Say Anything (2)

Today I was driving down to Springfield to meet Barrett for lunch and do some last minute school stuff before I start down at Lane CC next week. The traffic was heavy, and I was in a quiet mood (happens a lot), but my four-year old was not (is he ever?). 

"Mama, when I die will you see my food?" 
Me, very distracted, "huh?" 
"Mama, when I die, will you see my food?" Because repeating the same exact question will really help me understand. 
"Isaiah, I don't know what you mean...you wouldn't need food if you were dead." (Duh!)
"No Mama, I mean will you see what's inside my stomach if I were dead and laying there?" 
"No..., ummm....you'd just be lying there like you were in a very quiet sleep." 
"So Mama, dinosaurs show their bones when they die." (Ah, I was starting to kind of get it.) 
"Well, after some time your skin and muscles kind of break apart...I know that sounds yucky, but eventually you would be bones too, like a dinosaur.  But, where would your soul go?"
 "In my bones?"
 "No, silly. We hope our souls will go up to Heaven." 
"Oh. I hope you're the same person in Heaven. Will you be different?" 
"I'm not sure...I hope not. I hope I get to see everyone I love." 
"Me too, Mama." 
And there you have it, the deep conversation with my 4 year-old! :)

Another one today that I thought was kind of cute:
"This store is by where Barrett lived, right Mama?" (if I could count how many times I hear right Mama? in a day...it'd be a lot!)
"Yes, kind of."
"Barrett lived here, and you and daddy fighted a lot, and then went to different houses. Then you came here to get me another dad."
"That's not quite how it happened. I didn't know Barrett yet when Daddy and I argued a lot."
He didn't say much else about that, because we went in the store. I didn't bother correcting too much. He knows he has a dad, but he also knows that Barrett is a daddy to him too, just like Heidi is another mama. Rarely does he slip, but every now and then he calls Barrett "Dada", and I'll admit that I think it's sweet. I just want the boys to feel love no matter where they go, and I don't care if he calls Barrett Big Purple Sock-Eating Dinosaur (sorry, with 2 boys dinos are on the brain!), as long as he knows that he is loved.

To go a completely different route, here is a Say Anything moment from my brief time dating. I went on a date with this guy while Barrett and I were dating (don't worry, he knew about it!). I had to see what else was out there, and this other guy had contacted me (lots did, and I am not bragging, just saying that I had over 15 different contacts within the first 2 weeks on Match.), and he seemed funny and successful. He was divorced with two kids...originally I was looking for something closer to that-I thought they'd understand my life a bit better. I didn't have anyone to watch the boys because I had already been out twice that week, so he came by the house with wine and cheese and crackers. Yeah, yeah...he could have been a complete creeper, but my folks lived there, and we had two large dogs and awesome neighbors, so I felt safe...plus my ex was a cop, and offered to scare anyone that felt weird to me when I was dating, lol! Anyhow, we chatted, it wasn't too awkward, he was an attractive man and very nice. We talked about everything for like three hours...but the whole time I kept thinking of Barrett. I was already falling hard for him, but trying to make sure he was the right one, you know? This new guy moved in to kiss me. My thoughts were why not, might as well see if I like it. It was nice, but again, I thought of Barrett. "Can't you just feel the connection?" new guy said to me.  In my head, I was thinking ummm....no, not really? But I made up some excuse about needing to work the next day and thank you for a nice night and all that and sent him on his way. I called Barrett up when new guy was leaving the driveway and apologized and asked if we could be exclusive again. Luckily, Barrett has always been my patient, understanding rock. That same night I got a text from new guy saying how incredibly great I was, could he see me again soon, and he'd be thinking of me. I didn't respond. The next morning I texted new guy. I was honest. I told him I was more interested in the other guy I'd been seeing. He asked for another chance, a few weeks even. He sent me a message saying that he would "hold my hand and walk with me through life", which to be honest would have been melt-my-heart worthy if from Barrett, but was kind of creepy from a dude I'd just met!