Do You Believe in What is Supposed to Be?

The other night a friend reminded me to take a look at the lyrics to the "sunscreen song"  video. The song, I will freely admit is annoying...at least to me. I am one of those people that hates when people talk during a song. The lyrics though, are succinct and though cutesy at times are actually pretty moving. Full lyrics here: Suncreen song lyrics. Anyhow, I really like the verse:

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your 

life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they 

wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year 

olds I know still don’t.

This is the one that spoke volumes to me. Sometimes I think I must make God really irritated. He really is like a father, isn't He? We ask for one thing with all our hearts, then decide we want something else...at least I know I do. I just want to do what is best. Not even best for me, but what I am best at, because I get that these can be two different things. I pray for a sign, any sort of a sign to know what path to take.

I am accepted into counseling school. I am (mostly) enjoying my time with Isaiah, and being at home. I love volunteering at the Pregnancy Center, and I know that life will bring much more busyness as our home is eventually remodeled/added on to, grandparents are here with us, and decisions about floors, paint and counter-tops will need to be made. I am already taxi for baseball and soccer practices and games, and swimming lessons, and craft and gardening classes. BUT, and this is a huge but (not to be confused with huge butt:)), I miss the classroom. I miss teaching. I miss the interaction. I long to do art projects and science experiments, to assign creative writing, to laugh, play and love with my students. I worry about counseling. I worry that there are not enough jobs, that I will have to take out (EVEN MORE) student loans, and that though the ideas of the classes and the thought of counseling interests me, what if the reality does not?What if I go into debt more and am bored?

Do you watch Once Upon a Time? I have a point here, I really do. It's a good show about fairy-tale characters living in modern-day, and there is one message that has rang loud and clear to me the last month or so we have been watching. Some outcomes don't change. You can change details...the how, the when, even the why but you can't change what is, what is supposed to be. I have been wondering this about teaching. I never wanted to teach, but everyone said I'd be good at it. I viewed it as a stepping stone to maybe being a principal someday. When I taught younger kids I wanted older, and when I taught older and narrowed it down to just science, I got bored. Oh, not with the kids, but with the material, with the fact that I couldn't just add in things like in elementary school or decide when I wanted to teach things. Math in the afternoon today? No biggie. Reading outside? Sure. Art instead of writing today? You bet-maybe do both and tie them together! Change the bulletin board displays, the feel of the classroom, play music? Absolutely. So, even though I changed to older kids for two years and then took this past year off, what if all this heartache and all this stress and mind-changing really leads to the same conclusion? What if I am meant to be a teacher?

Do you know that in my head I say "What if I am meant to just be a teacher?" As if it isn't enough. I would fight tooth and nail if I heard someone else use that phrase. Teachers give so much on so little. They give time and money beyond what is required. And they do that because that's what it takes. Teachers never stop thinking of their "kids", their lessons and the things they can improve on. Teachers love learning. So why in my head do I use the qualifier "just"? Why do I keep pushing instead of enjoying what I have already earned or accomplished? Why in my head is a teaching license and Master's degree not enough?  Maybe it is time to stop pushing and to embrace what I already know. Those who have been in or near my classrooms have told me that I am a natural. I am not sure. I hope I figure it out soon. I have applied for some teaching positions for next year, but I am praying and waiting and leaving it up to God's plans for me. And I guess you can watch as the story unfolds and we find out if the moral is true, if some outcomes are just meant to be.

It's Not You...It's Me.

It's not you, it's me. Perhaps the worst/overused break-up line around. I bet at some point you have either said some version of this, or heard it! Sometimes though, this is the only line that sums up our feelings when we relate to the world. This is how I have been feeling a lot of the time, and in the manner of almost scary self-disclosure, I write this post to express myself...and perhaps to connect with some of you.

I know that I have blogged before about personality types, and yes, I personally put a lot of stock into them as being a basis for who we are (not all of who a person is, but a good foundation for knowing someone or yourself). I mis-tested for years, because I have a personality that can swing from extrovert to introvert...a very borderline personality so to speak, but once I discovered that I am slightly (and sometimes LOTS) more introverted, I discovered some things about myself that I have been trying to reconcile with over the past year or so. For more about personality, see 52% Introvert, How About You?. (You can also see my struggle with nursing even very early on...).

Are you perfectly content to live inside your own head for most of a day? I am. My mind is a raging whirlpool of endless possibilities, visions of what could be, and a myriad of ways to improve myself. I often feel like I have adult ADD, not the hyper part, but the inability to focus part. If you want to see that in action, come watch me clean house! I am spiritual, though not religious. I despise rules that are restrictive or that set to discount others or their ways of life. I am passionately creative, though not good at the product of art itself...but I rock at the process of art, and love teaching it to young ones. The ideas are there, and I can somehow get others to create the masterpieces I dream up. The same is true about science. The process is amazing. The mechanical workings of things bore me almost to tears, and in that aspect I am very much a big picture kind of gal. I am not always interested in the why or even the how, but often in the what is or what could be.  My soul is something of a wanderer, or as my mom used to say, a "bye-bye girl." I am discontent to be in the same setting for too long, and the gypsy heart in me longs for faraway places, new lands, and new experiences. Since this is not compatible with many "normal" things like holding down a job and raising a family, I think the way to meet this urge is through discovering new activities in my own area and traveling when I can.

Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubborness and tendency to ignore other people's opinions. They believe that they're right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments.

The above made me laugh, then pause for reflection. It is so true! Anyone that has ever listened to me and offered advice and then found out that I did the very opposite, it is because of this! I get feelings (which probably sounds weird), and then sometimes I just know the path to take. Other times I know the path and I fight it with all I am, because I am still not sure it is the right one. Sound familiar? It's not you, it's me.

I suck at making and keeping friends. Truly. Though I can be a fun and very loyal friend to those I hang on to. I do enjoy friendships, and I do miss currently some that I had (pretty past tense I think), but I have never been the girl with a ton of friends. I have been the one with a ton of acquaintances that I can hang out with or talk with, but only a few actual friends. I have thought a lot about this lately, because I miss some of the girls I used to spend time with...but again, I suck at reaching out. I am so painfully shy when it comes to that. And...a handful of friends I had years ago, I never felt like I could be 100% me with. That was a pride thing. We all worked together, were all married and starting families, and I just wanted to feel like I was one of them and normal...while truthfully I was very unhappy in my marriage.  I was so unhappy in my relationship, that it was literally sucking the life out of me (it is no wonder that I gained weight for the first time since high school-except for pregnancies when I settled down with Barrett!). I was so unhappy, stressed all the time, but who wants to hear that? Instead I would say I was fine, things were good, and I was happy. I think I even kept searching for other things (like changing jobs, leaving Sand Ridge),  when apart from my home life, I actually enjoyed the job. Though friendships are tough for me, relationships are everything. It is said that my personality seeks a loving, life-long relationship, and that the relationship is almost a spiritual experience due to the deep need to bond with another. Though happiness should not 100% depend on this, I definitely know what I was missing. When people would get too close, I would back away, say I was busy, and break plans. I still have trouble with this even though life is great now. It is a habit I fell into. I became the friend that people dislike, the flaky one...the one that is always busy, when often in reality, I wanted to go and to be invited, I was just shy. So if you are reading and I have ever done this to you, it truly is not you, it's me.

Cozumel, Mexico 2013

I promised to post the link to a larger album. So here it is...100+ pictures of our amazing trip.
Shutterfly

Hope you enjoy!

Spread Eagle Shower Yoga? Life is Never Dull!

I am pretty sure that I am the only person in the entire world that was doing exactly what I was doing the last 25 minutes. So...disclaimer, is that my now 5 year-old loves to take baths. Brilliant mommy that I am has come up with some clever ways to extend the bathtub playtime, as it gives me time to blog or check email, or sign boys up for activities, you get my drift. Not long ago I read a brilliant blog post from a mom of young-ins detailing how to make bathtub spray paint to color the bubbles in a bubble bath. Awesome! I bought three spray bottles from the dollar store, and some food coloring. Isaiah had tried them out once before, and he had pretty, colorful bubbles and loads of fun. 

This morning? Well, this morning my sweet, sweet child called mommy in to see his "artwork".  I open the shower curtain, and the tub is a murky mix of colors, the bubbles are all gone, and the walls and our bathroom ceiling (yes, ceiling!) are sprayed lovely shades of green, red and yellow. There is food coloring/water mixture everywhere the eye can see, and it is dripping in rainbows on the floor, into the tub and on the bath mat! Wow. God is laughing at me this morning, having a grand old chuckle I am sure! My only saving grace is that I somehow can have patience at the strangest of times (and little at others unfortunately), and I forced a smile, told Isaiah to wash up, and tell me when he was out so I could clean up. 

Poor little guy knew I wasn't happy, but as I was cleaning came in to tell me "I love you Mommy." Not once did I yell, and I only barely lectured that we are to keep the spray in the tub, and not on the ceiling. My darling child (and yes I am dripping with sarcasm at the moment) explained that once he got some on the ceiling on "accident" that he attempted to empty the other spray bottles to shoot the spray off the ceiling, but they still had food coloring in them. I am trying not to give in to hysterical fits of laughter. When I got up this morning, I dressed in workout clothes so I could do Pilates at some point today. Little did I know I would spend almost 30 minutes with legs spread wide, perched on either side of the tub in the splits and washcloth above my head as I meticulously and ever so slowly wiped colored water off my ceiling. Perhaps I have created a few new yoga poses this morning? Standing en point with karate kid wax on/wax off motions, and balancing ever so carefully to allow my short self to even reach the ceiling while praying I don't fall into the wet, slimy tub. Now, you can laugh at my expense...I will even help. Just imagine me precariously balanced while scrubbing bright color splotches off the ceiling. 

Good times. I think I may have most of your mornings beat today with the originality that occurred in my household. I should have taken pictures!

Cozumel Coming to a Close

This was supposed to post on Friday night, but the internet connection in Cozumel was finicky at best and we had none the last two days. We arrived safely in the US last night through Denver, and then finally through Portland. We got home at 1 AM. It was really nice to come home to a clean house, and there has even been this foreign, wet, cold stuff coming from the gray clouds above!

Here is my last Cozumel post, and for those of you that like tons of pictures, I am going to post way more on Shutterfly in the next few days, so I will put the link in one of my next blogs. And yes...we are both well aware we could look much trimmer in our suits, lol, but it is difficult to share awesome Mexico pictures without showing some swimwear(!)...so here's to our 2014 tropical trip and us being a bit more shapely! :)

At Stingray Beach...it was a cloudy, windy day.

Today is our last day in Cozumel. Vacations seem to fly by so fast. On the one hand, we have done pretty much everything we came to do (not that it is getting old by any means, but in the fact that we are satisfied), and it just kills me to miss not one, but two of the boys’ soccer games…but we had to plan around when Barrett could get off of work. On the other hand, I think it is hard for anyone to give up the balmy breezes, warm ocean water and tropical paradise that is Cozumel to return to Oregon weather, and no hope of another tropical vacation until next year (if we play our cards right!). What a beautiful place to come visit! 

Trying escargot

The last few days have been a blur of relaxing by the beach with a good book (I am currently reading the Trylle Trilogy by Amanda Hocking…if you have similar book taste to me, look it up-I recommend), swimming in the pools at the resort, enjoying the hot tubs, and meeting a few couples. We have met couples from Wisconsin, Illinois, Texas, Ohio, Canada, Brazil, England, and North Carolina. We have not met anyone from the West coast such as ourselves! Every time the natives ask where we are from and we say Oregon, they correct with, “Oh…Ory-gon!” On one day we took a taxi to the market square, by where all the huge cruise ships dock, and we prowled around for some souvenirs. Yesterday afternoon we met two younger (unmarried) couples in the hot tub, and they proceeded to invite us hot tub hopping to the ones on the rooftop at the bar. There were some drinks and laughs to be had, and it was fun for the most part…though I am reminded that I am an “old” 31 year-old, in the fact that a quiet evening with my love trumps wild bar fun ANY night! We dined last night at the French restaurant, and I got really brave, and B and I both tried escargot. Yep…snails. The sauce they were in was good, and I managed to get two down, but call me a baby-I could not get over the idea of what I was eating! 

Holding a stingray

Lounging in a hammock in the water.

Today we went to a tourist place called Stingray Beach. You pay to go in the water with stingrays that have had their barbs trimmed…not removed mind you, as I think that would be inhumane…or whatever phrase you would use for animals, but trimmed. The rays there ranged from 1 foot-4 feet across, and we got to do two different sessions. In the first we learned about the place and rays in general, and we all got a handful of frozen fish to feed the rays. This was AMAZING! Call it touristy…but the rays (like 5-6 BIG ones) come up and bump your legs when they want food, and then take it from your hand. We also got to pet them and hold them! In the second half of the excursion, we snorkeled in the huge enclosed area that had more rays (including a baby one!), and many fish, zebra fish, angel fish, etc. This was well worth the cost, and I can imagine would be awesome with children too! We returned to swim in the ocean at the resort and lounge in the chairs on the beach. The water was unfortunately too murky here the last few days to do any good snorkeling, as they are having some mild stormy weather, AKA it is windy and cloudy, but not cold at all.
Tonight, on our last night here, we are meeting up with a couple from North Carolina at the international restaurant. They are travelling yoga instructors that we keep running into and chatting with, so we thought it was fitting to end the trip with a shared meal. Tomorrow we will fly from Cozumel to Denver, and then back to Portland. It has been a great trip. There are definitely some things that make Mexico less convenient than going to Hawaii (like the overall travel time we spent!), but overall we have had a blast.

Getting ready to jump in-on our snorkeling tour

Before dinner

Loved the geckos! We had one on our ceiling one night, and this one was on a wall of resort.

5 Years Ago Today

Five years ago today, I was not in Mexico (as I am while I write), but was in an operating room, having my little Isaiah. Happy birthday to my sweet little boy, my baby, who is now a big five year-old!  Isaiah was an "easy" baby, content to play happily on a blanket, sleeping through the night after about 4 1/2 months, and he was a chubby little critter. Though an easy infant, Isaiah has been the tougher of my two boys on just about everything else. Things that worked like clockwork with Matthew (potty-training, sleeping in a big kid bed) were a bit more challenging with Isaiah. He has been petulant, adventurous, and definitely more thrill/pleasure seeking than his big brother. Five years ago I was in an unhappy marriage, and beginning a new career. I loved Isaiah and Matthew both, but was an overwhelmed, tired shadow of a mom. Today, I can give my sons a stable home, a (currently anyway) stay-at-home mommy that dotes on them, energy, time and a gift to my children as well-my happiness. The past four months that I have gotten to stay home with my little one have been an eye-opener. Staying home and being at the whim of a four-year old can be exhausting work! But we have explored our property, adventured down by the river, checked out dozens upon dozens of books at the local library, and built forts, Lincoln Log cabins, and block towers galore. I have flown remote-controlled helicopters, released live butterflies, and cut sandwiches into the shape of hearts. I have grown closer to my more "difficult" child. I always thought that in my head. You see, Matt is like me, and he aims to please, tries really hard, and rarely gets in trouble (ok...like me as a little kid, not as a teenage girl!!). Isaiah though, Zay as we call him, wants to know why for everything. He is not afraid to be himself at anytime, because he knows that he is fabulous. Today, as we called from Cozumel to wish him a happy birthday, he happily asked if he could talk to Max. Max is our dog...and is most definitely not with us here! It was a typical Isaiah moment, "Just smile and wave boys...smile and wave!" When asked why he has broken a rule, more often than not I will get the honest answer..."because it was fun, Mama." Oh, Isaiah James, we love you so!  I am sad and pleased at the same time to know you are growing, and there will be many more milestones to go. Happy birthday to my big five-year old. We can't wait to see you again for your party when we return. :)

Snorkeling with sea turtles, stingrays and jellyfish...Mexico days 2 and 3.

As I blog, I sit on our balcony bed, and can see palm trees swaying in the wind, and the ocean sparkling turquoise. Barrett is off taking a quick dip in the sea and snorkel around while I relax a bit...I got too much sun on my shoulders and face earlier, and was pretty worn out from our earlier trek. So, a catnap and writing seemed to be in order for me.

Our Balcony

Me in the water

Yesterday after I blogged, and we relaxed, Barrett and I headed to our beach to try out the snorkeling here. There is a dock that you can snorkel in and around and jump off of or climb the ladder down into the water (which we later found is nicer to get right to the snorkeling and skip the wading in part...as the beach does have some rocks and seaweed). Snorkeling was slow at first as we only saw a few schools of fish, and then many tiny, quarter-sized jellies swam by us. I was freaked out out first! "Umm...Bear? Are those jellies?" But they turned out to be harmless enough, and we were able to swim right through them. Barrett even picked one up in his hand and watched it for a moment before putting it back in the water. We found out today they are called thimble jellyfish (they are actually larval stage of bigger jellies...) , and rarely are a big deal unless you swim through entire blooms (I like that word! It's for a group of jellyfish!) of them , but can sting when they get stuck in your swimwear. Yeah. That happened to me while snorkeling today...and was like a million little pinpricks, but otherwise fine. The snorkeling picked up, and we saw schools of fish as we explored under the dock and outcroppings of underwater rocks. We later kayaked in the ocean, which was amazing and great exercise!

Kayaking in the ocean

Barrett holding a jelly

Last night we dressed up for dinner, and tried out Bordeaux, the French restaurant here. It was pretty good. We both ordered things we couldn't even pronounce, and mine was a flaky pastry stuffed with salmon and mushrooms with Hollandaise sauce on it. I told B, "It's like a fancy fish Hot Pocket!" You can tell that we are pretty low-key people. :) We visited the Sky Bar last night as well, a rooftop bar complete with Jacuzzis that look out to the ocean. I will say that though neither of us have had too much to drink, we have enjoyed a few Pina Coladas, since they are included! 

Our Iguana friend

B touching starfish

Today we awoke to an alarm at 7:30, and got ready for our excursion. At 9:30 we boarded the Miramar, a glass bottom boat to go snorkeling. We went way off the island shore, and snorkeled at three spots. The first, Cielo, was a sandy bottomed haven for starfish. It was okay, but (and I know this sounds spoiled) after how bright the fish and starfish are in Hawaii, these were dull in comparison. The fish here are not quite as bright...But the rest of the snorkeling was great. Cielo was a great place to start and get your bearings (especially if you were a new snorkeler), as the water was 10-15 feet deep and calm. Next we got back in the boat and headed out a bit farther to Columbia reef. It was amazing!!! My favorite reef we have seen so far. We saw a handful of sea turtles, a ray, and more colorful fish over the reefs that were about 25-35 feet down. From there we followed the current in our group, and swam to Palancar reef. This reef had literal mountains of coral, and was 200 feet down they told us with a startling drop-off (all I could think about was Nemo and the drop-off...but I digress) that went 2,000 feet down...just blue beneath. This reef was equally as cool as the last, albeit with things further down to see, though the Triggerfish come right up so close you could grab them! The water was really choppy here, and the current quite strong. An older woman on the tour got pretty scared and said she was done. Luckily, I LOVE the water, and have always been a fairly good swimmer, with a healthy respect for the sea as well, and I knew to stay calm and close enough to our trained guide, Veronica, just in case. 

Tonight there are vendors on the beach (it is almost time in fact! We are two hours later here than at home), and we will go see what deals we can make, as we shop for some souvenirs. We did already purchase the pictures the photographer took on our trip today, as we just couldn't pass them up! There is also an international buffet dinner out on the sand tonight, so we will likely partake. I am having a blast, as well as getting in lots of relaxation. Tomorrow I know we will snorkel more, swim more, and perhaps take a taxi to another reef off the shore. Hope you enjoy the pictures. And if you are looking to take a vacation soon, but money is tight...you might be surprised. I shopped around for over a month before we found this resort having a sale (50% off!), which made things much more available to us. Try cheapcarribean.com, and hang out on Orbitz. 

Cheers for now. 

Lizards and Snake, Oh My! Arrival in Cozumel

If you count the time it took to drive to Portland as well, Barrett and I began traveling at 5:00 on Friday and arrived at our resort at 11:00 AM (our time) the next day. We had spent 18 hours in some form of driving, flying, and waiting for departures. Suffice it  to say that we were exhausted, and the less than three hours of sleep that we managed to catch on the overnight flight was just barely helping (though it did keep us standing!). How do people sleep on planes?? I can only offer my greatest sympathies to taller men and women, because I am short, and I end up feeling SO confined and cramped. Plus, I like to curl up on my side and sleep at night, so maybe back sleepers have it easier trying to sleep sitting up? Anyhow, our flights were all on time, and despite the fact that I can safely say we hated the airport in Charlotte, NC, we safely arrived in Cozumel to navigate the 40 minute (which is actually not too bad) snaking customs line.

We just barely escaped the man in the airport desperately trying to sell us excursions to make it onto our shuttle to resort (AKA: The Death Cab...just nod and smile if you have ever witnessed tour driving in Mexico!). I am pretty sure posted speed limits and traffic devices are merely just suggestions here, and it was the same thing when I was in Cancun a few years back. Anyway, we arrived at Secrets Aura Cozumel, and were greeted with a cool glass of champagne, a smelly good cool washcloth and the attendants saying "Welcome home." What a nice first impression! Our room was not quite ready (as we were earlier than check-in), but it was almost done, and they checked us right into the resort, getting us all set up to go explore and have lunch. At this resort there are four restaurants, and also four next door at the sister resort. So far, the food has ranged from mediocre to really good, depending on what is ordered. Barrett really enjoyed his hamburger and then eggs this morning, and I have enjoyed chicken fajitas with nachos, and a frozen mocha this morning complete with chocolate whipped cream on top (call me naive, I didn't know there was such a thing as chocolate whipped cream!). All food and drinks are included, which is so relaxing, and though neither of us are big drinkers (I know that is the appeal to many people here), we did enjoy a little ditty called Dirty Monkey last night to ensure sleep found us. :)

Our room was the biggest surprise as of yet! We had booked through a 50% off sale on Orbitz, after agreeing with one another what mattered on our vacation (snorkeling, relaxing, swimming, dining), and had no idea what the standard room would be like that was on sale with our particular package. We were happy to learn it is ocean view. Our room is gorgeous. The bedroom is separate in a little room, and the pillows and mattress are to die for (though I think we could have slept on rocks last night). There is a separate living room with flat-screen tv, a mini-fridge stocked with various drinks, a walk-in tile shower complete with circular window that looks out onto living room and thus through the sliding glass doors to the balcony and ocean. Our private balcony has a ceiling fan, table and chairs, as well as a bed (no joke!) in case we would like to sleep in the open air. Wow!

Last night we (in our exhausted haze) agreed to a time-share breakfast this morning, but thankfully we were able to respectfully (as much as possible) cancel this AM after getting 12 1/2 hours of sleep! Excited to go snorkel the resort beaches today. We may take an excursion for reef snorkeling later in the week. There are three pools as well, complete with slides, a lazy river and bridges to swim under. Pretty cool. My favorite parts so far? There are iguanas and anoles everywhere as you walk the resort (I like lizards) and musical sounding birds. We even saw a black blind snake (Google it)-it is a tiny snake that has no head (or nothing that looks like a head), about the size of a millipede (a small one), but wiggles, and is a snake. I thought that was pretty cool, and we looked it up once back in our room.

My most favorite part is my husband. Barrett was not crabby to me once though we were both ready to drop, and there is nothing rushed feeling at all. He is content to read next to me while I blog, and to try everything out with me.

I was (I can't believe this!!!) homesick yesterday right after we arrived when my mom texted and said both boys scored goals yesterday and both their soccer teams won. Aww...

Today, I am Captain America! (Looking at life through the eyes of your children)

Yesterday my little Isaiah woke up cheerfully (this doesn't always happen), and went to get dressed announcing, "Today, I am Captain America!" A few minutes later, he came out of his room fully regaled in his Halloween costume complete with fake muscles. Barrett (who was working at home) teased me that I was "letting" Zay wear his costume, and reminded me that just a few years ago I would have told him to wear something normal. I am so glad that I have made progress in this, as I realize (like the saying) normal is boring.

If only grown-ups could see the world the way a child does, so full of wonder, hope, and possibility. At what age do most of us give away pieces of ourselves so that we can conform to what we think others want? And why don't we stop and realize that usually-no one is looking at us anyway, because they too are worrying what others think of them? I am 31 years old, and I am just beginning to have the same attitude as my 4 year-old son: this is me, and I like me, so you don't have to. 

For the last month we have been "growing" butterflies in our house. We watched five tiny caterpillars get big,  each one would then hang in a 'J' shape and form it's own chrysalis, and then they hatched into beautiful Painted Lady butterflies. We decided it was time to release them, and while both boys were intrigued, little Isaiah grinned as the butterflies took flight, one stopping to land on his outstretched hand. Two though, wouldn't fly. Their wings must not have formed completely right, but the butterflies were happy to crawl out and climb on the flowers we placed nearby. Isaiah took care to bring "his" butterflies handfuls of fresh flowers, orange slices (we read they like these), and even rocks to sit on! He built those two butterflies a very nice home of sorts. Finally, we headed inside. The next morning Isaiah came in just close to tears, "Mommy the butterflies are GONE!" he cried. There was so much heartbreak in that little voice, and I knelt down on his level and explained that this was a good thing, we had wanted them to explore (see, the boys and I had talked a lot about how short butterflies' lifespans were, and how we wanted them to see the world). Isaiah ran off to play, reassured. 

As adults we are so quick to criticize ourselves, so quick to temper what we say and do, and so quick to worry what others will think. While some of this is wisdom, some of it is plain old fear that we will look dumb. Perhaps we should take a few cues from our children:

• Live in the moment.
• Be who you want to be.
• Express yourself.
• Share your passions.
• Calm yourself quickly and move on.

And maybe today is your day to exclaim, "I am Captain America!"  I think we all need those days. 

The Passionate Mom

I know my readers are busy, and I truly understand that and am glad you stopped by. Recently I enjoyed a book so much that I just have to mention it to you, so I will keep this short and sweet. 

The Passionate Mom, is a novel by Susan Merrill, the director of  iMom (A Family First website with TONS of helpful parenting tips, printables, etc.). Susan takes readers on a journey through both the book of Nehemiah (last book in Old Testament) and her own personal struggles and triumphs as a mother of four. I will honestly admit that I am wary of books that try (and fail) to apply Biblical books to their own passionate agenda. Most of the time these books are chock-full of scripture that only weakly (if at all) mirror the message the author is trying to convey. Don't get me wrong, I think the Bible definitely has a part in books, especially on ones about families, but I also think that many people do it wrong. She doesn't. I came away impressed by the book itself that is full of practical ways to examine your own motherhood (flaws and successes), stories that will make you honestly laugh out loud or cringe in empathy, useful ways to make changes and apply them to your parenting repertoire, and a new-found understanding of the story of Nehemiah, who carefully, prayerfully and passionately leads his people to the rebuilding of their wall (and hence their personal safety) while renewing their faith. Wow!

Suffice it to say that I enjoyed the book, which I got to pre-read and even discuss with the author, in a group online. This book would make an excellent book club or Bible study book to discuss, or is great to read on your own. I think reading and discussing it with other moms would be the best way to get the most out of it, and have decided to offer to lead an online book group if you are interested in joining me?? The book will be available 4/16, and you can pre-order on many websites (Amazon, Barnes & Nobles, etc.) 

Let me know if you are interested in reading and discussing this book (I may be able to get a discounted price for a book study). You can comment on here, email me at sarahbrice11@gmail.com, or comment on Facebook. The chapters are short enough for busy moms, but deep enough that you feel you get something from them. 

Until next time.