Truce for Now

 Last night, snow fell softly from the sky, and Barrett and I (sadly without the boys for most of this week) bundled up like little children. He laughed as snowflakes hit me in the eye as I tried to catch them on my tongue, and then we jumped in the Explorer to see just how bad our road was (don't worry, he was most careful!). Just now, he told me that I am  the best wife he's ever had (LOL! And the only!) for putting cornbread muffins in to bake. Our puppy (now 8 mos.) snuggles up in our bed many evenings. We decided last week to go into our small town and visit most of the businesses, it was the first time since we had moved here 7 months ago, and we met some great people. On Sunday we attended a small church in town that our neighbors invited us to. It has stained glass windows, breakfast and lunch potlucks, and various members of the congregation actually take turns speaking about different topics. The church rang with accordion, organ, electric guitar and violin music, to both hymns and newer worship songs. There were only about forty people there, but everyone was so nice, and we both actually enjoyed the service. I am missing my boys something fierce right now. It seems they are always somewhere between being with their dad and with my parents helping us out while I am at school. But, I spoke to both the other night and smiled with glee as Isaiah's small voice rang out, "I love you, Mama." It is the small things like all of these that I am rejoicing in right now. 

The past week and a half has been busy. I have begun my CNA training, and for the most part am really liking it. Though, it would be dishonest to say that I have not had any doubts. The day we were at church a young man introduced himself and asked what both Barrett and I did. He and Barrett got talking about computers (seems it is the young man's field too), and I never had to answer the question. That was just fine by me. As they talked, I wondered what in the world I would say. I am a teacher, was my immediate thought, but then I thought not anymore. I am a student, but I have always been a student AND something else, that the phrase seemed so empty to me. I was actually all depressed after church telling Barrett about this inner conundrum. He comforted me by saying that I could have said either or both and been correct. After all, my teaching license is current (and I have no plans of letting that bad boy expire!). 

There was also a moment in class as we talked about emptying colostomy bags (a task CNAs will have to do), and the devilish voice in my head said C'mon, Sarah-really? You have a Master's degree. You don't have to do this. I explained to Barrett that sometimes it is like an inner conversation between Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Dr. Jekyll tells me that I should just find a proper teaching job or even advance my education higher (Ph.D and college professor, anyone? Counselor?). That the jobs CNAs have to do are pretty gross. Then, Mr. Hyde comes in and says Sarah, you knew this ahead of time. While the act isn't always noble, the serving heart is. I am reminded that when I practice the skills at school, I often get them very quickly, many feel very natural surprisingly, and most of all, I think I could really have a heart for this kind of work. Luckily though Jekyll and Hyde call a truce, agreeing to let me make my way through before any rash decisions are made, giving me some time to find my footing. 

After only 6 days of class thus far, I know a lot more than I started with. I can transfer a patient to the bed, wheelchair and commode. I can help them walk assisted and with a walker. I can feed patients, provide denture care, and oral care (on both awake and comatose patients). I can give a shampoo cap, provide, empty and measure a bedpan, take all vital signs fairly accurately, and I have learned about infection control. We have talked about dementia patients, communicating with the family and how to treat patients with respect, dignity and compassion. I have met Tom, one of the resident cats. He is 17 (!!!) pounds (we weighed him), and is a yellow and white striped love of an animal. I have made friends with my partner, a young girl from New York. Oh, and I got 100% on my first quiz! Sometimes I am fumbling with the skills. We laugh at one another when we feel like there just aren't enough hands to fit a blood pressure cuff and use the stethoscopes at the same time! We whisper to one another steps so that none are left out. We always encourage one another, being on the same team, just wanting to learn.

That's all for now. :)