The Other Side of Forever

I knew it was over, long before it actually was official. If my life was a novel, there had been plenty of foreshadowing. The weekend before we separated, my then-husband asked me if I thought it was possible that there was more than one "right" person in the world for him or me. I told him I thought there was. Then there was the Christmas party where we couldn't even fake it anymore. It used to be that we could scream at one another in the car, then get out and put on a pretty good show. Picture perfect-on the outside anyway. There were other signs-some that don't bear mentioning because in the sanctity of a marriage-even a failed one-you learn that some things are better left unsaid. There was the ten year anniversary. We were in an idyllic setting and I found myself thinking it would be so perfect-alone.
Divorce sucks. It hurts. Marriage is supposed to be forever, and there's a reason for that. The intimacy in a marriage, once gone, cuts like the deepest knife. It doesn't matter how long you've known it was over, it feels like someone you loved has died. In essence, someone has-the couple you once were or had hoped to be.

Let's be real (there really is no better way to be). My ex was the one to pull the plug. I didn't put up any fight though, because part of me agreed. He said, and I will never forget, "Give me a reason to stay." My response? "I can't." Those two words held so many emotions. Bitterness, anger, resentment, despair, resignation, fear and a last feeling I hardly recognized-hope. It was time.

The day he moved out, I took every happy family picture down. They were mostly lies- and I was ready for truth. I ripped the covers off our bed. I wanted to burn them, but my mom wouldn't let me-so I settled on donating them. It's harder to be the one that stays behind and cleans up the mess of a family that once was, than the one who gets to start fresh.

So what, I'm sure you're wondering, is on the other side of forever? I love my ex husband's new wife ( yeah, say that five times fast!). She's good for him, which makes them good for our boys, and I am grateful. There is very little bitterness left in me. Both of us have remarried wonderful people who encourage our dreams. I am happier now than ever before. I feel like my husband was custom made just for me. Our kids have two sets of parents that love them very much. I am finally pursuing my dream. So, while divorce is awful, sometimes what's waiting on the other side of forever-is another chance.