At the End of the Day, new eyeliner doesn't matter.

We fought today. If you are in a relationship, you know that it's normal to fight. If you know me, you know that the whole 52% introvert thing does not stop me from sharing some of my worst qualities. At my worst I am spoiled, bitter, and your own personal poison. At my worst, my witty sarcasm turns cynical and hurtful. Oh, I have toned it down over the years...I actually used to be a lot worse-which is sad, come to think of it.

I am, for most intents and purposes, an only child (I actually have a half-brother, Dennis, but he's ten years older, and we didn't grow up together. Sometimes I feel guilty about that...but that's another story). Barrett is an only child. Look this up if you're into birth order dynamics. At our worst we can both be spoiled and selfish, and and our best loyal, mature and compassionate. We are both pretty stinkin' intelligent (that may be arrogant, but it's true!), and we have some of the best conversations ever. We have a good, solid plan for our future and for our boys.

Giving up an income, no matter how properly planned out-is difficult. Barrett handles the bills, and I focus on school right now. We hit bumps now and then, and today was bumpy. I won't go into the story, but we both like certain things. Barrett likes to eat lunch at work (they actually have a delicious cafeteria), and to purchase things for his hobby-which can be pretty expensive (Barrett loves guns, and I am proud of his skill and his ability to not only shoot-very well, but to load his own ammunition too). I like to go places-the movies, dinners out, weekend get-a-ways, and I also like clothes and make-up. I guess you could say that both our interests are feeling the squeeze lately. We are figuring out areas we can cut back, and those that we won't budge on-like at least one date night for ourselves each month. For those of you that are used to this, I welcome your tips-truly.

I am used to being a career woman, and I have to admit, my feelings are very mixed right now. Not like me. I usually am not very conflicted. My first thought is "I'll just get a job." For goodness sake, it isn't like I don't have a college education. Maybe going back to school is the wrong decision. Then Barrett steps in and reminds me this is my dream. My heart steps in and whispers, "Admit it, you are SO looking forward to Fall when your classes are lighter. You get to home-school Isaiah, be available to Matt everyday after school. There is no work to bring home. You can plan meals, bake and do crafts with your little boys." I have never been the stay-at-home mom type. I never even thought it was in me, but I am thrilled to think of the Fall. Only two classes for me, and time with my kids. I never really had that when they were babies. I went back to work 2 weeks after Isaiah was born! I am excited that our big plan is that when I get done with all this, I will work part-time. Is it weird that I have actually toyed with the idea of just staying home. Now don't take offense to the word "just" if you are a stay-at-home mom. I mean no disrespect. I've just never done it. In all likeliness it isn't for me...but this Fall is. The winter? Well, it may bring CNA (certified nurse assistant) training, which is as intense as my classes now...and then a part-time job after while I apply to Nursing programs and wait.

My point is that the cutbacks are worth it when I mull it over. No, I couldn't have the new eyeliner I wanted today, and the sparkly mascara and teal eye-shadow. While I could have bought it-I didn't need it. While money can be stressful, it shouldn't be a fight with the man I love. It's the people that matter, because at the end of the day, his arms around me mean so much more than new eyeliner.