Rough Times

I am having a rough day today. Have you ever been completely paranoid that an entire group of people are blacklisting you? I have left every job I have had in the past 12 years on very good terms, yet when I have tried reaching out to people (with the exception of just a few, and thank God for them!), I have gotten very poor results. I don't understand. While some people I was asking for recommendations from (which is normal to expect from previous supervisors and colleagues), some I was asking nothing of. I was just trying to check in, establish that we still had some connection, and be friendly. I am not sure why that is wrong. I would be happier with a cursory response than none whatsoever. I completely don't understand not responding to someone at all. You get a phone call-you call back. You get a text-you text back. You get an email-you write back. Barrett tells me not everyone has that philosophy. Well, apparently. He asked me if I responded to every message I had ever gotten on Match.com during my short time on. I said yes, I had. I always figured it was better to say I wasn't interested than to leave someone hanging. He was impressed. Come to think of it, I was actually thanked by men I had let down. :) 

Not having a job when you want one can do wonders for lowering your self-esteem. Jobs in education mid-year are always scarce, but it is still very discouraging. I'd love to get some calls, some interviews, even if nothing comes of it. I know that I just have to trust that God has a plan. I also have to trust that maybe the lack of responses from old "friends" means they were never really that. 

I know that I have changed my mind about careers. I know that I have not always been 100% committed to things, but I have also had a lot of change in my life, and I needed to get things straight. I am trying to think that this is a positive thing. Please, if you pray, say a little prayer for me. I know that I need to be humble, and accept that I may have to start over, but I also have to hold my head high so I don't crumble entirely. Holding my head high right now is very much a struggle.