Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Annual Christmas UPDATE with Photos!

It has been almost a month since I have written! The time flies when you are: 
A-a mother of two young boys
B-a full-time nursing student 
C-Starting to stress about finals
D-Planning for Christmas Break
E-All of the Above

If you guessed E, you are correct...but is it the MOST correct answer? Sorry, just a little nursing school humor for you there. My frazzled brain giggled at that-hope yours did too. 

So, I actually am sending out Christmas cards, very nice ones I might add, but I only ordered enough for 60 of my closest family, friends, and favorite acquaintances. This is for everyone that I would love to share with, but as I am a poor college student, you get the electronic version. 


OUR YEAR IN REVIEW

Isaiah James: 
My sweet, baby boy is 6 this year and in 1st grade. Isaiah amazes me daily with an attitude that honestly used to bother me, but I have come to truly admire. He is not afraid to speak the truth or to go against the grain-both qualities that will serve him so well in later years (though we do have to teach him some tactfulness and politeness to go with). He has picked up reading with a speed and fluency that never ceases to amaze me, and can spell about half the words on his older brother's spelling list. He also loves math (doesn't get that from me). This past year Zay has played soccer for his third year, and is becoming a great player. He loves to do crafts and listen to music, and is the most extroverted one in our little family!

Matthew Lewis: 




My first-born boy is now 9!! I can hardly believe it and teared up at his 9th birthday thinking he is halfway to being an adult now. Matthew continues to play soccer (in his 5th year), and has been playing on the local AYSO team as well as a club team. He wants to try out other sports as well, and I am afraid we will have to have him decide at some point what to focus on since doing it all is not possible! :) Matt is in his second year of Cub Scouts, and has grown in maturity, responsibility and his awareness of community service. He is interested in what I am learning in school, and tells me now that he wants to be a doctor (though of course we all know that is destined to change many, many times over the next few years!). Much to my delight, Matthew has taken an interest in Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, and Lord of the Rings (the latter being way to difficult to read at this time, but he loves those movies nonetheless). 

Me: 
Well, you mostly know my story. I am almost done with the first term of 6 in my RN program and will likely take a 6-12 month break to begin working when this is all said and done Summer of 2016, and then go on to OHSU to get my BSN. I LOVE nursing school, and love my first clinical placement in Oncology, though I am interested in many things (Pediatrics, Labor and Delivery, ER, Community Health Nursing, and Hospice...), and hope that over the next 2 years I will fall in love with a particular area-though I know I will also be willing to go where the jobs are at-especially at first! Nursing school is a challenge, and I enjoy what I am learning about. I am also making some great friends along the way. I can now do vital signs, head-to-toe assessments, clinical prep packets, and am starting to know more than your average Joe about medications and their uses and interactions. 

Barrett:
Barrett amazes me. He would never brag on himself, so this is my chance to do it. This man supports me at every turn. He has taken over almost all of the household responsibilities to allow me to focus on school and spend time with the kids when I am home. He is doing well at the company he has been with for 3 1/2 years, and has even earned two work-from-home days! Barrett gets up every morning to cook the boys a real breakfast before school, and on nights I have later classes, he reads and does homework with the boys. I am so very blessed to have such a wonderful family man. He, and the boys too, also let me practice on them any chance I need to for school! Barrett does like to try to throw me off by acting as a crotchety old man-telling me I need to get used to it!!

Our Family: 



All in all, this has been an amazing year! We have camped, swam, visited two water-parks, gone to Washington and California, and Hawaii (B and I), and we have a trip to Maui planned in 11 days (!!!) as our Christmas gift for our family this year! Matt and Zay are soooo excited (as are the adults). We have relied on one another during illnesses and schedule changes, and have spent lots of time with my parents and B's grandparents. LIFE IS GOOD. 

We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!

Until Next time, 
Sarah

Monday, November 3, 2014

Setting the Record Straight: Why I DO Miss Teaching but Will Likely Never go Back

I read a great article last night posted by a friend Why Good Teachers Quit. It got me thinking about a lot of the reactions I get when I say I used to teach. My instructors seem to respect that, and even will engage me in questions about whether I will pursue teaching within the field of nursing down the road. The overall reaction I get from classmates and acquaintances though is one of understanding disdain. More often than not, a reaction such as, "Oh wow. I could never work with teenagers!" Or something along the lines of, "I have a friend (cousin, brother, ex spouse's nephew...) that teaches, and is very unhappy." I am not putting anyone down, people want to be nice and to understand. What I am pointing out is that no-one ever says, "Oh, you did? Do you miss it?" It is as if the entire field of education has gotten a bad rap. There are politics galore, un-involved parents, and attitudinal snotty-nosed kids.

And there are those things, but I personally didn't leave because of those factors. I left because I was bored with my subject matter (something I likely brought on myself by specializing a bit too much), longing to be a nurse, and wanting more time with my family. I LOVED teaching Biology, Health, and Anatomy & Physiology (absolute favorite!), and not so much love was to be had for Physical Science, Math or Life Science (that was purely because the subject matter was similar to Biology but very watered down). I got to be pretty creative in how I ran my classes, much more creative even than when I was teaching elementary school, but I couldn't just decide to do Art one day or to switch over and teach high school literature (something I'd have loved to try).

The reasons I left teaching never had anything to do with the students. I loved them!!! I still do. I keep in touch with lots of my former students. I adored my teens, and you know what? I miss them. I really, really do. Sometimes I get wistful and teary-eyed thinking of my favorite classroom memories. My last six months teaching I worked with the hardest of the hard teens. These teens had criminal records or drug problems or absent parents (or all of the above). It would have been an easy job to walk away from and never look back...but sometimes, I regret leaving.  They touched my heart, and they depended on me, which was the reason (above salary, employment or anything else) that I stayed with them until the very last day of school-completing my contract though I knew I was moving on.
Sadly, not an exaggeration!

The reasons I left teaching were not the parents. I had my share of lousy and overbearing ones, but most the parents I dealt with cared, and were willing to help. I had parents involved simply because they knew that I cared about their child. Yes, some were not helping matters much. Some were adding to the situation their children were in, but most were trying. You see, it is SO easy to judge. It is so easy to say that students and their parents don't deserve the time of day when they won't help themselves. But have you been in their shoes? The kid that never finishes work and falls asleep in class everyday is exhausted because he is working long hours after-school to help his dad pay the bills; his mom left when he was a baby. The mom that shows up to every meeting, but never seems to really help make any changes at home-she is battling a terminal illness and just the fact that she is there is so much more than many others would do. The teenage girl that talks only about her boyfriend? Dad has never been around and her mom is too occupied at home with a special needs son. Most parents want to help as much as they possibly can. Some do not know how to help, most are overwhelmed, and some I have seen so grateful that a teacher cares about their child, they were hugging me and crying because no one else had seen the value in their kid.  Which makes me angry. How does a kid make it to 10th or 11th grade with not a single teacher telling their parents that they have the ability to succeed??!! Sometimes, sadly, it is the system.

Teachers are asked to do far too much in too little time. Some would add for too little pay. I never cared a ton about the pay, even when I needed it, but I understand that the pay is pretty dismal. Most teacher's have a Master's degree which takes 5-6 years of college. This means student loan debt of anywhere from $50-100,000. That's insane right there. When I was teaching full time, I could barely make my minimum student loan payment, but that is another issue altogether. I left partly for my own desires to do something else, but I left partly because of shear exhaustion and burn-out. To be the type of teacher I wanted to be, the type my students deserved took way more than 40 hours a week!!! There was never a day without planning, grading, implementing or learning new things myself. Sometimes I enjoyed that. Sometimes I am asked how I can leave a career with such good hours for a career in which I will likely work my share of night shifts, weekends, and holidays. I want to laugh. I already worked all of those.  I honestly put in 50-60+ hours a week easily, and everything above 40 was uncompensated. If I work over 40 hours a week as an RN you bet your butt it will be paid.  Oh, and don't get me started on that little "perk" that teachers of older students get. The mythical prep period. It is supposed to be 45-50 minutes a day of time you get to do teacher things like grading and lesson planning. In reality that will not happen. You may have another class using your classroom during that period, if budgets are real bad, you will be pulled to sub for someone else during your prep, or you will inevitably have to go talk with administration- "come see me during your prep." Prep period is a lie.

 Society sees teachers as having so much time off. You get a WHOLE summer they say! Umm no. Summers are spent prepping for the next school year, attending mandatory training classes during your "time off" and taking college courses required to keep your teaching license current.  I have the utmost respect for my former colleagues still in the field. You do work that matters.


On the other hand, can you blame me for wanting a career in which I can still help people, but at the end of my shift I can clock out, go home, and not think about work again until my next day??  It is not the students, it is rarely the parents, sometimes it is the system, but usually it just the pure expectations and devouring of time.

At the end of the day, I do miss it. But at the end of the day no matter how much my career is a calling or full of helping others, it is still a job.  It was full of too much time worried about other people's children, and not enough on my own.  It was time spent away from my family-time I will never get back. The #1 reason I left a job touted as being family friendly? It was anything but.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

So what, you may ask, is nursing school really like?

So what, you may ask, is nursing school really like? 

I am past the first month in nursing school. I have passed my nursing midterm with an A, and I'm thrilled about that! I am now midway through week five which means I am over halfway through the entire first term of the program. It feels like just yesterday that I was questioning whether or not I should even do this… it feels like just yesterday that I locked the door of my classroom for the last time and told myself I wouldn't look back. It feels like just yesterday that I cried wondering if I had made the right decision.

 I have to tell you that I have never been so happy (on a personal level, I mean I have been thrilled family wise, relationship wise....you get my drift), I have never felt so challenged mentally and physically to do things right, to get things done the correct way, and I've never felt so actively engaged in any academic material that I have ever learned in college. While I enjoyed getting my bachelor's and my master's degrees, I never found it difficult. I liked some of the classes quite a bit and the professors and my classmates, but I guess it never really felt like home- but I didn't realize that until now.  But I will never regret my background in education. It has already helped me tremendously. 

 I walk into the nursing building and I feel at home. And I should-some days I am there so long it feels like I live there!  It is part of me.  I'm smiling on the way to school most days, though not all. I really truly enjoy my professors, and have such a camaraderie with my classmates that I never felt possible.  People that I can talk to  about the ins and outs of something that I am passionate about. It is a really good feeling!  Though I still have far to go in this program, and in my nursing career of course, I can tell you that it feels real. There's no other way to describe it.  With in just one week, I have cried because I am overwhelmed, I have jumped with joy over understanding a concept or getting something down, I have witnessed a patient in the process of dying and the sorrow of their family,  and I've witnessed things too gross to really talk about with most normal people, though I thought they were amazingly cool! Nursing is real. The few days I have spent in the hospital left me with the same feeling I had in my CNA hospital rotation-you leave kind of in a daze, amazed that life for many other people has still been carrying on outside those hospital doors. Nursing school makes me feel real. It is such a good fit for me. I love nursing school, despite the huge stress, seemingly unrealistic expectations, time crunches, sadness and anxiety...or maybe, maybe because of all these things, knowing at the end of the day that not only can I do this, but I can make a difference to a patient.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Almost a month in!!!

Almost 4 weeks in! I cannot believe that I have been in nursing school for almost a month. I am starting to make wonderful new friends with some of the girls in the program, and it is so nice to have people that understand exactly what is going on in my life. I have only wondered once or twice, why in the heck am I putting myself through this?! There was one day where I wasn't feeling well, the lecture was boring, etc. etc. that I felt like I couldn't keep my head above water, and I thought why did I not just stick with teaching? But most days are not like that. Most days there is something that holds my interest. I loved learning about holistic care, and it was refreshing to know how open-minded nurses are expected to be about complementary and alternative medicine. I really enjoyed learning about education Ha ha ha! No surprise there, and how to talk to the patient about their health and wellness. I am hardly nervous at all anymore to do a blood pressure and to take vital signs. 

Monday is our midterm for my first nursing class, and I am both nervous and excited. I know I am super weird, but I have always loved taking tests, and have normally done pretty well on tests. But I am nervous because I have no idea what to expect and I know they will hit us with some of the questions where there is more than one right answer and which is the most right of the correct answers. (Just to say that is confusing!)

 It has been amazing to me just to see the change in the way that people talk to me knowing that I am a nursing student. My dental hygienist, the dental assistant, my OB/GYN, and her assistant, have all talked to me with a different level of respect, like I understand the medical field a little bit better. It is really nice. It's almost like I am now part of this big group that we call healthcare (I guess I am!), and it really feels like I belong here. 


Next week we start learning about infant care, pregnancy, and women's health. Just today I started a binder with all of the things that I think I am interested in,  and want to keep it up with my own notes and information about different programs for advanced practice nursing -just so that I can refer to that as I become interested in different things or cross them off my list. I can tell you that though I have no experience yet so far what has sparked my interest the most in talking about it and reading about it is women's health and or Pediatrics. 

Well, off to go study for my microbiology test tonight and nursing mid-term Monday! Thanks for stopping by to read!

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Just keep swimming...thoughts about nursing school so far

I am partway through my second week of nursing school.  The main thing that I want to say, is that while it is busy, it is doable.  I know that I am just beginning, and that things will get much busier and the material will get more difficult, but so far a big part of nursing school is being able to manage your time. Just because we just started does not mean that we are getting things easy. There is tons of reading to be done, activities to complete, labs to practice the skills for, and projects already assigned. For the most part, I have to say, I am loving it. The instructors are actually surprisingly kind, and told us that they have a lot invested in us. Did you know that one third of the total cost of a nurse's training is their tuition during nursing school?  The other 2/3 is invested by the employer. I learned that a few days ago, and it goes to show that that's one of the reasons that the instructors and the school, as well as the hospitals around us want to see us succeed. After reading some horror stories about students all being super competitive and mean to each other, I am pleased to say that so far my class has been nothing but kind, friendly, and helpful to one another. Seems we are all in this together.

I am very blessed to not have to be working during the program. Some people are trying to work part time, and I cannot imagine working at all especially when I have two kids at home. Barrett is already picking up a lot of the slack by keeping the house clean, chauffeuring the kids around to their activities, and keeping dinners made. I have also started to tap into my frozen meals that I had prepared over the summer. Those are for nights that I am home before Barrett. I am such an all or nothing person that sometimes it is hard for me to know when to stop studying! There isn't a ton of material yet, but I know that we need to know it fairly well.  I also need to be able to spend time with my family and my children. So far I have set up Friday nights and all day Saturday to be time with my kids and or time with Barrett. This has worked thus far but I've only had one weekend and I know that sometimes I will need to tap into that time for extra studying. I figure that everybody needs some personal time or fun time. It can't be all work, or we will get burned out before even being a nurse. I have started to get discouraged just once or twice so far, and then I remind myself of things that I've been through that have been much tougher. My first year of teaching I was a brand-new teacher with no experience, not even student teaching, because I was hired as an intern. During that time when I started I had a two-month-old baby and a two-year-old at home. My husband at the time was not very supportive of me being in school (that's the understatement of the year), and I was going to school full-time as well to work to attain my teaching license. This had me driving an hour one way to Salem two nights a week (after not sleeping through the night and then working all day at a new career) for three hour night classes as well as going in on Saturdays. I also had a class online. And I think to myself, that if I could do that, (and it must've been pure adrenaline getting me through), then I can do anything.

One thing that I've been really excited to learn about is opportunities in nursing. We have talked just a little bit about some of the different specialties with the instructors, or at least my group has. We've talked about going on further than our associates degrees and what there is to offer for people who go further. It is hard exactly to know what I want to do when we have yet to set foot in the hospital. That is coming up! In just two short weeks, and I start on the oncology floor. I'm very excited about that, because it's one of the areas that I want to rule out (or in!). One thing that keeps resonating with me is that the instructors talk a lot about intuition and knowing when to listen to your gut feeling. Part of that, is the ideas that you have about different areas of nursing often before you've even experienced them. Many areas are a love it or hate it thing. While sometimes you will indeed change your mind and decide that you love something you thought you would hate or vice versa, often people have a little voice that directs them to what they think they will like or to what they already love.  I am trying to jot down the feelings that I get about different areas so that I can keep track of how I have felt about them. So far, I am not interested at all in intensive care nursing. There's something about the ICU that I do not want to work with. I think it's the fact that there are so many complex machines that are helping keep  people alive. I am not interested in learning how to run them, although I'm sure I will get some overview of that. So it goes to show that I'm also not interested in any of the areas that are highly technical. Some of the areas that I think I will be interested in are: labor and delivery, possibly emergency department (it definitely goes with my need for variety personality), anything that involves lots of teaching like community health nursing or perhaps working for a community health organization like Red Cross, and possibly… There's this little voice right now that keeps whispering to me Pediatrics. And I smile and laugh because this is the girl who never wanted kids, and then had two and loves being a mom. The girl who never wanted kids and became a teacher, and loved interacting with all of the students.  So some of you may be laughing and nodding and saying you're not surprised at all, but to me it comes as a surprise and I keep kind of pushing away the little voice, and then I remind myself that the little voice is often very important. So I'm excited to try out pediatrics when I can, and I don't really know where to go with that if I love it.  Perhaps a pediatric nurse practitioner is an option. I have not completely ruled out being a nurse practitioner, but I keep leaning towards doing something that's more in education like eventually being a nursing instructor. Surprise, surprise.

I am so excited and blessed to have begun this journey. I think that the two years will fly by (although I am sure there  will be days that feel like they aren't flying). I could not do this without the support from my wonderful husband, my parents, and our grandparents that are so willing to help us with the kids and anything else. I also couldn't do this without the understanding of my kids. So far they have been wonderful and understanding my need to study and very curious about what mom is learning at school. It's kind of funny. Because I keep having to tell them mom doesn't really know anything yet. But they are more than willing to listen and to let me practice on them. I love the health professions building. Did I mention that it has a coffee shop?? Yeah, I probably did. That's all for now.

Monday, September 29, 2014

Made it Through Day 1...OFFICIALLY a Nursing Student Now

My first day of nursing school had its ups and downs. I am so happy that it is over, yet so excited to begin the program if that makes any sense! I started very nervous after a not so great night's worth of sleep. I got to school almost a full hour and a half early because I was worried about getting a parking spot. As that would turn out, I am lucky that I did get a spot,  but it was nowhere near my first class which gave me quite the on-campus hike up to my car because I was not going to haul everything. My first class was pretty good. I was excited to see a few people that I had "met" from our online Facebook group and was excited to have a gal that sat next to me that I recognized. I have been so nervous starting not knowing anyone. We were warned early on that today was all about policy and procedure and the organizations that govern nursing, and that most of what we will learn would not be this dry. We were shown a video about what nursing really is about and I have tried to include the link just in case you are interested. It brought tears to my eyes as I watched and remembered the reason I've worked so hard to get here. Because everyone has a story and I want to be someone that makes somebody's day better. 

Looking Through Another's Eyes Video Clip



After class I got to hike back to my car for my wallet because I didn't think to bring it in. I was excited to see that our health building has its own coffee and sandwich shop! And they even take cards (yay for the girl that  never has cash)!


Next, some of our class attended a meeting with some second year nursing students. They were able to answer a lot of questions and calm some fears. It was good to know that many of the students already have families and some are even working part time-and they are still alive! :)

 I thought I would have two hours in between my nursing class and my microbiology class, and that usually will happen, but today because of the meeting,  I had time to come back to my car to begin reading a chapter and scarf down my lunch before "hiking" over to microbiology. By this time I had a raging migraine and attempted to take the medication and eat enough food to make my system happy. Microbiology was okay. It was actually pretty interesting, but it's a three hour long class– that's a long time! The instructor has a good sense of humor and the material is pretty fun to learn, and even though I was really annoyed at having to take microbiology again, I think it will be okay. I had another nursing student sit by me, and it is nice to commiserate with someone who has (almost) exactly the same schedule. 

 At the end of the day as I finally headed to my car to come home, I realized I  forgot to grab my raincoat which was back in my car, quite a ways from the building (but slightly closer than in the morning) and so I got pretty wet on the way back. My head was throbbing at this point.  I attempted to open my carbonated water which exploded all over me in the car and I had to grab my brand-new sweater to clean it up. Then I managed to break my migraine pill into little itty-bitty pieces trying to get it out of its God-awful packaging. Who makes these things?? Seriously?? All in all it was a pretty good day.  I do have some homework but only because I am trying to stay on top of that and not let myself get behind at all and start out with really good study habits.  So I have some reading tonight after I see my family, and will do the next reading for microbiology tomorrow morning. Looking forward to a shorter day Tuesday and Wednesday thank God! Today was long but doable. I am nervous about labs on Thursdays and Fridays because I know that some of my CNA skills need refreshed-but I guess that is what we are there for! :)

Thursday, September 25, 2014

T Minus 3 Days...And I Need my Feet to Warm!!

It is just three days until I start nursing school! I am nervous and excited to begin this journey finally. It feels like I have been waiting a LONG time to start. I will admit that I have been having what could only be called "cold feet" the past few weeks as the start has gotten closer. I have been having dreams about teaching jobs (last night I dreamed my favorite principal called me up and said, "Come work for me again," and I said, "I will for you!"-mind you this person works nowhere near here now), and nightmares about balancing everything else in  my life. I have asked Barrett repeatedly to remind me why I am doing this. This is not to say that I don't want to, merely that I am a bundle of nerves. As I scour the nursing forums online, I realize that many people get cold feet about school starting...at least that is some comfort.

Last week the homework already began in preparation for the first week of school. We were assigned 211 pages of reading. It is not hard, and mostly review from CNA stuff, but it is still quite a bit.  I joked that I was glad that we had a week's notice, and seasoned nurses told me that the amount of reading is always unrealistic and unattainable, and to get used to taking really good notes and skimming. Thank God I feel I already have those skills thanks to prior years worth of college. I am almost done with the assignment, and I have mostly saved it for when the kids are at school and B is at work. I know I won't be able to do that once school is in full swing, but while I can...
On the fence...


This last week of "freedom" has been the hardest on me. It is like waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for the drastic change in my days where I am in school 5 days a week, and studying even more. One of the hardest things for me is the lure of teaching. I left because I wanted something different, but every-time I am at the boys' school I think of how at home I am in the atmosphere. Just a few days ago I told B never-mind, I could find a teaching position or sub until one opened up and my fingers itched to browse EdZapp and see what was open. But I can't be on the fence anymore (is it possible that this girl has some commitment issues??). I can't be a teacher and a nurse...at least not at this moment. I have to commit to the next 2-3 grueling years and find my niche in nursing (which very well could eventually be in nursing education down the road).  It has been a crazy, crazy journey, and I am not sure what I am so afraid of. Barrett asked me yesterday if I was afraid of failing, and I said, "I am not the type who fails." And I am not. I am not worried at all that I will fail any portion of school, but I am worried that I will fail my family when they need my time and efforts. That is my biggest worry. Keep me, and us in your prayers as this adventure begins. The next time I write I will be a full-fledged nursing student. EEK!!!

Friday, September 19, 2014

A Letter to My Son on Your Half-Way Birthday

Dear Matthew,
Happy birthday! Did you know that today is a very special birthday? You are turning 9, and will then be halfway to being an adult. My eyes are misting up as I write this to you (I know, I know, us sentimental moms!), as I think that I have been blessed with nine years as your mom, and in another nine you will have chosen a college, a career path, and will no longer be a child, but a man.

Do you know how proud of you I am? Do I tell you that enough? I love your smile and your sense of humor, the way we can play (and yell at) Mario for hours, the movie watching we both enjoy, and how you are developing your own sense of style. I love that you have enjoyed books I loved, like Among the Hidden, The Boxcar Children and Harry Potter.  I am a very lucky mom. Not once has the school ever called me to say you were in trouble. Not once has a baby-sitter, relative, or other parent ever had to tell me that they were disappointed in your behavior. I have been told though, on many occasions what a smart, kind and helpful boy you are. I have been told you are a leader among your classmates and a willing teacher to struggling students. These things make me so proud. I have watched you play soccer for the last five years, becoming one heck of a good soccer player, and learning each week to be even better. Your athletic abilities and your smarts amaze me. Your gentleness with animals makes me grateful. I love watching you talk with Grandma Joyce and Grandpa Jim, and am proud of how respectful you are to them. I love your willingness to learn new things. I love that you are not afraid to ask me anything, even if it is awkward or strange. Keep asking.

Do you know the times that have made me the most proud though? The difficult times. When your father and I split up and you wiped my tears away, telling me that some day I would find a knight in shining armor. You were only five then, and you never acted angry at me, and you have continued to roll with the punches life has thrown as we have moved homes, and your father has moved often as well. When I have been sick, you have comforted me with snuggles, blankets and glasses of water. When I have been unsure you have told me that I am a good mom, and that I can do anything. You have told me that I was an awesome teacher, and that you know I will be an awesome nurse. When I was busy and stressed practicing for my nursing assistant exam, you were my willing patient to practice on. When you told me no-one was available to help, and you changed your baby sister's diaper because you couldn't leave her like that, I cried tears of pride. I know being a big brother is often hard, and in the past year you have impressed me by becoming a sort of guardian angel to your little brother. You have looked out for him, made sure he knew where to go and how to behave, and you have been an amazing friend to him. Your quiet faith has impressed me in our talks about the world and God, and how sometimes bad things happen to very good people. I am most proud of your heart.

On your 9th birthday, here are 10 lessons I want you to hold on to (one to grow on of course!).


  1. Talk to God. I know we don't always go to church, but talk to God anytime, anywhere. Pray for help when you need it, pray for others that need Him, and thank Him often for what you have.
  2. Be a big brother worth looking up to. Continue to watch out for and to set a good example for Isaiah. Be kind and helpful, not boastful or mean. He is watching you, probably more than anyone else, to see how to handle this world.
  3. Always do your best, but know that some days your best may not be as good as you have done before, and other days it may be even better! Whether this is in school or on a playing field, know that you will have off days. We all do, so shake it off and keep going.
  4. Do not be afraid to challenge yourself. Read more difficult books, play with more talented kids. It will make you better.
  5. Put your family before extra things. If given the choice between seeing a friend or watching your brother play soccer or going to a family dinner, choose family. There will (and there should be) time for friends too, but make sure that your family knows they come first.
  6. Ask for help. Ask to make sure. Never be afraid to admit that you don't know how to do something or that you need a helping hand. 
  7. Become more independent.  Keep learning. Learn useful skills like cooking a few meals, running the washing machine and basic repairs. The adults are more than happy to show you.
  8. Girls are your equal. Never talk rude to a girl. Never think a girl cannot do something you can because she is a girl. In that respect, treat ALL people the way you want to be treated. 
  9. Choose being kind over being popular. Always. Never bully. Be the kid that sticks up for other kids that are being made fun of-even if it is your friends being mean. A true friend will forgive you correcting them, and you will make a tremendous difference to the person being bullied. 
  10. Help whenever you are able. Open doors for people, ask teachers and coaches how you can help, spend time with our pets, and help around our house.


So, Matthew, I am very proud of you, son. You are an amazing person, and you are well on your way to becoming an amazing man.

Happy birthday!

Monday, September 8, 2014

This is Not a Problem; It is a Privilege

This morning I was thinking how happy I have been lately, and just how incredibly blessed. This weekend I was very stressed a few times about what seemed to be a BIG decision regarding Matthew and soccer (whether he should join a club, competitive soccer team or not that he has been invited to play on), then I took a step back from the "problem" I imagined of busier Saturdays and more driving, and thought, "This Sarah, is not a problem. This is a privilege, and an opportunity for Matt that he's really excited about." Pretty much since then, I have not worried much about it.  I think it just goes to show that attitude is everything. Often the things we are stressed about, no matter how big or small, are opportunities in disguise.

I begin nursing school in 21 days, and when I let myself, I can get really stressed and even a bit melancholy about it.  Thoughts like these invade my brain: You already did college and had a career. It is selfish of you to make your family handle you going to school again. What if you are too busy for family time? What about all the skills you know nothing about that you have to learn? And on and on. We really are our own worst enemies a lot of the time.  And then I remember, I need to be my own biggest supporter, not someone who gets in my own way! I left teaching because I dreamed of being a nurse. I am showing my children that dreams are worth pursuing at any age. I will make time for my family no matter what, though it may be a bit less than now. If it means earning a few 'B's' and having happy kids, I am so okay with that. And of course I know nothing about the skills yet. That is the point of being in school to learn them. I have to take a deep breath and tell myself, "Stop it! This is everything you wanted. Be thankful and brave." It is SO easy to let our minds and inner voices start on a negative spiral. It takes effort to turn those thoughts into more rational and positive ones.

One thing I have been doing recently that I found helps me a lot, is to simply think of (and to make time for) something that makes me happy. Obviously, not all of the things on my list can be controlled, but sometimes even thinking of them is a quick mood lifter. Try it yourself. Below are 15 of my happiness boosters. Obviously, they are tailored to me, which is why I encourage you to think about what would be on your list.


  1. Snuggling with our dog, Max, or kitty, Clarissa. I've said it before, and will say it again, petting animals has a positive physiological effect on people.  Stress hormones, blood pressure, and even cholesterol levels are lowered and serotonin (a happiness hormone) is elevated.  If you want more information, read here: 27 Ways Pets Improve Your Health.
  2. Hearing a frog croak, glimpsing a deer or wild turkey, watching leaves fall, or being in the rain, wind or snow. Nature is good for us. 
  3. Snuggling with and laughing with my kids, whether it is to watch a cartoon, read a book or tickle each other.
  4. My husband's presence. I am happy every time he walks in the door.
  5. A hot, bubble bath.
  6. Really good coffee, tea, or (sometimes) wine. Combined with #5, #7 & #8, amazing.
  7. Candles burning.
  8. Beautiful music. Throw back to my Nan, (my grandmother from my mom's side), who passed when Matthew was just a baby-she loved Yanni and the beautiful piano pieces. Secret? I do too, I even have a Pandora station for him, and the songs remind me of being at her house as a kid.
  9. Baking cookies (and sampling the dough of course!).
  10. An amazing compliment from my husband or kids. I love being told by my boys that I am pretty, and by my husband that I am smart. 
  11. The release of an anticipated book or movie.
  12. A sappy, romantic comedy.
  13. A text or email from a friend out of the blue, asking about my day. 
  14. A clean home (LOVE it when it is freshly vacuumed, swept and mopped), especially if I am not the one who had to do it..., but even when I am.
  15. 1-2 hours of time all to myself. 
Next time you are having a rough day, make a list of 5-15 things that make you instantly happier, and if time, do one of them! 

Thursday, September 4, 2014

You are YOU, and I am ME, and that is good. And that is all.

I came across a great blog post shared on Facebook this morning. You can read it here: That's Not Your Thing. For those of you that think no way are you going to open another tab and read another blog post while you are already reading this one, a quick summary is that the author talks about the little things that make people unique. The likes and dislikes and habits that make me me, and you you. She talks about how sometimes we are envious of the things that make other people unique, and how often we will try them on and see if we too, can embrace that thing (insert hobby, activity, career, parenting type, or personality trait etc. here). Many times we realize that the things of other people are simply not OUR things, but we may have a hard time accepting that. It was a very good read, and my thoughts are spawned from that (yes, spawned..I love that word. I used to refer to my boys as my spawn, heehee...but I digress).

I was thinking of things this morning after reading that post that are part of me. For example, I love to sleep. I could be happy to exist on 9-10 hours of sleep a night! But, I dislike naps. I almost always feel worse after a nap than before! I love long, hot showers where the bathroom turns into a mist of foggy steam. I love books, and coffee with yummy creamer (not ever black, mind you), and chai tea lattes (oh and Diet Pepsi though I no longer keep in the house). I have a pumpkin fetish. Not a gross fetish, so get your minds out of the gutters, but an I-love-pumpkin-desserts,-coffees,-and-seeds kind of fetish. I am a dog person, not a cat person, though I like both...just dogs more so. I will often smile at and say hello to dogs I see out and about and then smile awkwardly at their owners as if to say  "I have no intention of talking to you, but your dog is fabulous!" I could tell you just about every breed of dog there is, though we only own one currently. I love windy, cloudy, rainy, stormy and snowy days. They make me feel alive. I loathe the smell of vanilla but love the taste of it. Go figure. I used to hate Halloween, but since having kids, I kind of like it. I hate when the phone or the doorbell rings, it feels like an intrusion on my little world. Whoever invented texting has introverts in mind, because it means we can get back to you on our terms. Speaking of introverts, I read today that my personality type is known as the "extroverted introvert" which makes absolute sense to me, because I can come off as outgoing or not shy (on a good day...some days I am plain shy), and talk for hours in a group, but then I need time to recharge.  I like most kids. Go figure, since I never thought I wanted kids, and even have expressed to Barrett that other people's kids drive me nuts sometimes, but in the grand scheme of things, I like kids, and I love teens. Kids have such a great outlook on the world and such resiliency. We could learn a lot from children. Teens are just amazing to watch as they mature and grow into themselves. I love avocado and all things cheese. When I am interested in something, I will spend HOURS (or days or months) learning all I can about a subject, but there are also many, many things I am not even remotely interested in. But I may pretend...for your sake.

I dislike folding laundry with a vengeance, getting sweaty, and strong smells (yeah, yeah I know, this will bite me in the rear in nursing), even good smells...many perfumes and colognes give me migraines. I cannot stand to listen to someone chew. It is like fingernails on a chalkboard if everything else is quiet. I am not a summer person. A good, hot day is okay if I am near water to swim in. That's all. I hate being interrupted, the taste, texture and smell of celery, spiders and if my house is dirty or cluttered (I am admittedly anal about my house, but don't worry-I could not care less if yours is clean and I come visit).

A few things that I have tried on that are NOT my things. Being a vegetarian. My parents are, and I was as a kid, and lasted a month recently. I didn't cave in wanting bacon, juicy steak or cheeseburgers, I caved in when I wanted a deli turkey, cheddar and avocado sandwich. Yeah. It was good. I have wanted to be a runner girl, and even recently thought to myself, look at all the people doing marathons. The problem? I HATE running. Like HATE. H-A-T-E, okay you get it.  I started C25K (Couch to 5K) program again this year and purposely keep repeating weeks 2-3. I like the run then walk combo, and it is better exercise than not exercising at all, but the 3 minute intervals of running? I count every single second. Literally, count in my head. And I know 3 minutes at a time (even if it is numerous times) is nothing, but seriously....dislike majorly. I'd be happy to walk, or even skate in a marathon, but not run.

The point that the original article did not mention though, that I would like to bring up, is that it is okay to try on the things of others. You may find things you cast away that are simply not you (so please get rid of them, do not force it!), but you may find things you enjoy and things that you take part of and ditch the rest. I taught myself to French braid. A few years ago when I left teaching full-time, I decided to cook more. Turns out? I really enjoy cooking when I have the time. It is a way to express myself. After years of fairly healthy teeth but look-at-them-and-they-will-bleed-gums, I took up flossing. I floss daily now. Hygienists you can rest easy.  I use C25K as mentioned above to exercise 3 days a week (I do pilates, yoga, or walk the dog up the seriously steep hill we live at the bottom of 3 more days a week currently), though I have no intention of ever progressing to running an actual 5K. I don't eat much meat, probably once a day in a meal if that, but I am certainly not vegetarian.

Anyhow, the point of all points is that we are who we are. Define and embrace your things, and be adventurous enough to try other people's things on for size, but only keep what feels right for you. Besides, the world can only handle so many vegetarian, cooks-everything-from-scratch, runner girl, supermoms, or whatever it is that you often envy or wish you could be more like. You are YOU, and I am ME, and that is good. And that is all.


Tuesday, August 19, 2014

I am in the Best Years of My Life...Are you as Well?

I can honestly look at my life right now, or more specifically, in the last three years, and say that they have been (so far) the BEST years of my life. In my last three years I have gotten to do SO much, and be so much, and to stretch myself beyond what I ever thought was possible. I have taught middle and high school science with one of the best groups of students that I have ever known (I am honored to still get emails, wedding invites and even texts from a few). I have stayed home the year before Isaiah started kindergarten with him, and learned to see my younger boy apart from his brother, getting in time that was so valuable, (so frustrating sometimes, lol), and so indispensable to me being a good mom to both boys. I have gone on school field trips with the kids, been team mom for soccer, and helped with Cub Scouts. I have worked with nothing short of juvenile delinquents and their probation officers, learning that ALL students can achieve and deserve love. I have traveled to Maui, Cozumel, and Oahu, as well as Seattle (my favorite big city) multiple times. I have completed my CNA certification, passing my skills section with 100%. I have camped many, many times with my family at the coast, in the mountains and by pristine lakes. I have been accepted to both nursing schools I applied to. I have gained wonderful grandparents (my in-laws-B's parents have passed), that shower me with praise and affection, and wrap my boys in love. My sons have gotten to know the love of a man that hugs them each and everyday, helps with school homework and soccer skills, reads to them, shows them how to use tools and includes them in projects....most importantly though, Barrett shows the boys how to treat a wife, to tell her she's beautiful when she least expects it, to have no problem helping to take care of the household chores, to sacrifice for her dreams because you believe in her, and daily he gives them the gift of a happy mom.

I have learned not to stress (as much!), that it is a better choice of time to hang out with my boys than to sweep the floor, how to exercise and eat better, and mostly that when you have a man that supports your dreams and treats you as a partner in life, there is no limit to what you can accomplish.

Three years ago tomorrow Barrett and I married in a quick ceremony in Reno. We had had a decent sized wedding planned for 2-12-12, but it was getting complicated, expensive, and was too far in time away. I had already had a (beautiful) fairy-tale wedding once, but fancy weddings don't mean happy marriages, and B had no desire to celebrate our love in front of others. So, after a long drive overnight to Reno and a very late check-in to our room, Barrett and I would wake to do paperwork for a marriage license and to later marry at 3:00 in the hotel's chapel, he in khakis and a button-down shirt, and me in a simple green strapless dress (that I'd worn to multiple occasions already). We do have pictures in a wedding gown and suit, because the clothing was already ordered and paid for (though not yet ready) when we decided to elope. We figured we could at least have wedding pictures as well. Though I sometimes regret not having our "planned" wedding (nuptials on a steamboat with a river cruise), and we already had the most beautiful invitations ever (snowy white branches with burgundy ink), I have never once regretted the marriage. These have been the happiest, truest years of my life, and since Barrett entered the picture, I expect no less than the rest of our lives together being this happy as well.






The immediate future holds nursing school on the horizon, two boys with soccer practices, games, homework and projects, a first grader and a third grader, a family trip to Maui for our Christmas presents this year (because we decided experience and memories outweigh material items), and Barrett continuing to work and excel at the company he is part of (he has even increased from one work-at-home day a week to two!), supporting our family steadily.

I am not sure what will happen past that, or even past the next year or so. I know school will be difficult, but I also have no doubts that I can do it. I hope to find the area I feel called to be in, and to narrow down the list of specialties I think could be good fits (emergency, operating room, NICU, women's health, or oncology). Professionally, I would like to go further than my RN, perhaps to be a Family Nurse Practitioner, or perhaps to teach later on. I know I want our family to travel lots, showing the boys places they've never dreamed of, and making memories along the way.

I am, still and for all the foreseeable future, in the happiest years of my life. Are you as well? If not, perhaps it's time to make some changes...

Saturday, August 2, 2014

My Own 13 Things Lists

It has been exactly a month since I have written. It feels like the time has flown by! I have busily been enjoying a summer full of happy kids, camping, river swimming, coastal day-trips, and reading to my heart's content. I have satisfied the rest of the large "to-do" list for nursing school with updated vaccines, drug screen and background check, and am surviving (and thrilled to be almost done with!) my algebra class. Warning!!! This is a lengthy post. Please see it through to the end or bookmark to finish later. I think it's worth it? :)

Recently I read a book that really resonated with me. 13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher. I highly recommend it. It is a tough to read story about a girl that commits suicide. She leaves behind a set of cassette tapes with the 13 reasons why she decided life was too much to take. There are so many huge messages in this book, but the 3 that really stood out to me were 1)Never underestimate the power your actions and words have on others, 2)Everything in life is connected, and 3)Learn to be your own biggest fan/be comfortable with who you are, and don't let others label you.

Without giving too much away, suffice it to say, that the girl in the book had a reputation that was not even earned, but it was defining who she was. It was debilitating to her, and too difficult to get around. A few things in her story rang really, painfully true to being very, very similar to part of my own time as a teenager, though I obviously handled things very differently. It reminded me that any time there is an untruth about us, we have a few options. We can hide/escape (probably not the best option), we can let it define us, and even become that which is said about us since people think it anyway (also not very healthy), we can ignore it, or we can live our lives out loud, proudly and purposely and (also ignoring it) let others think what they will, but show who we really are. I believe firmly in the last option now, though back then trended toward another. So much is often thought about people, without there even being truth behind it. I bet you have thought some untrue things about me. I have certainly been called things that I didn't think were who I was: insensitive, demanding, slutty, and stuck-up to name a few. It's okay. I have probably thought things about you too.


So...let's not, shall we? I don't know your story, only what you choose to present. You probably know more of mine, since I am pretty open about things, but even so, could you really know the hurt, pain, passion or joy that I have experienced? I doubt it, at least not in the way that it has happened to me, because I cannot know yours. We all have a story. What I was reminded of in this book though is that people can only know us if/when we let them. In the spirit of the book I have chosen to make my own few lists in order to be known better. I give you 13 things I believe in, 13 things I have a hard time with, and 13 things I love. If you want to join in with any of the lists about yourself, please comment or post on Facebook. I love the interaction.

13 Things I believe in: 

  • Miracles. Pure and simple. I have experienced one the day my older son should have died, and didn't.
  • God, but often not religion. Often the two are very different.
  • Equality for all. Men, women, heterosexuals, homosexuals, ...etc, etc, etc. People are people.
  • Kindness matters. Always. Love wins.
  • The way people treat the children, the elderly, and animals speaks volumes about their character.
  • I believe in education. We have a very faulty system, but I believe in the value of a good education, and that any child can learn. 
  • Second chances. Enough said.
  • The calming effects of nature.
  • Every person has talent, gifts and worth.
  • Hope. It has power.
  • Family matters. Shared meals, trips and beliefs are so important.
  • Laughter.
  • Reading. Allows me to experience so many things. 
13 Things I have trouble with:
  • Math. 
  • Spiders. I woke myself up silent screaming from a nightmare about spiders just last night!
  • Animal cruelty. I basically think anyone abusing animals should be shot. Seriously.
  • Celery. I know, weird, but it is the one food that I cannot stand!!
  • Feeling not in control. Contrary to popular belief I am sure, I have never done any drugs, nor EVER been drunk. Probably because I am a control freak.
  • People who say one thing and do another.
  • Driving. I used to be very afraid of driving. I waited until I was 18 to get my license. I am still not a big fan, but obviously do it most everyday. I hate big city driving.
  • I do not like to be by myself at night. If B had to be gone, I'd probably go stay at my parents house.
  • Scary movies. I hate them. I get nightmares easily. 
  • Narrow-minded people. I can't stand when others try to impose their beliefs.
  • The news. Sometimes I am not up-to-date on current events. I think that often it's because I dwell on all the bad things. 
  • Migraines. Yuck. Summers are the worst for me. 
  • Rumors. I am very sensitive now to this. Especially after that book reminded me how much hurt I had felt in my own past due to things people thought they knew about me. 
13 Things I love: 
  • My family. Duh. This includes my pets.
  • Thunderstorms, snowstorms and windstorms. 
  • The ocean. 
  • The night sky.
  • Reptiles and amphibians. Fascinating!
  • Biology and Anatomy.
  • Books.
  • Coffee and Tea.
  • Quiet time alone. In fact, I need this some everyday.
  • Fresh flowers.
  • Hot baths.
  • Cheesecake!
  • YOU. It is hard to explain, but some of you will get it. I love people and hate people all at once. I need my own time, but I care deeply about others. People intrigue me, amaze me, disappoint me and disgust me, all at once sometimes. I pray about my friends, and often will think on their troubles probably long after they are. I worry about people I have barely met, and am super sensitive to people hurting or in need, and I value many of your "online" friendships more than you probably know.
How about you?

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Sunburned and Satisfied

Today I give my boys back to their dad again, but I am not too sad this time, because we have soccer camp all next week, he actually only gets them through Monday morning this time before we switch off again at the end of next week.  I am sad that I will miss Fourth of July, but Barrett and I have planned to go over to my grandfather's Beach-house in Lincoln city and enjoy the fireworks over on the coast (escaping the heat of the valley that has just come upon us). I feel like we've gotten to do lots of fun things, we are crossing off our summer bucket list every day it seems. We have gone camping, played in the ocean, barbecued hot-dogs, hamburgers, steak, and chicken. We have had s'mores. We have had fun playing in the sun and in the water at Nan and Pop's pool, and also in the river down by our house. We have camped with good family friends, and had our neighbor friends over to visit and play. We have gone to watch movies, read books, and snuggled together on the couch. Some things we still want to do include go to a drive-in movie, if we can find one around here, have a campfire, (there were no fire pits when we went camping this past time). We also want to watch a meteor shower in August if I have them for the right dates which I need to check.


Today as we wind down after basically playing since Thursday evening, I had the boys help me with some chores around the house. When Matthew started to complain I sat him down and explained to him that Barrett does chores, work, for eight hours a day every day of the week (except weekends) unless he has a day off. And then he also helps around the house in the morning and in the evening. And that mom does housework and makes meals and does homework, my job for now being a student, for the equivalent of 6+ hours a day. And that it doesn't hurt them to pitch in for 30 to 60 minutes of chores once a week. :-) I explained to Matthew that one of mom's jobs that isn't really seen is my job of household secretary. It is my job to make sure that the bills get paid, that we have the groceries on hand that we need for certain things, like soccer camp snacks and camping food. I keep track of birthdays and weddings and events to make sure that we get to them, and that we have the right things to wear and take.  I also keep track of doctors visits and dentist visits and any medications that are needed for anyone in the family, and make sure that we have those. His eyes were wide with all of the things that Barrett and I do each day to run a household. I explained this to both him and Isaiah, not because I want them to be in awe of what we do, but just so that they know what goes on behind the scenes so that they realize that part of being in a family is helping out to take care of the home. I explained to Matt that I even keep track of Cub Scouts things for Matthew to cross off and get signed in his Cub Scout book, things that we can do with the family such as visit the state capitol or attend a live concert. These are things we are also trying to work in over the summer. I think that the boys (at least temporarily) have a new understanding of why they have chores. 

Earlier today the boys planned and packed a picnic (almost totally on their own!), and we crossed that off Matt's Scout book. We ventured down to McKercher Park and swam in the icy river and ate our picnic lunch. Matthew even was taught how to jump off the high rocks into the deep pool of water below (a feat that made mom very nervous, but I was assured by some very nice locals how deep the pool was-and we all got in the water and waited). Matt had a blast! I am sure it counts as a rite of passage for this Oregon, country boy. I always have to remind myself that I grew up much differently! Isaiah is learning to swim slowly but surely, and we enjoyed our time in the water too. 

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Nurses Make a Difference

I entered this essay for a nursing scholarship. It was tough to get it down to just 300 words, because I could have said SO much more! I wanted to share it on here so that others could read it as well. It is basically about how a nurse can make a difference, or in my case, how one did. Hope you enjoy!



 I remember the night like it was yesterday. 7 ½ months into my first pregnancy, something became drastically wrong. I was being prepped for an emergency cesarean section after my baby quit moving. Though 5 ½ weeks early, the baby had a better chance now outside the womb than in. For mere minutes, I was allowed some quiet before the surgery as I got myself prepared. It was the eye of the storm, eerily peaceful amid the sure hustle going on outside my room. My nurse clutched my hand as we implored God to protect my unborn son in the next hours and days to come.


Matthew was born white as a sheet, not breathing on his own, but his steady heart never faltering. I had what is known as a fetal-maternal hemorrhage, and my son had lost 2/3 of his total blood volume through a tear in my umbilical cord!  In the first 24 hours Matthew had three blood transfusions. A machine helped him to breathe and intravenous lines nourished him. After a precarious first 24 hours, followed by nine days in the NICU, I was able to take my son home. Jody began as my nurse and floated to the NICU to take care of my son over the next week. She explained when I needed answers and calmed when I needed peace. During a terrifying time for me, she was steady. Now almost nine years later, with not one, but two healthy sons, I have never forgotten the power a nurse can have on one life. During that time in the hospital my son was saved by great doctors, and I was saved by a compassionate nurse. Within me she planted the seed of how I aspire to help others during those nights they will never forget.