Made it Through Day 1...OFFICIALLY a Nursing Student Now

My first day of nursing school had its ups and downs. I am so happy that it is over, yet so excited to begin the program if that makes any sense! I started very nervous after a not so great night's worth of sleep. I got to school almost a full hour and a half early because I was worried about getting a parking spot. As that would turn out, I am lucky that I did get a spot,  but it was nowhere near my first class which gave me quite the on-campus hike up to my car because I was not going to haul everything. My first class was pretty good. I was excited to see a few people that I had "met" from our online Facebook group and was excited to have a gal that sat next to me that I recognized. I have been so nervous starting not knowing anyone. We were warned early on that today was all about policy and procedure and the organizations that govern nursing, and that most of what we will learn would not be this dry. We were shown a video about what nursing really is about and I have tried to include the link just in case you are interested. It brought tears to my eyes as I watched and remembered the reason I've worked so hard to get here. Because everyone has a story and I want to be someone that makes somebody's day better. 

Looking Through Another's Eyes Video Clip

After class I got to hike back to my car for my wallet because I didn't think to bring it in. I was excited to see that our health building has its own coffee and sandwich shop! And they even take cards (yay for the girl that  never has cash)!

Next, some of our class attended a meeting with some second year nursing students. They were able to answer a lot of questions and calm some fears. It was good to know that many of the students already have families and some are even working part time-and they are still alive! :)

 I thought I would have two hours in between my nursing class and my microbiology class, and that usually will happen, but today because of the meeting,  I had time to come back to my car to begin reading a chapter and scarf down my lunch before "hiking" over to microbiology. By this time I had a raging migraine and attempted to take the medication and eat enough food to make my system happy. Microbiology was okay. It was actually pretty interesting, but it's a three hour long class– that's a long time! The instructor has a good sense of humor and the material is pretty fun to learn, and even though I was really annoyed at having to take microbiology again, I think it will be okay. I had another nursing student sit by me, and it is nice to commiserate with someone who has (almost) exactly the same schedule. 

 At the end of the day as I finally headed to my car to come home, I realized I  forgot to grab my raincoat which was back in my car, quite a ways from the building (but slightly closer than in the morning) and so I got pretty wet on the way back. My head was throbbing at this point.  I attempted to open my carbonated water which exploded all over me in the car and I had to grab my brand-new sweater to clean it up. Then I managed to break my migraine pill into little itty-bitty pieces trying to get it out of its God-awful packaging. Who makes these things?? Seriously?? All in all it was a pretty good day.  I do have some homework but only because I am trying to stay on top of that and not let myself get behind at all and start out with really good study habits.  So I have some reading tonight after I see my family, and will do the next reading for microbiology tomorrow morning. Looking forward to a shorter day Tuesday and Wednesday thank God! Today was long but doable. I am nervous about labs on Thursdays and Fridays because I know that some of my CNA skills need refreshed-but I guess that is what we are there for! :)

T Minus 3 Days...And I Need my Feet to Warm!!

It is just three days until I start nursing school! I am nervous and excited to begin this journey finally. It feels like I have been waiting a LONG time to start. I will admit that I have been having what could only be called "cold feet" the past few weeks as the start has gotten closer. I have been having dreams about teaching jobs (last night I dreamed my favorite principal called me up and said, "Come work for me again," and I said, "I will for you!"-mind you this person works nowhere near here now), and nightmares about balancing everything else in  my life. I have asked Barrett repeatedly to remind me why I am doing this. This is not to say that I don't want to, merely that I am a bundle of nerves. As I scour the nursing forums online, I realize that many people get cold feet about school starting...at least that is some comfort.

Last week the homework already began in preparation for the first week of school. We were assigned 211 pages of reading. It is not hard, and mostly review from CNA stuff, but it is still quite a bit.  I joked that I was glad that we had a week's notice, and seasoned nurses told me that the amount of reading is always unrealistic and unattainable, and to get used to taking really good notes and skimming. Thank God I feel I already have those skills thanks to prior years worth of college. I am almost done with the assignment, and I have mostly saved it for when the kids are at school and B is at work. I know I won't be able to do that once school is in full swing, but while I can...

On the fence...

This last week of "freedom" has been the hardest on me. It is like waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for the drastic change in my days where I am in school 5 days a week, and studying even more. One of the hardest things for me is the lure of teaching. I left because I wanted something different, but every-time I am at the boys' school I think of how at home I am in the atmosphere. Just a few days ago I told B never-mind, I could find a teaching position or sub until one opened up and my fingers itched to browse EdZapp and see what was open. But I can't be on the fence anymore (is it possible that this girl has some commitment issues??). I can't be a teacher and a nurse...at least not at this moment. I have to commit to the next 2-3 grueling years and find my niche in nursing (which very well could eventually be in nursing education down the road).  It has been a crazy, crazy journey, and I am not sure what I am so afraid of. Barrett asked me yesterday if I was afraid of failing, and I said, "I am not the type who fails." And I am not. I am not worried at all that I will fail any portion of school, but I am worried that I will fail my family when they need my time and efforts. That is my biggest worry. Keep me, and us in your prayers as this adventure begins. The next time I write I will be a full-fledged nursing student. EEK!!!

A Letter to My Son on Your Half-Way Birthday

Dear Matthew,
Happy birthday! Did you know that today is a very special birthday? You are turning 9, and will then be halfway to being an adult. My eyes are misting up as I write this to you (I know, I know, us sentimental moms!), as I think that I have been blessed with nine years as your mom, and in another nine you will have chosen a college, a career path, and will no longer be a child, but a man.

Do you know how proud of you I am? Do I tell you that enough? I love your smile and your sense of humor, the way we can play (and yell at) Mario for hours, the movie watching we both enjoy, and how you are developing your own sense of style. I love that you have enjoyed books I loved, like Among the Hidden, The Boxcar Children and Harry Potter.  I am a very lucky mom. Not once has the school ever called me to say you were in trouble. Not once has a baby-sitter, relative, or other parent ever had to tell me that they were disappointed in your behavior. I have been told though, on many occasions what a smart, kind and helpful boy you are. I have been told you are a leader among your classmates and a willing teacher to struggling students. These things make me so proud. I have watched you play soccer for the last five years, becoming one heck of a good soccer player, and learning each week to be even better. Your athletic abilities and your smarts amaze me. Your gentleness with animals makes me grateful. I love watching you talk with Grandma Joyce and Grandpa Jim, and am proud of how respectful you are to them. I love your willingness to learn new things. I love that you are not afraid to ask me anything, even if it is awkward or strange. Keep asking.

Do you know the times that have made me the most proud though? The difficult times. When your father and I split up and you wiped my tears away, telling me that some day I would find a knight in shining armor. You were only five then, and you never acted angry at me, and you have continued to roll with the punches life has thrown as we have moved homes, and your father has moved often as well. When I have been sick, you have comforted me with snuggles, blankets and glasses of water. When I have been unsure you have told me that I am a good mom, and that I can do anything. You have told me that I was an awesome teacher, and that you know I will be an awesome nurse. When I was busy and stressed practicing for my nursing assistant exam, you were my willing patient to practice on. When you told me no-one was available to help, and you changed your baby sister's diaper because you couldn't leave her like that, I cried tears of pride. I know being a big brother is often hard, and in the past year you have impressed me by becoming a sort of guardian angel to your little brother. You have looked out for him, made sure he knew where to go and how to behave, and you have been an amazing friend to him. Your quiet faith has impressed me in our talks about the world and God, and how sometimes bad things happen to very good people. I am most proud of your heart.

On your 9th birthday, here are 10 lessons I want you to hold on to (one to grow on of course!).

1. Talk to God. I know we don't always go to church, but talk to God anytime, anywhere. Pray for help when you need it, pray for others that need Him, and thank Him often for what you have.
2. Be a big brother worth looking up to. Continue to watch out for and to set a good example for Isaiah. Be kind and helpful, not boastful or mean. He is watching you, probably more than anyone else, to see how to handle this world.
3. Always do your best, but know that some days your best may not be as good as you have done before, and other days it may be even better! Whether this is in school or on a playing field, know that you will have off days. We all do, so shake it off and keep going.
4. Do not be afraid to challenge yourself. Read more difficult books, play with more talented kids. It will make you better.
5. Put your family before extra things. If given the choice between seeing a friend or watching your brother play soccer or going to a family dinner, choose family. There will (and there should be) time for friends too, but make sure that your family knows they come first.
6. Ask for help. Ask to make sure. Never be afraid to admit that you don't know how to do something or that you need a helping hand. 
7. Become more independent.  Keep learning. Learn useful skills like cooking a few meals, running the washing machine and basic repairs. The adults are more than happy to show you.
8. Girls are your equal. Never talk rude to a girl. Never think a girl cannot do something you can because she is a girl. In that respect, treat ALL people the way you want to be treated. 
9. Choose being kind over being popular. Always. Never bully. Be the kid that sticks up for other kids that are being made fun of-even if it is your friends being mean. A true friend will forgive you correcting them, and you will make a tremendous difference to the person being bullied. 
10. Help whenever you are able. Open doors for people, ask teachers and coaches how you can help, spend time with our pets, and help around our house.

So, Matthew, I am very proud of you, son. You are an amazing person, and you are well on your way to becoming an amazing man.

Happy birthday!

This is Not a Problem; It is a Privilege

This morning I was thinking how happy I have been lately, and just how incredibly blessed. This weekend I was very stressed a few times about what seemed to be a BIG decision regarding Matthew and soccer (whether he should join a club, competitive soccer team or not that he has been invited to play on), then I took a step back from the "problem" I imagined of busier Saturdays and more driving, and thought, "This Sarah, is not a problem. This is a privilege, and an opportunity for Matt that he's really excited about." Pretty much since then, I have not worried much about it.  I think it just goes to show that attitude is everything. Often the things we are stressed about, no matter how big or small, are opportunities in disguise.

I begin nursing school in 21 days, and when I let myself, I can get really stressed and even a bit melancholy about it.  Thoughts like these invade my brain: You already did college and had a career. It is selfish of you to make your family handle you going to school again. What if you are too busy for family time? What about all the skills you know nothing about that you have to learn? And on and on. We really are our own worst enemies a lot of the time.  And then I remember, I need to be my own biggest supporter, not someone who gets in my own way! I left teaching because I dreamed of being a nurse. I am showing my children that dreams are worth pursuing at any age. I will make time for my family no matter what, though it may be a bit less than now. If it means earning a few 'B's' and having happy kids, I am so okay with that. And of course I know nothing about the skills yet. That is the point of being in school to learn them. I have to take a deep breath and tell myself, "Stop it! This is everything you wanted. Be thankful and brave." It is SO easy to let our minds and inner voices start on a negative spiral. It takes effort to turn those thoughts into more rational and positive ones.

One thing I have been doing recently that I found helps me a lot, is to simply think of (and to make time for) something that makes me happy. Obviously, not all of the things on my list can be controlled, but sometimes even thinking of them is a quick mood lifter. Try it yourself. Below are 15 of my happiness boosters. Obviously, they are tailored to me, which is why I encourage you to think about what would be on your list.

1. Snuggling with our dog, Max, or kitty, Clarissa. I've said it before, and will say it again, petting animals has a positive physiological effect on people.  Stress hormones, blood pressure, and even cholesterol levels are lowered and serotonin (a happiness hormone) is elevated.  If you want more information, read here: 27 Ways Pets Improve Your Health.
2. Hearing a frog croak, glimpsing a deer or wild turkey, watching leaves fall, or being in the rain, wind or snow. Nature is good for us. 
3. Snuggling with and laughing with my kids, whether it is to watch a cartoon, read a book or tickle each other.
4. My husband's presence. I am happy every time he walks in the door.
5. A hot, bubble bath.
6. Really good coffee, tea, or (sometimes) wine. Combined with #5, #7 & #8, amazing.
7. Candles burning.
8. Beautiful music. Throw back to my Nan, (my grandmother from my mom's side), who passed when Matthew was just a baby-she loved Yanni and the beautiful piano pieces. Secret? I do too, I even have a Pandora station for him, and the songs remind me of being at her house as a kid.
9. Baking cookies (and sampling the dough of course!).
10. An amazing compliment from my husband or kids. I love being told by my boys that I am pretty, and by my husband that I am smart. 
11. The release of an anticipated book or movie.
12. A sappy, romantic comedy.
13. A text or email from a friend out of the blue, asking about my day. 
14. A clean home (LOVE it when it is freshly vacuumed, swept and mopped), especially if I am not the one who had to do it..., but even when I am.
15. 1-2 hours of time all to myself. 

Next time you are having a rough day, make a list of 5-15 things that make you instantly happier, and if time, do one of them! 

You are YOU, and I am ME, and that is good. And that is all.

I came across a great blog post shared on Facebook this morning. You can read it here: That's Not Your Thing. For those of you that think no way are you going to open another tab and read another blog post while you are already reading this one, a quick summary is that the author talks about the little things that make people unique. The likes and dislikes and habits that make me me, and you you. She talks about how sometimes we are envious of the things that make other people unique, and how often we will try them on and see if we too, can embrace that thing (insert hobby, activity, career, parenting type, or personality trait etc. here). Many times we realize that the things of other people are simply not OUR things, but we may have a hard time accepting that. It was a very good read, and my thoughts are spawned from that (yes, spawned..I love that word. I used to refer to my boys as my spawn, heehee...but I digress).

I was thinking of things this morning after reading that post that are part of me. For example, I love to sleep. I could be happy to exist on 9-10 hours of sleep a night! But, I dislike naps. I almost always feel worse after a nap than before! I love long, hot showers where the bathroom turns into a mist of foggy steam. I love books, and coffee with yummy creamer (not ever black, mind you), and chai tea lattes (oh and Diet Pepsi though I no longer keep in the house). I have a pumpkin fetish. Not a gross fetish, so get your minds out of the gutters, but an I-love-pumpkin-desserts,-coffees,-and-seeds kind of fetish. I am a dog person, not a cat person, though I like both...just dogs more so. I will often smile at and say hello to dogs I see out and about and then smile awkwardly at their owners as if to say  "I have no intention of talking to you, but your dog is fabulous!" I could tell you just about every breed of dog there is, though we only own one currently. I love windy, cloudy, rainy, stormy and snowy days. They make me feel alive. I loathe the smell of vanilla but love the taste of it. Go figure. I used to hate Halloween, but since having kids, I kind of like it. I hate when the phone or the doorbell rings, it feels like an intrusion on my little world. Whoever invented texting has introverts in mind, because it means we can get back to you on our terms. Speaking of introverts, I read today that my personality type is known as the "extroverted introvert" which makes absolute sense to me, because I can come off as outgoing or not shy (on a good day...some days I am plain shy), and talk for hours in a group, but then I need time to recharge.  I like most kids. Go figure, since I never thought I wanted kids, and even have expressed to Barrett that other people's kids drive me nuts sometimes, but in the grand scheme of things, I like kids, and I love teens. Kids have such a great outlook on the world and such resiliency. We could learn a lot from children. Teens are just amazing to watch as they mature and grow into themselves. I love avocado and all things cheese. When I am interested in something, I will spend HOURS (or days or months) learning all I can about a subject, but there are also many, many things I am not even remotely interested in. But I may pretend...for your sake.

I dislike folding laundry with a vengeance, getting sweaty, and strong smells (yeah, yeah I know, this will bite me in the rear in nursing), even good smells...many perfumes and colognes give me migraines. I cannot stand to listen to someone chew. It is like fingernails on a chalkboard if everything else is quiet. I am not a summer person. A good, hot day is okay if I am near water to swim in. That's all. I hate being interrupted, the taste, texture and smell of celery, spiders and if my house is dirty or cluttered (I am admittedly anal about my house, but don't worry-I could not care less if yours is clean and I come visit).

A few things that I have tried on that are NOT my things. Being a vegetarian. My parents are, and I was as a kid, and lasted a month recently. I didn't cave in wanting bacon, juicy steak or cheeseburgers, I caved in when I wanted a deli turkey, cheddar and avocado sandwich. Yeah. It was good. I have wanted to be a runner girl, and even recently thought to myself, look at all the people doing marathons. The problem? I HATE running. Like HATE. H-A-T-E, okay you get it.  I started C25K (Couch to 5K) program again this year and purposely keep repeating weeks 2-3. I like the run then walk combo, and it is better exercise than not exercising at all, but the 3 minute intervals of running? I count every single second. Literally, count in my head. And I know 3 minutes at a time (even if it is numerous times) is nothing, but seriously....dislike majorly. I'd be happy to walk, or even skate in a marathon, but not run.

The point that the original article did not mention though, that I would like to bring up, is that it is okay to try on the things of others. You may find things you cast away that are simply not you (so please get rid of them, do not force it!), but you may find things you enjoy and things that you take part of and ditch the rest. I taught myself to French braid. A few years ago when I left teaching full-time, I decided to cook more. Turns out? I really enjoy cooking when I have the time. It is a way to express myself. After years of fairly healthy teeth but look-at-them-and-they-will-bleed-gums, I took up flossing. I floss daily now. Hygienists you can rest easy.  I use C25K as mentioned above to exercise 3 days a week (I do pilates, yoga, or walk the dog up the seriously steep hill we live at the bottom of 3 more days a week currently), though I have no intention of ever progressing to running an actual 5K. I don't eat much meat, probably once a day in a meal if that, but I am certainly not vegetarian.

Anyhow, the point of all points is that we are who we are. Define and embrace your things, and be adventurous enough to try other people's things on for size, but only keep what feels right for you. Besides, the world can only handle so many vegetarian, cooks-everything-from-scratch, runner girl, supermoms, or whatever it is that you often envy or wish you could be more like. You are YOU, and I am ME, and that is good. And that is all.