Rule #7: It's OK to Cry.
I will never forget that first year teaching, with a classroom full of eager third graders-and me, pretending I knew exactly what I was doing. I would read to them everyday before lunch. I had a student ask me if I would read his favorite chapter book to the class, Stone Fox. Now, I had never read this book, but it looked fine to me, and I thought the boys might appreciate it. If you have never read Stone Fox, it is about a sled-dog team in Alaska, and a young boy who is in the race. Anyhow, I am reading the book each day, and the class is really enjoying it. A few kids had read the book themselves, but the boy who asked me to read it made them promise not to tell the ending. SPOILER ALERT.....So, I am reading the end of the last chapter of this book. The kid is in the sled race, and his dog is winning! Against all these adult racers, and against the Indian man, Stone Fox. And then....the unthinkable happens. My best-read aloud voice starts to quaver as I read to my class that the poor dog's heart couldn't take it anymore, and it burst. I am trying not to cry in front of my class, but the tears are inevitable, as the boy, just feet from the finish line and winning the race, looks down at his dog. Then Stone Fox, who would have won the race then, picks up the dead dog and carries him across the finish line. Umm...yeah, I did not succeed in not crying in front of my class, and momentarily wanted to kick the kid who suggested I read the book! As I looked around though, there were tears in the eyes and on the faces of many of my students, boys and girls alike. That book, and my tears, gave us many good discussions after that.
My ex-husband and I separated on a Friday, through a text message, a week before Christmas break. It was awful. My boss told me that I could stay home the following week, which would've given me three whole weeks off, but I couldn't bear the thought of not having that normalcy in my life either. So, while I did leave early that Friday in December, I came back first thing the following Monday. Some students knew already, because I am not that private of a person, and some did not. I came back into an atmosphere of love and acceptance. I came back broken. Some students brought me things, like coffee and cookies, some gave me hugs, and others gave me space. I was a robot that week back. Later on a favorite student of mine told me I was pale, quiet and quite obviously trying to keep it together. As it got out more that I was going through a divorce, some students asked me about it. I was honest. I said it sucked, it hurt, but in some cases it was inevitable. I got a slap on the wrist for that comment, as I worked at a Christian school and was apparently supposed to be embarrassed and shameful on top of the fact that I also felt broken and defeated. (Side Note: You have never, ever wanted the floor to swallow you up more then when getting dating advice from your superintendent. Just sayin'. I'll save that story for another time!) The thing that touched me the most probably seems silly. I had a group of kids that had a few trouble-makers in the class. They would regularly tease me, make sarcastic comments, and just cause a tough time for me. I liked these boys, but sometimes they were a bit much to take. During that week before Christmas, and for awhile after, these boys listened in class and behaved. They caused me no trouble, at all. To me, that was a HUGE sign of respect, and I was so thankful. I also knew that when they started making trouble a few weeks later, that I was through the worst of it, and had pulled through-at least enough in their eyes that they could annoy me again. :)
I think God knows what He is doing every step of the way. The times that I have been weak in front of my students, they have shown me love, support and kindness. The times that I was too sad to be who they usually needed, they let me know that it was okay to need them too. If you are a former student and reading this, thank you.
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