I have to say that I have never been so glad to see the end of a school year come. I remember other momentous ends as spring slowly turned to summer. There was my maternity leave with Isaiah, when I was hired for my first teaching job, cutting my planned leave from 3 months down to just 2. I left Mid-valley Dental Associates, a place I had worked for 6 (!!) years, a place that felt like family, to begin my new career. I spent the next 2 years getting my feet wet and earning my teaching license at Sand Ridge Charter School. Toward the end of my second year there, I knew I was leaving. It was hard to explain, because I had no job lined up yet, and I had to pack up my classroom no matter what for changing rooms in the fall, but as I looked around, I just knew. I was ready to move on. Do you know what I mean? I knew I wasn't coming back come fall. Sure enough, a few weeks later I would interview with East Linn Christian Academy. The next 2 years I spent there. I loved it, and I hated it, in many ways. Sometimes I missed the flexibility that came with teaching younger students, sometimes I disagreed with school policies or changes, but I LOVED my students. I loved my teenagers, and watching them grow and mature. The June that I packed up my classroom there was bittersweet. I also knew it was time to move on. This time, I was making a huge career change, or so I hoped-leaving education to pursue nursing. It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made, because I cared so deeply for the kids I worked with, that part of me knew I could stay on
I jumped into nursing prerequisites that same summer, and what started fast was thrown off-track terribly when my grandmother (Barrett's grandma) was hospitalized. Being in the ICU was a shock, and something I felt unready for. I dropped out of my first CNA class. I spent most of the next 9 months+ staying home with Isaiah, subbing here and there (though not much), and searching, endlessly searching for what I should do with my life. I interviewed for and was accepted into a Master's in counseling program, and was invited to interview for another. I considered getting my administrative credential to one day be a school principal, and I thought about staying home more with the boys. I volunteered for the Pregnancy Alternatives Center, and eventually decided I was too rash in my decision to not pursue nursing. Who does feel ready for ICU nursing and hasn't gone through nursing school?? I was being way too hard on myself. I completed my CNA 1 the second time around, and really enjoyed it. And you know the rest of the story...I think. I hesitated, and applied for and was hired in the billing department of Samaritan Corporate. That lasted 2 weeks. I was bored stiff at that job, and a cubicle may as well be my own personal hell...just not for me. Then I took my current job, starting out as a long-term sub and then being hired to finish the school year.
I have been here since January. I have enjoyed this job at times, hated it most other times, and also been ambivalent about it as well. It helps us pay the bills. It keeps my teaching license active, and it helps pass the time while the kids are in school until summer. Come 12 days from now though? I am once again ready. I know it is time.
In mid-June I will begin my math class sequence (yay me), and in September, I will begin Nursing School!!! Sometimes I feel that bittersweet feeling I felt when leaving East Linn. I worry that I will no longer be a teacher. It is scary to start over, terrifying to not know if I will be good at what I think is my calling. But then I take a deep breath and remind myself, I will always be a teacher. No-one can take that away. It is part of me, in my nature, and something I know I will use even as a nurse. It is my time to be the student, so that someday in my future, perhaps I can teach those that come after me and feel they too, have been called to nurse.
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