| TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood, | |
| And sorry I could not travel both | |
| And be one traveler, long I stood | |
| And looked down one as far as I could | |
| To where it bent in the undergrowth; | 5 |
| Then took the other, as just as fair, | |
| And having perhaps the better claim, | |
| Because it was grassy and wanted wear; | |
| Though as for that the passing there | |
| Had worn them really about the same, | 10 |
| And both that morning equally lay | |
| In leaves no step had trodden black. | |
| Oh, I kept the first for another day! | |
| Yet knowing how way leads on to way, | |
| I doubted if I should ever come back. | 15 |
| I shall be telling this with a sigh | |
| Somewhere ages and ages hence: | |
| Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— | |
| I took the one less traveled by, | |
| And that has made all the difference. |
I feel it is a perfect metaphor for life. Right now I feel I am in the proverbial woods trying to decide from not 2, but 3 likely paths. Have you ever had the thought in your life that you can see a few of your choices so clearly, and you think you have made the choice or know the choice to make, but the other ones seem just as real and likely? Tomorrow I start my CNA training. It's not a huge deal in the grand scheme of life. It's only 6 weeks of learning and by the end of January I will be finished. But it some ways it is a huge step. It is the next step in my journey to become a nurse, the deciding factor if you will on whether I have made the right decision. I am so lucky to have the support of my family, and the reminders from Barrett that if I end up disliking it, then we will find a new plan. No resentment, no anger that I left a great job, no disappointment, just pure unconditional love and support. So why the choices? In January I turn 31, you may be saying so what?-or if you are a woman you may be nodding your head in understanding. While Barrett and decided from the get go that my two boys were enough, I feel that it's now or never if we ever want a child together. I refuse to wait until my mid-thirties, and I don't know if I even want that road...but I can see it, you know? I can see us having a daughter (because in my head she's always a baby girl). I can see her blonde pigtails and her smiles, and Barrett wrapped around the finger of a little woman. The timing is never right, but we could do it. We could make it for a few years on Barrett's income, having me stay home with both Isaiah part-time and a little one. I could then go back to work as a teacher somewhere, or as a school counselor or a family/marriage counselor with just a year or two of additional school-a lot of which could be done at night or online...OR, I can become a nurse. I can realize that dream with the support of an already lovely and full family, but the two (to me and to B) are mutually exclusive. Nursing school is a full-time endeavor, and beginning a new career is a huge stessor of it's own. Then there is the other facts, the fact that I never want my boys to feel as if they weren't enough-that both their mom and dad remarried and had to have more children. Does that make sense? Babies are a scary thing, and Barrett is terrified at the mere thought of sleepless nights, a helpless infant and the freedom of an empty home being pushed back. And me? I'm not sure what I want. I want to be a nurse. I love my freedom and my sons that are more and more self-sufficient by the day. They keep us busy enough. I love my marriage, and our weekends that are child-free, so we are pretty sure we have chosen our road to travel. But it would be a lie to say that I never get glimpses of the other road, the mirage of a child playing happily, the Sophia Shellie West of the alternate path.
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