Life is Change-Grasshopper.

Today was an odd day. It could've been awful. The quasi cold that I caught a few days ago is lingering, just enough that I feel run down and annoyed, but not present enough that I feel justified to hide in bed all day ( you know those kind?). Barrett thought he'd signed up to work a Sunday, but it turned out he had the date wrong and it was a Saturday instead- meaning that he missed the boys' first soccer games. It also meant that I had to go visit with my ex-husband, his new wife and baby daughter, and my ex-mother-in-law, all without my partner by my side. Like I said, today had the recipe to be awful.

The first soccer game started, and yes, there were a few awkward moments. Do I chat with Greg's mom? Do I hold his new baby? Do I avoid?:) just being honest here. Divorce is icky- no sugar-coating that. I would be lying through my teeth if I said there were never moments of bitterness, disappointment or plain secretly gasp to myself and let the curse words fly (in my head of course) moments of anger. Like the fact that my ex took three months off work with his new wife and baby, the fact that he now works day shift, and the fact that he has a little girl (named a name I'd picked out for Isaiah had he been a girl no less!). But... All I have to do is look around. It's true that (while I am not promoting it) blended families are the new normal- so I am not alone in my situation. My boys had their mom, dad, stepmom, and three grandparents cheering them on today, plus a stepsister and their new baby half sister. Not only was our cheering section loud and proud, but we were all together, and once the temporary awkwardness wore off, all happy and well... Family. I sat and chatted with Greg, then his mom, then Heidi. I held their new baby, talked to Greg's stepdaughter, and of course with my parents. I sent Barrett text updates and photos of the games. When Matthew got hurt, his mom and dad ran to help, and worked together to cheer him up. When Heidi and I missed a goal because we were chatting-Greg joked about neither "wife" paying attention, and we all laughed.

I am not who I was at 18, nor 20 or even 25. I may not be blonde and thin, but I am more confident now than ever before. Where then I was driven, perfectionist and serious, now I feel wiser, more thoughtful, and calmer. I still have goals (I am truly considering going all the way as a nurse and being an Nurse Practioner, specializing in Women's Health), I also know that the thing about life is, that it changes. It has been almost two years since I got divorced and a little over a year since Barrett and I married. I am so incredibly happy and in love everyday. I love my life, and I may not be as young or slender anymore, but I feel truly beautiful- and the best part is that I don't need your affirmation, because it's how I feel that matters. My dad and I had a great conversation the other day about how life changes, about happiness, and forgiveness. And one of my favorite men in the entire world ended our chat with his wisdom, "Life is change, grasshopper." Yes, Dad, it most certainly is.