Thursday, March 20, 2014

Holding Patterns R Us

It feels that it has been forever since I have written, yet I feel like there is not much to tell. My life is/still is in a holding pattern, likely until June. Just call my store Holding Patterns R Us. By that I mean that I am currently working as a teacher, and I have been offered an interview for the Bachelor of Nursing Program at OHSU Monmouth. I am SUPER excited and nervous, as OHSU (Oregon Health Science University for those wondering) is very well ranked, BIG on producing nurses that are teachers and leaders, and is pretty much my dream nursing program. However, they accept only around 30 students a year, so though I have an interview, it is a huge likelihood that I will not get in. I keep trying to mentally prepare myself for that outcome, but yeah, in all honesty? I am excited and hopeful. It does have some cons. It is an hour drive from our house, and it is more expensive than a community college. But that's it. 
I don't feel like I am necessarily in the rain right now, but I LOVE this!!!

I did also apply to Lane Community College's RN program that has an agreement to do the 3rd year through OHSU. So, both programs lead to the same result, but the difference is in the first 2 years of training. And I am sure Lane is great too, so I am not at all knocking Lane, I just don't know if I got an interview for them yet. I will know March 31st. I can tell you that I compiled a list of like 40 possible questions to get asked, and have practiced possible responses, I have read about current issues and trends in nursing, as well as the future of nursing. I have never prepared this much for an interview. 


My job will be re-posted in a few weeks. The nature of it is that it is a "temporary" contract, so it is not something I am asked back to like a normal teaching position, but something that I would have to re-apply to. Now the likelihood of being hired again after doing what I feel is a great job here is very high, so it is mostly a matter of going through the paperwork. I am applying again, as well as I have also applied for a 3rd grade position and will apply for anything else that looks remotely interesting for next school year. The reason is that I have to cover ALL of my bases. Should I not get into nursing school (which is a definite possibility), it would be really stupid to give up a great-paying teaching job (same sentence there-did you see that?). If I interview for Lane, they tell people by April 28th if they are in. OHSU has until June to inform candidates. LONG wait time, right? Teaching jobs also take their sweet time, but I figure by my last day of work (June 10th, but who's counting), I will know what next Fall holds. It will be really nice to know. Really nice to see this path go one way or the other. There is of course the option of re-taking my math class (my one low grade) and the classes that will "expire", and re-applying the following year...but that is not cost effective at all, as I would not be able to take my lab classes while teaching, so no money made, AND the classes would cost me money. 

My family? Well, positive that my parents would be happy to see me remain a teacher but will support whatever I decide. They like the family-friendly hours and schedule and time off with the kids. Barrett is rooting for nursing, even though it will put all the financial responsibility back on him...again...for 3 years. Eek.  The boys? They mainly want me to be a nurse. Why? Because they know mommy quit teaching to do this, and they are pulling for me. That makes me feel pretty great. 



What do I want? The million-dollar question. I want it all. Fair enough, right? Not to get all preachy on you, but I truly believe God has bigger and better plans for us than we limit ourselves to. I took this job because I like the area, my  mom is in the district, and it sounded kind of easy. (Hope you weren't drinking anything while reading that! Snort!!! Because, you know if you read me, it is NOT easy!) I kind of dig the job. On a good day. On a bad day I want to run screaming from it, but I haven't, so that's good. I figured out a few things about myself. I LOVE helping those that others won't help, don't want to help or have somehow slipped through the cracks. I love the high fives and shared laughs. I love my dungeon. I love that I have been told my parents and other staff that I am doing a good job, and that I get invited to placement meetings to talk about what is best for "my" kids. I am not sure I want to stay, heck not even sure I want to stay if I don't get into a nursing program, but I am learning. If I remain a teacher, I want small groups of kids that I can know and help. If I stay a teacher, I am thinking of getting the license my mom has and working with Special Education high-schoolers. That particular license is not handicapped teens, but teens with mild learning disabilities, emotional disorders and behavioral issues (sound a bit familiar?). If I get into nursing, through all my research (!!) and my renewed love of teaching, I have found a field that interests me a lot: Community Health/Public Health Nursing. These nurses teach others about diseases and conditions, speak at events in the community, research diseases prevalent in their community, etc. For more on what they do: What Does a Public Health Nurse Do? They also work more normal hours, and it can be a good field to become a Nurse Practitioner in. Yes, I want to teach as a nurse. So, I have discovered some things that I love. And for the most part? I am calm. Very calm. More to come I guess....

Friday, March 7, 2014

To the Powers that be in Education...

To the powers that be in education, and the absent parents that breed these situations in the first place, I need a moment to vent.

The kids that you send to my room? I would like to believe that it is because you care about helping them, and I know that perhaps you do, a bit. What I also know is that the kids are sent to me as a last resort. You have no clue what else to try with them. They are problems to be dealt with. They have unacceptable behaviors, cause distractions and disruptions, if they come at all. Don't think I don't know that the "out of sight, out of mind" adage makes these kids oh so much more palatable. I know I am not alone. This is why this is a very general venting so to speak. I know classrooms like mine exist throughout the nation, and you know what? I am glad they do. I hope that the troubled teens throughout these classrooms are met with the enthusiasm of a teacher who refuses to see them as everyone else does.


Are you aware that many of these kids come in hungry, dirty, and exhausted? Can you even begin to imagine the things they deal with at home? Many have responsibilities that they should not have to worry about yet, and some are living life crazy and free because there is no caring adult to set boundaries for them. You seem surprised that these students seem to like me, like coming to my room, and actually work for me. It's really not that hard. You see, I feed them, I care about them, and I know them, in many cases perhaps a lot better than you do. These kids? They spend 14-15 hours a week with me. Do they spend that with you? Do they tell you about new video games, movies, and songs they enjoy? Do you know their goals? Do you know their dreams?

I do.


I know that I have students that long to go to college, have a career, and have families of their own some day. I know that they are bright and capable-has anyone else told them that? I know what they think of you, their friends, their past teachers and their "situation" in life. Because they tell me. Because I listen. Is it really that difficult? Is it so hard to steer them in the right direction? To take a moment to care about them as people? They are not numbers. They are not statistics. They are not burdens. They are not losers. And they are not hopeless.

Are they a pain in the butt sometimes? You bet. You take these kids, from these situations that you either know nothing about or are helping to perpetuate, and you expect them to get a regular education? You expect them to care? Maybe try connecting first. Maybe try better, more meaningful curriculum. Parents, maybe try being there some of the time and setting rules. Believe it or not, your children want them. They want you in charge, because they are not ready to be in charge themselves.

The key to these kids? I listen to some of the songs they like, talk to them about the things they care about, desperately try to make some of what they are learning relevant. Baby steps in the right direction. I reward them with hot chocolate, donuts, and art. Yes, we do art as a reward. Perhaps a bit unconventional..., but I say whatever works.  You want them to come to school, to graduate. I say that is the bare minimum. I want them to know themselves, see potential, to create, to be more, to become more, to dream. Did you know that your goal is limiting? That it says you think this is all they can do?





Sometimes I have the opportunity  to discuss whether or not these kids should remain mine or be put in a different placement. Thank you for the opportunity. I am all too aware that it would make my job easier if some of them left, but because I do not think they would do better somewhere else, I fight instead to keep them with me. I am not perfect, and neither are you, but I can tell you one thing- I am doing my all to reach these students..., it would be nice if you joined me.


Monday, March 3, 2014

Where is my Magic 8 Ball When I Need it?

I wish there was a magic-8 ball for life. Remember those? You ask it a question, give it a shake, and it gives you an answer. I know that the answers were completely irrelevant. So I guess what I really want is a working magic 8 ball for life that answers the tough questions for me. Because no matter how many people you ask for advice, no matter how much you research things, inevitably you still have to make a choice. That is part of being an adult. For all the responsibilities that I do not shy away from, all the purely adult tasks I am asked to do, it seems when it comes to choosing my own path I want a guru, a parent, the universe to decide for me. And I can't just escape to Never Never Land, can I?
Someone decide for me, please?
Today I got a raise. It was a surprise, but well deserved. I think. The school district decided to count my 1st two years teaching as teaching experience after-all (technically I was an "intern", as I was unlicensed and working toward it the first 2 years). They decided since I had fulfilled the role as a full-time teacher, I deserve it to count as experience. It moved me up 2 more steps on the salary schedule. NICE way to start a Monday.

So why am I complaining  that I need my decisions made for me? Well, I am pretty sure I want to be a nurse, as you all know, but it is like 50-50, and I need it to be like 70-30 to leave a good job..., or geesh 51-49 at the very least! This is the best money I have ever made (no, you don't hear that from teachers very often, but I am finally at a public school). In fact I make more now than working full-time and taking work home every single night like I did teaching previously. I rarely take anything home now, what I do, is because I am looking for new ways to help teach a concept  that a student isn't getting, or I need to go gather supplies to do a project with a student. I rarely grade because it is all online, but I do teach a fair amount, because I am left explaining in person what online explanations lack, often. I do employ classroom management and rewards and consequences, and I keep meticulous records because each student I have is here for a reason, and I have to document everything (progress made, attitude, hours spent, grades received, behavior...). I have a small load of students to track and help (much like special education)-my max load is 10 (with only 5 per session)! Anyhow, a slightly lazy part of me says that I already have a good job, a job that is likely to be offered to me for next school year as well. And guess what? I am already qualified! Ha! This part of me says that OSU has a great school counseling program should I decide on that route later on. Honestly, I am even able to get in some homework on the job, and would get some reimbursement for classes. And that experience is experience. I can always apply for other traditional teaching jobs later. Each year is a new opportunity, and with the education market pretty flooded right now, having a foot in the door somewhere, counts for a lot. My hours are GREAT (7:30-3:30), and I am on a 4-day school week. I get TIME with my kids. Unfettered time without work-place burdens.  There are also the small, but maybe significant, creature comforts. I can control the design and temperature of my classroom. I have a coffee maker, fridge, microwave, and restroom all available whenever I desire. I even get paid on salary, and can leave early if my students leave early or don't show up (which does happen about once every few weeks). I know that nursing cannot match that, at least not for many years likely, and even then I'd expect longer hours.

So is it my fear talking? Fear of the unknown? Or am I wise to count my blessings and not toss away the fact that I already have a graduate degree? Am I passionate about this? Ugh. It depends on the day, really. But is that how it is with every job? I am full of questions, hypotheticals, what ifs and maybes. Sadly no amount of prayer, advice-garnering, aptitude testing or personality testing provides a clear cut answer. I am a "natural teacher and counselor, also inclined towards careers in health-care and the medical professions", (wow, thanks for that. This I already knew!). You want to know the careers I score the highest for based on aptitude, interests and personality?
The ones I put in blue I actually have interest in. The others, not so much.
  • -Teacher, elementary, middle or high school
  • -Special Education Teacher
  • -School/Guidance Counselor
  • -Marriage and Family Counselor
  • -Mental Health Counselor
  •  -Substance Abuse Counselor
  • -Physician
  • -Dentist
  • -Physical Therapist
  • -Registered Nurse
  • -Acute Care Nurse
  • -Nurse Midwife
  • -Nurse Practitioner
  • -Respiratory Therapist
  • -Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner
  •  College Biology Teacher
  • -Health Specialties Instructor (like nursing, lol)
  • -Social Worker
  • -Clinical Psychologist
  • -Speech Language Pathologist
  • -Priest, Rabbi, or other Clergy (Ha, ha, ha!)


Are you not entertained? :) Maybe you can be my Magic 8 Ball?

Saturday, March 1, 2014

What would YOU attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?

Today I got to wander through one of my favorite places on earth, Barnes and Noble. I was standing in line with Barrett waiting to checkout when the section of magnets caught my eye. In the winter of 2012 (likely over Christmas break), I had driven myself to Barnes and Noble on a kid-free day. I had been struggling with my waning interest in teaching, and my barely suppressed drive to do something different. It wasn't just anything, it was the dream I had brought out many times, longed for, dreamed of, and then put back upon the shelves to collect dust. A dream that was not possible due to the life I had helped create for myself and my family in my first marriage-a life where two incomes were a huge necessity, and full-time college was never a possibility. 

Anyhow, I sat down to browse a book in my hand during this Barnes and Noble visit, and looked up to see a quote on a magnet. I am a word person, and quotes often move me to tears or spur me to action as it is, but this quote felt like it was talking just for me-placed right in my line of sight. 

"What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?" 


It spoke to me. Do you know what my dream was that I left to rest (though not quietly many years ago)? I wanted, longed, to be a doctor. A good doctor. The kind of doctor that goes the extra mile. The one that makes you feel at ease and like you are not wasting their time. I could have quite easily been a doctor at one point. I had the grades, the drive, and the future stretching ahead of me. And the passion. Don't forget that. But I married young, needed to work, completed a degree going to night-school and began a family. I do not regret my choices, because my sons are the most beautiful people I have ever had the privilege of knowing, and they came from that path. 

 As I sat there reading that quote, that day over two years ago, I longed for knowledge, skill and drive to be in health-care. I felt like my world had stopped and suddenly became clear. What was I so afraid of?? I put away the dream of being a doctor many years ago, but being a nurse seemed more possible, and had become the new hidden dream of mine along the way. When people talk about being in the last years of their life and the things they regret, I sadly already knew what my biggest regret would be. I should've become a nurse. I can hear my own words, aged and remorseful in my mind. That quote spurred the decision that Barrett and I had talked about many times, and I decided then and there that I would not have that regret. That same spring I walked away from teaching. It wasn't fair to have young minds in my hands, when my mind was already somewhere else. 


Life is funny. Here I am teaching yet again while I wait to here if I have been accepted into a nursing program. It is my first try, and many people apply more than once. I have good grades, but I know that I have a few that are dragging me down, ones that make me more borderline acceptable, that if I re-took I might very well be at the top of my game so to speak. I like my current job often enough (though I had moments I loved teaching before). I have considered staying. There is stability in that. There is the known versus the unknown. The other day my wonderful husband sat me down. He said that he had been thinking about some of his dreams, and that led to thinking about mine, and how even if I don't get in, I can't give up. That it isn't something you give up on. I told him I was confused. I sometimes feel passion for teaching, and dang it, I feel I am good at it. He told me, "Sarah, when you speak of becoming a nurse, you speak with excitement and passion. When you speak of education, it is with resignation." So funny to hear those words from my husband, a lover of stability himself, but something in me that I could not identify.

Did you know that Barrett and I talked at length about me taking prereqs for medical school when I was first leaving East Linn? He was in support of that dream. It was me that told him we needed to merge reality and passion. While I would LOVE to become a doctor, I am not willing to risk the time away from my kids while they grow up. I would be in school practically the rest of their childhood. I am not willing to put my marriage on the line. And the more I read about nursing, the more I think it fits me. Though, I do want to go far. For a girl that loves school there is no reason to stop with just a license, but it can be done in increments. I am still undecided, and no matter, I will do and give my very best wherever I am for whatever amount of time, but I am inspired once again.

Today I looked at that quote again. I sought it out, bought it, and it hangs on our fridge now. Maybe we all should ask ourselves that question.