Why I Choose to Stay Home

Staying home is not for the faint of heart. When I worked full-time my house stayed cleaner (because we were all gone all day!); now it actually gets used. When I worked I had a schedule that dominated my days and the days of my children. When I worked, I had extra money in my bank account...but not extra time. Working was easier in many ways. I worried less about cooking nice meals for my family, most chores got procrastinated away until the weekends (because everyone wants a "catch-up" day after working all week!), and everything extra seemed like an obligation. "Extra" things didn't get done for my family. "No, Mommy has no time to bake cupcakes for school...we will run by Safeway," and "Honey, I don't have time to sit and watch that show with you-I'm too behind on laundry."

Did you know that once I had my great epiphany about nursing that I have (not once!) looked back and thought I made the wrong decision? I thought so desperately that I had missed out on something by forcing myself to work and attend night-school all the years, and by letting our debt pile so high that I had to work-it was never a matter of choice (or it was a matter of poor choices along the way!). I was bitter about missing out. I thought I had missed my calling, missed precious time. When I was a young girl I dreamed of being a doctor or a lawyer, of being successful, and of having a wonderful husband and no kids. I never wanted children in those old visions I had. But you see I had missed something! What I have been realizing is that the precious time I missed was not about making myself into some awesome career woman, the time I missed was the time in the home, to be an awesome mom, an awesome wife, and an awesome person.

Barrett and I have spent a lot of time discussing the next few years. See, the original plan was that I would be in nursing school, and that except for maybe a part-time job as a CNA, I would be focusing on school for 3-4 years. Now since the plan has changed quite a bit, we have discussed our new plan. I began this new year by getting on some substitute teacher lists, and then doing a fair amount of subbing. It pays well, and quite honestly you can expect to work anywhere from 2-4 days each week. I have to be honest here: I went in gung-ho thinking this was the perfect way to make some extra money. I hated it. Like, honestly would rather shove bamboo shoots under my nails or pump gas (that would be much more preferable!!!), so I haven't subbed at all in about a month and a half...and while I might take a job for someone I know (or for high school, as that is FAR easier in my opinion), not sure subbing is the career for me at all. Let's just say that there is a ginormous difference between having your own classroom and being in charge of someone else's for the day. EEK! If money gets really tight...I'd rather become a cashier at Wal-Mart again (I actually worked there for 4-5 months when I was 18, and it was MUCH more enjoyable than subbing). :)

 Oh, right, I was going somewhere with this before I began ranting...anyhow, next Fall both boys will be in school 4 days each week, and I will begin night and online classes through Northwest Christian University in Eugene. This means that I could potentially work during the day. Could being the operative word, as should isn't exactly the same. I have been the working full-time and grad school route before, and while doable...not enjoyable, at all.  My ever wonderful husband has told me a few things to help me make this decision: A) It is my decision, B) We do okay now financially, though extra is always nice, and C) if I choose not to work, he wants some of my pent-up energy (AKA so I don't drive him nuts) to go toward something I care about like a new hobby, volunteering, etc. It seems I change my mind almost daily about this decision (a problem all women have according to Barrett!!). On the one hand, though I never looked back after deciding against nursing, I have looked back SO much about leaving teaching. I do indeed have a passion for it, and I do miss it. I also know without a doubt though that it is not my calling, but simply a step on my journey to finding out who I am and how I can best help others. My calling is counseling, and probably always has been, but I was not ready to serve others yet in that very personal way until I found out who I was, and became grounded myself. Make sense? I have looked at jobs with the State of Oregon in Child Welfare positions (Social Worker), and at a few teaching positions as they come open...but for now I have decided that unless something really great (like a part-time teaching job...and those rarely happen) comes up, I choose to stay home next year and the following year while I earn my counseling licenses. 

2 boys and their dog

I have so much gratitude to Barrett, my parents, and Barrett's grandparents who have all showed me nothing but love, support and a willingness to help. They have given me the greatest gift I could have ever asked for. They have given me the gift of time. Time to be Mommy to my kids. I play with my sons now, we go places, we do crafts, and attend play-dates. They both seem so much happier and comfortable with a mom that is not overly busy and distracted all the time. They deserve that. Never before would I have ran in the rain with Isaiah, hiked by the river as we "adventure" or left at the spur of the moment to meet friends who were in town at the park. Time to discover myself. I am taking a class now (just for fun) on how children develop morals. I am volunteering at the Pregnancy Alternatives Center nearby, training to be a patient advocate, mentor and fellow teacher of parenting classes. I have time to read for fun, to teach myself to cook and bake, to make candles and hand-painted signs, to volunteer at Matt's school, to garden and tend to the pets. Never before did I feel I had time to give freely of myself to a cause I cared about, to plan the landscaping of our home, or to ponder the purposeful parenting of our children. 

Isaiah playing hopscotch

As I plan for the next school year (it's coming sooner than we think!), I reflect on the changes that have made me who I am today, and I am grateful. I probably do not deserve happiness like this, but other than a few minor annoyances that sidetrack us all, I am happy every single day. I am loved completely, and respected enough to be given the reigns ("It is up to you, Sarah") with a smile and no pressure. Because I am human, I will stumble. I will make decisions, and then change my mind. :) I think about what is to come: my baby starting kindergarten, a huge home addition and Barrett's grandparents here to stay, learning counseling theories and techniques as a student again, setting up and decorating a new playroom for the kids and den for us, camping in the new 5th wheel, overseeing the addition itself with all the decisions to be made there, helping women learn about their pregnancies, their health and how to parent, and I am sure many, many more things. Life keeps us all busy in many ways. So there you have it-why I choose to stay home this season of life. I will trade muddy floors for Isaiah's giggle as we twirl umbrellas in the rain any day. I will trade many dinners out to dinners prepared by me and my sons. I will trade perfectly scheduled for perfectly available, and I will trade my family feeling like "extras" for everything else coming later.

Matthew with great-grandpa and grandma

Life on Purpose: Parenting (Part 2)

I hope that you have checked out Life on Purpose: Parenting (Part 1), because this is my continuation.

Other than always seeing the same annoying behaviors crop up when the boys are acting out, Barrett and I realized that we were missing a few things too. They weren't being taught exactly what was expected of them. I was good at this as a teacher-my classes knew what I expected, but I need to revamp this as a mommy. Sure, the boys know what they get scolded for, but what do they get rewarded for? What do Mommy and Barrett want to see? What makes us smile and tell them they are doing well?

In education, teachers are taught to shy away from direct instruction. In direct instruction, the teaching comes from (you guessed it!) the teacher. It is knowledge passed on first-hand through lecture mainly, modeling and practice. It is a "bad" teaching method because it is not interactive enough, and kids are easily bored (though funny that almost every college class I have ever taken still teaches this way!). While I think direct instruction has a place in teaching (as do many other methods as well), this post is about parenting. Direct instruction is what is missing in a lot of homes! It was missing in mine. Kids need to be taught openly, warmly, and directly. I need to actually tell my boys what I expect, show them what I expect, have them talk about what I expect, and practice what I expect. Does that sound silly? I know it can feel that way at times, but how does a child learn to tie his/her shoes, or the correct way to rinse dishes or to make a bed? They don't just guess at it. They are taught. By us. One thing we have decided to do is to make decorative/teaching plaques with our lists of family do's and dont's. One for each boy's room, that we discuss, model, and even have boys memorize a line of each week. Sidenote: they will also each have a Rules of Firearms plaque that is taught and learned, because in a home where Barrett (and Mommy too sometimes) shoots as a hobby, it is important to teach the boys safe handling of and respect for guns (as well as why we believe they are a right...but I try not to blog about political things...there are plenty of other bloggers for that!). 

Parenting is hard sometimes. Okay...often. It is enjoyable, rewarding, and downright fun too, but it is meant to be tough. You are growing a person!!! Would you build a house without a plan? Would you begin a career without a plan? Heck, some of us clean our houses with a plan in place...so we need one to parent as well!!! The other night my Matthew shared with me that he didn't remember the words to many "Jesus songs". I was saddened by this, but at his old school he had chapel days, and now he doesn't, and making church happen for us is hit and miss between shared weekends with their dad, sports, and family outings we take. This is something that I personally need to be more diligent about. The boys need to see me praying, worshiping and talking to them about God. And they need to be a part of that. Church also needs to happen more, but I digress. How do I solve this problem? Shopping of course! No, I am kidding (mostly), but I did need to make sure that I have the proper tools to do these things, so I did order a bedtime devotional for boys, and another (newer) worship CD set to play and sing to. Again, my point here (broken record time) is that it is on purpose.  Lots of things are picked up on by children. You slip and say something naughty and boy do they repeat it! They bring sayings home from school, annoying songs they have learned...so knowing this, you infuse them with the things you want them to pick up too. 

Bunny trail here (that's what a favorite teacher of mine used to say anytime she got slightly off-topic...), does anyone else struggle with talking to their children about God? I talk to them. We read stories. But when does it begin feeling natural? Is is because I wasn't raised this way? I am truly open to any and all advice, suggestions, books, songs, etc. 

Back to my story...these are the "rules" we have discussed. These are not made up yet onto a plaque or taught yet, so they are a work in progress, but I thought I'd share.

In Our Home We: 

• Help each other.
• Pray.
• Read (for fun and for facts!).
• Say we are sorry, and mean it.
• Keep our areas clean.
• Keep calm and use quiet voices.
• Are polite.
• Respect one another.
• Keep our word.
• Do things for ourselves.

In Our Home We do Not:

• yell.
• argue.
• interrupt.
• whine.
• lie.
• talk back.

We also found (Barrett did I should say) the oath for a knight from Kingdom of Heaven (a movie neither of us really enjoyed, but still a valuable oath nonetheless): "Be without fear in the face your enemies, Be brave stand upright that God may love thee. Speak the truth always even if it would lead to your death. Safe guard to the helpless and do no wrong. That is your oath."

So, there you have it! Raising a knight (or a princess!) is tough work. :)

Life on Purpose: Parenting (Part 1)

Today I am home alone (heehee!). Barrett is at work, the boys are with their other set of parents, and I have glorious quiet time to myself. Not only have I been cleaning the house (pretty much a daily thing here), but I have also extensively picked up and then cleaned out the boys' rooms and closets. Scary, I tell you! While wandering through Isaiah's closet I found: missing socks, pants, shoes, an acorn, old batteries, tons of paper (the kid likes to cut "designs" in paper and make art!), stickers, dried up Play-Doh, and crayons and markers everywhere! Matt's closet was no less scary with sports gear, candy, random Legos, and any number of paper airplanes (his latest hobby!). As I de-cluttered, I tried to put things where they were handy and made sense, most used items still readily available, and the junk needed to go. I tend to be a pretty deep thinker, and quiet time is readily available for making plans!  As I cleaned, I thought about our lives, and our need to keep the important things close at hand and to get rid of the things that clutter up our lives.

I have been lucky enough to be in an online group that is the first 100 readers of a new parenting book. We got a free copy (possibly a t-shirt too), and we discuss the book online with the author and give our thoughts and insight. Kind of cool. I am really enjoying the book. It is called The Passionate Mom for those interested, by Susan Merrill, and is available for pre-sale on Amazon. I will review it later here on my blog. Anyhow...I am learning many things about my parenting style, and the things that are important to me and growing my young boys into amazing men.

The thing that continues to hit me the hardest? The need to have a plan. It may seem really ironic, because I am a huge planner type person, but I guess I thought that great parenting would just come natural and happen by accident? I don't know, it seems silly to me now. This truth came crashing down on both Barrett and I the other day while spending time with the kids. Disclaimer: my boys are pretty well-behaved, but second disclaimer: they are little boys, and third disclaimer: they are very impressionable. Some of their behaviors were a little iffy and some downright rude. We were surprised. Why are these boys acting this way? Who is teaching them these bad behaviors? And then it hit: Who is teaching them good behaviors? You see, this cannot be left to chance! If we leave it to chance and just correct for the bad behaviors, how are the boys supposed to learn the good ones? It seems awfully like teaching them to use the process of elimination (a good strategy for test-taking), a bad strategy for life.

They won't be little for long...

Thankfully, my husband is a planner type person too, so we have been devising a plan. We must parent on purpose! What does this even look like? Well, you start backwards, I think. You think of the things that matter the most that your children need to have when they leave you and enter that big world out there. We have those goals already...after a "planning session" together, and they are a list of traits of Family Principles.
Ours look like this (they should be unique to each family):

• Know God.
• Serve Others.
• Seek Knowledge.
• Be Confident.
• Think Critically.
• Be Connected.
• Be Self-Sufficient.

Now we have been thinking about how to make each of these principles a bit more real, as in how are they applied? And we have been devising two lists. There is a list of things our family does and a list of things we do not do. I know everyone say's not to use negative rules (like using the word don't), but honestly we decided with smaller kids we need to be explicit. These are the behaviors we expect and these are the ones that none of us should do...and will have consequences to. What would your list look like?

For more on Parenting on Purpose and Living on Purpose, and what we have decided to use in our home (feel free to borrow, modify and share ideas!), see Part 2.

Date Night! As Easy as 1, 2, 3! (Part 4)

Please check out Part 3 if you missed it!

Finally, here are some end the date ideas. Remember that the goal is that you are doing 3 unique things throughout a whole day (or afternoon and evening together). I purposely left meals out in most (but not all) of the ideas, so that you can incorporate those too as you wish!


1. End the date: Movie marathon. Lord of the Rings, X-Men, Spiderman, Harry Potter, Twilight…etc. Try to get in at least 2 films.

2. End the date: Make an elaborate pillow and blanket fort, then curl up together in it and watch an episode of a favorite show.
3. End the date: Teach yourselves to make a pie together, crust and all. 
4. End the date: Make/revise life lists. A life list is when you sit down and brainstorm all of the things that you've never done which you'd like to do before you die. Things on the list can be as mundane as "make a cake from scratch" or as wild as "visit every national park in the country". Make your life lists separately and then share them; you'll be amazed how much you find out about each other
5. End the date: poetry read-a-loud. Grab a book of poetry (you may have to incorporate a library trip beforehand!), and take turns reading one another poems and talking about them.  Supplement the romance with fruit, fancy cheese, and sparkling wine (or cider).
6. End the night: With a warm oil massage and classical music.

7. End the night: With a Mario 3 (or other video-game of choice) marathon. 
8. End the date: browsing the local mall together. 
9. End the night with: tent camp for a night somewhere close. 
10. End the night: with an ice cream, frozen yogurt or pie date.
11. End the night: With a glass of wine shared under the stars.
12. End the night:  Dancing to a minimum of three songs in our pajamas (I’ll make mine silky!)
13. End the date: With a romantic (candles and all) bubble bath for two.
14. End the date: In the middle of the night, drive to the beach with a blanket and easy breakfast for two. Fall asleep listening to the waves, and set an alarm to wake you in time for the sunrise. 
15. End the date: Drive somewhere unknown and have dinner in a restaurant we’ve never been to.
16. End the night: Read to one another from a novel (if you want steamy…read an erotic passage or two)!
17. End the date: Find some good skipping rocks, buy some glow sticks, and go to a lake or river. Take a plastic bag and put the rocks in the bag -- break the glow sticks open and pour them into the bag with the rocks -- mix it around. Then skip the rocks and see them glowing as they skip across the water.

18. End the date: Paris night: get a baguette, French wine, and cheese! Maybe even a romantic, foreign film with subtitles. 


Hope your dates are extraordinary!!!

Date Night...As Easy as 1, 2, 3! (Part 3)

You may want to check out Part 2, before you go on. 

Here are ideas for the middle of the date: 


1. Middle of the date: Go to a bookstore and browse the shelves. 
2. Middle of the date: Go to a ceramic shop and each make a unique piece. 
3. Middle of the date: Attend a local event. Comb the net for a local show, concert or fair.

4. Middle of the date: Go to the nearest airport and book the cheapest, soonest flight. 
       Stay the weekend in another city. (Cheaper version, drive to a random city and spend the night).
5. Middle of the date: Go to an arcade and play silly games. Collect tickets and choose a prize (like 
        a tacky spider ring!)

6. Middle of date: A movie. Rock-paper-scissors over who gets to pick it out, and lots of buttery 

popcorn. And Red Vines, of course!

7. Middle of date:  Rock-paper-scissors challenge:  old-fashioned roller skating if she wins, bowling

 if    

he does. 

8. Middle of date: Date night brought in. Board game challenges: Sorry, Monopoly, and Life. Best  
        out of 3 gets to dictate what happens before we sleep tonight. :)

9. Middle of date: Day at the beach, take a blanket to lay on and some good books. Make a sand 
        castle too!
10. Middle of date: swimming (pool, lake, creek..etc)
11. Middle of date: Nature scavenger hunt. Follow the clues and enjoy the great outdoors. 
Great Scavenger Hunts here: Tons of Scavenger Hunt Ideas

12. Middle of date: Play at a playground. Push each other on the swings, and slide down the slides.
13. Middle of the date: Float the river in an inflatable raft or canoe. Pack snacks and the 
       waterproof camera. 
14. Middle of the date: Fly kites together. 
15. Middle of the date: Attend a planetarium and get swept away in how vast our universe is.
16. Middle of the date: Visit the zoo. Take silly pictures, and eat an elephant ear.
17. Middle of the date: Tackle an outdoor project together. 
18. Middle of the date: Dress preppy and attend an art museum. Talk about the pieces like we know 
        art! ;)
19. Middle of the date: Go on a scenic drive. Pack light snacks and good music.
20. Middle of the date: Tour a local winery and taste-test the wines. 
21. Middle of the date: Have a progressive meal
Directions: Select different restaurants around town and go to each one. Order drinks at one, appetizers at another, go somewhere new for the main course, and top it off with your favorite desert in town.

22. Middle of date: Try out a new cuisine for lunch or dinner. Try to really change it up and be 
        brave. Never had sushi? Indian, Thai or Greek food? Now’s your chance. 
23. Middle of the date: Visit a local flower garden (Japanese garden, tulip garden, etc). Enjoy the 
        colors, and take a warm (or cold) drink to share.

24. Middle of date: A day at the Dunes. Take the ATV riding. Watch the waves.

25. Middle of the date: plan, shop for and cook together a new meal recipe.



To finish the night, please catch Part 4.

Date Night...As Easy as 1, 2, 3! (Part 2)

Please make sure you read Part 1, to know some ideas for setting up your date jars or date envelopes.

Here is my list of Start the Date ideas. Some are silly, some active, and some sweet or romantic. Toss the ones you hate, steal the ones you like, and feel free to tell me more! :)


1. Start the date with: An exercise video together. Raise those endorphins, and get healthy.
2. Start the date with: A nature trail walk in a nearby park.

3. Start the date with: Waffles for breakfast. Include flavored syrup and fresh fruit options.
4. Start the date: Build something elaborate together with Legos or Lincoln logs.
5. Start the date with: antique browsing in another town, each finding something really unique for under     $10, and a quick lunch at a small, hole-in-the-wall type restaurant.
6. Start the date with: a visit to the fish hatchery, rain or shine, and lots of stinky fish food. Pack a picnic.
7. Start the date with: an afternoon hike, somewhere pretty, with lots of great photo ops. Pack a picnic.
8. Start the date: boat, car, rv or atv window shopping. :)
9. Start the date: With a visit to a pet store, animal shelter, or both! Pet the animals together.

10. Start the date: Hike to a waterfall, and have a picnic breakfast!
11. Start the date: Breakfast at a cozy café.
12. Start the date: Mini golf for two. Winner picks dinner.
13. Start the date: With a short bike ride around a trail in a park. Enjoy the fresh air!
14. Start the date: Sunrise breakfast picnic. Pack warm cinnamon rolls, fresh fruit and coffee of course!
15. Start the date: (Season allowing…) by attending a local Farmer’s Market.
16. Start the date: with an outdoor (or indoor if weather is bad-get creative and make a backdrop or use fun props!) photo shoot. Take turns posing and taking pictures of one another.

17. Start the date: Go to a few yard-sales. Find some unique treasures.
18. Start the date: Breakfast cereal, pajamas, and cartoons.
19. Start the date: Wal-Mart Scavenger Hunt. Make a list of tacky things you could see at Wal-mart, print the list and go people-watching there, crossing off your items as they occur.

See Part 3 for middle of the date ideas!

Date Night...As Easy as 1, 2, 3! (Part 1)

I want a life filled with extraordinary. I want to be an extraordinary mom, an extraordinary wife, and to lead an extraordinary life. My sweet husband and I have more time to "date" one another than most married couples with children. Due to me being divorced, the boys spend two weekends per month with their father, and due to my parents being extraordinary grandparents, the boys also sleep over at Nan and Pop's a few times a month. I know not every situation is like ours, and that some couples are lucky to hire a sitter for a date once a month. We are lucky to "date" one another just about every weekend. We both LOVE this, and this is one of the reasons we feel like we have such a strong relationship. Dating your spouse is important.

Dates can get boring though. The typical dinner and a movie date can get mediocre. Maybe it is tough to afford. Maybe you just want something different. If you are like us, we VALUE this alone time, but sometimes we get stuck finding something to do.

Enter a brilliant idea shared with me from an old high school friend, Julia Kerrigan. She told me that she planned for her husband-to-be an "envelope date". She had 12 envelopes with three choices each for different parts of the date. Julia says, "Each part had a different location. For example, for dinner I had 3 cards with 3 different restaurants in them. The second part of the date had 3 different choices, Bowling, a movie and I can't remember the 3rd choice, I think a fair. We went bowling. The 3rd was go out for a drink, karaoke, or stargaze. The 4th was stuff back at home (you get the hint). Each one was chosen and that was what you do. He was allowed to veto only once!!!" 


I thought this was an awesome idea, and copied that same night. I made a few modifications though for us.  There were only nine envelopes (I omitted the "back at home" one, just because I already feel pretty darn creative there!), and we opened ahead of time. My sweet man (and me too honestly) is not huge on total surprises, so the fun surprise was picking the envelopes (we did not include any vetoes!), and then having a few days to plan the details. For example, we chose: 

• Start of date: Go on a hike together.
• Middle of date: Date night in-a friendly competition of Sorry!, Monopoly and Life. Winner best 2/3 gets to dictate what happens later tonight!
• End of date: Ice cream, frozen yogurt, or pie date!

In the past few days we have planned a gorgeous looking hike in Corvallis, incorporated bringing our favorite Chinese food back for board game playing, and decided to do ice cream in after board games. Simple, but we are so looking forward to it.


This spurred us on. Together, Barrett and I talked of how to make this idea even BIGGER. We came up with the idea of date jars. I combed the net this morning, and we came up with our own ideas as well. We have 19 Start the date ideas, 25 middle of the date ideas, and 18 end the date ideas. If I am doing my math right, since any combination is possible...that's 8,550 total combinations (again...if my math is right-not my strongest point by far!). This way we can pick a slip from each jar, and there is a date! 
Please feel free to beg, borrow and steal this idea or the envelope idea it came from (thanks again, Julia!).

 My only disclaimer before sharing the ideas, is that this was built with us in mind. We are married, and we have entire days to spend on a date. Some End the date ideas are a bit racy, and some ideas involve wine, so they are not meant for you if you are a teen and dating, though the other ideas might be great! I tried to come up with things that were romantic, silly, fun and even active. Some are spendier than others, and though MOST combinations work together to make fun, interactive and exciting dates, some are not feasible (or are seasonal), so we can simply draw another slip. We plan on using these again and again so that we get many combinations, and adding other ideas as they come up.


Happy dating. Check out my next 3 posts(Date Night as Easy as 1, 2, 3! Parts 2-4) for the actual list of ideas, and email me or comment with your own ideas. 

Safeguard Your Heart

Isn't it funny how the closer we get to God, the harder it becomes to deal with everyday life? Have you ever felt that icky, stomach-churning, burning in the pit of your stomach type feeling over something that you just KNEW was not okay? I am going to share something with you that is rather personal. Identifying details are (of course) left out, but I think you can get the message just the same. 

Something happened when I was a pre-teen girl that contributed to me having a very unhealthy outlook on sexuality for the next decade or so in all honesty.  I am not proud to say this, but purity and modesty were not characteristics that I held in high esteem. Back in the day I had many boyfriends before I married, I flirted shamelessly, and I toyed with young boys the same way that you see playboys in stories and movies do with girls. I am not sure how much heartache I caused, but I do know of one that was pretty bad. Isn't it refreshing that we get to decide who we will be? This is not me today at all, in fact that girl is LONG gone. She has grown-up, has responsibilities, and self-esteem and integrity like never before. 

Social media outlets (such as Facebook)  can invite things into our lives that we would rather keep away. It seems no one is shy in an instant message! I know that in my previous marriage trouble was caused because of ex-girlfriends of his or ex-boyfriends of mine. We instituted a "no exes rule". The tough thing about that was that there truly were some nice people I dated once upon a time (and was never that serious with), that wanted nothing more than to check-in, say hello and show off happy, smiling pictures of their children. I like Facebook for that reason. I enjoy the fact that I can see the children of old friends, their vacations, their spouses, and get to feel genuinely happy for how well their lives are going. I too, had a few issues with "chatting" in the past, where an ex (or random guy you went to high school with!), would cross a line and get kind of flirtatious. I used to even think, what's the big deal, we live in different states? It's all innocent fun and games, right? Right?

WRONG. When you get that icky feeling I described earlier, it is because God Himself is convicting you about something you are doing that is not right. Some people would say that it is your conscience speaking, like old Jiminy Cricket in Pinocchio. If that "innocent" flirting is something you would freely tell your best friend or spouse about, then maybe it is innocent...but if not, if you would seek to hide it-then face it: it isn't innocent at all. 

I climbed on Facebook this morning and my laptop dinged at me. I had an message. I looked, and it was a message from a man  I dated way back in high school a few times. It seemed very friendly. Happy looks good on you-it read. Wow! What a nice compliment. I AM happy, and have been teased by a few people that my real smile makes an appearance a lot more often. So I typed back a quick thank you. That was followed by him asking about how I was, my marriage, my family. Friendly enough, so I thought nothing of it being wrong. We were never serious, in fact never really even an item, so I thought this was just catching up. I'd chat for a few minutes then go start Isaiah's morning lesson. But then the tide changed. There were a few simple flirty messages that I tried to diffuse (you see the problem with reading a conversation, is that you never really know the tone as well as you would in person or even over the phone). I changed the subject and asked about his family, his wife, etc. Ah, I see...you MUST be happy...avoiding flirting with me? I read. Icky. Uncomfortably icky, I thought, because now I knew he was purposely (and shamelessly I might add) flirting with me, AND he brought attention to the fact that I was not responding as he'd hoped. I said I needed to go be with my son, and glad he was doing well, you know all the happy (but I'm getting rid of you) send-off type things. Then he typed something that made my cheeks flare, and my gut clench...something I will NOT repeat, but will tell you that no-one, other than my husband, EVER has the right to talk to me that way. It was overly salacious and sexual. EWWW!!!! I closed the lap-top shut and told Barrett right away. 

I felt so dirty I needed to shower. Mind you, I have never been someone that blushes easily at language. I am no shy violet, but this made me feel vulnerable and violated. Then I was mad! How dare he? I am quite obviously a very happily married woman! I am no silly teen (nor do I have ANY desire to be remembered the way I was then), and I am no seductress or vixen looking for a "good time"!  Needless to say, this person has no access to me anymore, and some of my privacy settings in various places look a bit different. Did I overreact? I don't think so. I know I haven't (nor will I) said what he typed...but you can use your imagination and make it as lewd as possible, followed by and if you don't respond, I will just try harder. Was that supposed to be sexy? So totally misplaced, and almost threatening if you ask me. I feel sorry for the wives out there that have men like this at home. I feel angry that something I naively thought was nice lead to such awkwardness. I am grateful I have a place to vent, and grateful that my reaction was what it was, instead of me thinking this person was charming. 

The Bible tells us "More than all else that is to be guarded, safeguard your heart, for out of it are the sources of life," Proverbs 4:23

Are you safeguarding your heart, your integrity, your relationships? I urge you to cut out anything that is effecting this right now. And remember, that just because you USED to be someone or act a certain way, does not mean that anyone gets to treat you that way NOW. 

When is Enough, Enough?

I am a woman, therefore, I get emotional at times (sometimes I don't even know why!), and I change my mind at times. This morning I have been deep in thought about the American lifestyle, our constant need for MORE, and what that really means. I have felt a growing sense of sadness, as well as the need to change things.  Have you ever felt it too?

Talk to most anyone, and you will get this idea that they are in some form of waiting. They are waiting for something. They are waiting for a new job, a raise, to finish school, a bigger home, more vacation time, the list goes on and on.

The Waiting Place…
…for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go 

or a bus to come, 

or a plane to go or the mail to come, 

or the rain to go or the phone to ring, 

or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or a No 

or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite 

or waiting for wind to fly a kite 

or waiting around forFriday night 

or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake

 or a pot to boil, or a Better Break 

or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

-Dr. Seuss-Oh! The Places You'll Go

I love that quote! I am a huge Dr. Seuss fan anyhow, but the man was a genius! Combine that quote with the intro scene of Whoville in How the Grinch Stole Christmas movie, you know where everyone is spending like crazy to get ready for Christmas?- and there you have it-the way many Americans live their lives. We get SO hung up on how things could be, that we forget to enjoy how things ARE. We rush ahead to the next goal, and we constantly want more.I am not trying to condemn here, I am admitting my own guilt in this all too common arena. 

In my first marriage, this was the way that life was. We were waiting to each have our degrees, to buy a home, to start on our career paths, to have babies...I'm not even sure exactly WHAT we were waiting for! Life felt like it was in a constant state of wait. But when you are always looking forward, you don't notice what you already have. I was SO busy (or so I thought) when both my sons were infants, and I guess in many ways I LET myself be too busy. I worked full-time and attended grad. school. Why? Why was I in such a hurry? I was in a hurry to finish, to attain more, to be done...that I now regret not just enjoying that time more. Have you been in this situation too? Do I speak to your heart today? When is enough, enough? 

From the outside in, for years I am sure that my life and even my marriage back then, LOOKED good. It may have looked like I was doing it all. Again, I'll ask-for what? What was the hurry? What was the driving force? Did we really NEED a bigger house, a nicer truck, an ATV, a camper, etc? Oh, because of all this I also played the debt game that many Americans play, the I want it now syndrome, instead of the I'll work hard for that sentiment of the past. All the stuff? It didn't buy happiness. There is nothing wrong with having these things (I am not saying not to), in fact, I want an RV, and a boat, and a hot tub, BUT the problem is when the THINGS in your life become a priority. THINGS should never trump PEOPLE. Ever.

This morning these things have been heavy on my mind. Sometimes I feel like I am in The Waiting Place right now. Sometimes I feel guilt over my parenting time and effort when I had babies and want another one...a redemption of sorts, a do-over to do it right this time. Does that sound awful? It feels awful thinking that way, and I have to remind myself to look at my life and truly think about things. I am a great mom now (most of the time). I homeschool Isaiah for preschool, and we do arts and crafts, science lessons, read tons of books, and snuggle lots. We even have 5 live caterpillars in our bathroom right now, as we "grow" butterflies. I keep the house clean, I cook almost every night (Barrett does a few times a week!), and I help at Matt's school when I can for special events, and attend all of his school functions. My boys play soccer (and baseball for Matt), take swimming lessons, and seem to be pretty happy, well-adjusted kids. My wonderful husband pays our monthly bills, provides us health insurance, and goes to work each and everyday to keep us cared for. We go on small trips when we can, do home improvements, and plan a big (just the two of us) trip each year. I am not uneducated, and I am qualified to work, but I CHOOSE to stay home right now, and I choose to go to graduate school (again) in the Fall, not because I NEED more, but because I am finally at a place where I know who I am, and I can BE more to help others. 

Life is good. I say all this to not only remind myself, but to encourage YOU as well to count your blessings. If you constantly feel like you are waiting for something, remember that you are MISSING things that are happening each day around you. Remember that God has given you ENOUGH already. Maybe focus on improving what you already have, taking care of the thinngs that are already blessings, and reaching out to serve others in your community. And ask yourself: When is it enough? I bet you will find that IT ALREADY IS

.

PS: If you scrolled this far down ( I am hoping you did!), I have a request. Post on this link 1-2 things that you are thankful for RIGHT now, or 1 thing that you are doing to care for what you already have or for others. Let today's FaceBook posts be full of gratitude. Let your life be enough. :) 

You're the Author

I have a story to tell you. It is a simple story of something that happened to me recently, but I think the lesson I learned applies to just about every choice we make in life.

It was Friday late afternoon. I had been alone in the house for over three hours after dropping the boys for a weekend at their dad's. I had relaxed, finished a book I was reading, spent some time on Pinterest. It was a nice afternoon, but come about 4:30 or so, and I was ready for company. Barrett gets home around 5:30 each night, and would be just a bit later because our plan was to indulge in pizza (it has been awhile!), and to watch Lost on Netflix. We were only a few episodes from being finished with the show, and we had been really into it. Sounds like a great plan for the night, right? It did to me anyway. At 5:15 I get a call from Barrett that he is headed home with the warm pizza. As we are on the phone, he says, "Oh great, I should've remembered to stop." He was running out of gas! Barrett fills me in on the fact that the Explorer had been warning him all day that the fuel was low, but he kept putting off stopping, and then had forgotten. He was two miles past the last gas station between his work and home, and the car was beginning to stutter. "If you want pizza and a husband home tonight, you're going to have to come bring me gas," Barrett says. He begins to tell me where the extra gas container is in the barn, and what exit he is off of. I was so irritated. It had been such a relaxing afternoon, and here we had plans for a great evening, and he runs out of gas?! Twenty minutes away no less..., with a wife that hates to drive (I know, I know, but I truly do). I know that what I said next was not pretty, that there was a very loud sigh (probably could've heard it from where he was without the phone!), and me telling him, "Geez Barrett-you ruined tonight!  Just text me the instructions. I gotta go throw shoes on and grab my keys!"

Two minutes later I am in the (nasty) barn with the Ranger key in my hand, because Barrett told me I would have to move the Ranger to get to the gas cans because it was blocking the stall they were in. This involves me opening up both heavy barn doors, driving the Ranger out, getting the gas, then putting the Ranger back. Opening the first heavy barn door, I eyeball the stall that the gas is in. Hmmm...if I can just shimmy across the back seat of the Ranger, I won't have to mess with moving it. This will be faster AND easier. Perhaps just faster, I think as I squeeze through the back, into the stall, and lug (a very heavy) gas can up onto the back seat and then heave it across the other side. Stumbling to the car with the (HEAVY) gas can, I realize I have not crated Max (the Wonder Dog), so I sigh and open the back door of my once clean car. Furry dog in the back, gas in the front, and a still very irritated wife in the driver's seat, I peel out the driveway. 

And then it dawns on me...What is the BIG deal? This night can go two ways right now, and I am solely in charge of the outcome. I can continue to be mad at my husband for something he did by accident, ruining the pizza night date, or I can choose my own adventure, and just go with it. I slow to a stop at the corner, and text Barrett: I am so sorry. I will be there soon. I love you. Got a drink? We can eat pizza and watch the sunset. As I drive, I realize that my initial reaction was to be a jerk to my husband. I also realize with chagrin, that my husband would NEVER act that way if I ran out of gas. He would rescue me in a heartbeat without thinking twice. It is Barrett's unconditional love for me, that is teaching me how to treat him, others, and even showing me what God does for us daily.


I arrived on the side of I-5 to a giant hug, kiss, and a husband that was grateful I had decided to not be angry. He jokingly told me that I was his Princess Charming. After we got a few gallons of gas into his car, I followed him to a country road where we sat in his car, ate still-warm pizza, laughed and talked. We missed the sunset in all the excitement of re-fueling his car, but we got to see the hills begin to darken, and listen to the frogs croak. I am thankful for Friday, because I learned a much needed lesson. We are all authors. Life is our story...and we choose how to write it.

I want cookies...so sue me.

I am trying hard to be healthy, I really am...but sometimes, a girl just wants a cookie (or 3). We keep healthy snacks in our home like fruits and veggies, and I cook FAR more than we go out these days, and exercise is on its way to becoming a daily habit. Barrett and I tried the Weight Watchers thing, and it wasn't that successful. I know that it is for many people, and it indeed made us both more aware of portion control, healthier choices and the need to exercise...but I think I speak for us both when I say that denying ourselves things we really wanted made us both overdo it the next time. Maybe you haven't been in that boat. Or maybe you say but you can have what you want on Weight Watchers. Let me clear things up...NO, you can't, there is still an insane amount of self-deprivation going on to stick within your daily allotted points (26 for me, though B had much more!). Knowing that, and the type of OCD personality that I am blessed/cursed with, I would practically starve myself all day to have enough points leftover at night to eat a "normal" dinner and have a bowl of ice cream or popcorn. I would also save ALL of my bonus points to eat however I wanted one day on the weekend. Honestly, this way of eating was making me make worse choices than not being on the plan at all. I would eat everything I viewed as off-limits.  Yes, I made healthier choices most of the week, and yes I ate lots of fruits and veggies, but again-if you are like me, they aren't filling for me. It must be a mental block. An entire army full of blueberries could march into my digestive tract, filling it with all their super-food nutrients, and I'd be thinking I'm starving, where's the bread? Can I get an amen for a carb-lover's diet? Barrett was more successful than me at swearing off carbs. I tried...and it made me a mean, hungry, nasty person. And I would feel guilty for craving things. Like we need more guilt in our lives.

I want to enjoy food. I know that it is just a fuel for our bodies, but by golly it can be fun! I enjoy eating, and cooking...and baking. I used to joke (when I was thin as a rail)that a fat girl lived inside me. She does (and is more present now). I also used to hate exercise SO much that I told friends I'd rather starve myself than workout. Truth be told, I still don't like it, but it is becoming more bearable. I am not a lazy person. I will clean house, work like crazy, or insert other thing hear from dawn to dusk, but I hate feeling sweaty and well, exercising. I dislike group exercise with a passion-why do I want to be sweaty and uncoordinated in front of others? I have reasoned with myself now that I will exercise each day and make healthier choices, but I will NOT give up all the foods I love. I will eat them when I want without recording them, and bake when I want (giving some away). I am only 10 pounds above my healthy BMI range, and while I would love to lose those 10 (heck 20!), each time I have lost, I can't keep the weight gone while enjoying my life. I can keep it steady now...but not gone (if that makes sense), because I cannot commit to a life of deprivation. I want to be healthy, and I want to be toned, skinny would be great, but I am okay with being curvy too. I don't feel like I have given up. I feel like I have made a commitment to be healthy while allowing myself to be ME. I am aware, but I only get one shot at this life, and I choose to enjoy it while forgiving my occasional cravings. 

What are your takes about diet and exercise? Do you deprive yourself to look better, or are you happy in the body you have?

***I know that for some of you group exercise keeps you going, and for others Weight Watchers has been just the thing you need. I applaud you...just saying it isn't for me. 

How to Be Happy, Part 2

Welcome back! Make sure you check out How to be Happy, Part 1.

In case you are new here, as I am starting to really branch out, let me tell you a tiny bit about me. Those of you that read me daily A) Thank you! and B) You can skip to the next paragraph. :) I am currently a stay-at-home-mom (for the first time ever!) to two sons as well as a substitute teacher. I take roughly a job a week on average and cherry-pick the jobs I get (hey, subs are somewhat in need in my area). I am a licensed teacher, and I have been accepted into a school counseling program to begin this coming fall. I am happily married, and I love to read, write and do crafts with my kids. You can follow me here, and on Pinterest at http://pinterest.com/sarahbrice11/.

Now, we were talking about (or at least I was) how to be happy. First of all, there is a simple saying that it has taken me 31 years to learn how to follow: Happiness is a Choice. No really, it is so true. We can choose to be happy no matter what we are doing. Are you on your fourth load of laundry today? Cleaning up (again) after a child? Cooking dinner for the 118th night in a row? Are you dealing with someone you have a genuine liking problem (as in you don't) with? Take a deep breath...now, smile. Did you know that the simple act of smiling has actually been proven to make you slightly happier? Think of it as exercise for your face...and your soul. 

This is going to seem like a simple list, and I tried to keep it that way. This gives you a starting point. Anyone can do any of these things and feel better as soon as possible. I suggest you choose a few to do today, and get a move on. Make the choice to BE HAPPY.

1. Pray. Each day talk to God...but here's the key, take time to THANK Him. Counting your blessings in this way will make them more obvious to you.
2. Smile (like I said).
3. Put on an upbeat song while you do housework, cook, or exercise. I promise it'll go faster.
4. Exercise. Daily. I know you are supposed to take a day off or whatever, but I'm not talking running a marathon, I am saying just do something each day. Start small. Aim for 20-30 minutes. Once this becomes a habit, aim for this twice a day.
5. Touch. Hug the people you love, your spouse, your kids, your parents, your friends. Touch has been known to make us feel better.
6. Do something you love for 15 minutes. Again, start small if you think you don't have the time, and work up to a few hours a week. This could be reading quietly, playing a video-game  doing a craft, taking pictures, you name it.
7. Pet your dog or cat. This is that touch thing again. Studies have shown that petting an animal releases chemicals in our body that make us more relaxed (it actually lowers blood pressure!), and make us happier.
8. Take a hot bath or shower. This is a way to just escape the hectic nature of life for awhile, and if you are like me-feeling clean helps you relax.
9. Pursue something you enjoy. This can happen in many ways. Plan a vacation (even if you can't take it for awhile), take a class, volunteer for a cause you believe in...etc. Pleasureful activities release serotonin in the brain...making us happier.
10. Help someone else. This could have been higher on the list...but I wrote them as I was thinking of them. Joyfully cook your loved ones' favorite meal, run a bubble bath for them, etc. Give of yourself. 
11. Okay I know I said 10...but this is important: Surround yourself with beauty. Whether this means candles, flowers and deep colors like in my home or vibrant modern art for you...make your home your sanctuary. It will make you happy to be in it.

How to be Happy, Part 1

Do you ever have one of those days where you are so insanely happy that you just long to tell everyone about it? I am having one of those days. I cannot type fast enough to keep up with joy bubbling inside of me. If you are one of those people that can't stand reading about others being happy, you best look away now (ever notice how angry and sad rants get the most reads? Just sayin'). I am so excited in fact that I spent about five minutes wondering why I was so happy. Have you ever done that? There is no specific reason, nor does there need to be, life is meant to be enjoyed.

The Bible tells us that: Thou hast put gladness in my heart-Psalm 4:7

Today I am happy just to be. I looked back this morning and thought about my divorce that occurred a little over 2 years ago. If there was one word for how I felt that cold December, it definitely was not joy. Shattered would have been the descriptor. I was broken in so many ways. I think back to how I would drag myself through the motions of teaching and parenting during that season. Thankfully, it was such a short season, because God works in His own timing...not ours. Even I expected it to last much longer. I was hurting in such a way that I was ready to self-destruct. I had never really experienced the partying, wildness or wantonness that effects so many adult singles out there...because I was married through my twenties. I did not want any part of that world ever, had never even dated as an adult..., but I was in such an emotional wasteland that I thought bring it on. It was right on this brink that I met my sweet Barrett. The rest is history. The destruction that could have been, the mom that could've become the party girl, well it never happened. For this, I am incredibly thankful. 

I am so saddened when I look at the world today, and the pallor that has been brought to marriage, family and the home. Why do women speak so poorly of their spouses and of the children they have? Why do we always yearn for more, when we have enough? I am no religious scholar, but I know that I speak correctly when I say that this...THIS WAS NOT THE PLAN. I could speak until I am blue in the face, recount the hundreds (if not thousands) of times that I have heard spouses belittle one another while I cringed, the children that are left to feel like an afterthought or even worse completely unwanted, and the families wrecked by the constant attainment of MORE. 

Surely I am not alone in the fact that things could be a lot worse? In fact, I know that I cannot be alone in the fact that things are actually pretty great. In Part 2, I will give you a simple list of things that you can do daily to make sure that you are living a life full of joy. For me? I am elated to be a wife and a mama. I am excited to become a counselor (in a few years!), and I am happy to be on my way to becoming a volunteer at an organization I have respected. What brings you joy in life? Comment here or on my link. I'd love to hear from you.

Link to Part 2: How to be Happy, Part 2
-Sarah

Home Sweet Home

Ah, I finally get to write again! Life never does really slow down, does it? Friday evening I returned home from Camarillo. It was a long week of packing, painting, cooking and visiting. We did enjoy many conversations with Grandma and Grandpa, beautiful weather (seventies!), a trip to Santa Barbara, swimming, and a visit to the local gorgeously exquisite new library (it was massive and like entering a castle...complete with a "ship wreck" among shelves in the children's area!). I was definitely ready to come home though. For those of you that hate sappiness, quick...look away! I missed Barrett so much it literally hurt. The first night I was in tears, and I have to admit I cried almost every day (in private of course!). When your husband is your best friend and companion, being away is really hard. I have always had so much respect for those women who have husbands away in the military. I couldn't do it. Barrett had a rough time too, saying he hardly slept the whole week-making him a zombie at work. We both agreed that though this was necessary, it will never happen again that one of us travels without the other, not as long as we can help it!

I feel like I helped to get a ton done (as well as returning with a nice tan!), and Matthew indeed got some needed time with mom, but I am so glad to be home. I am glad to be back to playing with Isaiah, cleaning my own home (lol!), cooking for my hubby and kids, soccer schedules, and applying for financial aid. It may be mundane stuff, but it's comfortable and it's home.