Wednesday, October 23, 2013

The Best Job for Moms? I've done my research, but I'd love your take!

It has not been until the last few years that I truly gave much consideration to being a "working mom." Since I have spent the past year or so not working, I can tell you how funny that phrase actually is. All moms work. Seriously. There have been days in the last year where I longed for previous jobs I have had because the hours at home and tasks at hand were more difficult, time-consuming, and emotionally draining than a typical day at work. So true. But I digress. I was a career woman first I guess, or college woman anyhow, before having kids. I was a few months pregnant with Matthew when I graduated with my BS, and had a newborn when I began teaching (still not sure how that first year didn't kill me!). Up until last year, when my littler boy was turning 5, I had always worked full-time with children. 

I definitely had my share of working mom stress and guilt, child-care decisions, and exhaustion, but for the most part I was really lucky. I am not sure this is typical. For 6 years I worked at an awesome dentist office for a very family friendly team, and had what I referred to as "teacher's hours." What was funny was that I then became a teacher, and "teacher's hours" were better at the dentist office where there were no parent-teacher conferences, piles of grading, or after-school "not really mandatory but mandatory" (if you get my drift?) events and meetings. Still though, I was lucky. On a typical day I was home before 5, had my children in tow and could make dinner. I have never worked a weekend in my life. Okay...that is technically a lie, because I always did grading and planning on weekends...but I never had to go to work. I have never worked a night-shift, haven't even worked an evening shift since I was a cashier at Wal-Mart when I was 18, and never a holiday. I get that not everyone is that lucky, and I am not rubbing it in. I am simply telling you that I didn't think balancing work with home was a terrible feat...because I was lucky. 

I say all this because the topic of best careers for mothers is on my mind a lot lately. It is true that I have thought about going back to teaching, because I have been there and I know how it works, and I am qualified. I don't think I am headed this route though. First off, I applied to over 19 jobs last summer and was granted 2 interviews, and no jobs. I was okay with this, as it was mostly a feeler for me on how the market is...well, the market is swamped. Secondly, and I say this with a grain of salt because there are some people out there who make this work wonderfully-teaching is not the best job for moms. I had never actually read an article that seconded my sentiment until today when I was reading all about great jobs for mothers. The writer said that friends had shared that teaching had too much work to be done off the clock (thus eating into family time), and that after being with children all day it was sometimes hard to be around the children at home. I found that to be very true. I think if I was a college professor maybe it would be different...


Graduating college and then going further with my teaching license and degree was what I clung to for years. It was my life-blood when my marriage was crumbling, so I know that a woman can accomplish anything she wants. Hindsight is 20/20 though. My lifeblood should have been my kids. Did you know that if I had it all to do over again, I'd probably have stayed at that dental office?  <Some women were offended at articles about motherhood and careers, saying that women should and can do anything they want. While I agree, I also think it is important to prioritize, and I no longer want my family on a back-burner.>

Today I scoured many articles on this subject. Some women said staying at home of course! Other women choose highly professional careers like being a doctor or a lawyer, because once established, they could be more available. Some chose home businesses, consulting or even design (frankly, I would LOVE to be an interior designer, but this is very economy based). Others still said nursing, medical office work and dental hygiene. Here are some great links if you are curious where your job falls (or what your next one should be!):



I want to be a nurse for many reasons, but one of the reasons I avoided it way back when was because I did not view it as family friendly. Maybe some of you can challenge that statement and reassure me? I do not desire to work nights, weekends, and holidays...well, ever. This is not read that I am unwilling, simply that I do not want to...there's a difference. I want to be here when my boys come home, never miss a soccer practice or game, a Boy Scout Pack meeting, or school function. They, are my priority. My husband is my priority. Right now, I continue to stay home, but it will not always be this way. I am almost certified as a CNA, and I am applying to nursing programs for next year, and I want them...I truly do, BUT I also want what is best for my sons as their mother, because I only get so many years here with them. 

And so right now I tread a line, a fine line between becoming a nurse (knowing full well I will be picky about hours and likely want part-time...but it'd be there for later when my boys are grown), or finding a career that I am likely overqualified for, but putting ego aside as I scoop up great hours and time off with my family (like a medical assistant). 

I think the best job for a mother, is being a mother, but I also know that life, finances, and personalities even make working outside the home necessary at times. In that case, I think the best job for a mom is one that doesn't interfere too much with being a mom. I would LOVE to hear your thoughts. What should have made the list, and what jobs made the list but really aren't that mom-friendly?

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Bucket List Accomplished...and the Anti-Bucket List :)

I also had to write to be thankful for the things that were (or should have been) on my bucket list that I have gotten to experience that are totally bucket list worthy. I encourage you to do this as well so that you can see how far you have come.

Things I have done that are bucket list worthy: 

  • watched the Perseid Meteor shower with my love
  • kayaked in the ocean in Cozumel
  • snorkeled (Maui, Cancun, and Cozumel)
  • hiked to a waterfall and swam underneath
  • kissed in the pouring rain
  • kissed in the falling snow
  • snow-sledding with myh kids
  • had children (thought I never wanted any...boy how I was wrong!)
  • married my best friend
  • shared romantic moments on the beach
  • watched fireworks from a high-rise hotel room in Seattle
  • Earned a college degree (or two)
  • night swimming
  • adopted (many) pets
  • owned a boat (and would love to again someday!)
  • visited Chichen Itza (Mayan ruins, Mexico)
  • Ridden a "death cab" through Mexico (anyone who has been there and ridden in a taxi there knows what I mean!)
  • Gotten lost on a city bus (Provo, Utah...remember this, Jill?)
  • Have my own egg-laying chickens (ha ha! But it is pretty cool)
  • Take care of a dying person and family in need
  • minister to pregnant women
  • tutor students who were falling behind
  • create a home
  • ride a jetski
  • swim with (and hold) stingrays
  • pet a baby leopard
  • get a tattoo
  • go to a concert
  • sampled escargot
And just for giggles, I have to share my Anti-Bucket List of things I never want to do...ever. 
  • Run a marathon. (I know lots of people who like doing this and I applaud them. Me? Not my idea of fun...at all.)
  • travel to the Middle East for Women's Studies
  • Study poisonous spiders
  • substitute teach (except maybe, maybe for my mom's class...and again I know people that like this-more power to ya!)
  • become a mathematician 
  • have twins (just the idea of 2 infants gives me the willies!)
  • give up caffeine, cheese or garlic. 

Monday, October 21, 2013

Bucket List Revised

Over the last few years I have given lots of thought to what all I would like to do, see and accomplish in my life. I made the visual version on Pinterest you can check out here: My List. My list is, of course, always changing. I removed the things I have done, and even though I had begun the list just over a year ago, I found that some of my priorities had changed. My husband laughs at me a bit, but I enjoy the process of detailing out my goals in life and the fun things I just HAVE to try. :)

On my list thus far: 

  • Become an RN.
  • Travel to Iceland. (Why? look at the pictures. Plus there is a geothermal lagoon that you can float in like a big spa while it snows around you. SO pretty!)
  • Travel to Bora Bora. Bungalow over turquoise water...yes please. 
  • Try parasailing. Looks fun. Might do in Oahu in February.
  • Take a spontaneous road trip with no planned destination. This goes against my OCD nature, but could be very fun.
  • Learn to ballroom dance.
  • Go on a cruise.
  • Take my sons to Hawaii.
  • Take my sons to Disneyland.
  • Ride a gondola in Venice. 
  • Float in the Dead Sea.
  • Be married to the same person for 50 years. Let's see...I will be 79. Totally possible!
  • Ride a two-person bike with my hubby.
  • Help design and decorate our dream home-log cabin!
  • Learn Sign Language.
  • Throw a dart at a map and travel to wherever it lands. 
  • Travel to every continent.
  • Travel to every state...only 41 more to go! I am not counting places I have just flown through/to.
    • Been to Oregon, Washington, California, Nevada, Idaho, Utah, Maryland, West Virginia, and Hawaii.
  • Sleep in a castle.
  • Volunteer at a soup kitchen.
  • Go white-water rafting.
  • Ride in a hot-air balloon.
  • Visit the Louvre. 
  • Go sailing.
  • Visit the pyramids.
  • Sky-diving.
  • Antarctic Cruise.
  • Study Astronomy. 

October Thanksgivings List

I love this time of year, I always have. The fall makes me feel alive and thoughtful, the colors in nature inspire me, and the weather that is turning brisk makes me long for cuddly family time. I read an article in Good Housekeeping the other night that said the act of writing out our blessings is a mood altering habit. It can take us from feeling blah about life to truly reveling in the life that we live. I tried that this morning, and I have to say that I agree. I took a simple notepad and pen, and titled the slip Things I am Thankful for This Month. I wanted to be super specific, and not just have it be about fall, but maybe take up a habit that could continue month-to-month. My list is below. What are some things you are thankful for in October? Perhaps you too, should make a list. 

  • pumpkin fields-entire fields of orange make me smile. 
  • anything pumpkin flavored: pumpkin bread, pumpkin spice lattes, pumpkin muffins...
  • colorful, falling leaves
  • my crock-pot that allows me to make cozy, family dinners effortlessly (and the whole house smells good!)
  • parent/teacher conferences-I get to see how my sons have been doing in school so far
  • happily sleeping cat, kitten, and dog co-existing
  • warm, fuzzy blankets
  • end of soccer season (I love soccer, but I love the down-time coming soon too!)
  • Christmas shopping for loved ones
  • Barrett's ability and willingness to pick up extra shifts to make the holidays a bit less financially scary!
  • my kids in soft, snuggly PJs
  • Boot and scarf weather-"nuff said
  • windy, foggy, and rainy days-I love the weather changes
  • warm teas, lattes and ciders
  • corn mazes
  • vacations on the horizon (my b-day in January and B's in February means we always go somewhere, plus by this time of year we have usually booked a couple getaway and a family trip to look forward to)




Saturday, October 12, 2013

Forever Changed

I know that I have not written in at least 3 weeks. I have been so busy with CNA classes and then clinicals, but I am now off for a few weeks until I go back to review and then state test at the end of the month. I may have a flair for the dramatic, but I need to say that this experience has left me forever changed. The last two weeks have opened my eyes to what nursing is about. I have experienced all conditions of the human soul, from anger to joy, defeat to untiring victory, and heart-brokenness to unyielding, never wavering love. I have cared for patients that have suffered from strokes, GI bleeds, heart surgeries, and cancer among other things. I wish everyone could have this experience. I swear that it has made me a kinder, calmer, and more patient person. 

There are of course awkward things, things you never imagined yourself doing. I still giggle as I remember the first shower I had to give to a man at the nursing home with my instructor watching, and how mortified I was as she instructed me to "Just pick up his penis and wash it." Wow. :) It's funny, because 2 weeks later, I don't even inwardly blanche at toileting and bathing complete strangers! 

Long Term Care
I found the nursing home to be both depressing at times, and lively at others. Seriously. While my heart ached for the residents that clearly did not want to be there or were so far gone they never attempted to communicate with you at all, my heart also swelled for the residents that took pleasure in visiting with one another and sharing activities, like a bowling tournament and a visiting musician. It takes a very special person to work at a nursing home facility and to be able to do it right. I met some of these people in my clinical experience. Young women and men that cared for their residents in calm, compassionate and dignified manners while never complaining of the myriad of obstacles they had to deal with daily (and sometimes hourly). It is hard work...harder in many ways than the job of the CNA at a hospital. There are residents that need everything done for them. They need to be got up in the morning (with the use of a mechanical lift which takes 2 assistants to man), have their briefs changed, new clothing put on, their faces washed, teeth and hair brushed and taken to have breakfast. Many residents have limited mobility, and every single simple action that we take for granted, and are able to do on a daily basis has to be done for them. Often they lack control of their bowel and bladder, and will have to be cleaned up each time they have what to us is a normal bodily function. While some of these people do not speak to anyone at the home, others do. Others are completely alive in their minds while their bodies are failing them. These people apologize each time they need help. 

I came home from the first day exhausted. This is back-breaking work, literally. Hoisting people this way and that, bending, stooping, and walking (all day long walking and being on your feet) is physically taxing. And poop. There was a lot of poop. I know that is not eloquent, but I am not sure how else to say it-you are cleaning up a lot of poop.

Emotionally I was exhausted as well, and on that first night after that first day I lay in Barrett's arms and cried. I cried for the residents that I already cared about, and the ones that were cheerful despite everything else. I cried for those that just wanted someone to listen, someone to care about  their day, and I cried for those that hit, pinched, and fought us every step of the day as well, because we, not them, had control of their entire existence. Some had visitors often, and some had none the entire week. I have to guiltily admit that my faith was shaken that week at the nursing home. I told Barrett this, likening the lives of some of the residents to that of Tom Hanks in the Green Mile (when he is living forever and everyone he loves has already passed). He says, "I have begun to think that God has forgotten me." I told Barrett that I felt angry at times, while assisting there, like some of these people had also been forgotten about. 

Hospital Work
Stepping foot into the hospital was a dramatic change from the nursing home, and was refreshing in many ways. Most of the patients were much more active, and could do many things for themselves. Instead of giving a full shower, you were assisting them to take a shower, and instead of wiping for them after toileting, you were simply helping them from the bed to the toilet and back. Of course there are variations on this, and there were/are patients that are on complete bed rest and they will need many more things done for them. I enjoyed the hospital much more. My patients were there a few days, and got to heal, recover, and go home for the most part. Many of them were extremely nice. They were embarrassed to need assistance with anything, and would chat with you as you came and went, most welcoming of conversation and distraction. At the hospital I got to learn things from watching the RNs as well, and assist with them a few times as they started IVs and catheters. They were receptive to questions, and truly encouraging of someone like me, wanting to be in their shoes in a few years. One day my assigned CNA got to leave early, so I was assigned to an RN to shadow and help the rest of the afternoon, and she showed me how to look at labs for liver functioning, and how all her charting is done. We spoke of diabetic patients and their special needs with skin care. I also spoke with a respiratory therapist who told me all about his job and what he liked about it.

I changed a lot of beds, took out trashes, brushed dentures, showered and shaved people, washed hair, provided catheter care, recorded everything a person ate and drank (as well as what they voided. This is Intake and Output). I gave bed baths and mouth care, walked with people that needed to exercise before getting discharged, fed people that needed to be fed, and of course, assisted with bathroom needs. There was pee, poop and blood (no puke thankfully!), but I was not grossed out.  I assisted with catheter removal and bladder scanning. I loved the team at the hospital and felt at home there after the first day. 

At the hospital though (and in long term care as well) sometimes patients do not get to go home. Sometimes they do not get better. I was touched by a dying patient and their family in the hospital. The grief-stricken family was so thankful to me for the simple acts of tracking them down some crackers, tea and soda-not wanting to leave the floor to go to the cafeteria. They were thankful for the care that their loved one had been receiving-the same care that my CNA and I had performed just hours earlier as we cleaned the entire room, linens and very gently the patient (who had gone from talkative to non-responsive in just a few days). Death was coming soon, the RN predicted within the next day. I was not scared or grossed out by anything that I experienced. Skin changes, breathing changes too had been explained to me by my CNA who I had questioned plenty. I was honored to give the patient dignity, respect and most of all compassion during this time. I cried deeply that night. I know I will experience many deaths as I continue my journey through healthcare, and I was unsure when exactly this one would happen, but it touched me. The care I was taught to provide touched me in ways that words could simply never convey. I will remember this patient always, not because I knew them well, and not because the situation was dramatic or even unique, but I will remember. I will remember because this was the accumulation of my defining moments. The finale of my learning that firmly cemented in me that I will journey on with purpose. Perhaps these patients have not been forgotten as I previously thought, but through their suffering others like me learn how best to care for those yet to come.