Perhaps His Plans Are Better-Part 1

I remember when I interviewed at East Linn a few years back. Getting the job felt like such a long shot, as I have never been the "perfect" Christian. They wanted to know my testimony, and I had painstakingly written it out, what I felt was a mishmash of emotions and events that had led me to them. I had described how my path to faith was never one, big, A-HA! moment, but was instead a rambling path with times I'd veered off course and times I'd followed the illuminating moments in my life. Apparently, it was a good testimony (or they were in dire need of a qualified science teacher), because I was offered the job hours after my interview. 

You hear that major life decisions should never happen all at once. I was divorced, remarried, and had moved out of my home all within about a year. I guess I decided that my new life gave me the freedom to follow an old dream. Let it be said, that I am not good at listening to advice. While I appreciate the concern, I have a history of choosing my own (however wandering) path. Let it also be said that I had a very warped view of myself and teaching. I have a Master's degree, have defended a thesis, have spoken to large groups of people, and hold not one, but three authorizations for which I am qualified to teach under per the state of Oregon including grades kindergarten-third, fourth-sixth, and 6-8 science education (and likely would have collected at least one more in English), as well as 3 somewhat different ones for ACSI (Christian school certification, who also lets me teach high school level science and health). When I left teaching, I was also the Department Head for the Science Department. I do not say this to brag at all, but to tell you that I was not proud of what I had accomplished at all. I don't know if it was because all this was done while I was already working, in an unhappy marriage, or having children. I had this idea that I wasn't doing anything important, that (on some days at least) teaching was not challenging, and that I had not followed a dream. 

It has been a weird road since I left teaching. Some days I am perfectly content, and others I long to go back. It has not been until starting the CNA class and our recent trip to Redding to visit Barrett's grandmother in the hospital that I have felt what I can only guess is the gentle nudge of God reminding me. I wholeheartedly, without a doubt in the world, loved each and every student I ever had (some perhaps a bit more than others!). What I was doing WAS important, and there was no reason in the world that I should not be at least a tiny bit proud of what I had already accomplished. I know that I also felt very stuck. Working where I did was SUCH a blessing, but it also felt like I was locked in. In order to keep my boys there at the school, I had to work there (or pay private school tuition). It seems like a fair trade until you know me. I need the possibility of more to exist, but it wasn't really a place that I felt I could move up. There was no school counselor, and becoming an administrator there would be a very long shot. I almost needed to make a break so that I could continue to have some career movement.

Here comes the A-HA moment-

Continued in next installment....Part 2