say that I have never been so glad to see the end of a school year come. I remember other momentous ends as spring slowly turned to summer. There was my maternity leave with Isaiah, when I was hired for my first teaching job, cutting my planned leave from 3 months down to just 2. I left Mid-valley Dental Associates, a place I had worked for 6 (!!) years, a place that felt like family, to begin my new career. I spent the next 2 years getting my feet wet and earning my teaching license at Sand Ridge Charter School. Toward the end of my second year there, I knew I was leaving. It was hard to explain, because I had no job lined up yet, and I had to pack up my classroom no matter what for changing rooms in the fall, but as I looked around, I just knew. I was ready to move on. Do you know what I mean? I knew I wasn't coming back come fall. Sure enough, a few weeks later I would interview with East Linn Christian Academy. The next 2 years I spent there. I loved it, and I hated it, in many ways. Sometimes I missed the flexibility that came with teaching younger students, sometimes I disagreed with school policies or changes, but I LOVED my students. I loved my teenagers, and watching them grow and mature. The June that I packed up my classroom there was bittersweet. I also knew it was time to move on. This time, I was making a huge career change, or so I hoped-leaving education to pursue nursing. It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made, because I cared so deeply for the kids I worked with, that part of me knew I could stay on
indefinitely. 

I jumped into nursing prerequisites that same summer, and what started fast was thrown off-track terribly when my grandmother (Barrett's grandma) was hospitalized. Being in the ICU was a shock, and something I felt unready for. I dropped out of my first CNA class. I spent most of the next 9 months+ staying home with Isaiah, subbing here and there (though not much), and searching, endlessly searching for what I should do with my life. I interviewed for and was accepted into a Master's in counseling program, and was invited to interview for another. I considered getting my administrative credential to one day be a school principal, and I thought about staying home more with the boys. I volunteered for the Pregnancy Alternatives Center, and eventually decided I was too rash in my decision to not pursue nursing. Who does feel ready for ICU nursing and hasn't gone through nursing school?? I was being way too hard on myself. I completed my CNA 1 the second time around, and really enjoyed it. And you know the rest of the story...I think. I hesitated, and applied for and was hired in the billing department of Samaritan Corporate. That lasted 2 weeks. I was bored stiff at that job, and a cubicle may as well be my own personal hell...just not for me. Then I took my current job, starting out as a long-term sub and then being hired to finish the school year. 

I have been here since January. I have enjoyed this job at times, hated it most other times, and also been ambivalent about it as well. It helps us pay the bills. It keeps my teaching license active, and it helps pass the time while the kids are in school until summer. Come 12 days from now though? I am once again ready. I know it is time. 

In mid-June I will begin my math class sequence (yay me), and in September, I will begin Nursing School!!! Sometimes I feel that bittersweet feeling I felt when leaving East Linn. I worry that I will no longer be a teacher. It is scary to start over, terrifying to not know if I will be good at what I think is my calling. But then I take a deep breath and remind myself, I will always be a teacher. No-one can take that away. It is part of me, in my nature, and something I know I will use even as a nurse. It is my time to be the student, so that someday in my future, perhaps I can teach those that come after me and feel they too, have been called to nurse. 
Get rid of that question mark!

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

10 Favorite things about Spring...

 Did you see the new look of my blog? Do you like it? I decided it was time for a change. I truly enjoy writing, and though I know life will only get busier come this fall, I can't just let my site die. So, I have been generating oodles of ideas to write about: fun posts, serious posts, lists, and opinions on things (my opinions but of course!). I hope that you will continue to check my blog from time to time when you decide to take a break from your busy life. 

Way back in the fall I had decided that I was going to try to do my favorite things for each month, but I have failed miserably. I guess life really does get busy at times!  Today I will pick my favorite things about Spring. I am a fall person myself, even though I know that summer is a favorite season to many.  There is actually some fun research on seasons. Spring came in 3rd as a favorite season, ahead of just winter. Summer of course took first, followed by fall.  Summer is the season that the most babies are born in (according to www.livescience.com). To get even more specific, August is the top month, which means the most popular month for conceiving is December (just had to add that in). Summer is also the second highest season for break-ups (the holiday season from Thanksgiving through Valentine's Day is the highest!), because many people view summer as a "playful season." Just reporting the facts. Spring has the illusion of being the most romantic season, as well as a time for new life. You can read what people really think of spring here: Is Spring Really the Romantic Season?

My 10 Favorite Things About Spring:

  • BBQ weather
  • pedicures
  • summery skirts and dresses
  • flip-flops or sandals
  • flowers blooming (especially cherry blossom trees!)
  • longer days
  • wind, rain, hail, sun, and rainbows in the same day (we get crazy weather in Oregon springtime!)
  • fresh fruit
  • the hope of summer
  • soccer season with my kids

Sunday, May 4, 2014

This Mother's Sentiment on What a GOOD Day Really is....

Have you ever stopped during a simple moment in life, and been overwhelmed by HOW GOOD your life is?

 This morning this was NOT the case. This morning I awoke in a mood. I am really disliking my job the past few weeks, and the 21 days remaining of school may as well loom ahead like a lifetime. This morning I had PMS (Pre Monday Syndrome) of the worst kind. I wasn't feeling well physically the last 2 days, and emotionally I was a mess. Matthew wanted another dog (to buy with is own money), and we were considering it but decided our current dog, cat and 14 chickens are enough (plus the caterpillars making chyrsalids in the bathroom!), and just....well, let's just say I am human. I have worries of finances next year, full-time school, huge changes, etc. There are things we are trying to get done to the house before we no longer have 2 incomes, and we are having to decide what to cut out. For me, I will likely give up book-club, expensive coffees, and perhaps getting my hair done as often. For the kids, it means moving their soccer to Halsey so that we are not driving to Lebanon 3 times a week. For Barrett? Well it means working no matter whether he is having a good week at work or not, which kind of makes me feel really small for thinking I can't handle 21 more days. Of course I can. We are so incredibly blessed with the job that Barrett has that this is ALL we have to give up, really. Back to my story-thank God Matthew has now decided his goal to save toward is a Kindle Fire (cool! I can support that and I don't have to worry about us feeding it every month!).

Co-parenting has had its easy moments, and lately this is not the case. The kids have been through a second divorce, and now soon will be another marriage. I may come across like I love not having my kids every other weekend (and don't get me wrong, I DO enjoy the time with Barrett), but it is also my way of coping. Yes, I miss them when they are gone. Yes, I get jealous when they have a really good time and it isn't at my house, and yes, I feel guilty that things are like this is the first place. I am a normal, guilt-ridden mother at many moments in my life, I just tuck it down a little deeper than others. I wonder if I am doing all I can, providing enough, if they even notice how hard both B and I try to give them a balanced life. 

Sometimes I feel I suck at the parenting thing. Matt tried out for a summer tournament team, made the team, and then we realized we had already made plans over a month ago the exact weekend of the one big tournament. Matt was not happy with me, but we had already booked camping at the coast with another family we are all friends with (Matt included!), and it was very difficult to pinpoint a weekend that worked for us all, that we even had the kids, that there were no other engagements...you get my drift. I want him to know that prior plans with people we care about come first, but that didn't keep me from not feeling awful that I hadn't checked the dates to begin with!  Though between the 2 boys, we have British Soccer Camps, Cub Scout Camp, swimming, camping trips, and a visit to California all planned for this summer on top of B working all summer, and me beginning my math sequence for school. We toyed with the idea of me getting a CNA job for the summer, but decided summer with the children is more important than money. Common sense says, Matt will live. 

I wonder if this is how it is with all moms? Do the kids even notice the hours spent at soccer games, driving to and from school events and Cub Scouts, the cost of family movies and dinners or ice cream out, or even the simpler needs like how much time and energy getting all doctor and dentist visits coordinated can take?  How about the sheer costs of soccer teams, camps, sports gear, etc? Maybe they aren't supposed to notice. I never did. I guess kids only notice if it isn't done. They notice if you aren't there. If you are reading, THANK YOU Mom and Dad for the endless gymnastics, dance, theater and voice lessons, the volleyball, the check-ups, and the braces I wore for years. Thank you for each and every formal dress I had (because I couldn't wear the same one twice!). That must have taken a lot of effort, time, and money. Now I get it. Thank you.

But back to why I am happy. You thought I forgot my point, didn't you?  Today the boys helped me plant flowers and make our own hanging baskets. We rescued an escaped chick from the barn. The boys sat and watched Barrett trim trees, pull-out stumps, and they helped take branches to the burn pile. I smiled as I watched Max run, smiling (yes, our dog smiles!) chasing after Matthew and Isaiah. This was a good day. It was a simple one, and my house might not be perfectly clean, and the laundry always needs doing, but we worked as a family on various things around the house. As I watched the boys watch Barrett hook up a chain to his truck and drag a stump out of the ground (cheering him on!), I felt an overwhelming surge of gratitude. Thank you God for my life. I am reminded of the other morning in the car with just Matthew, and him saying how annoying his little brother was. I told him, "You know, someday he will be your best friend." Without missing a beat he said, "He already is my best friend." The feeling I had right then is enough to get me through the next 21 days, the next however many times I feel guilty, and the next lonely weekends. Thank you God. This is what matters in life.