The Hardest Thing About Co-Parenting...

The worst thing about co-parenting when you are a divorcee is not dealing with the new step-parent, or bitterness and arguments between your ex and yourself (though those things DO happen), or even disagreements over how to parent your shared children. No, the worst thing about co-parenting is the jealousy, the jealousy over what the other parent gets to do with your kids, what vacations they will go on, and what cool activities they do that the kids will always remember doing with them (and not you). 

Tomorrow night the kids go with their dad and get to go to Disneyland for a week.   I would be lying if I said I wasn't jealous. I am jealous that he gets to be the one to experience Disneyland with them, that he was able to put together a trip before we could manage to (it has been on our list, but is SOOOO expensive!). But the kids are very excited, and I know that they have a really good time. Their grandmother gets to go too, and I know they will be in great hands.

Deep down I also know that Barrett and I are not the best people to go on a Disneyland vacation in general. We are the ones that are more likely to take the kids somewhere else where we don't have to stand in endless lines waiting to go on rides, -though we both like rides,  just hate people. Maybe that's the part about co-parenting that I just have to make sense of.  Maybe instead of being jealous, I can tell myself that both their dad and I get to share with the kids what we feel is important, and not try to replicate each experience that the other one may  create for them. 

Maybe that's a good thing. I have a dream of taking the kids to Mexico.  Oh I know, I know,  it isn't the safest place to go, but we're talking to sheltered resorts somewhere, not to Mexico City or anything! I want them to know the joy and adventure of international travel. I want them to understand that getting a passport is more than just a cool little book with stamps, but a pass if you will for many possible experiences. I want them to know the irritation (and even some nervousness) of waiting to go through the customs line. I want

them to go somewhere where they can get a glimpse of other cultures (even just a small one) and see the sparkling turquoise water and experience the warm ocean with tropical fish. So maybe I need to concede Disneyland. Maybe their dad can have Disneyland and all of its glory, and instead of trying to repeat it later myself, maybe I can show them something else, something that both Barrett and I have fallen in love with. Maybe I should view co-parenting instead as an opportunity for each parent to pass on what they think is a cool experience to the kids, to pass on our own passions, without competing. Maybe I should realize that this actually makes the kids really lucky that they get twice as many things to enjoy. 

So, right now I am not the cool parent. Right now I cannot compete with the lure of Disney. So I have decided I am not going to try. We shouldn't compete on trips. Every trip is important, because it allows the kids to make memories. Instead, I will focus on what I can give the kids in the future. I would like to be the parent that shows the kids other countries (Mexico to start, but Europe and South America, and Africa...someday). I would like to grow a love of the world and all it has to offer. I would also like to take them along on volunteer missions to other countries (when they are teens) so that they can see how other people live and why it is important that we care and do what we can to help. So, right now, I will be uncool, and they will make wonderful memories with their dad. And I will concede my jealousy and realize that this is a good thing.