Fighting Fair-What NOT to Do

In every relationship there will be times when the two of you simply do not agree. We are all unique, and therefore, it is only natural that we disagree. Disagreements can actually be healthy for a relationship, and therapists say they can be healthy for our children as well- to teach them conflict resolution. That is, disagreements can be healthy and even necessary if done right. Huh? You may wonder, is there a correct way to argue? Yes, there actually is. Today's post is a list of the DON'Ts to fighting with your loved one. These are not in order of importance, as they are all heinous. These should absolutely, NOT be done (and I wish I could say I haven't ever been guilty of any of these!). So, when the person you are crazy about just drives you plain crazy...keep the following things in mind.

1. Do not bring family into it. There are two parts to this. First, do not ask loved ones and friends for their opinion on your argument...this is making them choose sides. Also, part of this is to not bad-mouth your partner. I am guessing that you will make up eventually, and the people that you like-well you want them to like your mate when everything is said and done still-right? The second part of this is that relatives should not be mentioned during an argument. Let me give you an example: "You are being just like your mother!" or "I see where our son gets his stubbornness from!" Not only are these comments not necessary, but now you have thrown another loved one under the bus and have something else to apologize for later.
2. Do not bring up past ills. Women, we are more guilty of this than our guys. Focus on the disagreement you are in currently, not past ones. How many of us have had similar scenarios?-"I can't believe you just won't put your bowl in the dishwasher! I mean, it is right next to the sink! Oh, and that reminds me of last week, on Monday the 27th, when you were staring at that woman's breasts? The one in line behind us at Safeway!" Umm....so not related. You already had that fight. 
3. Do not hold on. When the argument is over with, let it be over. I know that I have been guilty of this one a lot. Apologies have been said, we are getting along fine, and then I bring it back up. Have you ever heard the saying "beating a dead horse"? It's like this. The horse is dead already-quit poking it with your shoe!
4. Do not point fingers. Sometimes the difference in the way we say things is huge. When you have had your feelings hurt or been offended, even if you have the right to be upset, be careful how you say things. "I'm tired of you making me feel like crap," is going to put your partner on the defensive. The same feelings can be addressed when you say, "I feel hurt when (insert offense here)." Notice how this wording does not make your loved one feel like they have to put up a shield right away. 
5. Do not hit below the belt. I don't care how mad you are, it is not the time to bring up your partner's past hurts, embarrassing habits or insecurities. I'm not sure there is a right time during an argument for that. Whoever made that childhood rhyme "sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me" was wrong. It's a lie. Words can suck. Words have the power to build up or break down a person. Do not do this to someone you care about (heck-don't do it to anyone). Choose your words carefully, they are remembered, and people may forgive but they may not always forget what you said.

Obviously there are some other tips that work well for couples, such as don't raise your voice, take a time-out when needed, and calmly talk (novel concept, I know)about the problem. 

I'd like to hear what you do right (and wrong for that matter!).