Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Go Placidly Amid the Noise and Haste

Today I woke up early again to ride the bike, though every cell in my body wanted nothing more than to snuggle up to Barrett and forget exercise. After about 2 minutes on the bike Isaiah came in, and I sent him to find Barrett to ask for cartoons (so much for beating the sun and the kids awake!). Then cue Matthew, then Isaiah again, then Barrett and the puppy. I was  not a happy camper. It had taken all I possessed to get me on the stinking bike this AM, and it felt like the world was conspiring against me. I need to be left alone about 2 times during the day...when I attempt to exercise, and when I do my hair and makeup...other than that, I am pretty lax about interactions, even when in the shower or on the toilet! ;)Then, after Matt and Barrett are gone, Isaiah wants to play with the remote-control helicopter again (the one I thought had been charged all night), but it seems it won't hold a charge...already-that the batteries in the remote unit need replaced. It's one of those stupid, mom-hating, need a screwdriver to replace the batteries toys. I know how to wield a screwdriver, even knew where one was, but NO, it's one that needs like a tiny, miniature screwdriver...sigh. So, the helicopter will have to wait for my much-handier-than-I husband. Then I go to make Isaiah a bubble bath, and turn the water on, and it proceeds to SOAK the top of my head, apparently Matt had left it on shower setting. To top that all off, the X Box decided to quit working (we have no TV, just Netflix and Amazon...which we play through the X Box), and then the iPod won't work on it's dock (which I did get working). It's only nine in the morning, and I feel like I need a do-over!

But now, the storm has passed. Max is laying on the floor watching Isaiah build a train track while I type and listen to Pandora. When Barrett and I were married, his grandmother gave me a small book that was his mother's. It is called Desiderata. I thought it was a poem, and it sort of is, along with a prayer and advice. There was also a plaque that his mom had with the verses on it that now hangs in our bedroom. I have come to love it and look at it when I feel overwhelmed. Barrett's mom was a marriage and family therapist that raised Barrett on her own, often with the help of her parents. She was interested in psychology, relationships, spirituality and education. She loved the ocean and Chinese food. She frequently re-decorated their home. In these ways Barrett has told me that I am like her, and that I feel is a huge compliment. I will never get to meet her, as she passed a few years before he and I met. There was this tapestry that  I thought was ugly and was kind of a brat about. Barrett had hung onto it even though he had already gotten rid of a lot of her things before I ever knew him. I had joked about it not going up in our house. Then, I asked him why he kept that picture out of everything. He has said it had hung in his home, and reminded him of her, even though he admitted it was not the prettiest thing. After that, I found a place for the tapestry, and it hangs in our entry way above the front door of our home. And you know what? I am fond of it. It is a reminder that in a relationship, heck in a life, we weave our roots and vines with others to make one beautiful mess. It may not be as neat as if we grew alone, but it is much stronger. Below, though fairly long, you should check out Desiderata by Max Ehrmann. The title is Latin, and means the things wanted, needed, or necessary. And here is a link that explores the poem better: History behind Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may
be in silence. As far as possible
without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly 
and clearly, and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant,
they too, have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive 
persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself 
with others, you may become
vain and bitter, for always
there will be greater and
lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements
as well as your plans.

Keep interested
in your own career, 
however humble, it is a real
possession in the changing
fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business
affairs, for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is,
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself, especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love, for in the face 
of aridity and disenchantment 
it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. 
But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, 
no less than the trees and the stars, 
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, 
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations, 
in the noisy confusion of life, 
keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, 
it is still a beautiful world. 
Be careful.
Strive to be happy. 

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