Sensitive Girl Here...That's Me

It is no secret that I am an animal lover. I was raised by 2 vegetarians who choose not to eat meat because they believe it is ethically wrong to kill animals. I did not eat meat from the ages of 8-16, and from 16-18 I did so only on occasion, as it was not in the house. I longed to be a veterinarian, even had visions of it my senior year of high school until I shadowed a vet office in Stockton, and had to witness a cat yowling miserably in its cage. When I inquired to the tech about the cat, I got an insensitive (or so I thought) answer, "It was hit by a car." "Well, doesn't the doctor need to see it right away?" I asked. "Oh,no," the tech replied, "It's pretty much a goner. Not much we can do for it." I had to blink back the tears. How could they listen to the cat and not do SOMETHING? Even if the something was to euthanize it, seemed better than letting it sit there for hours on end and wait its turn. I hope not all vet offices are like that. :( It was a bad experience. The tech told me about how the dead animals had to be bagged and removed from the office, and how you get used to it. I feigned a migraine and went home disillusioned. I haven't wanted to be a vet since. I find the idea of helping people easier, as I will be able to at least communicate with them, and know if I am hurting them. I was reminded of all this today when I looked out the back slider and saw that Rya, our yellow lab was bloody. Seems she has a raw wound on her neck, and I wondered if it was from our puppy, Max, chewing on her, as he does playfully. It made me mad. It made me sad. I grabbed a hand-towel, got it wet with warm water and carefully wiped her down. I put on some antibiotic ointment, but that was all she would hold still for. Tonight, I will have Barrett hold her head while I try to wrap the wound. 

I was reminded today that old convictions die hard. My sweet husband tried to talk me into going to shoot sage rats with him next spring, and I was disgusted by the video he showed me. In fact, I only made it 40 seconds in, and literally thought I might vomit (and I have a pretty iron-clad stomach). I had to tell him that it is not something I will ever want to do...or even be able to stomach, but that he can go without me. Today he posted a picture on FaceBook, something to do with hunting coyotes, and the picture of all these slain animals again disgusted me. Why is it that man thinks he alone has value? Why is it that men think they need to kill things to prove their prowess? I just don't understand killing just because. It seems so cruel. You show me a man that loves animals, and I will be bowled over with respect and admiration for him ANY day without thinking he's a sissy. My ex was into hunting and fishing. My husband now likes to hunt, though admittedly, goes very rarely. I have TONS of family members that hunt. And I eat meat. So what is my issue? I guess I think that using the meat is more respectful than killing something just because...or maybe I am just a big, sensitive, girly girl. :( I can't really explain it, nor do I know whether to be sorry for it or to embrace how I feel.