I am in my 3rd clinical placement as well, currently on the medical floor, and honestly not loving it. I have to say so far my clinical ranking goes like this:
#1 Orthopedics
#2 Oncology
#3 Everything else
#4 Everything else
#5 Everything else
......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
#102 Medical, you (get the drift!)
In a few weeks I will begin a partial rotation on a post-surgery unit, so I am hoping things will look up a bit. I feel pretty proficienct in giving injections, including insulin, and passing daily medications, as well as performing assessments. Skills check-offs this term are IV skills (hanging meds and giving IV push meds, but not yet starting IVs), and inserting catheters. I am insanely nervous about the IV check-off, but hopefully will do fine. We get 3 tries. 3 strikes and you're out kind of thing. I won't fail out. I can't...I don't think I could make myself wait a year and hope to re-apply. Nope. If this gal fails out, back to teaching I go..., but let's think positively here.
So, how am I doing? I am so glad you asked ;). I made it through the first 2 terms loving nursing school, and hanging in there with the stress. This term? Well, kind of hate it. So far. Though I have had a handful of clinical opportunities my friends have not (focused penile assessment anyone? I only wish I was joking). I feel like I am barely treading water, can barely keep up with the reading and assignments, and just feel unsure of myself. There's this little voice in my head that wants to scream out things like, "You trust me with that??!" or "Are you sure you want me to do this??!" almost as if I am masquerading as a nurse, but no one can see through the facade. I am assured this is normal by those that have gone before me. That being said though, it is not a good feeling. I always feel like there is something I should be doing for school (like at this very moment for instance), but I remind myself I am not a machine, and I need my timeouts too.
I almost no longer care what grades I get. I can work my butt off for a B+ or work a little less hard for a B. I obviously care that I pass, and that I understand the bulk of the material, but I am no longer trying to kill myself for the elusive A. I 've gotten a handful, and sure, they feel good-but in the end, I just need to graduate, take the NCLEX, and become an RN. I was so proud of myself that I had not gained any weight back after first term. Ha! 6 pounds later, I have decided that stress eating cannot be the normal, everyday diet. In fact, I have a theory at this moment that there is indeed a stress wall, or a limit to stress. It goes like this: when you are under so much stress every day and things keeping piling on top of it, eventually you get kind of sarcastic (read: REALLY sarcastic), and you can no longer feel even more stressed, because you've hit your maximum stress load. I'm telling you, this must be a real thing. Then you think things like, "Sure, I can do that too!" or "Of course I wanted to spend 4 hours on a care plan tonight, AND type a reflection, AND read 200 pages...bring it." I don't think I have told anyone this, but I can gauge my stress load by how often I think about teaching, lately, it is quite a bit. In teaching, I would be on the downward slide toward the glorious summer off. In reality now (though technically I can take it off) I will spend my summer taking statistics (YUCK), and gaining more clinical experience in a co-op placement (a cool one I hope!). Next summer I will be prepping for the NCLEX exam, so yep...glorious summers are a thing of the past.
Recently I presented to a high school class about nursing careers and nursing school. I was reminded that I am still so thankful I am in this program, even though I really want it to be over. I have learned so, so much already and have tons more to learn. I have made good friends. So, I am sorry for the downer of a post. The clouds will part soon, I hope. Right now, it is just onward and upward, and would you like a care plan with that?
