Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Today, Choose Joy.

Sometimes, there is no other way to put what is going on in your life other than saying, "I am headed through a proverbial crap storm right now." Or insert your appropriate adjective there. And though this storm is in full rage, I have decided to just go with it. At 33, this is a far cry from how I would have handled the situation three years ago or five years ago and especially 10 years ago! But today, I choose joy. 


I choose to focus on the things in my life that are good, great, and wonderful. I choose to focus on the strength of my marriage and my friendship with my husband, the laughter and the growth of our children, our community full of friends, and our wonderful, supportive family. I am giddy, and cheerful, even to the point of skipping down the hallway, thinking about my future and the plans that I have made, as well as those plans that will make themselves along the way. I feel full of purpose.


I choose to hold my head high and know that at the end of the day I am an honest and faithful person. I am a strong person. In fact, I am a lot stronger than many who don't know me well would give me credit for. 


I bet you are too. I bet some of my friends reading this have their own storms that are going on right now in their lives. Things that bring us down, that bring anger, hurt, resentment, and doubt. You too, should choose to hold your head high. Believe that what is going on, even if you don't understand it, is going on for a reason and that you will get through this. Not only will you survive, but you will come out even stronger.


And that, my friends, is my message for today. Choose joy. It took me quite a while to realize that it really is a choice. You can let life happen to you, or you can make life happen.



Wednesday, September 16, 2015

I have a love/hate relationship with nursing school.

I have a love/hate relationship with nursing school.

In less than two weeks I begin my second and final year of nursing school until I can have the coveted RN after my name. I've written it a few times to see what it looks like. Sarah West, RN. I like it, a lot.

 I know that I still have a full year to go, and yet, I don't. Really, right now I am over halfway through as I will finish my final clinical hours sometime this coming May 2016 and then I will walk across the stage at graduation in June 2016. When you do the math it is actually less than a year away. 


I know that the next year will be a struggle. I know that more will be expected of me when I am at the clinical sites, my care plans will be expected to be more thoughtful and detailed, and up until spring term I will have many more duties as acting president of the Student Nurses Association. At times I will want to quit. At times I will feel completely incompetent. At times I will think that this was the worst career decision I could ever have made! At times I will look around me and think that every single one of my classmates has it way more together than I do.

And yet, I know that at other times I will feel like I understand. I will feel like I am prepared. I will feel like I actually know how to provide care for a patient. During these times, I will feel proud as I lean on my new-found skills. During these times I will know that the best career decision I could ever have made was a that to become a nurse. I will keep the experiences I gained this summer in the emergency department close at hand, as memories that I can savor on tough days, replaying the homeless patient that thanked me profusely saying,"thank you for your care today, and for your respect," the scared grandmother that I comforted as her granddaughter struggled for breath after an attempted drug overdose, the alcoholic man that I carefully tucked in as he slept and got re-hydrated... Because THAT is what nursing is about.

In many ways I write this as a reminder to myself of this oh so long but also in many ways oh so short journey to become a nurse. In the next year of school I will laugh, I will cry, I will feel frustrated and overwhelmed, I will feel confident and proud, and I will feel a multitude of different emotions as I deal with different patients throughout each day. I will grow in my skills until I am ready to be on my own.I know that it is not something that happens all at once, but more akin to the gradual change we see each year as summer slides quietly into fall. One day it will get easier, and I will think to myself, I am a nurse!


 I will also have to decide what comes next. In the next nine months of schooling I will have to decide what is next on my journey. I know that I will be applying for jobs, and I will hope to be working at least part-time as an RN in the following year. I am not sure which department and I am not sure which hospital. Of course, a lot of that will have to do with who is hiring! I do not know yet if I will go on for my RN to MSN program so that I can eventually, after I amass some experience, be a nursing instructor or if I will go on right away and apply to a family nurse practitioner program as was my original plan way-back when I began this journey… Or if I will decide to be in the workforce for a few years before I make any other decisions!  Only time will tell, but I am excited to find out.

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

My Final Thoughts on Italy (and Travel) After Coming Home

Yes, the bathroom had a bidet!
 
Ready for our final night out
I wasn't going to do another post titled Day 8, since all I basically did that entire day (for like 19 hours) is travel home. Once home though, I had a lot of time to reflect on my trip, the good, the bad, the never want to do again parts, and the parts I loved. I also have shared some pictures that I like on here.



 Initially, I was SO glad to be home! I have to say that parts of this trip felt like a sick game of some weird travel survivor:


  • Just how uncomfortable will you be thousands of miles from home with none of your stuff  (I mean you didn't actually need underwear and shampoo did you)? 
  • How many miles can you walk in the blazing heat each day with blisters from the day before?  
  • How few hours of sleep can you survive on and still be perky enough for the next walking tour? 
  • How many street vendors selling selfie sticks can you politely say no to before wanting to shove said selfie stick in very impolite places? (Candi, you know you were totally with me on that one!)
  • Just how long can someone with overactive bladder hold their bladder for on a tour bus?  The answer is over 4 miserable hours with me wanting to threaten to sue the lost bus driver and scream about the risks of UTIs. 
  •  How many hours of a flight can you endure a screaming baby for (why, why is there always one near me without fail?)? I mean, I like babies for the most part, but not anywhere near me on a plane. Or kids for that matter that kick the seats in front of them. My kids have flown and you'd have thought we were SO strict with our rules for you know, politeness to others in an enclosed space. Not all families honor these same thoughts. 

  Quick, let's play a game. The airport shuttle you already booked and paid for is running an hour late and has just notified you (at the time they were scheduled to pick you up!). Do you A) take your chances that you only need an hour to go through customs, check bags, and security while finding your way through a foreign airport? or  B) Do you attempt to call another taxi and get to the airport with a driver that speaks NO English?  If you chose B, you are correct.

This waiter insisted on a picture with me!
  Touring is not (in my experience) made to be comfortable, though there are many things that I would do differently after this trip. We had SO many hours of touring, and I get it. It was necessary to see as much as we could see, and my friend Candi did a great job fitting it all in, but in the future I will book less actual tours and leave more time to savor the city I think, even if that means missing a few things.  Maybe I am some "lazy American" as I have heard many Europeans think about our kind. I know that we like excess. Heck, we buy blended coffee or a Coke and get 32 ounces or more, not like 8. Side note, in Italy one can buy a glass of wine for often cheaper than a soda. Sodas are not very popular there (which is OK with me, except I had quite a few Diet Pepsis when I got home to make up for it!). I like air conditioning, I like comfy places to sit when I am tired of walking, and I like signs for public restrooms (so I don't have to scout out the nearest cafe and hope there is one in there). I get that these are small things in the bigger picture of life, and that "when in Rome...", so I am not trying to disrespect the country (I very much enjoyed it and did my best to adapt while there), simply stating my opinions here. 
A priest!

I say most of these things (mostly) in jest. They are all true, but they did not make (or in this case break) the trip. I still feel it was totally worth it to see parts of a country I've been longing to see for at least the past decade if not longer. I fully intend to go back to Italy with Barrett in the future, to see Florence and Venice, and perhaps Assisi again. Unless he desires to go to Rome though, once may have been enough for me. I loved it most of the time, and didn't at others. I am glad to have the experience of traveling on my own (for a leg of it), and having  to learn how to advocate for myself. See, if Barrett were there I know I would not have ever worried about finding a bathroom or food. He knows me and knows to scope out these things so that he has a happy wife. It is an act of love that I will never, ever take for granted again. :)  (Thank you, Honey!)

It kept things in perspective for me a lot. I couldn't let a lack of extra clothes keep me from enjoying Rome, and I learned to stash extra snacks in my purse (but side note here...a GOOD tour if lengthy, should include a break for food, drinks, and restrooms!!).  I mean, who plans these things? 

Dinner near our hotel
My first few days back in Oregon, I told Barrett I didn't want to travel again for years. I was exhausted. I was so happy to be on American soil again where public restrooms abound. I think the adrenaline while traveling kept me going there, but it took me about an entire week to feel normal again once home. Now that I have had some time to re-acclimate, my trip has not quelled my desire to travel (as I am sure my poor hubby hoped!). Instead, I am actively planning my next trip (with him) to Germany for 2-3 winters away, and perhaps a trip to Maui (duh!) and Canada and/or Alaska in between. If you are thinking, must be nice, or how can you afford this?? I remind you my philosophies about travel. No, I don't do everything cheaply. I will splurge on a nice room or a fancy meal during a trip, but every year we take tax money (refund) to travel as well as set aside monetary gifts we get throughout the year, and save for travel. And yes, sometimes we put something on our friend Visa, and pay her back as soon as possible. But travel is possible if it is a priority. I am already beginning to learn some German. At least, that is where we are thinking of going, with a minimum of guided tours, and a maximum of time to explore on our own hitting a list of the must-see spots for us (which are more "nature" type spots than typical tourist spots). 
A home outside Assisi area


Rome at Night
There is a magic to traveling. There is no other way to describe it. Being somewhere foreign and trying to take part in the local language and food is amazing. Seeing the sights can honestly change you a bit as a person. I have only gotten a taste, and my passport has room for many more stamps!