Weighty Matters

So, I have been doing a lot of thinking about weight, self-esteem and being healthy these days. I have already shared that I am at my heaviest (even sadly including two pregnancies...one of which went to term). My feelings about this fluctuate given the hour of the day!  I wear a size 8 now, when I used to consistently be a 4. I also exercise almost daily...something I never did when I was that tiny. I am not trying to kid myself, it is not all muscle weight, in fact I'd be surprised if much of it was. My hips and bust are curvier, and in a swimsuit my tummy is still mostly flat...like I wouldn't be embarrassed to wear a 2 piece even now, though I am more conscious of it. I have tried to be objective and look at photos from the past. I have some in a camo bikini, and yes...I did look good. My breasts were tiny, hips barely existent and stomach flat. My face though was also very thin, and I have a long face that I have always disliked, so I actually love the little bit of weight now on my face!

I wish I could say that I have a totally healthy appreciation of just what I am now and how I look. These celebrities do (watch out, a few are really "busting" out):Big and Beautiful. While I am not uncomfortable all the time, I will admit it: I have cried about my weight, I have cursed at the scale (which never seems to vary much no matter what I do or don't eat!), I have commiserated with friends about the slowing of metabolism after 30, and at times I have even felt desperate. Desperate as in, I have thought about unhealthy ways to lose weight like diet pills and even purging...though the thought of puking still grosses me out WAY more than how I look in my panties and bra, and after working in a dental office for 6 years, I know the havoc it wreaks on teeth! :) But, I am being brutally honest...the media tells me that a size 8 at 145 pounds is FAT, and what is wrong with me? All I have to do is get up off my rather large behind...right?  Wrong!

We all need to exercise as much as we can without overdoing it. Walking a few miles everyday outside, doing aerobics, yoga, pilates...whatever makes you not hate exercise is the key. I do not like riding the exercise bike every AM...but guess what? It's getting easier, and I don't hate it anymore. I like walking Max, and I love to rollerblade (heehee), so those are also things I can do. I have also rediscovered pilates and actually enjoy it and feel great after. Yes...that statement just came from me. But the fact of the matter is that I also love food. I don't love to overeat, and I've been more aware of portions...but I am a social eater, which means unlike many women I don't tend to eat much (if at all) when I am stressed or unhappy (lost 7 pounds right after my divorce-but not the best diet plan ever!), but I eat when I am happy. I eat when I am around loved ones, and I have been enjoying meal-making and baking. Though I have decided that I am going to give away at lest 1/2 of what I bake from now on!

The biggest issue here though is being happy with yourself. While thin may still be what the media thinks is sexiest, what matters is what you think and how you feel. There are even studies that say being slightly overweight may help in chronic disease situations: Obesity Paradox.  Furthermore, we should know that many women suffer with eating disorders...even into middle-age: Too Old to Worry About Weight? What are we doing to ourselves ladies?  Perhaps healthy, not thin should be the standard we wish to attain.

Here are some easy tips to help us all along the way: 40 Tips, and in case you are curious like I was, what "average" is in the US. :) What is Average Anyway?