Confessions of a Substitute Teacher

Dear Classroom Teacher, 

I am your sub while you are out sick, off learning teaching techniques, or playing hooky. I will do my best to care for your classroom and your students, but at the end of the day-I get to go home and not worry about this again. Thank you for the lesson plans you left that require leaving already squirrely kids sitting in  their desks for over an hour. Was this left purely to test my resolve, or did you honestly think it would be easy to fill their time with worksheets and mine with the job of classroom policeman?  I will loosely follow the lessons you left, giving breaks when needed. I will bribe your students with candy, the promise of games, and perhaps an art lesson or two. I will read the stories I brought, because they are more likely to hold the interest of your class, because they are new and different. Quite honestly, if you left me with no lesson plans, and gave me enough notice, you would find me capable of making my own that would keep the kids better entertained so that they were only vaguely aware that they were even learning. I am not criticizing your teaching style whatsoever, as a former teacher, I know that what you leave for a sub is based purely on keeping your students busy while you are gone, and that some subs cannot be trusted to get even the bare minimum done. I remember. 

It is not my classroom, it is not my classroom, it is not my classroom is the mantra that I will repeat over and over again in my head as I look at the messy desk, disordered bookshelves and general disarray of the room. I want to fix it so bad, but have a feeling that me completely reorganizing and cleaning your classroom would not be welcome. Can I do that instead of babysit the kids? I digress. Little Annie in the front row? She is a whiner. I would not send her to the office for countless fever checks and band-aids  She seemed just fine to me. Johnny over in the corner did no work today despite repeated warnings from me and loss of part of a recess (which just meant more work for me). If he were my student, I truly would worry about this problem, but as your sub I will just tell you-he did nothing. As long as he stayed remotely quiet, it was no longer worth a battle. Oh, and cute little Derick in the corner? Yes, his desk is probably still a mess, and you may have fainted if you saw that he spilled his water-color cup not once, not twice, but three times. He's probably the type of kid you may cringe about even touching paints...BUT he seemed so happy, didn't struggle at all with art like all the other subjects, and I loved seeing him succeed and getting to champion his talents in front of his peers. For how big his smile was, I will come shampoo your carpets at your liking. 

Please don't tell me about the "trouble" kids. I know you are trying to help me, but it just makes me sad. I want to go in for my day or two filling in for you with fresh eyes, not biased already toward a kid I have never met. Though know that when you do tell me about these kids (and maybe you should for this reason), I will do my best to see them in the exact opposite way. They will become my helpers, receive tons of praise and smiles, and probably have one of their best days in school ever. Little Jake that you described as a "hellion"? He was awesome for me...not a problem in the world. He was helpful, energetic, and eager to please. Perhaps you do get more flies with honey...or whatever that saying is. Don't be surprised when my note back to you indeed has your trouble-maker's names, letting you know what awesome kids they were for the day...and don't be surprised when they ask you if I am ever coming back, because I gave them a chance.

I know that these are your kids, and this is your space day-in and day-out. I have the utmost respect for you. Teaching is tough. Your kids are in good hands with me. The main thing to remember is that I will not be YOU, no matter how detailed your plans, and this is on purpose. I will be me, and they will have fun, they will respect me and follow my rules even if they are different than yours. I will keep order, even if that means imposing consequences, and I will take fondly to the kids that no one else seems too, because they too, need a day in the sun.

Sincerely,
Your Sub

Super Sub Essentials

I just spent the entire last week subbing. Lucky for me, 2 of the 3 districts I sub for are on 4 day weeks, so I didn't even have to make it through a whole 5 days...THANK GOD! :) I spent 1 day in a second grade classroom, and three more in a third grade class. Each night I was filled with anxiety...oh not because the kids were that awful, but because I don't do new situations, or situations where I don't feel completely in control very well. It's enough to make me want to puke honestly. But I am proud of myself that I made it. I had fun (at times), wanted to cry (at times), and ended my week soaking in a bubble bath last night with a glass of wine while Barrett cooked dinner-hey, it was medicinal. 

I learned a lot about substitute teaching the last few weeks-call it baptism by fire. I have now had 6 sub jobs, which still is not much, but I can tell you in my opinion, high school is easiest. If you have subbed, are thinking of subbing, or just want a good laugh, read on as I tell it like it is. As I know from formerly being a full-time classroom teacher, teachers leave subs a bunch of busy work for students to complete, or not enough work at all. Plan ahead. You will have complaining kids and likely a lot of down time that you have to fill. In my sub bag, here is what I have for grade school:

• a soft Nerf ball (for an impromptu or completely bribed for game of Silent Ball)
• Suckers (again for bribing)
• a whistle
• band-aids (I keep cool pink or blue camo ones)
• a discipline plan (more on this in a minute)
• personal necessities for me (Advil, migraine meds, deodorant, chapstick)
• 2-3 stories to read, picture books. I love Dr. Seuss, The Tale of Brother Rabbit, and Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day...These work for grades K-4 or so in my opinion.
• story starters (this is a great website: Free Illustrated Story Starters)
• sidewalk chalk (make sure this is ok with schools though!)
• If I know ahead what they are covering, I may bring in my own short worksheet or activity for like a science lesson. 
• word searches (website: Free Word Searches)
• A DVD of a Disney movie...just in case!

For high school, I take out the story books and story starters, but try to take something slightly "fun" for them to do together, like a scavenger hunt type thing that they use to fill in information about classmates, a short personality test...that kind of thing. For an English class I would also take a fun activity that has to do with poetry (maybe Haiku because they are easy) or creative writing. I used to do "quick writes" in third grade where I would give a topic and then time the students for 5 minutes as they wrote whatever came to mind on that topic. I think this would totally work for upper grades too.

-(Icebreaker: Free Printable Icebreaker for High School Kids)

For me, art is a great time filler. I tend to think in a very artistic way, though I lack the talent, and I love coming up with art ideas and seeing what blossoms in students. This week I was in the same classroom for 3 days, and the teacher trusted me a lot to have some freedom in her classroom because I have previously taught third grade. I did an art lesson where we talked about cool and warm colors, and did a water color painting of various colored stripes. Once this was dry the students took black, dark blue and purple construction paper and used scrapbook (wavy) scissors to cut out mountains and trees. These were glued on top of the watercolor stripes giving the project the look of a sunrise or sunset with silhouettes. They turned out great!

Subbing is basically surviving for one (or more) days. You are not taking over, you have very little say, but you CAN keep order and do some things of your own. I found out quickly that I need to come in with my own discipline plan (again it is much more to the point with older kids, as in I will kick you out if you don't behave). I go over in the morning my short list of rules (basically normal stuff like: we remain seated, we raise our hands to be called on, we don't talk when others are talking, and we keep our hands and feet to ourselves). I also write a sentence on the board. I use Always Show Respect. I tell them that as a class, if they are too noisy or not on task, I will erase letters. If there is a letter left at 20 minutes until the end of the day, we play a game (or do art). Believe it or not, it is that simple, and the kids police each other. For individual incentives, I tell them that if I have to get onto them for misbehaving their name goes on the board. This is a warning. If they get 1 check after name, they owe me half of their next recess, and 2 checks is the whole recess. If they got to 3 they would go to the office. At the end of the day if their name has not been on the board, they get a sucker. I have used this all week and only had to take half a recess away from 6 kids (in 4 days that's not bad at all).

On another note, the lessons left for you are typically pretty flexible. Again, they are almost always filler. I am not saying to not do them, but I am saying that if your sub notes say Do Reading Workbook from 9-10 am, and it is 9:30 AM and the kids are so restless they could scream, move things along. These plans are not set in stone, and the teacher would love to use you again if he/she can later on...so show that you can be flexible too. Go to the next activity, take a break for a story, or (with younger kids) take a quick restroom and drink break. It can make all the difference in the world. 

That's all for now...but my own confessions from substitute teaching coming soon.  Sure to make you laugh...and maybe cry too. :)

What I Want to Be When I Grow Up

I finally know peace. 

It has taken me many years to "find myself" (I guess I was pretty lost!). I have spent tons of time, money, heartache and both good and bad decisions trying to find my perfect calling. I have worried, cried, and quite frankly annoyed people with my quest. At 31, I rang in the New Year by giving in to God.

You see, I thought that the choices I had made had actually been made for me. I chose a career in teaching because I wanted a college degree, and it just so happened that I could pursue that path and continue to work full-time. Another huge deciding factor for me was that I was married (at the time anyway) to a police officer, and I wanted one of us to have a "normal" schedule, a schedule where I could be home for dinner each night and there to take care of the boys on weekends, evenings and holidays. How funny that now I have come to truly value just those things. When I went through my divorce, one of the things that I was the most bitter about was the fact that I felt I had missed out on pursuing what I had really dreamed of. I had instead chosen a dream that was logical, a dream that worked. Unlike most (normal) kids, I worried about and planned for my future tirelessly. I dreamed big, and always imagined doing something really great-something that mattered. The dream changed frequently as I matured, but at times I was to be a doctor, a lawyer or veterinarian. Out of high school I was to be a pharmacist. But as I said, life happens, choices are made, and the journey continues. 

When I remarried, Barrett told me that now was my chance. If I wanted a year or two off to pursue something else-we could do that. Instead of weighing every option endlessly like in the past, I thought quickly and then jumped in feet first. I felt too old to be a doctor, but maybe I could be a nurse. 

During the past six months that I have been not working, I have had many ups and downs. I have enjoyed (for the most part) the extra time with my kids, time to clean and cook, and time to read and study. I threw myself into the final nursing prereqs, and dreamed of the new life I would have in a few years. I didn't allow myself to look back too often. Sometimes the voice that matters most is the quiet one inside our hearts-the voice we can only hear if we really stop and want to listen. Something changed inside me over my Christmas break from classes. The quiet voice was incessant. I missed teaching, missed education in general, and I missed (so much it hurt) the interaction with my kids-not my boys, but my other kids-all over 200 different kids that I have had the pleasure to teach in the past 4 years. On the very cusp of applying to nursing school, I realized I just didn't care if I got in. I realized in a conversation that never even happened, with a man at church asking what Barrett and I did, that in my heart I knew the answer. I was, am and maybe will always be...a teacher.

First I felt foolish. It has been an interesting road, and I have given up perhaps the "perfect" job in my search to discover myself. In hysterical tears I shared my heart with the man I love. If I ever wanted to know what unconditional love was, this is it. There was no blame, no anger, no I told you so, but instead a man telling me that he was proud of me that I had finally found my calling. Ironically I joked, "And I'm already qualified!" I have decided that leaving my job was not a mistake, except for in the fact that I doubt I can have it back. Through leaving I discovered that I no longer feel like a career was chosen for me. I no longer resent my past or any missed opportunities. I feel calm in the fact that God knew what He was doing all along. And now...I make the decision, I choose to teach.

I do not know where I will end up, or where I will go in education, but I know that I am now 100% committed. 

Look out boys and girls! She's BACK! 

50 Shades of...Censorship?

I decided to vent tonight about book censorship. I will talk about two different types, censoring what children read, and censoring what adults read. It bugs me. To no end. Let's take kids first. I know that as a parent, it is my job to help "filter" what my children see and hear...to an extent. Let me begin with movies (I know, I said books, but I am building up my case!) While I would not let my 7 year-old watch a movie like Predator, I have let Matthew view a few PG-13 titles. I have sat and watched a handful (the first couple) of Harry Potter movies together, as well as Dr. Doolittle, and he has watched Pirates of the Caribbean with his father (I wasn't incredibly pleased with this decision), and Star Wars with my father. I believe that I know what he can handle versus what Isaiah (who is 4) can handle, versus what I am okay with being in their heads. Narnia used to scare Matthew, until we really talked about the story, and now he loves it. He is intrigued with Harry Potter, and it has actually spawned many discussions between us about good vs. evil (which would be the main premise of the entire book). I think as a parent, gauging your child's maturity is the paramount concern here. Matt is just beginning to read, but I hope that he will read Harry Potter (I could write oodles about why this book is not "bad", and how many other children's tales involve magic...Magic Tree House, anyone? Snow White? The Little Mermaid...most Disney stories FYI), and every book that catches his interest...and after a certain age (I am not sure when yet), I will not be censoring his novel choices, but (hopefully!) being glad that I have helped to create a reader.

 Too often I have seen parents, schools, and churches try to dominate the literary choices of children...and teens. I have seen this go as far as restricting loans at school libraries on the controversial books. Let me just tell you that often there is not a whole lot of controversy going on here. It all depends on what the person in charge of censoring is offended by. I have seen the following books in my few years spent in education all but banned from school libraries and teacher libraries: Grapes of Wrath (it mentions a woman breastfeeding...heaven forbid!), Twilight (okay vampires, schmampires...it's a love story, and guess what? There is NO premarital sex), Brave New World (for some sexual content and futuristic fertilization...very close actually to what happens in in vitro), Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret (there is a mention of wanting bigger boobs!), Fahrenheit 451 (Ummm...because it's about censorship?), and The Diary of Anne Frank (banned because...and I kid you not "it was a real downer"!!!). I got a good laugh out of some of the banned books. Here are a few links in case you too would like a laugh, or are curious. 

• 12 Books That Were Ironically Banned in the US
• More Banned Books...Shel Silverstein, really?!

I say, let your kid read what they want. Graphic novels? Sure. Instructional manuals on cars? Why not? Science fiction, action, romance, fantasy...it's all good. I read Stephen King and Anne Rice in junior high (I have always been a very strong reader). Guess what? I hated Stephen King, but loved Anne Rice. I read Harlequin romance novels, mysteries, fantasy, horror and science fiction (I loved Madeline L'Engle. Look her up if you haven't heard of her). I read John Grisham, Dean Koontz, R.L. Stine, John Steinbeck, Milton,  and Nicholas Sparks. My literary tastes ran the gamut, and I enjoyed young adult and adult fiction, as well as some non-fiction. My tastes still are very eclectic. My parents didn't control what I was reading. We had TONS of books in my home, and if it was a bit mature? Well, that was okay. Either I wouldn't like it anyway, or it would open conversational avenues with my parents. I think that's the key...being aware is important. And if you are truly worried about a book, you read it first, and make some notes of things to talk about with your son or daughter as they get further into the book.

Books open up worlds we could never explore otherwise. 

Now, a quick mention of censorship in the adult world. This is usually done because of religious reasons, but I also have seen it just because people (usually women) don't want to be seen a certain way because they have read a book. I am going to bring up a hot topic here...50 Shades of Grey. I was on the fence about  this book for awhile. I had heard that it was overtly sexual (not a huge deal for me), and that it was anti-feminist propaganda (there is a lot of domination in the book if you haven't read or heard of it). I was going to avoid it. Why? I guess to keep my own mind pure (okay, I can hear you laughing!)-because I wasn't sure I wanted to promote it. My two cents. I found a used copy at the bookstore and was curious. Yes, it has lots of sex, yes it has erotica in the way of domination and submission, and yes...the characters are not married. Again, while I hold to my own beliefs, none of that was shocking for me. I read it in 2 days. I enjoyed it, though not necessarily because of how sensual it was (and I won't ruin it here), but there is an actual story, and quite honestly, a really great one. No wonder the book won an award for best romance, and will be made into a movie (or so I've heard). It isn't for everyone, but that really is not the point here. My point is that I am a grown woman, and I feel that I can censor myself (thank you very much), and that really, there was no harm done to me by reading it...oh, and by the way, everything is consensual anyhow. Personally if this stuff went on in your marriage, behind closed doors, I'd say more power to you (You GO girl! or boy...), and I really don't care. Just Sayin'. 

And more than anything, I am saying that you control you. You are a grown-up, so if you don't feel you should read it...hold your head up high and don't-it's that simple. You can bash those that do if you really want to. If you want to read it, go for it, even if you have to hide it in your purse (I won't judge), and not tell anyone. :)

. You can decide what side of the coin you are on, but I personally see books (and most movies) as an escape from reality, something that makes us think, and something that is not going to change the morals I already have. This is fantasy people.

• Why MEN Should Read 50 Shades of Grey...

And okay...men? If you are out there and reading, got to say I agree with Dr. Oz. 

A Conundrum of Sorts...

I have always been a strong believer that having children is something that is not for everyone. Children are time-consuming, expensive, and ever-needing of attention, correction and nurturing. The decision to have children is a very personal one, and the decision to add to a family as well. I respect those that choose not to embark on this endeavor. That being said, I believe that the benefits outweigh the costs. I love my children, and I love knowing that I am (in my own small way) having an impact on the future. That being said, I worry about the state of affairs in the United States when it comes to childcare, maternity benefits, and our educational system. I can't cover all that in one post, so I'll just briefly touch on schools. 

My son stood in front of me yesterday afternoon, seemingly untouchable, moody and flippant-seven going on 15. Where is my sweet little boy? My mind reeled. What am I doing wrong? What can I fix? Back to church, lots of attention, how to help...my stream of consciousness. I like his new school. He does too. But I am hoping that the loss of his sweet innocence is not impending due to the loss of his private school. I fought back tears, hating myself, blaming myself. If I had stayed on as a teacher, his (and Isaiah's) tuition would have been covered. Did I place my career happiness above developing their moral character? Now I finally understand why some parents opt for the third choice when it comes to educating their children. When public school is too worldly, private school is too much...homeschooling seems a great option. I suppressed the urge to call Barrett right then and there with an idea swimming in my head...I'll just do it myself! I thought. But then what? Yes, I am a competent educator. Yes, I could easily home school my sons. What about college? Nursing? What about making a living? Barrett does great for us, but this is a temporary way of life, certainly not the way to go. 

I am with the parents that aren't sure what to do. I have worked at only two schools, one charter and one private...and both had some issues that I would've liked to see fixed. There is part of me that wants to take on this cause and run with it. But I wouldn't even know where to begin. And I'm not entirely sure I would want to. My Master's Thesis was on how boys learn, and how the traditional classroom often sucks the spirit right out of young boys, making them hate school.  I have some great statistics and information that I'll share soon. Somewhere in my head is this school for boys that uses methods proven to work better for their style of learning, that has vocational learning, that capitalizes on the energy and creativity of young men. Alas, it is merely fictional.

Creatures of Comfort

We are all creatures of comfort-some of us to a larger extent than others. I would like to pride myself on the fact that I think I am fairly adventurous and willing to try new things, but let's admit it...I too have a range of comfort. Here are a few confessions of mine, and I hope that you will think about and either challenge or embrace yours:

• I eat the same thing for breakfast everyday. One egg over-easy with a slice of sourdough toast and a travel mug of coffee (sometimes the flavor of creamer changes! Right now it is Peppermint Mocha). Not only do I not want anything else for breakfast, but I crave this daily! ;)
• I am a Diet Pepsi feen...have been for years. Though I do limit myself to only 1 each day. Oh, and I hate water. Always have. The only way I want to drink it is with lots of Mio flavoring, and even then I'd rather have coffee, soda or tea (I like tea too).
• I rediscovered hummus lately (the garlic flavor), and with pita bread, I'd be happy to eat this every meal (well, except breakfast!)-though I then smell garlicky afterward.
• Sometimes I hate taking a shower (now hear me out...I hate feeling unclean), but sometimes I feel like it its such a huge hassle to go shower, shave, do my hair, pick out a cute outfit and put make-up on that I feel like I need another cup of coffee just to get moving! (Other times I love this!)Mind you-It is rarely done halfway...then I just feel icky about myself. My cop-out  I will skip doing my hair and leave it wet or put it in a pony (now that it's getting long enough) before skipping anything else. 
• I hate crowds. Oh, I don't get anxiety or anything...I just don't like them. My dream? I'd love to have Powell's City of Books (a whole city block of books in Portland) all to myself or me and the people I like. 
• I love curling up on the couch and reading, drawing (as of late), or writing. I also like doing this is parks, just leave the interaction with people out of it!
• I love taking classes. I am comfortable in school and learning. Professional Student would be a perfect career for me...too bad the pay is so poor!

Here's a quick story for you to illustrate comfort levels. We have been talking about gender definitions in one of my classes, and how society has the need to categorize things neatly. I see myself as fairly open-minded about this. It makes no difference to me at all if you like men, women, both or neither...as long as you are a nice person. While I have some of my own beliefs and tendencies myself (mine are heterosexual, lol!), I feel no need to push what I feel onto others, to be rude, condescending or unaccepting. That being said, the girl next to me in this particular class identifies herself as feeling androgynous (neither gender), with some female inclinations such as experimenting with make-up sometimes. Thursday I walk in, and she is exchanging a long kiss (with lots of saliva swapping) with....a man? Woman? I wasn't sure. The person was dressed like a man, and looked like a man, but had a voice and mannerisms that were distinctly (at least in my mind) feminine. It didn't bother me...I could not care less what gender of a person she was making out with prior to class, but it did bother me that I couldn't tell. Has this ever happened to you? I guess I am more aware of it now, but it was like my mind didn't know what to do with this person. Later, she was telling me (it was somewhat on topic) that her "boyfriend" (okay...my mind says) is transgendered...meaning he feels he is a woman in a man's body or should have been a female. Instead of thinking anything else my mind automatically says does that make this girl lesbian? I mean if she's with a man that wants to be a woman....Again, not that I cared one way or the other, but my instructor is  correct in the fact that we have an inherent need to categorize things. It makes us comfortable. 

I guess I am a creature of comfort after-all. 

And Let it Be Said...My Thoughts on Abortion

I know, I know...this is a very touchy issue, and I am going to tick some people off. Hmm...too bad it's my blog, and that doesn't really bother me. :) For my Sociology of Marriage, Family and Intimate Relations course, we had to visit a website: Facts About Abortion Laws, and write a short response. Here is mine in response to the fact that (Oh, Heavens no!) insurance companies may no longer cover some abortions in some states. First off, I never knew they did. Why was I denied coverage for an IUD that prevents unwanted pregnancies, but women can get coverage for abortions? Really?!! Really?!! An abortion is an elective procedure (most of the time), so that's like being told that if I elect to have a boob job (after all, maybe I just didn't want the ones I was born with), my insurance will pay for it. Awesome. Sign me up for a tummy tuck and some teeth whitening as well. I cannot stop people from getting abortions, we live in a society where choosing life has become well, a choice...but I can rant and say that paying for an abortion? I think not. You want it, you fund it.  This being said, I do think that birth control should be universally available. After-all, "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." Right? Are you with me here, people?


Here is my response to the website: 
In response to States Are Banning Insurance Coverage of Abortion, Taking Away Benefits Women Currently Have and Jeopardizing Women’s Health, I guess my true bias against abortion comes to the forefront. I do not believe in abortion…unless medically necessary, not even in the cases of rape and incest. A majority of studies show that an abortion after a woman is a victim to such a crime actually impedes her healing process and can make depression, anxiety and even suicide levels higher. It’s like that old adage “two wrongs don’t make a right.” I do not think that insurance coverage should be provided for abortions unless they are medically necessary. Why? I think insurance companies should provide coverage for birth control options to prevent the pregnancies in the first place. The birth control pill (taken correctly-and most women lie about this) and the newest IUDs have almost a 100% success rate at preventing unwanted pregnancies. In my opinion, it is irresponsible and selfish to seek an abortion. I am not saying that a woman should keep a baby she doesn’t want, but there are plenty of couples who do seek to adopt unwanted children. And let’s be honest, rape and incest are a minority, not the majority, of the concern. Furthermore, my IUD was denied insurance coverage a few years ago, and I find it amazing that insurance will pay for an abortion! Again, I see the pattern of pure stupidity at work. Prevention seems to be the best alternative.

Why, Hello Officer!

Ever notice how, no matter what you are doing, the second you see a cop driving near you, you think you must be guilty. It's as if our minds scream out in a perpetually cheerful voice, "Why, hello Officer, I didn't see you there! Top of the morning to you!" (because apparently I turn dorky and Irish). You turn into the perfect driver, hands at two and ten on the wheel, looking straight ahead, and doing a perfect speed limit. "Observe Officer, I am going 27 mph in the 25 zone. See, I don't want to hold traffic up, but I am a law-abiding citizen. I also figured that going exactly 25 mph might tip you off to look at me more, so I am nonchalantly driving a risky 2 miles over the speed limit." I know that a good chunk of the time, especially in town, I have nothing to worry about. I am a careful driver, and I am likely going pretty close to the recommended speed guidelines (okay, okay laws, but I tend to see them as guidelines, lol!).

 Sometimes though, it's a toss up. "No Officer, I would never look at my phone, apply my lipstick or work on training the perfect Pandora station while driving my vehicle..."  I will say that my driving has gotten a lot better, but perhaps slightly too aggressive thanks to the trade up from a mini-van to my Charger. Barrett swears to me that if I get pulled over, the excuse that I give him: "But my car is most comfortable at 80," will not amuse a police officer. I suppose not. Though, my car does handle best on the freeway at that speed. :) And finally, "No, Officer, I have never gone out on a country road to see how fast my car can go," (because I'm sure it can actually go much faster than the 130 mph I got it to!), "but if I did, I can assure you that I'd be by myself and you'd be nowhere to be seen!"

What are your driving confessions?

Confessions of a Distracted Mom

Okay, so here is my tell all on the things that moms (okay I) do sometimes when we are distracted when dealing with the kids. Maybe it should be like a what not to do list. So, we will pretend...the following are things I have never (wink, wink) done when wanting a few moments of peace or when I am totally, and I mean totally distracted.

• Suck on a lollipop the whole way home? Sure...if it'll keep him quiet! ;)
• Bubble bath in the middle of the day because sometimes, well sometimes Mommy just wants to waste time reading status updates on Facebook, and the kids like bubbles. Sue me.
• Take them to the park with the awesome playground? Why yes, so I can read 1-2 more chapters of my book.
• Nod and say "uh-huh" even when I have no idea what either one of them was just telling me. 
• Tell them to get on tennies and go play outside with their brother where I can see them (AKA so I can cook dinner in peace)
• Let them skip a bath, brushing teeth or putting PJs on because it's late, and they just need to be in bed.
• Skipped words in  the story I've read 1,283 times...and then been caught! Hey, how about reading it to Mommy?
• Bought an extra special drink (hot cocoa or a smoothie) along with my mocha at the coffee shop to avoid whining.
• Said it was bedtime...before it really was.
• Went to the bathroom, locked the door, and sat peacefully to read a magazine...not while on the toilet!
• Forgotten to feed the guinea pig.
• Pretended the soccer jerseys were freshly washed.
• Given a child the lunch I packed myself, because I forgot their's!

I'd love to hear your confessions! Comment on this link or on the blog itself. Hopefully this gave you a good laugh. Even fantastic moms need a break sometimes. :)

For additional laughs, check out Mom Confessions .   These had me cracking up! Some are plain awful, and I am not condoning them (I have never smoked pot or sent my kids to school too sick to go)...but I was snort-laughing my butt off! Okay, so #'s 7, 15 and 17 are hilarious!

Why Schools Fail...Part 1

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about the educational system. While I would like to tell you that I left education 100% because I wanted to become a nurse, the reality is that the percentage is more like 60%, still a majority, but nothing to write home about. Most people guess that you leave teaching because of the kids. I tell a college classmate that I used to teach middle and high school, and they automatically give me a look and a nod-it's as if to say, "oh, yeah-I get it. I'd be here too if I'd had to deal with teenagers." I cannot reiterate this point enough-most teachers do not leave education because of their students, and I certainly did not. If it had just been me and my "kids", it probably would've been enough to stay. The students, the teenagers in my case, were loved with every bit of my being, just like that of a parent and a child. A few of the boys even called me their second mom, because I would nag and get onto them just like their mother! They knew though that it only meant I cared. I taught a lot of good kids, in third grade and then in middle and high school. There is no such thing as a bad kid, and if there was ever a child I encountered that I thought fit the bill, I felt way different when I understood why they were acting out. No, teachers leave because of policy, politics, funding and administration-weave those undeniably and irrevocably together, and you have yourself one hot mess (and not in the good Kesha way!). 

I tell Barrett that if money were no object, I'd start my own charter or private school. It would be a high school only to start with, and would focus on meeting kids where they are at to encourage learning. I would have vocational connections and programs galore, preparing kids for the real world, and honing in on what they are good at, not forcing them to all learn the same way. I would have intensive college and career advising, and classes would cater to the biological gender differences in the way that boys vs. girls learn (the topic of my well-received Master's thesis). Yes, if money were no object and I didn't have a family to devote time to (and wasn't 60% more interested in healthcare), I could be a true crusader for education. The problem is though, that I'd have to start from the ground up. I could romanticize the idea of running a school as an administrator, but their hands are usually quite tied when it comes to some things too. No, I'd have to begin my own school, Academy West (as it is named in my head), recruit the best teachers, and make my plan for education work. And believe you me, if I thought that it was doable, I would. I would be competition for my 2 former employers, and throw out what they did wrong and combine the things they did right.

It is my belief that if you were a school, and you could hire good teachers (the kind that care about making learning interesting), and then turn a subject matter fully and completely over to them...yeah-you'd have some good teaching going on. I mean, tell them the standards, we know how to align that stuff, and give them some funds to choose their own curriculum to use for the next few years (it should be updated at least every five in my opinion), and you would be on your way to accomplishing everything you set out to do: teachers that are excited to teach and students that are excited to learn (and the unspoken goal: excellent test scores!).  This is very rash, I know-actually putting teaching in the hands of the teachers. Mistake #1 that even the "best" schools make, is letting other people choose the materials teachers use, and then forcing the teachers to use them. Let me put it to you like this. Let's say that you make a world-class apple pie (just go with me here). You sometimes change up your recipe, and each time your pie is downright delicious. Now, I'm going to tell you that I am going to buy the ingredients for you, and the pie plate and roller. I am going to supply you with everything you need (oh, you can thank me later), but you should know that I bought you the cheapest ingredients I could find, slightly used even (but there should maybe still be enough), and I want you to use this recipe I found over here that takes some of the special spices out because there just isn't time, and I want you to make your world-class apple pies. I expect you to make them, and for them to be every bit as delicious as they always have been. If you are grinning while you read, it is likely because you realize the absurdity of my analogy. The apple pies were only world-class because the baker had baking them down to an art. Do you follow? This is what happens in education. Teachers are given limited (sometimes no) supplies and told to teach the specific things (learning objectives) that they need to, without any of the resources to make great teaching happen. Sure, you have had great teachers, or your kids have...and in the utmost unpolitically correct fashion I will say that yes, I was one of the good ones. 

Do you know how they did it? Well, I can tell you that 40 hours a week does not make good lesson plans, not when those 40 hours are full of instruction time and various other duties as assigned (and there are always other duties). I can tell you that a measly few hundred a year (if I was lucky) to run an entire department full of 5 teachers and at least 8 different courses was not even close to being enough to do hands-on science, the way that science is correctly taught. I can also tell you that I had no qualms claiming the $500/year teacher tax write-off for supplies every year I taught, because in all reality I spent between $50-150 each month on my classroom. That's an average of $100 each month, including summers (when I usually spent even more to restock stuff), and I can tell you that it is not even close to being an overstatement that I spent at least $1,200 per year, each year on materials to help make my teaching come alive. I am not talking fancy curriculum here (though I drooled over the catalogs), I am talking simple things, like the ingredients for multiple science experiments, art supplies to make learning connections, and basic necessities, like dry-erase markers (You have to hoard those, because the schools give you some, but come about March, their supply is all gone!). Good teachers are only good because they pour their hearts, energy, time and money into being good...often leaving not much for their families that they come home too. 

People who make decisions about curriculum are often not even educators. Board members that work at local factories and businesses decide which spelling program the school should use. Then they decide if it is cost-effective. They decide that if new math books are needed this year, the 15 year-old health books will have to wait. All the while never asking the teachers. Because heaven forbid that the people actually using the material day in and day out should get to help select it, vote on it, have some sort of a say. No, the teachers are usually sent to a boring training to learn the new curriculum they are told they have to teach, and the powers that be think the teachers should be grateful-after-all they finally got something new. Teachers are resourceful creatures. Take them to a school budget meeting, and they will tell you the things that can be skimped on, and the things that are a waste of money, and the things that absolutely should be of higher quality. I could rant about poor curriculum all day, but this is enough for now. Mistake #1 that the educational system makes: taking teaching decisions away from the teachers. 

Why Good Teachers Make an Awful Audience

I almost titled this post Why Good Teachers Make Awful Students, but then I reconsidered. You see, I consider myself a good teacher (past tense now I guess), but to say that I am a bad student would be a gross representation. Most (not all) teachers are excellent students. They (we) learned early in our childhood that school was something that we knew how to do well in, liked to learn, and just had a thirst for knowledge. If you look at some of your best teachers, I'd put money on it that they were know-it-all kids. I compare my childhood self to Miss Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter series. Hand raised, waving wildly, slightly prim and proper...condescending (at least in my head if not out loud) to my peers who just didn't get it. I was/am good at school. I also suck at sitting in lecture. Teachers are horrible listeners. Oh..I don't mean that we won't listen to students, friends or even colleagues, because most excel at that too.  I mean that teachers are used to being the ones talking all day and when forced to sit and listen, like in an assembly, board meeting, staff meeting, etc. they are some of the worst "students" a speaker could wish to have. I noticed this the first year of my short teaching career.  During mandatory training for a curriculum (that we all disliked strongly and knew very well), we teachers would sit in the back row, write on one another's papers, pass notes, giggle and whisper non-stop. Throughout my years teaching, I would notice a majority of the staff members grading papers, playing on their phones, or texting inconspicuously (or so they thought). The fact of the matter was that we were busy people, and had mountains of things to grade, lessons to plan, and likely extracurricular school activities we were also in charge of-so sitting in a meeting where we were just going to be told about the changes coming that would effect us (usually decided upon by non-educators) while we had little say about the matters...well, just send it in a memo. It's really no wonder that I am similar to a young child with attention deficit while in my lecture class, wiggling in my seat, doodling in my notes, whispering to my newfound friends on either side of me, and keeping a running tally of everytime my instructor says "uh" ( which is a HUGE tally). I was taught how to speak in front of others and how to engage an audience, as were many other teachers. Perhaps that's why we are oh so much harder to engage.

Confessions of a Former School Teacher, Part 7

Rule #8: Honesty Really is the Best Policy

I decided during my maternity leave with Isaiah that it was time to make a change. I would put in my applications at a few local private and charter schools to be a teacher. I didn't have my teaching license yet, but it was in progress, and I knew I could maybe get a job somewhere other than a public school. I was offered my first teaching job when Isaiah was just four months old. He wasn't even sleeping through the night yet. The con to this new career was that I'd be expected to teach all day (with no experience,mind you), and go to school two nights a week. Factor in grading, my own homework and a new baby- I was probably crazy for not returning to my office job! The pro of this situation though was that I could become a teacher while getting paid to be a teacher-most wannabe teachers have to student teach, with no income.

My first two days of teaching were pretty great, I was a natural... But then the third day came. The third graders were rowdy, rude and wouldn't listen. The fourth day was similar. I was thisclose to begging for my old job back. Now books will tell you all kinds of tips for being a new teacher. Be calm, be tough, never admit you're new. Bologna. The end of my first week I had a "chat" with my class. I told them they were wonderful the first two days, but awful the next few. I told them what I expected from them. I told them I was new, and perhaps it had been a mistake to become their teacher. The good thing about younger kids is that they were already getting attached to me (you spend all day with the same teacher!). They wanted me to stay. We came to an agreement- I'd be there for them and I'd be honest with them, but in return I needed respect. The next week I began Respect Boot Camp with my class. They earned individual rewards for acting respectfully, but they also earned a class party when everyone reached the goal. It took a few months of us focusing on behaviors I needed from them to earn that party, and there were a few stragglers that needed some positive peer pressure, but by the end of the year I was proud to hand that class to anyone. It took me being brutally honest with them to accomplish this.

The second year I taught third grade, I also taught one period of middle school science. They were a tough class, but I expected a lot from them. I'll never forget the day that an angry mother bypassed our office after school and came to yell at me. "Why is my son failing your class?" she yelled. Let me tell you, this woman was ready for a fight, but I stayed calm (it's hard to yell when no one is yelling back I find). "He hasn't turned anything in to me," I said. Well, Angry Mother proceeded to tell me that her son did homework every night while up in his room, and that I should just take her word for it. "Would you take my word for it that angry leprechauns stole two of my purple socks today?" I said..... In my head. I wanted to say it out-loud, but I needed to still have a job the next day. What I did say was, "I'm sorry, I can't grade something I haven't seen." Our discussion continued for a bit, and I made the audacious request that if she wanted to know her son was actually doing homework that he do it at the kitchen table instead of behind the closed door of a room that had an XBox. She was still furious. I actually got told by my boss (oh did we have a liking problem!) the next day that it looked bad to fail this kid. I responded to this by saying,"I'm sorry, but I find it would be unethical to give this kid a grade when I haven't been able to evaluate any of his work." Two things here: 1) bosses hate the implication they are asking for anything that is not ethically proper (even if they are), and 2) it's important to stick to your guns and tell the truth. That boy spent his lunches for the next two weeks making up assignments for my class.

Confessions of a Former School-Teacher, Part 6

Rule #7: It's OK to Cry.

I will never forget that first year teaching, with a classroom full of eager third graders-and me, pretending I knew exactly what I was doing. I would read to them everyday before lunch. I had a student ask me if I would read his favorite chapter book to the class, Stone Fox. Now, I had never read this book, but it looked fine to me, and I thought the boys might appreciate it. If you have never read Stone Fox, it is about a sled-dog team in Alaska, and a young boy who is in the race. Anyhow, I am reading the book each day, and the class is really enjoying it. A few kids had read the book themselves, but the boy who asked me to read it made them promise not to tell the ending. SPOILER ALERT.....So, I am reading the end of the last chapter of this book. The kid is in the sled race, and his dog is winning! Against all these adult racers, and against the Indian man, Stone Fox. And then....the unthinkable happens. My best-read aloud voice starts to quaver as I read to my class that the poor dog's heart couldn't take it anymore, and it burst. I am trying not to cry in front of my class, but the tears are inevitable, as the boy, just feet from the finish line and winning the race, looks down at his dog. Then Stone Fox, who would have won the race then, picks up the dead dog and carries him across the finish line. Umm...yeah, I did not succeed in not crying in front of my class, and momentarily wanted to kick the kid who suggested I read the book! As I looked around though, there were tears in the eyes and on the faces of many of my students, boys and girls alike. That book, and my tears, gave us many good discussions after that.

My ex-husband and I separated on a Friday, through a text message, a week before Christmas break. It was awful. My boss told me that I could stay home the following week, which would've given me three whole weeks off, but I couldn't bear the thought of not having that normalcy in my life either. So, while I did leave early that Friday in December, I came back first thing the following Monday. Some students knew already, because I am not that private of a person, and some did not. I came back into an atmosphere of love and acceptance. I came back broken. Some students brought me things, like coffee and cookies, some gave me hugs, and others gave me space. I was a robot that week back. Later on a favorite student of mine told me I was pale, quiet and quite obviously trying to keep it together. As it got out more that I was going through a divorce, some students asked me about it. I was honest. I said it sucked, it hurt, but in some cases it was inevitable. I got a slap on the wrist for that comment, as I worked at a Christian school and was apparently supposed to be embarrassed and shameful on top of the fact that I also felt broken and defeated. (Side Note: You have never, ever wanted the floor to swallow you up more then when getting dating advice from your superintendent. Just sayin'. I'll save that story for another time!) The thing that touched me the most probably seems silly. I had a group of kids that had a few trouble-makers in the class. They would regularly tease me, make sarcastic comments, and just cause a tough time for me. I liked these boys, but sometimes they were a bit much to take. During that week before Christmas, and for awhile after, these boys listened in class and behaved. They caused me no trouble, at all. To me, that was a HUGE sign of respect, and I was so thankful. I also knew that when they started making trouble a few weeks later, that I was through the worst of it, and had pulled through-at least enough in their eyes that they could annoy me again. :)

I think God knows what He is doing every step of the way. The times that I have been weak in front of my students, they have shown me love, support and kindness. The times that I was too sad to be who they usually needed, they let me know that it was okay to need them too. If you are a former student and reading this, thank you.

Confessions of a Former School-Teacher, Part 5

Rule #6: Laugh Often
I have so many good memories of just outright silly things with my classes. Some things became class jokes after awhile. With my sixth graders, we would try to weird each other out with extreme weather events (It is possible for it to rain spiders, like my worst nightmare-they're actually picked up by wind and then redeposited during a storm, but same dif.)! With my Freshman class, we laughed about the stupidity of the textbook sometimes, and though very, very dry-the magnetism unit was always a favorite when we read the advice on re-magnetizing an item: "just stroke it... with a magnet,"-think immature, adolescent boys, and your mind will be in the appropriate place! I'm also fairly certain that there is still a video of me on FaceBook somewhere of me doing zumba-esque moves, singing, as I shook up homemade ice cream in a baggie. In Biology it was a riot when a favorite, popular boy student mispronounced organism as orgasm, and then couldn't get it right after that!  My Freshman health class was a blast to joke with when we played my own version of the Game of Life and gave them bizarre financial emergencies- "your new puppy ate your couch and your carpet, and your parents are visiting next week!" Or how about the fantastic Health book and it's outdated pictures and weird quotes, "Uncontrolled bleeding could lead to death." No, really?  Who could forget Testosteroni- the San Francisco Treat, when we talked about Testosterone in Anatomy, and I said it sounded like rice-a-roni to me, and that I remembered it by thinking Testosteroni!! Or my favorite ever textbook quote, "Old age culminates in death." You think?

Anatomy was a class unto its own when it came to uncomfortable, and sometimes slightly inappropriate jokes. After-all, we were learning all about the human body. I will never forget my first anatomy class that made me laugh until I cried, at least once a week. My favorite story is one of a girl who insisted weird pregnancies could happen. To her defense, we had not studied the reproductive system yet, but every eye turned and looked at her like she was an alien when she spouted, "Well, you don't need a uterus to have a baby." Ummm....yeah, you kinda do.

Some major teaching foibles that still kind of make me cringe. First year teaching, learning about metric measurements I used COPS as an analogy for differences in mass- "So when the cops find a kilo of cocaine..."-yeah, I was teaching 3rd graders at the time. Or the reading comprehension question that was set up to make me fail-a story about a squirrel hiding nuts. "So, what did the squirrel do with his nuts?" -oh my, was I red, and laughing, and my TA was about to fall out of her desk-but luckily only the boys got that one! Or my own personal favorite about a fellow teacher that the staff was having a wedding shower for-"So, I get to go to Mr. Z's shower today. That's kind of exciting." Student looks at me funny, followed by raising of the hand and then, "You're having a shower together?" Me, totally not getting it, "Oh, yes, all of the teachers are going to the shower together after school." Pause. "Oh!  It's a party- we aren't all taking a shower together!" Wow. Again, when I taught younger kids.

Sometimes jokes were a bit off-humor; sometimes teacher was a lot off topic. We had fun though. Laughter was a norm in my classroom. Oftentimes the laughter was aimed at me for something dumb I had done or said, and I was totally okay with that. This rule? Be comfortable enough to laugh at yourself-often.

Confessions of a Former School Teacher, Part 5

Rule #6: Sometimes the Answer is E

You know how when you are taking a test and there are multiple choices, option E is none of the above? If you are like me, option E is the scary one. You have to be pretty darn sure that you know the material well enough to rule out the other answers that are already provided. If it's a math test (math and I have a liking problem), I can tell you that my heart just about stops when I work out a problem and the answer is not even  close to the ones given. This is when I usually think, "I screwed this one up terribly!" But life is not a test. In medicine there is a fairly famous saying that goes, "If you hear hoof-beats, don't assume zebras." This makes sense in medicine. Almost every symptom can be caused by multiple things, so you rule out the most common things first, then you move to the rare. But medicine is not life. Where would life be without zebras? This lesson I first was taught as a teacher, but there are many applications. 

I had a student my first year teaching. Let's call him Blonde Boy. Now, Blonde Boy had been acting out for about a month. His grades were dropping, he was getting into trouble, and he was being very ornery. If life were a multiple choice test and the question was what is causing Blonde Boy to get into so much trouble, the answers may have gone like this. A) There is trouble at home, B)He's a bad kid who likes to cause trouble, C) The work is too hard for him, or D) He's lazy.  Now, as his teacher, I wanted the best choice (as my current instructors always say). What this means is that one or more choices could work, but they are not the best option. The best option here: E-none of the above. I met with Blonde Boy's mom. She was worried the work was too hard or maybe he needed counseling. "He's bored, " I told her. I told her that Blonde Boy was very capable and very intelligent, and that despite the grades I would like to move him into my advanced  math and reading groups, after talking with him. She consented, though surprised. I told Blonde Boy the next day that I knew he was bored because the work was too easy, and I was going to be challenging him from then on. I told him he could do it, and that if he didn't it would be because he was being lazy, not because he wasn't capable. Blonde Boy excelled, and Blonde Boy's mom loved me, because she told me that I got her son to like school again. 

My husband also calls this "hidden option E," because it isn't always apparent. Perhaps he has offered to take care of dinner and the choices are A) spaghetti, B)steak, C) grilled cheese, or D) soup and salad. Well, hidden option E is take wife out to a nice dinner, and it will almost always win! :)

So, that girl that never talks to you? Maybe it isn't that she is stuck-up, dumb, witchy or uninteresting, maybe it's E, none of the above. Maybe she is shy, smart and very talented, and you'd never know unless you took a chance. Life is all about figuring out your choices, and then making your own if the given ones don't suit you. I could've stayed a teacher, I could have done other things with my degree like counseling or social work, or I could have become an administrator (all of these would have been logical steps with the combination of education and experience I have), or I could look at the choices, and choose none of the above. As Robert Frost (one of my personal favorite poets) would say: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. 

Confessions of a Former School-Teacher, Part 4

Rule #4: Humble Yourself

I am just slightly (cough, cough) perfectionistic. Maybe it is because I'm an only child, maybe because I have always been the annoying overachiever, maybe just because if I think something is going to be done it should be done right (which usually translates to me doing it!). Enter my first ever teaching experience. It was when I was working on my Bachelor's degree and interning once a week at Riverview Elementary. My mentor teacher told me I could prepare and teach a lesson to the fourth graders. I planned for hours. I found the perfect lesson plan that was on averaging numbers and even tied it  to Thanksgiving, which was coming up. On the day of the lesson I got up to instruct and interact with my temporary class. The kids were not getting it, at all.  I was floundering, and a few minutes into the lesson I said to the fourth graders, "this isn't working is it?" I scrapped the lesson right there and improvised, still teaching them how to average a set of numbers, but without the perfectly planned lesson. When it came to the end of the day, I was ready to hear what went wrong, and how my lesson completely flopped. My mentor teacher came up to me, grinning, and said, "Great job." I was confused. Nothing went as planned. "Your lesson flopped, " she said, "but you were able to admit it to the students and try something else-and that's huge." 

That was one of the most important lessons I learned about teaching and life. I had many perfectly planned lessons and activities flop over the years, and other great ones that came about completely unexpectedly. It's ok to admit when you are wrong. It's ok to apologize (even to people you're in charge of), and it's ok to take a detour. Sometimes what actually happens is better than the perfect plan.

Rule #5: Build Confidence
The last two years that I taught junior high and high school, it was not uncommon to find an entire gaggle of young boys around me, clamoring for my attention. They wanted to tell me about soccer games, get their driver's license, what cars they liked, and what books they'd read. My husband teased me mercilessly about it. "All those boys-they all have crushes on their teacher," he'd joke. I always told him, no, we just got along well. After-all, I have the sense of humor of a teenage boy, I like classic cars, drive a car now that is pretty "cool" as far as teen boys are concerned, read science fiction and love to discuss completely random facts, like the fact that in Texas it is illegal to spray paint someone else's cow (I LOVE random weirdness like that). Plus, I have two boys, so I relate to them.

In any student, boy or girl, heck-in any person, I like to find what makes them tick. What are their passions, skills and dreams? Maybe there is a shy girl in the back of the class. She gets poor grades, but she is a talented artist. I love finding out these things, and encouraging the person, and focusing on what they do well, and what they love. I think it is a huge confidence builder (especially in the teen years when a bad hair-day of a break-out can be reason enough to take cover). 

My husband finally confessed to me that he loved the fact that I always had a group of boys. He said he wished he'd had a teacher like me who had given him the time of day. He thought the fact that I playfully teased my boys as well as truly cared about their stories (and the fact that I'm young enough and possibly cute enough, lol) was just the nudge forward that teens need to have a good day and build their confidence. I don't know about that, but I do know that when you find what people truly love, encourage them! You may be the difference it makes in their day.

Confessions of a Former School-Teacher Part 3

Rule #2: Spread Love, Not Hate
Another memory that I reflect on often is that of a conversation with an adolescent boy. This boy had many friends, but he chose to come talk to me about a very tough issue. "Sometimes I have feelings about other boys," he told me. I assured him that teenage years are confusing, full of hormones and emotions, and that what he was feeling was normal for his age-though he probably wouldn't find it talked about in the hallway.  So, if you're thinking, well, that was an easy fix-keep reading. It's never that simple. "Do you think Jesus cares who I like?" Standing there confounded by my lack of infinite wisdom, he went on, "I mean, I believe in Him, and I think the main point He was making was to love others, don't you? Am I a bad person if I wind up gay?" Well, hmmm...I guess I have to answer now, I thought. A million thoughts racing through my brain at that point, like how the school wouldn't like his views possibly, how maybe I should offer to pray with him, conversations with my best friend (a pastor's wife) on how the church often mistreats gays-it was all muddling around. Then I answered from my heart, instead of worrying about how I should field his question. "Yes, I agree. I think loving others and treating them well is the main point." I gave him a hug, told him I was there to talk, and reassured him that even though he may be having those feelings, it didn't necessarily mean he was gay, and that if it did, he was loved just the same.  Because, that is what it all boils down to, isn't it? Knowing that you are accepted and loved no matter what you do, because God loves us. Maybe I am oversimplifying the message, but then again, maybe it is just right.

Rule #3: Not Everybody is Created Equal
I know, I know, that is SO not politically correct of me to say, but let me explain. Some people we get along with like we have known them forever. They get us, we get them, and we enjoy talking to them. Other people we may feel neutral about. They're okay, I can get along with them. Then there's the other people. You may think that you are someone who gets along with everyone until you meet that one person who (for whatever reason) drives you temporarily insane. In fact, the two seem to coincide.  Insanity is only present when the person also is present. Now, you may be laughing (I am too, thinking of people who have caused this condition in me), but this is normal. I don't care who you are. Some people you like a lot better than others, whether you are a teacher, student, or fill-in blank here. You (certainly not me :)), may even be the cause of this phenomenon in others. So, how do we deal with this "liking problem" so to speak?

Well, I have a story (I always do!) about my first year teaching. I was going along just fine, faking it until I was making it, and them WHAM. Bus? You ask...nope. Student. I was told I was getting a new boy on Halloween, and that this child from quite possibly the opposite of Heaven, had been expelled from multiple schools and lo-and-behold he was going to be mine. I really can't make this stuff up. I joked about the fact that he was starting on Halloween. Really. It was a pretty good cosmic coincidence. On Halloween the new boy shows up and he hands me a paper. It is folded up pretty good and says "for my new teacher" on the outside. I think to myself, "Sarah, how sweet. What are you possibly worried about?" Then I open it.

..........................................................................................................................................................

Were you wondering if I'd go on? Well inside for his new teacher was a happy picture of a teddy bear. Being stabbed. With multiple swords. And blood. Again, I don't make this stuff up. There are more tales to be told at some point, but let's just say I had a definite liking problem in the weeks that followed, in the fact that I didn't like this child... at all. There is a lesson here. The only time I advise faking it is in situations like this. I smiled, I taught, I laughed, and I learned (albeit very slowly) to like this kid little by little. So, though not everyone is created to be liked specifically by you, it is never an excuse to treat them any differently. Fake it until it becomes real, or until you've moved to another chapter in your life. You never know if you might be helping them.

Confessions of a Former School-Teacher Part 2

When you are a teacher, the students make all the difference. I have funny stories, ones so bad you'd laugh until you cried, I have sad stories, and I have stories that might make you think-the way they did me. A note to any former students reading this blog, all names have been omitted to protect the not-so-innocent, and if you think you know who I'm talking about-you probably don't, enough has been changed to make the student anonymous while keeping the integrity of the story the same. I have compiled some of my favorite stories into a list of "Rules" that I think would be helpful to anyone who interacts with people (aka: everyone), not just teachers.

Rule #1: Make No Judgments...It's Not Your Job
This story is bittersweet to me. I wonder if I handled it right all the time. I'm not sure there was a right answer, but maybe it was the right answer to this student. It was the end of the school year when an upperclassman popped in to talk to me. I had a good relationship with this student, and was going to miss her, as she was moving on to bigger and better things the next year. "Mrs. West, I have to tell you something," she said, "but please hear me out." I sat down and told her to go on. "I had sex recently," she confessed. Now, let me remind you this is a Christian school I was working at, and this was a huge taboo. "Go on, " I said. "I know I shouldn't have, you know, that I'm not supposed to...but I don't feel guilty, and I plan on doing it again at some point." Wowzers, did I feel like I was in a tough situation for a moment suspended in time. What was I supposed to do with this information? What should I say to her? Then, it dawned on me. She was a very bright girl, she knew she shouldn't have done it, but that wasn't why she told me. I stayed quiet for a minute. Then, the reason she told me became crystal clear when she looked at me with doubt in her eyes and said, "Does that change how you think of me?" I could have broke down and cried right there. I pulled her in for a hug and told her the truth, "absolutely not. I adore you. Thank you for sharing with me. I am not going to lecture you...just please be safe." My student smiled, and replied, "I knew you wouldn't judge me." Every time I look back on that day, I hope that I did it right, that I wasn't giving her the green light. She already had her mind made up after-all-I hope I was giving her what she needed in that moment: a person to listen, a person who wouldn't judge, and reassurance that she was still very much cared about.

To be continued...