Monday, October 19, 2015

Death of a Perfectionist

Hi, my name is Sarah, and I am a perfectionist. I thought that nursing school had pretty much tamed this instinct. Well, a bit. Have I mentioned that I was raised as an only child, got straight A's in pretty much everything, and like things...well, a certain way? Yeah, I am just a bit Type A...

Today I got back a grade on a paper. 3/5, and I FREAKED. I mean, that is a D-. I don't get D's (except for that one Algebra 2 test-but I digress, Algebra and I did not get along.). I feel like I am a decent writer. I even do it for fun. I wanted to throw a full-blown, screaming, kicking, stomping, and crying fit!  But I am mature, so I settled for crying and an (albeit) slightly panicked email to my instructor about my grade, did I read it correctly, and what could I do to improve in the future?

Ahem...Followed by another email, minutes later, asking if he thought I was going to fail out of the program (This was not my proudest moment). Luckily, he is a great instructor, and though I was full on ticked (though mostly at myself),  and bordering on psychotic, he emailed me back within minutes to say; "Your paper was excellent, until you got to the end and did not address what the rubric stated. For that, you lost points. It is just 2 points. This will not kill your grade. You are doing excellent in clinical. There is no way I think you are going to fail out. Breathe.... However, if I ever get a call for a job reference, I will have to mention that there was this one assignment that 2 points were missing on!"



My story is mortifying to me, mainly that I freaked out so much over a few points, but also because in my wrapped up, stressiness of nursing school, I also hurt myself by not slowing down to just read. It's also funny. I burst out laughing at the last line of the email, basically putting things in perspective for me. I share this to you for three reasons: 1)Nursing school is hard. You will love it, and I promise you will HATE it. There feels like there is never enough time in the day. 2) This is just a season. Less than a year from now I will be done, and I will not care at all about this 5 point project, care plans, or my grades. 3) Breathe. Life is not perfect. I am not perfect. You are not perfect, and nursing school will all but kill the perfectionist unless we learn to laugh it off when falling flat on our faces, brush ourselves off, and try again.

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