Why Good Teachers Make an Awful Audience

I almost titled this post Why Good Teachers Make Awful Students, but then I reconsidered. You see, I consider myself a good teacher (past tense now I guess), but to say that I am a bad student would be a gross representation. Most (not all) teachers are excellent students. They (we) learned early in our childhood that school was something that we knew how to do well in, liked to learn, and just had a thirst for knowledge. If you look at some of your best teachers, I'd put money on it that they were know-it-all kids. I compare my childhood self to Miss Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter series. Hand raised, waving wildly, slightly prim and proper...condescending (at least in my head if not out loud) to my peers who just didn't get it. I was/am good at school. I also suck at sitting in lecture. Teachers are horrible listeners. Oh..I don't mean that we won't listen to students, friends or even colleagues, because most excel at that too.  I mean that teachers are used to being the ones talking all day and when forced to sit and listen, like in an assembly, board meeting, staff meeting, etc. they are some of the worst "students" a speaker could wish to have. I noticed this the first year of my short teaching career.  During mandatory training for a curriculum (that we all disliked strongly and knew very well), we teachers would sit in the back row, write on one another's papers, pass notes, giggle and whisper non-stop. Throughout my years teaching, I would notice a majority of the staff members grading papers, playing on their phones, or texting inconspicuously (or so they thought). The fact of the matter was that we were busy people, and had mountains of things to grade, lessons to plan, and likely extracurricular school activities we were also in charge of-so sitting in a meeting where we were just going to be told about the changes coming that would effect us (usually decided upon by non-educators) while we had little say about the matters...well, just send it in a memo. It's really no wonder that I am similar to a young child with attention deficit while in my lecture class, wiggling in my seat, doodling in my notes, whispering to my newfound friends on either side of me, and keeping a running tally of everytime my instructor says "uh" ( which is a HUGE tally). I was taught how to speak in front of others and how to engage an audience, as were many other teachers. Perhaps that's why we are oh so much harder to engage.

Deciding What Matters...and the Bucket List

In 2007 the  movie, The Bucket List made quite the stir. If you haven't seen it, it is a story about two men who meet in the hospital and become friends. They are both fighting cancer, and they each make a "bucket list", a list of things they'd like to do before they "kick the bucket." If you haven't seen it, watch it tonight!! The movie spawned many other people to begin making their own personal bucket lists. I encourage you to make yours. Not only is the activity fun, but it also helps you pinpoint what is most important to you, and to see if you are on the way to accomplishing any of your goals. Then share it with your spouse, family and best friends so that they can hold you accountable and even help you reach some of your goals. 

Sometimes (okay often, we don't like to think of our own mortality). You may think that it is depressing...but death, as I am sure you have heard, is a fact of life. This life is finite, and we need to get the most out of it that we can. I know that Barrett and I have had some interesting conversations regarding this. If I ever get a fatal prognosis, and my chances are slim, I doubt I will fight it. Instead, I will spend what is left of this life, living. I told him we have to travel, and that if I were to ever hear bad news like that, he has agreed that whatever other things may be going on in life, he would take a leave of absence from work and we would live it up. An acquantaince of mine died of cancer not long ago. I wish I had known her better. She left behind a young daughter and a caring husband. During her battle, she never failed to be calm, brave and full of life. During her hospital stays for chemo, she even had full make-up on. She fought a good fight, and left this world with many people respecting and admiring her strong will, faith in God, and reserve.

What would be on your bucket list? Have you made one? The best bucket lists include achievable goals, things you'd like to do just for fun, and maybe a few wild things too. A good way to start a bucket list is to open a Pinterest account and use the visual pinboard to pin pictures of things you'd like on your bucket list. There are also some great lists out there to get your own ideas from (I have linked them below). Here are just ten of my many items, some I have accomplished, and some not yet. You can view my full bucket list (in progress) at Sarah's Bucket List. 

• Become a mom. (check! :))
• Adopt a dog from a shelter.  (check!)
• Scuba dive.
• Donate blood.
• Become a nurse. (on my way, I hope)
• Celebrate a 50 year wedding anniversary.  (On my way...49 years to go!)
• Sleep in a castle.
• Own a boat...again.
• Visit all 50 states (9 down!)
• See the pyramids of Egypt.

Tips and ideas for making your own:

1,000 Things to do Before You Die

111 Ideas for Creating Your Bucket List

Survey Says: Why Couples Fight

Unfortunately, arguments are a normal part of every relationship. I know that in my own marriage, Barrett and I don't always see eye-to-eye. It would be hard to put a finger on the topics that we argue about the most though, because though we do argue at times, it isn't all that often and is usually the result of one of us being in a poor mood and the other one just simply not being sensitive enough to it, so irritations can flare up. Here are some things that other readers said have been a problem in their relationships.


Question #5: What Things do You Argue About?

• "Miscommunications mostly, then we struggle through it to make up."
• "Money. And the attention he pays to other women."
• "We don't really argue much."
• "Parenting. How bad I spoil our son."
• "My family."
• "Her family."  (Made me giggle!)
• "Finding a balance between him being social and me not so much."
• "Religion."
• "Money and where it goes. Who makes the mess and who cleans it."
• "Money spent on his hobby as opposed to family things."
• "The wrong tone of voice can set me off and feel like he is being critical. Though I think it sets him off too."
• "Money, and how she isn't always right."
• "Money, and him not apologizing." (these two were not from the same couple, lol!)
• "Household jobs, spending habits and finances, parenting."
• "Romance, our kids, oh....and money of course!"
• "Time. We don't have enough time together."
• "Him needing to get his head out of the clouds."
• "Our kids."
• "How often we can each get 'me' time without the baby."
• "Silly things. We laugh about it later."

Money and children can be huge stressors in a marriage, and it is very important to share common grounds on these issues. Choose a time to sit down and make a plan you can both agree with when it comes to your finances or your parenting styles. Choose a time you are relaxed and not angry, and give each other both a turn to speak. Hopefully you can set up some sort of agreement, a contract even, so that you can begin to be on the same page.

When Hygiene Happens...

I got a few responses to the relationship survey where people (okay, women) confessed that sometimes the lack of intimacy in their relationship was due to bad hygiene on their partner's end. Tough subject. No one wants to tell the love of their life that you have no desire to touch them because they smell bad, haven't brushed or that their stubble hurts your skin. It's a tricky topic. I saved this for an entire post because I think intimacy is SO important in a relationship, that anything that prevents it and is preventable, needs to be addressed. Let's face it, some women (and men) are pickier than others. I myself have few qualms about kissing Barrett after we have each had spaghetti and garlic bread, first thing in the morning (it's not just in movies like I thought!), or having his beard tickle my face (kinda like it actually), but there can be instant mood killers for me as well as for many others. The trick? Find out what just doesn't do it for your partner. This means asking them. I know, I know, that is opening up the doors to awkwardness, yet you will find that if you do, it will only bring you closer. I am not a shy person when it comes to being myself in my home, and this also means that there is no embarrassment about going potty, taking a shower, brushing my teeth...or embarrassment when my love does these human things. Heck, I could have a conversation with Barrett while he is otherwise indisposed, but hey...I'm comfortable with reality. 

For some women, all it would take is for their man to put on some more anti-perspirant, brush their teeth and shave their beard (or other regions). Hygiene is important and CAN be a deal-breaker. Some women have complained that their man puts on wrinkled clothes, and never dresses nice for them. This can also be very important for a woman, and if you are a guy and reading this while rolling your eyes, think about the fact that we are willing to put on a cute outfit, shave our legs, wear makeup and don very uncomfortable shoes to look good for you. It'd take you less than 10 minutes to grab that "preppy" shirt that she likes, brush your teeth and throw on some deodorant. We too, can get tired of seeing you in the same thing day in and day out. Unless you know she likes cologne, skip it (triggers migraines for me!). Guys often put on way too much, and if you are going to wear it for her, go very light...like a spritz on your neck or chest. Do not bathe in it!

Women, we are culprits too. Here are some mistakes we can make that bother men (don't get mad at me! Actually you can, because I agree...), so what you should do is: Keep your legs shaved...even in the winter. Always shave your armpits. Style your hair (and if you won't that day, wash it and pull it up in a cute way). Don't wear too much perfume or scented lotion. Make sure there are no deodorant streaks on clothing or deodorant balls (you know what I'm saying!) in your armpits. Stay "fresh" where it counts...(wetwipes, anyone?).

For further tips and areas that may need improvement (don't worry, I also included a link for women, because we can have hygiene blunders as well), read below.

• 5 Grooming Mistakes Men Make
• Top 10 Things Women Find Unattractive
• Beauty and Hygiene Mistakes Women Make

Survey Says: Keeping Your Relationship Strong

Today's post is about things couples do to keep their relationships fresh, fun and resilient through tough times. Every couple develops time-honored habits after awhile together, you know-the things that make everyday your own unique orchestration. A few habits that we enjoy are: breakfast together each morning (today we sat out on the front deck, and it was beautiful), texting throughout the day while he is at work and I am at school, dinner together when Barrett gets home, and then around eight o'clock each night we stop whatever other activities we were doing (me: studying, reading, cleaning or him: yard-work, reading or playing in his gun room!). There is some variety, sometimes we walk down at the park by the river, sometimes we walk our yellow lab up the hill behind our house, and when the boys are here we may play outside with them, read to them or watch a cartoon or movie as a family. The point is that we are rarely apart. I mean this in a healthy way too, it isn't that we can't be apart to get things done, but it is that we enjoy lots of time together. And each night we stop at 8 (sometimes sooner if it has been a rough day), and we retire to our bedroom for TV, reading to one another or reading separately, talking, planning for things (like getting a puppy!), and of course any "couple" time before turning in around ten. I know we each have different schedules, and sometimes they change due to necessity, like a job change, but find what works for YOU, and capitalize on it. 

Question #4: What is something you do together that keeps your relationship strong?

• "We spend time talking together."
• "We let each other have a boy's night or a girl's night out."
• "We read devotions together and pray daily."
• "We ride quads together, go on country drives and watch football games together."
• "We travel, and go on road-trips."
• "We talk. About everything."
• "We pray."
• "We watch TV together when kids are in bed."
• "Laugh together. If we can laugh, even when life throws us curve balls, then I feel nothing can pull us apart."  (Well said!!)
• "We spend time together without our kid."
• "We go for walks together and tell one another what we have appreciated about each other for the day. This helps immensely." (Great idea!)
• "Hold hands, even when we're in the car."
• "We talk, whether it is good, bad or ugly."
• "Just about everything we do."
• "Our belief in God."
• "We are best friends, and do most things together."
• "Date nights without the kids."
• "We watch favorite movies and TV shows together. It really feels like a shared experience."
• "We make a point to make US the center of our lives."

So, you can see that many couples do different things to keep their relationships strong. Getting out without the kids (if you have them) is very important to the health of a relationship, and so is time carved out (even at home) for just the two of you. There have been times we have put the boys together to watch a movie at night and gone down to our room, and shut the door. We tell them that we need some Mommy and Barrett time for a bit, and it works fine. Then we can read, cuddle and watch TV. Studies have shown over and over again, that your children find it reassuring when they know you want to spend time with one another. It is also easy to look at this list and be envious of what other couples have that you may not. As human beings, we are prone to see what we are missing. I, for example, would say that we have a wonderful relationship, but I miss going to church and praying (which I do on my own), and I would love for us to share that experience together. I also love what already is, and while it is important to keep improving, it is just as important to value what you already have.

Survey Says: How do Get More Intimacy in Your Relationship

For this post, I first looked at a few statistics on the averages in America for how often married couples make love (if you are not married...quick! Avert your eyes! :)) Disclaimer here, I did not ask this particular question in my own survey (maybe for a later date!), but it relates.  I read everything from an average being 1-2 times per week, to some poor, poor married men on a particular Men's Health forum that thought once every six months was normal (umm....wow.). According to another source, 1 in 5 marriages are considered to be "sexless" marriages, which is 10 times or fewer per year. One therapist had some great advice, saying that "If both the man and the woman are happy with their agreement, whatever it may be, then any arrangement, even a "sex-lite marriage" is acceptable....problem being, this is often not the case." I could write entire scores of posts on this topic alone (and would LOVE to start an adult only blog about intimacy issues in relationships...would you read it?), but today's topic is what things can a spouse or significant other do to make you want to be more intimate. I said that I would respond to each question with my own personal answers, so I'll just say that it isn't a huge issue for us, but that I agree with #5 and 14 the most myself. 

Question 3: You would be more inclined to be intimate if your partner would just do this:

• "If he was kind to me all day long."
• "Intimacy has never been an issue for us!" (That's awesome, because it is for many.)
• "Take more time."
• "Take his time."
• "More kissing and cuddling, slow things down."
• "If she initiated for once."
• "All she has to do is say the word."
• "Timing. Find a time we aren't both tired. Sometimes the end of the day is not the best."
• "Ask about my day and really listen. Flowers. Maybe some texts might help."
• "Make sure my stress is low."
• "Do something to help the mood. Candles and massage?"
• "Get up with the baby and let me sleep."
• "Umm...more foreplay!"
• "He needs to initiate more. I'm not afraid to-he shouldn't be either."
• "Communicate more with me throughout each day."
• "This question presumes I don't want to be intimate-I normally do.If I am not in the mood, it has nothing to do with my husband."

I hope this post helps to satisfy your curiosity, and maybe can be a springboard for a discussion with your spouse. Maybe you can agree on the areas you can work on, and be thankful for those that you do well. 

Time Spent on You

Just finished reading my newest issue of Parenting magazine, and was appalled at a survey they had done, asking mothers how much time they spent getting their hair and makeup ready for the day. A whopping 46% said about ten minutes and 36% said enough time to put their hair in a ponytail.

Now I know I'm a bit (cough, cough) high maintenance, you know- the girl that takes makeup camping, but ladies, c'mon! When we look good, we feel good. The children will be okay if you spend 30-45 minutes (gasp!) on yourself. I promise.

Survey Says: The Things we Wish You'd do Without Having to be Asked

A friend of mine informed me that this question insinuates that you are not happy with your spouse, at least some of the time anyway. I found that I also had a tougher time answering this question. There isn't really anything glaringly obvious that I wish Barrett would just do, and I know that if there is something I desperately need done, I need only ask. Below were the most common or the most eye-opening responses. Enjoy, laugh, nod in agreement. And remember, there are probably things your spouse wishes you'd do as well.

Question 2: What is one thing you wish your partner would do without you having to ask?

• "I wish she'd initiate more."
• "Pick up his piles of stuff around the house!"
• "Listen to me the first time-I hate having to repeat what I said."
• "Clean the house...or at least a room."
• "I wish she'd be more willing to be intimate with me."
• "Touch me spontaneously."
• "Put his dishes away."
• "Yardwork."
• "Take out the trash."
• "Tell me she respects me."
• "Take out the trash."
• "Initiate things with me...I hate being the one who always wants her."
• "Help with dinner."
• "Watch the children so I can do something."
• "Be more affectionate with me."
• "Help plan meals."
• "Turn his socks right side out before putting them in the laundry."
• "Put his clothes in the laundry basket, not on the floor!"
• "Be more romantic with me."
• "Go to the store when we are out of something."
• "Pay attention to how I feel."
• "Communicate about our relationship."
• "Tell me about his day."
• "Play with our children more."

You can probably tell most of the male vs. female responses here, but on a few I bet you would be surprised, and I left those purposely ambiguous, because if anything, the point I am trying to make here is that we can all improve on something. Men, mostly crave more intimacy. This is not a surprise, but the fact of the matter is that their brains are hardwired to interpret physical connection as love, and when we women withhold that affection (I'm not just talking sex here, but hugs, kisses, etc.), they feel like they are not loved. Simple as that. Women on the other hand, tend to feel loved when their guys help take the load off of them. Some responses are repeated up there, because I wanted you to see that these were top responses, and that more than 1 or even 2 people answered this way. As you read, be thankful for the statements that are not an issue in your relationship, and perhaps key in on the things YOU (not your spouse) can do better. 

Survey Says: What Your Person Does to Make You Feel Loved

Surveys are in, and I am happy that I had male and female responses, and that so many people were willing to share the details of their marriages with me. It was fun to read the responses, nod in agreement or be pleased that I disagreed. Reading about what works in other marriages can be really eye-opening, and I think we all need that from time to time. For the next week or so I will be going over each survey question and the responses that came in (don't worry, no names are attached!), as well as answering them myself. I don't care if you know about my marriage, though we can both tend to be shy, Barrett and I are both very open people.

The first question was: What is one thing your spouse or significant other could do today to make you feel more loved?

The first thing that pops into my head is that my husband makes me coffee and breakfast every morning before he goes off to work (he also feeds the boys). I love and appreciate this gesture. I simply won't take the time to make a decent breakfast for myself. He also communicates with me throughout the day by texting, emailing and/or calling me during his lunch. He reads to me. He encourages me to exercise and does it with me when he can. He tells me I'm beautiful and loved. There are many more reasons, but those are the everyday ones I think about. Many people told me what their loved one does on a daily basis, and some told me what their spouse could do better, and I love the responses.

• "He compliments me on my hard work."
• "She says she loves me and that I look handsome."
• "He tells me and hugs and kisses me. Everyday."
• "He brings me home a little something-like flowers or a card."
• "We have some uninterrupted conversation."
• "Brags about me to others."
• "I leave my wife love notes on the bathroom mirror...I wish she'd do that for me sometime."
• "He values my opinion."
• "I just love a bit of time and undivided attention."
• "It's important to me when we do something that he isn't that into, but that I am."
• "Eye contact during a conversation!"
• "He fills my car with gas when it is low, stops by the store anytime for something we need, and cooks when he is home so that I don't have to."
• "Watches the kids so I can relax."
• "I need him to remain calm when we disagree."
• "She hugs me."

I thought these were all great responses! Perhaps there is one that you could do to make your person feel more loved today. :)

On Expanding Our Family...

It is normal for people to ask a newlywed couple if they are going to have a family. Luckily, no one is stupid enough to word it this way to us, as we already have a family. Barrett and I often do get asked though if we will "have one of our own." While I do not mind the question, how can I explain that we already have two beautiful sons of our own? While they are not Barrett's biologically, and while yes, they do indeed have a dad (and a great step-mom too for that matter), they are also always treated as though they are "our" children. I would be lying to say that Barrett and I have never talked about having a baby, because we have. A few times we talked it through actually, and once we almost decided in favor. 

Why are we not having one? Well, let me tell you why I personally would even want a baby. I like the idea of decorating a nursery, and of being pregnant and even of all the new baby gadgetry. I love the idea of sharing the experience with my wonderful husband. BUT...I don't like the idea of the actual child (brutal, I know). You see, 2 adults that were only children like being independent. I like my sleep. I like my schedule. I like that my sons are old enough to understand when mom needs a few moments of quiet and be able to entertain themselves. I like that having 2 means we can split them up and each have one when they are being obnoxious and sibling rivalry (a concept neither Barrett nor I understand) flares up. I adore my boys and the weekends they are with us, and most of the days and evenings they are here (they live with us, but see dad every other weekend and a few weeks here and there), but Barrett and I both also love our weekends without the boys. We get to be a couple and enjoy one another, go away together, go on dates, lounge around the house with only ourselves to worry about. While I would never condone divorce, the custody arrangement really does give us the best of both worlds, and it makes our family weekends so much more special. We actually plan fun things to do with the boys, dinners we know they like, and quality time with each of us. Can I go out on a limb here and say that divorce has made me a better mom?

We have decided to expand our family though...just in a different way. A few months ago we got our farm dog, Rya, an older yellow lab. She is a great dog, and stays on the property, and loves to be petted and taken on walks. Because she is older though, and always raised as an outdoor dog, she is not ever inside our home. She seems perfectly content with this, but we have decided to also  get a puppy-a German Shepherd puppy that is already house-trained and partially obedience trained. While this bundle of joy may be a small fortune compared to adopting another dog, it really is the best choice for us. So, yes, we have thought about having "our own", but we already do, and parenting a wiggly, squishy puppy is our next adventure. 

The Difference a Year Makes...Part 2

Have you ever noticed how coming home and unpacking is never quite as nice as packing to go somewhere? I am not someone who gets home sick easily, oh I miss my kids if I am away from them, but I rarely miss my home...and I love my home, but there is something so insanely grand about being away. No messes (that I have to take care of anyhow), no laundry, no worries about the next day-just pure relaxation. When we got home today there was that definite air of irritation while we unloaded the car. We had bug-bombed the house while we were away, and there were messes to clean up. I always recommend coming home to a clean house after a vacation, (and we usually do), otherwise all that vacation bliss is out the window the second you unlock the front door. But back to the story.

      I last left you when we were pulling up to the place we were staying the second night. One glance at it, and I will admit I had doubts. The Huntsman's Lodge didn't look like anything special from the outside, but Barrett was pretty pleased with himself, and handed me the key to our room while he moved the car. I jogged to the room, mentally reserved that I would pretend to like it no matter what...I mean he was trying. I unlocked the door hesitantly. "Wow!" I exclaimed as I exhaled. The lodge-style room was gorgeous. It is exactly how I would love to decorate my own home one day. Wooded bed, dressers, iron pictures, and just a plush but outdoorsy, country theme to every nook and cranny of the room. In the corner sat a 2 person Jacuzzi tub, and next to our bed was a gas fireplace. The room could not have been nicer, it even had a kitchen area. After a soak in the tub, Barrett took me to the next surprise, the "interesting" dinner he had told me about. An hour and a half of driving later to literally the middle of nowhere, we ended up outside Cowboy Dinner Tree, which I had never heard of, outside Silver Lake, Oregon. The restaurant had a great country vibe, and the tables were made out of log halves. Gorgeous. We had cowboy beans, dinner rolls, salad, steak and baked potatoes, followed by dessert of our choice, strawberry and raspberry shortcake for me and a chocolately cake for him. Our drinks were in mason jars. It was such a great meal, and the atmosphere was definitely interesting. If it is possible to be down home, country and still fancy, this would be the combination.

Our evening was wonderful, and this morning we awoke for the last leg of our anniversary trip. After a quick continental breakfast in the lodge, and lots of relaxation in the tub, we headed out once more. This time we stopped at Salt Creek Falls, between Willamette Pass and Oakridge. Barrett had pointed the falls out  to me once or twice before as we had driven home from camping, but we hadn't had time to stop. I am so glad we made time this trip. Breathtaking is the only way to describe the falls. We walked along a little trail to get different views, holding hands, and stopping to kiss along the way. On this trip my husband taught me that romantic isn't always fancy. Romantic is the moments that create memories, the shared smiles and laughs, the quiet times and the night in a tent under the stars, the log furniture in a room...all that is pretty darn romantic. What a wonderful one year anniversary.

So...yeah...a lot can happen in a year, but it is the small moments that make all the difference in the world. And while life may have changed a lot, our love has only got bigger, better and more resilient-as it should.

The Difference a Year Makes...Part 1

A lot can change in a year.  In the past year, I quit my so-called "dream" teaching job to go back to college for the next 3-5 years in the hopes of becoming an RN, and maybe (just maybe) a nurse practitioner one day. In the past year, Barrett and I got our own house, a home in the country that we love. Some things don't change much though, they stay constant, and perhaps the only change is that the seem to get better with each passing day. A little over a year ago Barrett and I were married. This weekend we celebrated our one year wedding anniversary on a get-away planned solely by my husband. He did good. He is out foraging for my morning coffee as I blog. Only a man that truly understands me could possibly know how important my quiet, reflective time is...and how much better it is with caffeine.

Friday night we left in the late afternoon (Barrett luckily had a training that day and got home earlier than we had planned), and we headed to our favorite camp area, outside Gilchrist, Oregon, where the dirt is like powdered dust, and there is scrubby vegetation all around. It doesn't sound like much, but Barrett started bringing me here when we were first dating, and I have grown to love the unique beauty of this area almost as much as he has-what I love is that he shares it with me. Anyhow, having sold our toy hauler earlier this past year (moving money), we tent camped for the first time together. It was fun, setting up the tent as a team, and we rested on an air mattress with sleeping bags, the tent flaps open like windows, gazing at the clear, dark sky full of stars above. I love the way we camp by the way. It is a mixture of roughing it combined with totally modern amenities. So, while we may have brushed our teeth using a jug of spring water and lit our tent with a lantern, we also read to one another (a favorite pastime) with my Kindle Fire, and watched downloaded episodes of House, MD (our favorite TV show) on his lap-top! We woke to cold air (it had dropped to the low 40's overnight), and readied ourselves for the next adventure.

We had breakfast at the same place we'd stopped for dinner the night before, a funky restaurant full of stuffed animals (like the taxidermy kind, not the fluffy bed toppers for children), and shelves full of knick-knacks, but incredibly good food. Barrett would not tell me where we were going, but I finally guessed (with the help of road signs!), we were off to Crater Lake. I had not been since I was a kid, and he had never been. The water of Crater Lake is a sapphire blue, and emerald green in some spots where it is presumably even deeper. This beauty was obscured by some smoke (it is forest fire season, and this area of Oregon gets hit pretty hard just about every year), but we could still see the lake fairly well and the fat chipmunks that ran along side the viewpoints, and listen to these weird, clicky bugs (they make clicks when they fly), that I think are called click beetles, rightfully so. We enjoyed some quiet time at the lodge, reading our books together. Then we headed to the place we were staying that I had no ideas about...

Barrett's "paper gift" from me was a deck of cards hole-punched and tied together with ribbon. Each card had a reason  I love him typed and glued to it to make a little booklet.

To be continued...

Back to School.

The leaves are just starting to turn color, and all the back-to-school stuff is flooding the stores. Yesterday, in the Dollar Store- I had a momentary pang of regret. Not having a teaching job this Fall is bittersweet. It's the first August in four years that I am not decorating a classroom and making plans for the new year. I wanted to go home, get online, and see if there were any positions left, but I reminded myself that I was back in school for a reason.

I never really did traditional college, contrary to popular belief. I was married at 18, and things worked out a bit differently. I had a presidential scholarship to attend University of the Pacific (UOP) in Stockton, California, and had been admitted to their accelerated Doctor of Pharmacy (Pharm D.) Program to become a Pharmacist. I had really good grades out of high school, and honestly could have gone to a number of places without a problem. I decided one day into the 3-day orientation that I had no desire to be a Pharmacist. Oh , it sounds nice, and they make really good money-but I hate math and chemistry is okay, but definitely not a favorite of mine. So, I went about 1 1/2 years full-time to the local community college, majoring in...pre-nursing. :) I also changed my mind a lot, and eventually got a job at a local elementary school as a Librarian, and then began to attend night school. One huge move, and two jobs later, this would become my normal. Work during the day and class at night-homework on the weekends. I remember my first year of marriage way back when, and how I got to go visit my close friend at her college in Utah. I was so jealous of her. I had turned down the traditional college route, and wondered what I was missing. I stayed there a week, bunked in her dorm room with her and another girl, sharing a communal bathroom down the hall. While I loved visiting her, I hated it! I hated the cramped room and the shared bathroom. I hated the weird hours they kept- up almost all night, then class, then likely a short crash in the afternoon. I missed my organized, scheduled life.

Being back in school and at a traditional college is interesting. I like some things, but not others. The campus is pretty, and I love the courtyards and the planted areas. I hate (ok dislike strongly) the young kids here. Their biggest worries seem to be a crappy roommate or whether or not to go out on a school night- which they do then whine about the next day. When I was their age I was married. I had responsibilities. They take very little seriously which makes me miss my adult night classes. And the girls are skinny and pretty. I don't blend in, and have only made a handful of friends, but I'm only passing through...and my life is different now, as it always has been as an adult. It's ok though, I'll take my life any day. :)

Surprises!!

It will be my first hiatus since I began blogging in mid-July, but Barrett and I are going away this weekend. Since our anniversary fell on a Monday, we will be leaving Friday night to parts unknown. My sweet husband wanted to surprise me with a short trip for our one year anniversary, and I can honestly say that I have no idea what the weekend will hold, but that I am looking forward to it! He has given me a few clues over the past month. We are headed toward Central Oregon, casual dress is pretty much all that is required, we have an "interesting" dinner planned, and we have a few activities that are in opposite directions of one another. We are staying somewhere Saturday night that may or may not have a pool in its amenities. Oh, and because the activities as well as the place we are staying all involve drive time and he knows I hate being in the car too much, we will head to the "general area" and tent camp tomorrow night. Hmmm....

We had a great evening on our actual anniversary too. I decorated the bedroom with an LED rope light, streamers, red and white balloons and red and white silk petals all over the place! My parents decorated our bedroom with silk petals last year when we returned from getting married, and I kept them and added to them. I am thinking yearly tradition? Anyhow, I wore a black cocktail dress and did my hair up, and Barrett cooked us pasta, garlic bread and we had wine of course. We also had cheesecake.  I have a few pictures that I may post at some point, because the room (and the night) turned out so well!

All week long I have been working on a surprise gift of sorts for Barrett. He will get it this weekend. I gave him a few clues as well: it cost very little but took lots of time, and hopefully will be very meaningful. I would love to post the idea that I got from another blog and tweaked a bit...but it'll have to wait until he has received it!

Happy weekend...I may be on here (while in the car maybe?), I may not, but the survey is due tomorrow, and I will begin posting results next week. Thanks for reading. I can't wait to find out my surprise!

How Women Think

I always love the little comics that  attempt to explain how women think. They seem to be pretty spot on sometimes.Check out:  What Women Say Vs. What They Mean. These crack me up and are so true!  I thought of a few other pointers. Women, you can tell me if I am right, and men-well, you should read up to understand us a little better. These are some common things that we women wish you knew.

• When we are angry at you or you have let us down in some way, explaining your circumstances usually does not help. An apology is better than an excuse at this point, because whether you meant to or not, we are upset, and we want you to fix it.
• Sometimes we want to complain to you and not have you fix anything. This is usually when you are not the culprit, but we need to vent about work, about life, about the skinny little lady who moved in across the street...you name it. Just pretend to listen when we go on and on about whatever topic is driving us nuts.
• Give us time to be mad. We fought. We both apologized, and now you are fine but you see, most women are not yet. We need to fume a bit more, even if you are forgiven. It is hard to turn the switch off and on that fast. 
• We need to know where you are a lot of the times. Believe it or not, this is not some control-seeking, dictator of your world move. It is likely because we tend to manage the family events, kids' soccer games, school activities, social calendar, doctor's visits...you name it. Likely, you inadvertently put us in charge of a lot of this because you think we are better at details. This means that if you have to work late or even if you are getting off early-it helps to know. 
• We probably don't like all your friends. Shocking, right? Bet you don't feel exactly the same about ours. We try to tolerate them. Some are ok, some are great, and some....well, not so much. But we love you, so don't take it personally. Likely you were buddies before we came into the picture, so as long as we tolerate them , know that with some friends it is a bigger act of love than others. :)

I'd love to hear (read) what my readers think, and if you are one of the handful of men that read me often-if you are willing to be my guinea pig, I'd love to ask you some questions about things men wished that women knew! Seriously! :) Email me at sarahbrice11@gmail.com, on Facebook or comment on here and I'll begin our conversation. 

Thoughts on Love...

So, in the relationship survey, I posed the statement "Love means never having to say you're sorry"- agree or disagree? I have gotten some great responses to just that question alone, and I thought I'd also post on here in case you just wanted to respond to that one and not do the survey or to respond to one of the following statements below. What do you think?

-There is someone out there for everyone. True? False? Are some people meant to be single?

-Each person has only one correct match, their soulmate. What do you think of soulmates? Are there multiple right people for each of us?

I'll tell you my opinion if you share yours! I'd love to hear it!:)

Through Thick and Thin

I am on fifth day of my own exercise challenge to myself, which is to ride our exercise bike each morning for at least 3.5 miles, and to not weigh myself until I have done this every morning for a full week. I am really hoping that this routine combined with all the fresh fruits and vegetables I've had lately will mean something has changed, even if it is little. I dislike exercising every morning with every bone in my body, though I do like the fact that I indeed do seem to have increased energy throughout the morning, though definitely not the whole day-the only thing that beats my mid afternoon slump seems to be another helping of caffeine.:)

I had never worried about my weight before about a year ago. I was one of those women that other women love to hate- petite and thin. I could eat anything I wanted and never exercise. Not to worry, it has caught up with me. I will turn 31 this January, and there has definitely been a marked decrease in my used to be on fire metabolism. Pair that with the fact that I have been truly happy, and less stressed, for the last year or so, and there you have it: weight gain. It is not something any of us like to talk about, and we like to poo poo our friends and tell then they still look great even when their rears have gotten decidedly larger. It's the polite thing to do-right? Well, I'm here to break that taboo. Two years ago I was 35 lbs lighter than I am today. I was at the almost too thin scale in my own BMI. Now I am at the heavy end of healthy. While BMI (body mass index) can be a great tool just to get an idea of where you should be, it is not the be-all end-all dictator of weight loss. It is a tool, and it can't see you or take your activity levels into consideration. Where would I like to be? My heart automatically says 35 pounds lighter, after-all I was at that weight after two children! But my mind says that I'd be satisfied with a 20-25 pound loss. This takes time, eating right, and unfortunately for me, exercising.

Barrett and I did Weight Watchers earlier this year. We both lost weight but we fell off the wagon and quit. I felt like I was starving all the time, and he felt like he was depriving himself of sweets. But we want to get healthy and this time to keep off the weight instead of packing it all back on. Through thick and thin, kind of funny when you think about that part of the marriage vows. Though I am sure it probably doesn't imply through weight loss and weight gain- it is good to have a partner every step of the way. We are starting small this time-building habits that we can carry with us into a program, like the exercise and learning to love produce instead of bread. Your tips are welcome and appreciated.

Reelin' in the Big Fish

One year ago tomorrow afternoon Barrett and I were married. It was a fairly short journey to the altar in the grand scheme of things (eight months), but at some points it felt like it was taking forever, and was never going to happen. When I got divorced, I was very open about what I wanted in a man, as well as what I would not tolerate. I had no idea how long it would take to find someone, and I wasn't set on finding anyone right away. My parents and girlfriends thought that I would take the newly found freedom and focus on being a better mom, or diving even more into my career. I knew that wouldn't exactly be the case. I've always been a relationship kind of girl. I also had no magical timeline, because finding the right person can be different in every case. All I knew was that this time there would be no divorce. This time I would not be in that hurtful situation again. 

There were some very dark days for me, I still loved my ex-husband, though I was not in love with him, and if I was honest with myself, I hadn't been for years. We married at 18, one month after I graduated high school, and I wanted SO bad for all of the people that said we wouldn't last to be wrong. They weren't. My heart was in pieces, and it was a hard feeling to describe. I mean him no ill will now, nor did I then-but my heart was hurting because we went from being a family to being broken; we went from being a couple to me not even knowing who I was anymore. When you are part of something for so long, it is hard to figure out where he stopped and I started. People call this "finding yourself". Therapists will tell you that you are not healthy and whole enough to even think about dating anyone until this process is complete. In my case I dare to disagree-I could not be wholesome and healthy until I met my perfect match.

It hurt to be around my boys for awhile. They were a constant reminder of my failure, of the fact that because things with their father and I couldn't work out, that they would forever have this mixed family. They knew I hurt, and sometimes tears would silently run down my face in front of them no matter how hard I fought to hold them back. I remember Isaiah telling me that my heart was broke, and Matthew saying that Mommy needed a white knight, but that he wasn't sure they existed.  

It was not an easy journey with Barrett. I hate dating-I really do. I hate the uncertainty and crave stability, and he was like a frightened kitten (I'm sure he loves that analogy) with me a lot of the time. You know, the type that likes to be petted...sometimes, and don't you dare get too close or it will flee. :) Barrett wanted to take it slow, and rightfully so, as I was damaged goods, and he wasn't about to open up to me before he was 100% positive he could trust me not  to hurt him. Though he was confusing in many of his "messages" to me. He would say one thing and then he would look at me like I had made the sun rise from the sky. I was head-over-heels in love with him after only a few months, but terrified to say it. Sometimes I was so afraid that I would blurt it out, because it seemed like the rhythm of my heart was saying I love you over and over again. Finally, he did say it. He also told me that if it didn't work with me, he was done with dating. I took that as a good sign, because I knew at that point that he was the one. He knew I was too, but he needed to be cautious. He once told me that he was like a big fish, and I had to reel him in slowly and carefully so that the line did not break. I remember being irritated with that analogy and telling a friend, "So, he compared our relationship to fishing!" You see, Barrett is the type to see a mountain in his path and to carefully plan out his trek around it, while I am the type that says "let's bulldoze through the mountain!" I think we have both learned to love and respect these differences in one another. 

Barrett, in every way possible, completes me. I have in him everything I ever dreamed of and more. He is my best friend, my soul-mate, my love. Have you ever been around someone and just breathing them in makes you feel calm and grounded? That's us. I have a good, solid family now, and one year into this marriage-I can only say I wish for a lifetime more. I am so glad that I caught my big fish. :)

The Truth About Online Dating

Internet dating is becoming the norm in our high-paced, erratic, yet highly impersonal society. You may have wondered: does it work? Am I a loser because I can't meet someone in "real" life? How do I get a good date from a service?

First of all, when I got divorced, I signed up for Match.com. I got a few pretty good dates and my husband, Barrett out of my 3-month commitment. I'd say it was worth it for me. Granted, it doesn't always happen that fast or that seamlessly. No, you are not a loser if you use a dating service. It is difficult to meet people, and sites like Match and eHarmony take some of the guess work out of the mix for you. You set your standards, and then you look at who has been matched to you. So, even if you have decided to take the plunge, how do you make it work? Here's what I learned:

• -Don't limit yourself. I was going to sign up for 2 services for good measure-but I met my guy after less than a week. I still recommend this. You don't want to miss a great person because they are using one site and you are on another. 
• -Going with the first tip, don't limit your standards too much. If you are willing to go with a 6 year age difference, why not 7? What if your perfect somebody has a few extra pounds, but you only choose the "athletic" body type? Now, a quick caution on this-if you have really strong religious beliefs, you probably want to choose the types that do not list atheist in this category. Got a few emails from some who claimed that. They got nice, "no thank you" responses from me. 
• -Pick a handful of great pictures. 3-5 is what many people recommend. One up-close picture and two more action/candid or outdoor shots are a good idea. This is like a resume, for a lifetime job if you get lucky, so there is nothing wrong with spending a bit to have some professional photos done. Perhaps you should ask a really objective friend to pick their favorites to help. 
• -Be honest. My profile was very direct and honest. I told about myself, but I don't feel like I overtold. Make it medium length, and make sure there are no spelling errors. Humor is good, and leaving something to talk about on dates is important too. 
• -Once you are on a site or two, and have some great profiles up, don't just sit there! Be active. I was new to this, and had no idea that when I browsed profiles on Match and clicked "favorite" that the other person saw this. I thought I was just saving them for me to go back to. This is how Barrett and I connected. I saw a cute photo, and clicked "favorite," and Barrett got a notification, then sent me an email. I also sent plenty of emails myself. I got some good responses and some bad, and didn't get any response on some. You have to expect this-so build up some thick-skin. Do not just "wink". That puts the ball back in the other person's court, and most often they would appreciate that you be more forward. 

In my opinion, online dating is a good way to see what's out there. I don't know a ton of people, but I can name 4 couples that I do know that met online-as well as myself and my husband. I went in with the attitude "what's the worst that can happen?" I ended up with the best. Funny how life works sometimes.

Tips and Tricks for a Good Life

Today I decided that a post on some daily tips and tricks could be a useful thing. I am often amazed the things I learn talking to friends. I hope that you can use some of these tips, and I also hope that you will contact me with your own tips and tricks that I can maybe run on this blog. For my male followers, I know beauty and hair tips probably aren't your thing, but bear with me, I also have other tips. :)

Beauty
To Look More Awake

• Curl your eyelashes and apply 2 coats of mascara.
• Use a highlighting color on your browbone, as well as on your lower lid just in the corner of your eyes.
• Do not put eyeliner or mascara on your lower rim and lashes...this opens your eyes up more. 
• Sweep on some pink blush.
• Concealer! Use it on your undereye circles. 
• Make sure your eyebrows look nice and tidy. I took a toothbrush and made it my eyebrow brush. Spritz it with some hairspray and brush your brows into place. 

For Your Smile

• Obviously good oral hygiene is key, so make sure that you keep up on your dental visits.
• For a whiter smile, swish morning and night with Hydrogen Peroxide. It is good for oral health, and is also the main ingredient in bleaching kits.
• Drink your coffee or tea with a straw-seriously. Divert the smile-staining, yet energy-giving liquid to your back teeth.
• Munching on apples and carrots helps to clean your teeth! So does sugarless gum.

Hair

• For an instant pick-me up, get some well-placed highlights.
• Change your style up. If you wear it straight all the time, mousse it and go wavy today or vice versa.
• Unless you have very oily hair, do not shampoo everyday. This saves time and lets the healthy oil in our hair help to prevent it from getting too dry. I go every 3 days because I have super dry hair otherwise. 
• Get dressed and put your makeup on before styling your hair. This way, your hair will be almost dry. Hair is most susceptible to damage when wet.
• Two make at home conditioners to try-I have done the mayonnaise-works great!
• Rub enough mayonnaise into your hair to coat it, wait up to an hour, and wash it out. You’ll be amazed at how soft and shiny your hair is, thanks to this great protein source.
• Substitute condensed milk for your regular conditioner. The protein provides an extra-special shine.

Healthy Living

• Exercise. I know, not a huge fan, but it is important, and it does give you energy afterward. If you are new to something, start slow. Ride that exercise bike for only 10 minute at first, then increase to 20 after a few days. Seriously-otherwise you will quit.
• Set small goals. My own personal goal right now is to get up and ride every morning for a week without getting on my scale. Then I can weigh myself at the end and make adjustments. 
• Set an alarm everyday! Yes, everyday. We all know that sleep is important, but oversleeping makes you feel just as awful as not getting enough sleep.  Barrett and I tried this today. Before we would sleep in on the weekends and then bemoan the fact that a good chunk of the day was gone by the time we were up an going. Set your alarm for 30-45 minutes later than your regular wake-up time, so that the weekend is still a treat, then get up, exercise, have coffee...whatever, and you'll be amazed at all you have done before you normally would have even been up yet.
• Pre-bag your snacks. Ration out rice cakes, put cucumber slices in baggies ahead of time, and then you will have a healthy snack anytime. 

Household

• For a quick clean-up, keep wet-wipes or cleaning wipes in each room and use them to wipe counters, toilets and other surfaces.
• By the way, wet wipes should be in every house. They take off eye make-up, can get stains out of carpets and clothes if used right away, clean kid faces, and make you feel cleaner after you go potty ('nuff said). 
• Toss your bath mats in the washer and dryer. The clean, fluffy mats make the whole bathroom look nicer. 
• Take 5 minutes to clean the mirrors in your house with Windex. Again, an instant room brightener. 

Life

• See your friends. Family is important, but make time for your friends too. 
• Be yourself. I have a few minor health issues that to me, are little more than an inconvenience...but they can be embarrassing when I am not with my family. I get migraines, and have meds on me at all times. I have a very small, overactive bladder, so I plan stops frequently. I also get low blood sugar, and need to snack every few hours so that I don't get shaky, anxious, crabby and so that I don't pass out. :) Guess what? Your friends likely have minor health problems too, and don't mind knowing yours and sharing their's. 
• Get a pet. Seriously. Nothing is more calming than petting your feline or canine friend, and the love is unconditional. 

That's all for now. Please give feedback. I have LOTS more tips and tricks for the house, health, living with kids, relationships and friendships, but I didn't want this to be overkill. :) Respond, tell me what you'd like to here. You don't have to post on here, you can email or FB me too (sarahbrice11@gmail.com.). Happy Living!

I Wish I Could Say Otherwise

Total confession here -I hate exercise. I am up early this morning and on my exercise bike as I write. You'd think that may make it more bearable-but only marginally. I envy people who make it look like no big deal and those that like it. My question is how? How do I get myself to like being sweaty and wanting a shower? I know the benefits of exercising and that I should be doing it everyday. This is why I'm on the stupid bike when I could be in my warm bed, or lets face it, just about anywhere else. Tried going to classes at a gym, but the gym feels as icky and foreign to me as a fish in the dessert!How do you do it? Is there some secret to fun I've missed? Do tell, because I want to like it-I really do.

Fighting Fair-What NOT to Do

In every relationship there will be times when the two of you simply do not agree. We are all unique, and therefore, it is only natural that we disagree. Disagreements can actually be healthy for a relationship, and therapists say they can be healthy for our children as well- to teach them conflict resolution. That is, disagreements can be healthy and even necessary if done right. Huh? You may wonder, is there a correct way to argue? Yes, there actually is. Today's post is a list of the DON'Ts to fighting with your loved one. These are not in order of importance, as they are all heinous. These should absolutely, NOT be done (and I wish I could say I haven't ever been guilty of any of these!). So, when the person you are crazy about just drives you plain crazy...keep the following things in mind.

1. Do not bring family into it. There are two parts to this. First, do not ask loved ones and friends for their opinion on your argument...this is making them choose sides. Also, part of this is to not bad-mouth your partner. I am guessing that you will make up eventually, and the people that you like-well you want them to like your mate when everything is said and done still-right? The second part of this is that relatives should not be mentioned during an argument. Let me give you an example: "You are being just like your mother!" or "I see where our son gets his stubbornness from!" Not only are these comments not necessary, but now you have thrown another loved one under the bus and have something else to apologize for later.
2. Do not bring up past ills. Women, we are more guilty of this than our guys. Focus on the disagreement you are in currently, not past ones. How many of us have had similar scenarios?-"I can't believe you just won't put your bowl in the dishwasher! I mean, it is right next to the sink! Oh, and that reminds me of last week, on Monday the 27th, when you were staring at that woman's breasts? The one in line behind us at Safeway!" Umm....so not related. You already had that fight. 
3. Do not hold on. When the argument is over with, let it be over. I know that I have been guilty of this one a lot. Apologies have been said, we are getting along fine, and then I bring it back up. Have you ever heard the saying "beating a dead horse"? It's like this. The horse is dead already-quit poking it with your shoe!
4. Do not point fingers. Sometimes the difference in the way we say things is huge. When you have had your feelings hurt or been offended, even if you have the right to be upset, be careful how you say things. "I'm tired of you making me feel like crap," is going to put your partner on the defensive. The same feelings can be addressed when you say, "I feel hurt when (insert offense here)." Notice how this wording does not make your loved one feel like they have to put up a shield right away. 
5. Do not hit below the belt. I don't care how mad you are, it is not the time to bring up your partner's past hurts, embarrassing habits or insecurities. I'm not sure there is a right time during an argument for that. Whoever made that childhood rhyme "sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me" was wrong. It's a lie. Words can suck. Words have the power to build up or break down a person. Do not do this to someone you care about (heck-don't do it to anyone). Choose your words carefully, they are remembered, and people may forgive but they may not always forget what you said.

Obviously there are some other tips that work well for couples, such as don't raise your voice, take a time-out when needed, and calmly talk (novel concept, I know)about the problem. 

I'd like to hear what you do right (and wrong for that matter!). 

Make the Last Months of Your Life Matter?

So, I heard a commercial today for a hospice service. The tagline was "make the last few months of your life matter." I get the point...we want our loved ones to have as much fulfillment as they can when the end is coming near. There are hospice services that can be directly tailored to the needs and wants of each individual. I think this is nice. I also found the commercial a bit jarring. Why would I wait until the end of my life to make it matter, to enjoy it or to leave my mark on the world? Isn't this what we should be doing the whole time? Make your whole life matter, so that at the end, whenever it does come, you can look back on a very full life. When my time comes (hopefully later rather than sooner!), I want to look back and think the following things:

• I loved even when it was hard to love. 
• I connected with God.
• I made at least one person, other than myself, happy each day.
• I have no regrets-everything that I did wrong, that hurt others or hurt me, made me better for it in the end.
• I showed compassion to people and to animals. 
• I had fun. 

I'm sure this is just a start to my list, and doesn't include the myriad of things on my own personal bucket list that ranges from everything to travel the world, scuba dive and give blood (just to name a few!), but I hope that you will think about what matters in your life. Chances are, it isn't so much the job you feel you need to work harder at, but maybe the person you sleep next to each night and the little hands that hold onto you and grow up all to quickly that matter the most. Maybe we should live life like the whole darn thing matters. I think it does. 

I Don't Like You Right Now...

My younger son, Isaiah, can often be a bit of a handful. He is ornery, tenacious and definitely operates by his own agenda. While it bothered me for awhile (read: the last few years), I am coming to really appreciate his attributes. It seems I could learn a lot from my 4 year-old. Here are a few things that have come to mind.

1. Be Honest. Yes, he gets himself in trouble at times, but he is never shy to say what is on his mind. A favorite saying at our house for a long time was, "I don't like you right now," which is what Isaiah would say when he didn't get his way. The thing that is refreshing about children, is that if you really want to know how something is, ask them. Up to a certain point, they completely lack the tactfulness filter, and they give it to you straight. If Isaiah says I look pretty, I must be having a good day!
2. Try Again. It is rare that I hear my 4 year-old whine about having to re-do something. The Lego tower fell down? No biggie, he just builds it again. His room is still messy according to Mom? It's okay, I'll go fix it. If only we adults could realize that our stress, worry and whining gets us nowhere, and with the attitude of a child-suck it up and try again.
3. Sometimes the Risk is Worth the Punishment. Now, I am not saying that some rules were not meant to be followed, but I am saying that some were also meant to be broken, especially if the punishment is not as bad as the joy you get out of doing it. Isaiah has this fact down!  He has been told numerous times not to run upstairs or jump down the stairs at the bottom. He gets put in time-out, and I ask him "Didn't you know you weren't supposed to do this?" "Yes," he says. "Then why are you running again?" "Because it's fun," he answers. :) I couldn't even get mad at that. I do recall a certain swimming pool that was closed at night on our honeymoon. Let's just say the rope across the steps was oh so hard to get past! ;)
4. Life is an Adventure. I don't care where I put this kid, he has fun. Entire imaginary conversations between toys while stuck in the car, an ocean of sharks in the bathtub, lions chasing him through the grass on our property...life is fun. Kids can teach you that blanket forts, secret hideouts and monsters in the closet are actually a great way to exercise our imagination! At our house there is a purple, polka-dot, sock eating monster. Just Sayin'.
5. Love is Meant to be Shared. Both my boys, but Isaiah especially, can be real cuddle-bugs. Isaiah will tell me that he loves me and ask me to stay in his room longer at bedtime. There is no holding back, and I love the fact that if he isn't getting the affection he needs, he will simply ask, "Mommy, could you please hug and kiss me again?" Now, how could you say no to that? 

Perhaps we could learn some things from him....

Romance is an Everyday Kind of Thing.

We have not always been that great with grand gestures. Barrett was very hesitant to say those 3 little words, our engagement was more of a discussion that I initiated-not some romantic proposal, and our wedding was planned out step-by-step, but then we eloped in Reno. :) Sometimes what works for you is not the same as what works for others. While I wanted so badly to hear I love you early on, I also knew that when he finally said it, he would mean it-because it wasn't something he wanted to throw around. While I wanted the devastatingly romantic proposal, I was also too impatient to wait, and our way worked well too. I got to help design my engagement ring, and eight months after we were married Barrett got down on one knee and surprised me with my wedding band. And yes, I wanted the wedding. I still have the invitations that we bought and never sent, but our way was smart. We saved tons on money, and we had my close friend take pictures of us in the wedding dress and suit we had already bought. They turned out beautiful, and no matter how corny this may sound, so was our ceremony in Reno. It was just us, and we were grinning ear-to-ear, so in love. And besides, a wedding does not a marriage make! ;)

In our relationship, romance is an everyday kind of thing. We love to surprise one another. Barrett has tricked me numerous times only to have plans made, a meal prepared or flowers in his hand. I try to do the same for him. The other day we were not getting along the best. My feelings had been hurt about something, and Barrett felt awful, even hours later. In all honesty, I overreacted (which has been known to happen on occasion).He has been riding his motorcycle to work, and it was a very hot day out. I wanted him to know we were not only okay, but that we were great. I rushed home from school, made some chicken sandwiches and packed a picnic in a cooler. I went outside and picked some wildflowers and bundled them up in a bouquet with a hair-tie. Then, I drove to his work. When he came outside I was standing by his bike with flowers in hand. I had packed his swim trunks. I told him I'd bring him back to work in the morning, but that I couldn't wait until he got home to see him, and that we were having a picnic dinner at the river. 

I have learned many things in the last 20 months I have known Barrett. I have learned to say I am sorry. I have learned to enjoy my life, and to suck it up when things don't go as planned. I have also learned that sometimes the big gestures are not the ones you tend to think will be the most important, but instead the ones that you do each day to reinforce your love.

Topping the Marriage Wish List

I am just starting to read all the survey responses that are coming back to me, and if you want to participate, you still have until next Friday. I am already seeing some common themes cropping up. So far the number one thing that a spouse can do to actively show their love for the other has been unanimous: spend time with them while doing something they want to do. This has been a shared response from husbands and wives. It makes sense. We want to still have our interests, but we also want to share them with the person we love.

So guys, say yes to that farmer's market, new store or event your woman wants to check out, and ladies- in return go with your man to his next softball game or shooting match. Time spent together can be enjoyable no matter the activity, and you never know what you may both end up enjoying! I know we've began to follow meteor showers and are trying a Renaissance fair soon, because having the shared experience is half the battle to being closer.:)

Secrets to a Happy Husband, Part 2

The companion piece for the short post I wrote the other day. Ladies, here are your tips!

5 Things You can Do to Make Your Husband Smile Today

1. Grant him some time for his hobby. Tell him to go do whatever it is that he likes doing while you do something for yourself, or watch the kids-whatever you need to do so that he can unwind. 
2. Let him pick what you watch. Have your guy pick a TV show or movie, or even a sport to watch (I know I'm cringing!), and watch it together, without complaining.
3. Ask him about his day. I know, that sounds easy. The trick is actually listening. Not while you are helping your children with insert task here, or cooking dinner or otherwise distracted. Make eye contact and pay attention. 
4. Steer the conversation his way. You know the things your man likes, maybe it is classic cars, sports or politics. Read an article about something that would interest him, then tell him about it, and ask his opinion.
5. Give him a foot rub. Take off the sweaty socks and shoes, and clean and rub his feet while he relaxes. Use a warm washcloth and some foot lotion, and he will love it. 

Today I Cheated on Nursing...

Today I cheated on nursing. I had thoughts about another career path. I took the time to take even more career aptitude tests. I researched programs, and I looked into other schools. I imagined being a counselor, a clinical psychologist to be exact. I imagined doing research on personality theory and relationships, and entering the hallowed halls of academia as a true scholar. I meet the admission requirements. It would be a logical step forward in my education to pursue a doctorate, not to go backwards and get a two-year degree. I could probably even get student loans for it instead of this so far rocky path of self-funding the rest of my education. I imagined having my own office, decorating it how I want, and making my own schedule. I imagined helping people with their marriage problems...

I cheated because every test I take tells me to be a counselor. Every test I take acclaims my aptitude with people and intuition. I cheated because in some strange corner of my mind at least, theories are easier than facts. I cannot pass anatomy with theories and concepts. I cannot draw on my past experience of how I felt when going through some circumstance. Facts are right or wrong. This thinking is refreshing, yet foreign to my brain that has been addled with counseling theories and educational practices. Anatomy is HARD...oh, I'm doing okay, better than many classmates, in fact I even have the coveted 'A' right now, but we shall see if that lasts through finals. It's just difficult. I never, not once, found anything difficult about my other degrees.

My forever fan reminded me that just because some test tells me I would be good at something, doesn't mean that it's the only thing I should do. He reminded me that a test doesn't account for what I want to do, and what I feel called to do. He also reminded me that I was keeping my options open so to speak, because I thought counseling would be an easier route to a higher degree in the same amount of time...not because I desired to do that. This is why my husband is my sounding board. :) He's also a good sounding board because he reminds me that I would likely get bored listening to the same people week after week talk about  their problems without me just being able to fix them already!

Nursing is like the elusive mistress right now. She is out there somewhere, teasing me to seek her out. Sometimes I hate her, but my loyalty has been tested. Nursing, I will look no further, and I will buckle down and do what it takes to fancy only you.

From Here to Eternity-Finding Love

It seems we really all want the same thing in life-to find that one person that makes our days bearable and to spend the rest of our lives with them. That's why I will be devoting many of my posts to relationships in the near future. This doesn't mean that I won't run any of my regular series as well, and whatever other random ramblings I have, but it seems many of you like reading about the relationship "stuff" the most. Many of my readers are currently participating in a survey about relationships. I am enjoying reading the responses!

We have all heard the advice, "Don't look for love, and it will find you." This is true, to a big extent. When my marriage with Greg ended, I was very bitter. If it hadn't been for us having two beautiful sons, I would have been even more game to falling back on the "well that's 12 years of my life gone" mantra.  I can tell you now that all bitterness has dissipated. I can look at the 12 years and see them for what they were-some great times (that I can actually smile fondly about), and some awful. When we split up, there happened to be some deal on Match.com running at the time. We had agreed to start dating right away, and for those of you who are sticklers on the particulars, our divorce (because mutually consensual and co-filed), was final in 6 days.  I figured I'd try it out. Why not? I also admittedly thought to myself, "what are my other options? I live in Lebanon." 

Match.com was one joke turned blessing. Not only did I get a few really nice dates out of the deal, and a lot of laughs and some great conversations with guys that I never ended up dating, but within less than a week of being on there, I began to email with Barrett. I liked him right away, though he reminds me that I ignored one of his messages for a full week. Cringe. Yeah-I was going on date #1 and #2 with a guy who worked at Oregon State University at the time...notice, there was no date #3. :) Barrett and I emailed, texted and spoke on the phone for about 2 weeks before our first date. We already felt like we knew each other fairly well before we even met, and the date was comfortable and fun. We went on dates #1-4 in four consecutive nights. I would like to say it was history from there, and it pretty much was-but we had some patchy things to work out too. I was coming out of a marriage, and he had been hurt by some really dumb (in my opinion) women in the past. After beginning to date in late December, we were engaged mid June the following year and married in August (coming up on one year anniversary next week!).

I wasn't looking for love when I signed up for Match.com, and neither was he. But I was open to it. Love found us both, but we needed to have open hearts and minds, or it would have passed us by. So, while you don't need to be actively looking for love, don't hide from it either.

Relationship Survey

This is just  a reminder post for my readers, and an invite to those that are not on FaceBook-today I made a relationship survey that is going to guide a new series I will be running on my blog about what men and women really want in a relationship. If you would like to participate in the ten question survey, please just let me know. Send me an email at sarahbrice11@gmail DOT com, and I will send you the survey. I appreciate male and female responders, and I will keep your comments anonymous.Thank you.  

Secrets to a Happy Wife-Part 2

5 Things You Can do Today to Make Your Wife Smile Today

Sometimes all you want is for your wife not to stress. You want to know that she enjoys your life together. You want to make her smile.

1. Make her a Meal. We love to be cooked for-especially if you are good at it. Breakfast in bed? Grilled cheese for lunch? Or maybe you worry about dinner tonight.
2. Wash her Car. I like having a nice car, but I hate taking care of it. Changing the oil, filling it with gas and taking it through a car wash all seem like such a waste of time when I already have so many other things to do. Do this for your wife, in fact I'll go a step further into some old-fashioned chivalry here. Your wife should never have to deal with car repairs or maintenance.
3. Give her a Back-rub. Easy, right? Give her a back-rub, and expect nothing in return, just a happier, more relaxed wife. 
4. Play With Her. Some men (well some women too) have a hard time stopping the busyness of life and playing. If she has a favorite way to play, engage with her. Whether it is a board game, a video game or going for a cool dip in the river, go with her and be in the moment. If you think this is childish, spend a few minutes doing research on why adults need to play too, then come back and finish reading.
5. Do Something Around the House. This saves her time, energy and makes her think that you really are a team. So, make the bed, fold some clothes or scrub a toilet...without being asked. I'd be willing to wager, she does it for you all the time. 

Tales From the Abyss-Part 1

We all have a dark side. The fact of the matter is though that many people keep it bottled up. It's messy, it's not pretty, and it might make you look like you aren't perfect. Guess what? You aren't. I was one of those people a few years back, always concerned with what others thought. I was so concerned in fact that I often was kinder to the strangers or acquaintances than I was to my family. They got to see the messy me. What a privilege. The thing is that we are not doing anyone any favors by hiding the fact that we have hard days too. We all do.

After I had Matthew I had a very rough time. I was a new mom. I was scared. I was not good at having this helpless thing need me all the time. My husband worked nights, and it felt so lonely. I was used to working and interacting with adults all day long. The first few months were exhausting. No one ever tells you the honest to God truth about having a baby. They lie. They tell you all the good things. Okay, so maybe that's not truly lying, but they lie by omission. People don't warn you that you will be so sleep deprived that you feel like a prisoner of war. You won't be able to do everyday things, like even taking a shower or brushing your teeth, without interruption and sometimes without being really creative (what new mom hasn't put her baby in a bouncy seat, swing or car seat in the bathroom while trying to grab a shower?). I remember my mom calling one morning, "How are you sleeping?" she asked. "I got four hours..", "That's not too bad," she interrupted. "In the last two nights," I finished. "Oh," she replied. Baby Matthew was not a good sleeper. The doctors told me that him being premature could have been part of his rhythm being off. The fact that the first few months I was told to wake my sleeping baby to feed him (so he would gain weight quickly, and because preemies don't always wake to eat when they should) every three hours definitely didn't do anything to perpetuate good sleep habits. Let me tell you that waking your baby every three hours often accounts for only about an hour, maybe 1 1/2 hours of sleep in between for mom. First, you have to get up and make the formula, breast milk combination that I gave him at first. He couldn't just be nursed, because he needed to put on weight quickly. So you mix the refrigerated milk with the formula, making sure everything is clean and then warming it up. Then (and this is the awful part!), as a sleep-deprived, heck- sleep-starved mother, you wake the peacefully sleeping baby. Baby Matthew doesn't want to wake to eat, so often you have to undress him from his jammies to change his body temperature slightly, which helps wake a sleeping baby. Sometimes a wet, cool washcloth on the face would do the trick. Then you try to nurse baby who just wanted to sleep. It works well- not at all. The emergency Cesarean section possibly effected my milk supply (the fact that I couldn't even try to nurse for 3 days and the fact that Matthew was on a high-calorie supplement), but the doctors swear that even if the baby just gets a tiny bit, it's better than none.  You may as well change the diaper at this point. Then it was time to give Matthew the formula. This he drank easily, as it came easily out of a bottle. After feeding, I wanted so bad to just put my new baby back to sleep. But did I mention that as a baby, Matthew had GERD (Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease)? This translated to the fact that after every feeding, Matthew would spit-up at least once, often up to three times, necessitating a complete clothing change on a getting sleepy baby. Then I'd have to rock him back to sleep. Once Baby Matthew was asleep, I couldn't just crash. I had to clean up stuff so that I was prepared for the next feeding, and pump milk to encourage my very low supply. At one point, I was so tired that I put the dirty clothes in the refrigerator. Another time, I clearly remember looking at my can of coffee on the counter, and the can of formula next to it, and thinking "Yep, the two go hand-in-hand.Welcome to my new life."

Sleep deprivation does awful things to a person. It can result in irritability, headaches, tremors, inability to focus, decreased short term memory, and high blood pressure, among a whole list of other things ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_deprivation). Combine that with post-pregnancy hormone fluctuation, and it was a recipe for disaster. I got mad at my new baby. I was very depressed, and I fought it very hard, because I also knew that I shouldn't be feeling this way, and that it wasn't healthy. Looking back, I am sure that I had postpartum depression. It is a perfect description of how I felt then. If it weren't for my Aunt Susie, and her entire family, who would help with my new baby often (she would even take him one night a week, so that I got an entire night's sleep! I loved that night. I looked forward to it all week), I am not sure how I would've gotten through those times.

We all have dark times. We'd like to say that they don't happen to us. We are strong. Bologna. Sometimes others are strong for us when we can't be. Sometimes we need the help of someone else. I am here to say that it's not only normal and okay, but that after our dark times, we indeed are stronger than before.

PS. Matthew is an awesome kid. He is smart, athletic and just amazing. I joke with him and tell him that he was an awful baby, and that if he'd had his way, there never would have been an Isaiah, :)! Don't worry, he gets my sense of humor.