And the Curtain Closes.

At the end of a play there is this wonderful moment when the curtain closes after the performance. As exhilarating as being on stage in character can be, there is such release when it is complete. This is the time to break character, smile, laugh, hug your fellow actor/actress next to you, and rejoice in a job well done. This is the time to let go of any slip-ups you may have made during the evening, knowing that in the end, they don't really matter. I acted in high school. Oh, just in the school plays, but I loved every second of it. I loved the memorization, the long rehearsals, the "getting into character", the being up on stage, but one of the things I remember most is the experience shared with others when the curtain falls at the end. It is bittersweet, a time when people move on and will never be in the exact same grouping again, like the last ever play I acted in, The Crucible.  Many of my greatest high school memories were spent on the stage, on the set, and in the dressing room...but as usual, I digress. Sometimes life in its bigger moments reflects the smaller ones we have had, and we are left making a connection of sorts. 

Everyone is familiar with the saying "When one door closes, another opens." What some people are not aware of is the rest of the saying, "but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us," (Alexander Graham Bell). It would be a lie to say that I have not been in a complete funk lately. I have applied to teaching jobs all over the place in what is an incredibly flooded market (Can we say over 1,000 applicants in some districts for 1 job!). I have hoped for jobs that if I am honest with myself I don't even really want-like the job at the "place where unicorns go to frolic" which is in many ways too good to be true, in the fact that I myself do not feel like I am a good fit (and will be surprised if it is offered to me....and then I have to decide what to say). The program I thought was wonderful WAS too good to be true, and was misrepresented in what to make a long story short basically means that I was not even in the program I wanted to be in, and was lead to believe I was in. Looking at schools all over the place, at college programs anywhere within an hour, can be a frustrating endeavor-Especially when every door seems to slam shut. There have been SO many doors shut that I was at a complete loss yesterday, crying in Barrett's arms. 

And then I talked to my hairdresser today. It was so nice to be 100% honest with someone that my decisions have no impact on. I mean, she doesn't care which route I do or don't pursue as long as I am happy and my family is well. I was telling her my story, and she laughed, and said, "You know Sarah, I believe everything happens for a reason. Maybe you are needed at home next year, and God is shutting every door that would pull you away." I laughed to myself as I recalled the prayer that I have prayed daily the past few months, "God, I just want to do what is best, not what is best financially or best for me, but what it is YOU think I would be best at. Please show me a sign, and slam shut any doors that I shouldn't go down right now and open those that are where you want me." I kid you not. Why does it take talking to someone else who is not in my daily loop to see the situation for what it is? God is probably really annoyed with me, for all the doors I have tried to open, and He keeps having to close them. Do you think He thinks of us as naughty toddlers ever? I said, don't touch. Leave things alone. Talking to Kellie gave me peace today. Perhaps the reason I cannot get into any graduate programs now until Fall 2014, and have not been offered a teaching position, is because I am needed here. Barrett's grandparents move up in August. Isaiah begins kindergarten in September. While I can indeed suck it up and sub when we need extra money, maybe I am not meant to be committed to a full-time course of anything next year. Maybe this is when this particular curtain closes. Maybe it is time to be relieved, to laugh, to sigh, and to hug those around me. Perhaps this is when I forge relationships with others, and discover who and what I am meant to be. I know that I have been all over the place emotionally, and it helped to read my own thoughts on this from a few months ago Why I Choose to Stay Home.

I know I will enter the full-time workforce again someday soon, perhaps in 2014! It is in my nature. But at this point I am not sure if I will be teaching or returning to school. I have lots of research to do, and the time to do it in. A new option has presented itself, though not this year, and that is me adding a special education license to my teaching repertoire, and perhaps pursuing a career in that niche. Something that I never felt interested to do in the past keeps niggling in the back of my mind. Perhaps I will indeed pursue counseling, but likely not for schools, but for couples and families. Again, I am not sure yet. I whined to Barrett yesterday that I needed to know RIGHT NOW, as I am not getting any younger! I even whined that I have crinkles around my eyes when I smile, and am too old to not have a plan. Today I was reminded that while I may not have a plan, God does. And truly, truly, what does it matter if I pursue a goal at 32 instead of 31, or even at 40, 50, or 80? We are here to live and to love, and often, that does not happen right on schedule. 

The Raw Truth About Marriage & Family?

I went downstairs to hang up my robe, and saw a messed up bed that had just been made. Why? Because the dog had hid his bone under Barrett's pillows. I laughed to myself. I looked around and saw a (mostly) clean room. And I was happy, content, pleased with my life. My little bathtub boy is drawing on the tub with bath crayons while I am nearby (to hear him yet give him privacy). Has it ever occurred to you just how much you can know about a family by seeing their home on a given day? This thought has been in my mind lately.

If you were to walk into my home, yes, you would see order and general cleanliness (because I am kind of a control freak about that), but you would also see dog hair from our (usually) beloved German Sheperd, Max who is almost 1, and yeah...sheds like crazy. You'd see our Tuxedo kitty, Clarissa napping somewhere or imperiously meowing for attention or food. (If it is possible for a cat to have a bitchy meow, ours has the market on this!). One night B and I were laying in bed, wondering where Clarissa had gone (she is indoor/outdoor), and lo and behold she appeared (THUMP!), sticking like Velcro to our bedroom window screen, and meowing very maddeningly to be let in. But I digress... You would see the fridge covered not only in artwork and sticky finger marks, but sports schedules, school event flyers and lunch menus. You would see notes everywhere. Sticky notes to remind me of things to do, a whiteboard on the fridge declaring both "Barrett James you are loved beyond words.." and another saying "Clean out boys' dresser drawers!" Perhaps you'd find a note on Matt's bed saying "Please clean out your backpack, Love Mom."  Oh, and don't forget the love note on our bathroom mirror in red lipstick. It changes every few weeks. :) You would also see artwork hanging in the hallway, and photographs all over the house. Family pictures, silly pictures, digital picture frames. You would see TONS of books, and many movies, fresh flowers on the counter top from outside, flavored coffee and gun magazines from my dear husband.  You might find my treasured Mother's Day earrings on my dresser if not in my ears, and an outfit for the next day hanging up by my vanity area.  You would see a Betta fish in both kids' rooms. In Matt's room you'd find sports paraphernalia, soccer cleats, baseball hat, mitt, etc, and in Isaiah's a mess. Zay is my tornado, and I can't predict what I will find going on in his room on a daily basis. Perhaps dress-up capes and masks to be various superheroes or a block tower...or every book off the shelf. 

I have a point, I really do. The other day I watched a movie Friends With Kids (Cute, but very adult humor, so if language and sexual jokes bother you...skip this one), and I was honestly saddened by the portrayal of what "real" marriages with kids look like. Chaotic homes full of anger and resentment, unhappy spouses, constant disarray. This is how most families are portrayed...right? Watch a comedy about families and you will see the sex-starved husband (I always feel SO sorry for them...ladies, once a month is never acceptable!!! Just sayin'), messy house, and wild kids...oh, and overwhelmed wife. I know that my kids are now past the infant years, past the toddler years and now even past preschool years (Zay starts kinder in the Fall). Surely our life wasn't like THAT, was it? If I am perfectly honest with myself, I remember from my previous marriage times that honestly, well, sucked. And many were indeed related to kids. I remember feeling so sleep-deprived after Matthew that I thought infancy was a sick joke. It's like a slow form of torture for prisoners of war. Sleep? Yeah, right. A few hours a night at best. Pretty sure I hated EVERYONE at that point in my life, lol. I remember the sheer overwhelmingness (is that a word?) of Matt being a toddler and Zay being a baby. I distinctly remember sitting on their bedroom floor having a meltdown...just wanting to leave the house for awhile by myself. I remember resenting my ex when I felt I wasn't getting enough help. And I wonder...perhaps the movies are more accurate than we would all like to admit??

Articles abound about kids sucking the happiness right out of relationships. Here is an example: Does Having Kids Make You Less Happy?  and another Why Parents Hate Parenting (long post, but fascinating). I write all this to pose a hypothetical question if you will: Is happiness what we make of it? I fully admit to some really rough times in the past, but they did pass. It didn't seem fast then, but now it seems like the blink of an eye.   I spend 5-6 days a week watching one boy or the other play sports now. My butt spends hours of time in our lawn chairs that live in my trunk. But you know what? There is nowhere else I would rather be (except Mexico maybe...but really people, who wouldn't?). And I think on perhaps the most valuable statement in the silly movie I watched about marriage...you choose the person you want to be with during the worst of things, and then, even those aren't so bad. My marriage could not have recovered from the black things that grew up in it...but maybe yours can? Maybe you are just coming out of the other side of infancy, or toddler-hood ..or another difficult stage. Cling to what you have. I know I do now.  And we make the BEST of this life we have been given, with every birthday party, every soccer game, every baseball practice, and every stolen kiss. Every one. 

So, look around you. What does your home reveal about you? It is never too late to "redecorate". 

Why Divorce Made Me a Better Person

I do not advocate for divorce, I truly don't...but in my case I think that my divorce made me a better person. I am a better mother and a better wife these days than ever before. Sometimes I feel guilty about that. I see my ex with his wife and family and me with mine, and we both seem to be doing great...and I wonder why it is that life works that way. But I don't miss my old life at all. I am blessed now with a larger family that includes his wife, her daughter, their daughter, my husband, and our boys. Strange at times? Yes, but it gets less and less so and more what is normal for us. I am glad that we can attend sport's games, BBQ's and school events as an entire unit, and I hope that it teaches Matthew and Isaiah that we all love them very much. I actually asked Matt the other night very gently, if he was ever angry that his dad and I split up. His answer, "No...not really. I wouldn't have had Barrett, Heidi, and my sisters if you hadn't."  He also acknowledged that both his dad and I seemed happy and that he rarely hears Barrett and I argue about anything (a huge change from my first marriage!). Wow. Maybe we are doing something right? 

In my first marriage I was very lonely, and I knew that (for me) being with my spouse daily for quality time was very important. I used to fill the void with school, work, and shopping (yeah...). Barrett and I have been accused of being "attached at the hip" a few times, and though we indeed can separate when necessary and for events where the other isn't quite welcome (like a baby shower for example, lol)-we choose to be together almost every time we can. We choose to attend the boys' games and practices together when we can, to run errands together, relax together and even to do one another's hobbies together (even if they aren't our favorite!) because we love being in one another's company. Though I would love to say that every problem imaginable in my first marriage was not my fault, some definitely were. I had a very hard time apologizing when I did things wrong (which does happen occasionally!). I can now apologize to Barrett and even (gasp!) drop an argument when I realize it just isn't that important. I also have learned that me having a strong opinion on every little thing does not matter, nor is it helpful. There are things we are each experts in, and while an opinion is good, it is important to submit to the other when they simply know more about it.   This goes for little things and big ones. Barrett is a man of logic, and he will research something for days on end. When it comes to purchasing a vehicle, a computer, or lawnmower, or even a saw...this is his department.  Barrett takes better care than I at managing the household finances (though we recently decided to both be involved). I, on the other hand, am the one that has an eye for decorating. I decide paint colors, furniture and the like. I also can research the heck out of vacations, so I plan out trips and run them by B for approval. Perhaps there was a lot of mismatched personality going on my first time around! 

My children are adored by me, and they enjoy a close relationship with many adults. Before I got divorced, I relied heavily on my parents to let me escape. I still rely on them when I need to get something done, but not like before. Because of the constant time together, I am closer to both boys, and we do many things as a family. Barrett and I take them camping, riding, on small trips like to the aquarium or out  to eat often, and I do projects with them at home, and they help Barrett outside. The boys are with us (with the exception of any overnighting with my parents) 12 days in a row before going back to their dad each cycle. This is a lot of getting ready for school, meals, and time. I will freely admit (and I know many parents don't have this "luxury") that by the end of those 12 days I am ready for a break! I know that many parents go through this too, where a day seems incessantly LONG, full of hours to fill, and the small voice saying "Hey Mama-" is like long fingernails screeching down a chalkboard.

The good thing is that at the end of 12 days I get to refresh for two, and then start all over again. It's like a mini-vacation. Barrett and I date, and enjoy being a couple without children. This weekend it is Iron Man 3 and dinner tonight, and then breakfast at a cafe, soccer games, bike window shopping for me, Matt's school BBQ with our other parenting half and boys, then wine and stargazing. Sunday is church, luncheon after service, and roofing chicken coop. At least that's the plan. 

So, while divorce is not the answer, maybe you can learn a few important lessons from my mistakes and successes. Spend lots of time with your spouse. Quality matters...but so does QUANTITY. Same goes with your children. Sometimes the best conversations occur while trapped in the car on the way to the grocery store. Get breaks when you need them. Take time to refresh, whether it is a whole weekend, a few hours, or a long bubble bath. You will be a better parent because of it. Know your strengths and your weaknesses. Also know your partner's. In a great relationship, you will fill in one another's gaps. Finally, learn to be humble and apologize when you know you're wrong, but also learn to drop it even when you are right...because tomorrow is based on the decisions we make today.

Spread Eagle Shower Yoga? Life is Never Dull!

I am pretty sure that I am the only person in the entire world that was doing exactly what I was doing the last 25 minutes. So...disclaimer, is that my now 5 year-old loves to take baths. Brilliant mommy that I am has come up with some clever ways to extend the bathtub playtime, as it gives me time to blog or check email, or sign boys up for activities, you get my drift. Not long ago I read a brilliant blog post from a mom of young-ins detailing how to make bathtub spray paint to color the bubbles in a bubble bath. Awesome! I bought three spray bottles from the dollar store, and some food coloring. Isaiah had tried them out once before, and he had pretty, colorful bubbles and loads of fun. 

This morning? Well, this morning my sweet, sweet child called mommy in to see his "artwork".  I open the shower curtain, and the tub is a murky mix of colors, the bubbles are all gone, and the walls and our bathroom ceiling (yes, ceiling!) are sprayed lovely shades of green, red and yellow. There is food coloring/water mixture everywhere the eye can see, and it is dripping in rainbows on the floor, into the tub and on the bath mat! Wow. God is laughing at me this morning, having a grand old chuckle I am sure! My only saving grace is that I somehow can have patience at the strangest of times (and little at others unfortunately), and I forced a smile, told Isaiah to wash up, and tell me when he was out so I could clean up. 

Poor little guy knew I wasn't happy, but as I was cleaning came in to tell me "I love you Mommy." Not once did I yell, and I only barely lectured that we are to keep the spray in the tub, and not on the ceiling. My darling child (and yes I am dripping with sarcasm at the moment) explained that once he got some on the ceiling on "accident" that he attempted to empty the other spray bottles to shoot the spray off the ceiling, but they still had food coloring in them. I am trying not to give in to hysterical fits of laughter. When I got up this morning, I dressed in workout clothes so I could do Pilates at some point today. Little did I know I would spend almost 30 minutes with legs spread wide, perched on either side of the tub in the splits and washcloth above my head as I meticulously and ever so slowly wiped colored water off my ceiling. Perhaps I have created a few new yoga poses this morning? Standing en point with karate kid wax on/wax off motions, and balancing ever so carefully to allow my short self to even reach the ceiling while praying I don't fall into the wet, slimy tub. Now, you can laugh at my expense...I will even help. Just imagine me precariously balanced while scrubbing bright color splotches off the ceiling. 

Good times. I think I may have most of your mornings beat today with the originality that occurred in my household. I should have taken pictures!

5 Years Ago Today

Five years ago today, I was not in Mexico (as I am while I write), but was in an operating room, having my little Isaiah. Happy birthday to my sweet little boy, my baby, who is now a big five year-old!  Isaiah was an "easy" baby, content to play happily on a blanket, sleeping through the night after about 4 1/2 months, and he was a chubby little critter. Though an easy infant, Isaiah has been the tougher of my two boys on just about everything else. Things that worked like clockwork with Matthew (potty-training, sleeping in a big kid bed) were a bit more challenging with Isaiah. He has been petulant, adventurous, and definitely more thrill/pleasure seeking than his big brother. Five years ago I was in an unhappy marriage, and beginning a new career. I loved Isaiah and Matthew both, but was an overwhelmed, tired shadow of a mom. Today, I can give my sons a stable home, a (currently anyway) stay-at-home mommy that dotes on them, energy, time and a gift to my children as well-my happiness. The past four months that I have gotten to stay home with my little one have been an eye-opener. Staying home and being at the whim of a four-year old can be exhausting work! But we have explored our property, adventured down by the river, checked out dozens upon dozens of books at the local library, and built forts, Lincoln Log cabins, and block towers galore. I have flown remote-controlled helicopters, released live butterflies, and cut sandwiches into the shape of hearts. I have grown closer to my more "difficult" child. I always thought that in my head. You see, Matt is like me, and he aims to please, tries really hard, and rarely gets in trouble (ok...like me as a little kid, not as a teenage girl!!). Isaiah though, Zay as we call him, wants to know why for everything. He is not afraid to be himself at anytime, because he knows that he is fabulous. Today, as we called from Cozumel to wish him a happy birthday, he happily asked if he could talk to Max. Max is our dog...and is most definitely not with us here! It was a typical Isaiah moment, "Just smile and wave boys...smile and wave!" When asked why he has broken a rule, more often than not I will get the honest answer..."because it was fun, Mama." Oh, Isaiah James, we love you so!  I am sad and pleased at the same time to know you are growing, and there will be many more milestones to go. Happy birthday to my big five-year old. We can't wait to see you again for your party when we return. :)

Why I Choose to Stay Home

Staying home is not for the faint of heart. When I worked full-time my house stayed cleaner (because we were all gone all day!); now it actually gets used. When I worked I had a schedule that dominated my days and the days of my children. When I worked, I had extra money in my bank account...but not extra time. Working was easier in many ways. I worried less about cooking nice meals for my family, most chores got procrastinated away until the weekends (because everyone wants a "catch-up" day after working all week!), and everything extra seemed like an obligation. "Extra" things didn't get done for my family. "No, Mommy has no time to bake cupcakes for school...we will run by Safeway," and "Honey, I don't have time to sit and watch that show with you-I'm too behind on laundry."

Did you know that once I had my great epiphany about nursing that I have (not once!) looked back and thought I made the wrong decision? I thought so desperately that I had missed out on something by forcing myself to work and attend night-school all the years, and by letting our debt pile so high that I had to work-it was never a matter of choice (or it was a matter of poor choices along the way!). I was bitter about missing out. I thought I had missed my calling, missed precious time. When I was a young girl I dreamed of being a doctor or a lawyer, of being successful, and of having a wonderful husband and no kids. I never wanted children in those old visions I had. But you see I had missed something! What I have been realizing is that the precious time I missed was not about making myself into some awesome career woman, the time I missed was the time in the home, to be an awesome mom, an awesome wife, and an awesome person.

Barrett and I have spent a lot of time discussing the next few years. See, the original plan was that I would be in nursing school, and that except for maybe a part-time job as a CNA, I would be focusing on school for 3-4 years. Now since the plan has changed quite a bit, we have discussed our new plan. I began this new year by getting on some substitute teacher lists, and then doing a fair amount of subbing. It pays well, and quite honestly you can expect to work anywhere from 2-4 days each week. I have to be honest here: I went in gung-ho thinking this was the perfect way to make some extra money. I hated it. Like, honestly would rather shove bamboo shoots under my nails or pump gas (that would be much more preferable!!!), so I haven't subbed at all in about a month and a half...and while I might take a job for someone I know (or for high school, as that is FAR easier in my opinion), not sure subbing is the career for me at all. Let's just say that there is a ginormous difference between having your own classroom and being in charge of someone else's for the day. EEK! If money gets really tight...I'd rather become a cashier at Wal-Mart again (I actually worked there for 4-5 months when I was 18, and it was MUCH more enjoyable than subbing). :)

 Oh, right, I was going somewhere with this before I began ranting...anyhow, next Fall both boys will be in school 4 days each week, and I will begin night and online classes through Northwest Christian University in Eugene. This means that I could potentially work during the day. Could being the operative word, as should isn't exactly the same. I have been the working full-time and grad school route before, and while doable...not enjoyable, at all.  My ever wonderful husband has told me a few things to help me make this decision: A) It is my decision, B) We do okay now financially, though extra is always nice, and C) if I choose not to work, he wants some of my pent-up energy (AKA so I don't drive him nuts) to go toward something I care about like a new hobby, volunteering, etc. It seems I change my mind almost daily about this decision (a problem all women have according to Barrett!!). On the one hand, though I never looked back after deciding against nursing, I have looked back SO much about leaving teaching. I do indeed have a passion for it, and I do miss it. I also know without a doubt though that it is not my calling, but simply a step on my journey to finding out who I am and how I can best help others. My calling is counseling, and probably always has been, but I was not ready to serve others yet in that very personal way until I found out who I was, and became grounded myself. Make sense? I have looked at jobs with the State of Oregon in Child Welfare positions (Social Worker), and at a few teaching positions as they come open...but for now I have decided that unless something really great (like a part-time teaching job...and those rarely happen) comes up, I choose to stay home next year and the following year while I earn my counseling licenses. 

2 boys and their dog

I have so much gratitude to Barrett, my parents, and Barrett's grandparents who have all showed me nothing but love, support and a willingness to help. They have given me the greatest gift I could have ever asked for. They have given me the gift of time. Time to be Mommy to my kids. I play with my sons now, we go places, we do crafts, and attend play-dates. They both seem so much happier and comfortable with a mom that is not overly busy and distracted all the time. They deserve that. Never before would I have ran in the rain with Isaiah, hiked by the river as we "adventure" or left at the spur of the moment to meet friends who were in town at the park. Time to discover myself. I am taking a class now (just for fun) on how children develop morals. I am volunteering at the Pregnancy Alternatives Center nearby, training to be a patient advocate, mentor and fellow teacher of parenting classes. I have time to read for fun, to teach myself to cook and bake, to make candles and hand-painted signs, to volunteer at Matt's school, to garden and tend to the pets. Never before did I feel I had time to give freely of myself to a cause I cared about, to plan the landscaping of our home, or to ponder the purposeful parenting of our children. 

Isaiah playing hopscotch

As I plan for the next school year (it's coming sooner than we think!), I reflect on the changes that have made me who I am today, and I am grateful. I probably do not deserve happiness like this, but other than a few minor annoyances that sidetrack us all, I am happy every single day. I am loved completely, and respected enough to be given the reigns ("It is up to you, Sarah") with a smile and no pressure. Because I am human, I will stumble. I will make decisions, and then change my mind. :) I think about what is to come: my baby starting kindergarten, a huge home addition and Barrett's grandparents here to stay, learning counseling theories and techniques as a student again, setting up and decorating a new playroom for the kids and den for us, camping in the new 5th wheel, overseeing the addition itself with all the decisions to be made there, helping women learn about their pregnancies, their health and how to parent, and I am sure many, many more things. Life keeps us all busy in many ways. So there you have it-why I choose to stay home this season of life. I will trade muddy floors for Isaiah's giggle as we twirl umbrellas in the rain any day. I will trade many dinners out to dinners prepared by me and my sons. I will trade perfectly scheduled for perfectly available, and I will trade my family feeling like "extras" for everything else coming later.

Matthew with great-grandpa and grandma

Life on Purpose: Parenting (Part 2)

I hope that you have checked out Life on Purpose: Parenting (Part 1), because this is my continuation.

Other than always seeing the same annoying behaviors crop up when the boys are acting out, Barrett and I realized that we were missing a few things too. They weren't being taught exactly what was expected of them. I was good at this as a teacher-my classes knew what I expected, but I need to revamp this as a mommy. Sure, the boys know what they get scolded for, but what do they get rewarded for? What do Mommy and Barrett want to see? What makes us smile and tell them they are doing well?

In education, teachers are taught to shy away from direct instruction. In direct instruction, the teaching comes from (you guessed it!) the teacher. It is knowledge passed on first-hand through lecture mainly, modeling and practice. It is a "bad" teaching method because it is not interactive enough, and kids are easily bored (though funny that almost every college class I have ever taken still teaches this way!). While I think direct instruction has a place in teaching (as do many other methods as well), this post is about parenting. Direct instruction is what is missing in a lot of homes! It was missing in mine. Kids need to be taught openly, warmly, and directly. I need to actually tell my boys what I expect, show them what I expect, have them talk about what I expect, and practice what I expect. Does that sound silly? I know it can feel that way at times, but how does a child learn to tie his/her shoes, or the correct way to rinse dishes or to make a bed? They don't just guess at it. They are taught. By us. One thing we have decided to do is to make decorative/teaching plaques with our lists of family do's and dont's. One for each boy's room, that we discuss, model, and even have boys memorize a line of each week. Sidenote: they will also each have a Rules of Firearms plaque that is taught and learned, because in a home where Barrett (and Mommy too sometimes) shoots as a hobby, it is important to teach the boys safe handling of and respect for guns (as well as why we believe they are a right...but I try not to blog about political things...there are plenty of other bloggers for that!). 

Parenting is hard sometimes. Okay...often. It is enjoyable, rewarding, and downright fun too, but it is meant to be tough. You are growing a person!!! Would you build a house without a plan? Would you begin a career without a plan? Heck, some of us clean our houses with a plan in place...so we need one to parent as well!!! The other night my Matthew shared with me that he didn't remember the words to many "Jesus songs". I was saddened by this, but at his old school he had chapel days, and now he doesn't, and making church happen for us is hit and miss between shared weekends with their dad, sports, and family outings we take. This is something that I personally need to be more diligent about. The boys need to see me praying, worshiping and talking to them about God. And they need to be a part of that. Church also needs to happen more, but I digress. How do I solve this problem? Shopping of course! No, I am kidding (mostly), but I did need to make sure that I have the proper tools to do these things, so I did order a bedtime devotional for boys, and another (newer) worship CD set to play and sing to. Again, my point here (broken record time) is that it is on purpose.  Lots of things are picked up on by children. You slip and say something naughty and boy do they repeat it! They bring sayings home from school, annoying songs they have learned...so knowing this, you infuse them with the things you want them to pick up too. 

Bunny trail here (that's what a favorite teacher of mine used to say anytime she got slightly off-topic...), does anyone else struggle with talking to their children about God? I talk to them. We read stories. But when does it begin feeling natural? Is is because I wasn't raised this way? I am truly open to any and all advice, suggestions, books, songs, etc. 

Back to my story...these are the "rules" we have discussed. These are not made up yet onto a plaque or taught yet, so they are a work in progress, but I thought I'd share.

In Our Home We: 

• Help each other.
• Pray.
• Read (for fun and for facts!).
• Say we are sorry, and mean it.
• Keep our areas clean.
• Keep calm and use quiet voices.
• Are polite.
• Respect one another.
• Keep our word.
• Do things for ourselves.

In Our Home We do Not:

• yell.
• argue.
• interrupt.
• whine.
• lie.
• talk back.

We also found (Barrett did I should say) the oath for a knight from Kingdom of Heaven (a movie neither of us really enjoyed, but still a valuable oath nonetheless): "Be without fear in the face your enemies, Be brave stand upright that God may love thee. Speak the truth always even if it would lead to your death. Safe guard to the helpless and do no wrong. That is your oath."

So, there you have it! Raising a knight (or a princess!) is tough work. :)

Life on Purpose: Parenting (Part 1)

Today I am home alone (heehee!). Barrett is at work, the boys are with their other set of parents, and I have glorious quiet time to myself. Not only have I been cleaning the house (pretty much a daily thing here), but I have also extensively picked up and then cleaned out the boys' rooms and closets. Scary, I tell you! While wandering through Isaiah's closet I found: missing socks, pants, shoes, an acorn, old batteries, tons of paper (the kid likes to cut "designs" in paper and make art!), stickers, dried up Play-Doh, and crayons and markers everywhere! Matt's closet was no less scary with sports gear, candy, random Legos, and any number of paper airplanes (his latest hobby!). As I de-cluttered, I tried to put things where they were handy and made sense, most used items still readily available, and the junk needed to go. I tend to be a pretty deep thinker, and quiet time is readily available for making plans!  As I cleaned, I thought about our lives, and our need to keep the important things close at hand and to get rid of the things that clutter up our lives.

I have been lucky enough to be in an online group that is the first 100 readers of a new parenting book. We got a free copy (possibly a t-shirt too), and we discuss the book online with the author and give our thoughts and insight. Kind of cool. I am really enjoying the book. It is called The Passionate Mom for those interested, by Susan Merrill, and is available for pre-sale on Amazon. I will review it later here on my blog. Anyhow...I am learning many things about my parenting style, and the things that are important to me and growing my young boys into amazing men.

The thing that continues to hit me the hardest? The need to have a plan. It may seem really ironic, because I am a huge planner type person, but I guess I thought that great parenting would just come natural and happen by accident? I don't know, it seems silly to me now. This truth came crashing down on both Barrett and I the other day while spending time with the kids. Disclaimer: my boys are pretty well-behaved, but second disclaimer: they are little boys, and third disclaimer: they are very impressionable. Some of their behaviors were a little iffy and some downright rude. We were surprised. Why are these boys acting this way? Who is teaching them these bad behaviors? And then it hit: Who is teaching them good behaviors? You see, this cannot be left to chance! If we leave it to chance and just correct for the bad behaviors, how are the boys supposed to learn the good ones? It seems awfully like teaching them to use the process of elimination (a good strategy for test-taking), a bad strategy for life.

They won't be little for long...

Thankfully, my husband is a planner type person too, so we have been devising a plan. We must parent on purpose! What does this even look like? Well, you start backwards, I think. You think of the things that matter the most that your children need to have when they leave you and enter that big world out there. We have those goals already...after a "planning session" together, and they are a list of traits of Family Principles.
Ours look like this (they should be unique to each family):

• Know God.
• Serve Others.
• Seek Knowledge.
• Be Confident.
• Think Critically.
• Be Connected.
• Be Self-Sufficient.

Now we have been thinking about how to make each of these principles a bit more real, as in how are they applied? And we have been devising two lists. There is a list of things our family does and a list of things we do not do. I know everyone say's not to use negative rules (like using the word don't), but honestly we decided with smaller kids we need to be explicit. These are the behaviors we expect and these are the ones that none of us should do...and will have consequences to. What would your list look like?

For more on Parenting on Purpose and Living on Purpose, and what we have decided to use in our home (feel free to borrow, modify and share ideas!), see Part 2.

When is Enough, Enough?

I am a woman, therefore, I get emotional at times (sometimes I don't even know why!), and I change my mind at times. This morning I have been deep in thought about the American lifestyle, our constant need for MORE, and what that really means. I have felt a growing sense of sadness, as well as the need to change things.  Have you ever felt it too?

Talk to most anyone, and you will get this idea that they are in some form of waiting. They are waiting for something. They are waiting for a new job, a raise, to finish school, a bigger home, more vacation time, the list goes on and on.

The Waiting Place…
…for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go 

or a bus to come, 

or a plane to go or the mail to come, 

or the rain to go or the phone to ring, 

or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or a No 

or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite 

or waiting for wind to fly a kite 

or waiting around forFriday night 

or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake

 or a pot to boil, or a Better Break 

or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

-Dr. Seuss-Oh! The Places You'll Go

I love that quote! I am a huge Dr. Seuss fan anyhow, but the man was a genius! Combine that quote with the intro scene of Whoville in How the Grinch Stole Christmas movie, you know where everyone is spending like crazy to get ready for Christmas?- and there you have it-the way many Americans live their lives. We get SO hung up on how things could be, that we forget to enjoy how things ARE. We rush ahead to the next goal, and we constantly want more.I am not trying to condemn here, I am admitting my own guilt in this all too common arena. 

In my first marriage, this was the way that life was. We were waiting to each have our degrees, to buy a home, to start on our career paths, to have babies...I'm not even sure exactly WHAT we were waiting for! Life felt like it was in a constant state of wait. But when you are always looking forward, you don't notice what you already have. I was SO busy (or so I thought) when both my sons were infants, and I guess in many ways I LET myself be too busy. I worked full-time and attended grad. school. Why? Why was I in such a hurry? I was in a hurry to finish, to attain more, to be done...that I now regret not just enjoying that time more. Have you been in this situation too? Do I speak to your heart today? When is enough, enough? 

From the outside in, for years I am sure that my life and even my marriage back then, LOOKED good. It may have looked like I was doing it all. Again, I'll ask-for what? What was the hurry? What was the driving force? Did we really NEED a bigger house, a nicer truck, an ATV, a camper, etc? Oh, because of all this I also played the debt game that many Americans play, the I want it now syndrome, instead of the I'll work hard for that sentiment of the past. All the stuff? It didn't buy happiness. There is nothing wrong with having these things (I am not saying not to), in fact, I want an RV, and a boat, and a hot tub, BUT the problem is when the THINGS in your life become a priority. THINGS should never trump PEOPLE. Ever.

This morning these things have been heavy on my mind. Sometimes I feel like I am in The Waiting Place right now. Sometimes I feel guilt over my parenting time and effort when I had babies and want another one...a redemption of sorts, a do-over to do it right this time. Does that sound awful? It feels awful thinking that way, and I have to remind myself to look at my life and truly think about things. I am a great mom now (most of the time). I homeschool Isaiah for preschool, and we do arts and crafts, science lessons, read tons of books, and snuggle lots. We even have 5 live caterpillars in our bathroom right now, as we "grow" butterflies. I keep the house clean, I cook almost every night (Barrett does a few times a week!), and I help at Matt's school when I can for special events, and attend all of his school functions. My boys play soccer (and baseball for Matt), take swimming lessons, and seem to be pretty happy, well-adjusted kids. My wonderful husband pays our monthly bills, provides us health insurance, and goes to work each and everyday to keep us cared for. We go on small trips when we can, do home improvements, and plan a big (just the two of us) trip each year. I am not uneducated, and I am qualified to work, but I CHOOSE to stay home right now, and I choose to go to graduate school (again) in the Fall, not because I NEED more, but because I am finally at a place where I know who I am, and I can BE more to help others. 

Life is good. I say all this to not only remind myself, but to encourage YOU as well to count your blessings. If you constantly feel like you are waiting for something, remember that you are MISSING things that are happening each day around you. Remember that God has given you ENOUGH already. Maybe focus on improving what you already have, taking care of the thinngs that are already blessings, and reaching out to serve others in your community. And ask yourself: When is it enough? I bet you will find that IT ALREADY IS

.

PS: If you scrolled this far down ( I am hoping you did!), I have a request. Post on this link 1-2 things that you are thankful for RIGHT now, or 1 thing that you are doing to care for what you already have or for others. Let today's FaceBook posts be full of gratitude. Let your life be enough. :) 

How to Be Happy, Part 2

Welcome back! Make sure you check out How to be Happy, Part 1.

In case you are new here, as I am starting to really branch out, let me tell you a tiny bit about me. Those of you that read me daily A) Thank you! and B) You can skip to the next paragraph. :) I am currently a stay-at-home-mom (for the first time ever!) to two sons as well as a substitute teacher. I take roughly a job a week on average and cherry-pick the jobs I get (hey, subs are somewhat in need in my area). I am a licensed teacher, and I have been accepted into a school counseling program to begin this coming fall. I am happily married, and I love to read, write and do crafts with my kids. You can follow me here, and on Pinterest at http://pinterest.com/sarahbrice11/.

Now, we were talking about (or at least I was) how to be happy. First of all, there is a simple saying that it has taken me 31 years to learn how to follow: Happiness is a Choice. No really, it is so true. We can choose to be happy no matter what we are doing. Are you on your fourth load of laundry today? Cleaning up (again) after a child? Cooking dinner for the 118th night in a row? Are you dealing with someone you have a genuine liking problem (as in you don't) with? Take a deep breath...now, smile. Did you know that the simple act of smiling has actually been proven to make you slightly happier? Think of it as exercise for your face...and your soul. 

This is going to seem like a simple list, and I tried to keep it that way. This gives you a starting point. Anyone can do any of these things and feel better as soon as possible. I suggest you choose a few to do today, and get a move on. Make the choice to BE HAPPY.

1. Pray. Each day talk to God...but here's the key, take time to THANK Him. Counting your blessings in this way will make them more obvious to you.
2. Smile (like I said).
3. Put on an upbeat song while you do housework, cook, or exercise. I promise it'll go faster.
4. Exercise. Daily. I know you are supposed to take a day off or whatever, but I'm not talking running a marathon, I am saying just do something each day. Start small. Aim for 20-30 minutes. Once this becomes a habit, aim for this twice a day.
5. Touch. Hug the people you love, your spouse, your kids, your parents, your friends. Touch has been known to make us feel better.
6. Do something you love for 15 minutes. Again, start small if you think you don't have the time, and work up to a few hours a week. This could be reading quietly, playing a video-game  doing a craft, taking pictures, you name it.
7. Pet your dog or cat. This is that touch thing again. Studies have shown that petting an animal releases chemicals in our body that make us more relaxed (it actually lowers blood pressure!), and make us happier.
8. Take a hot bath or shower. This is a way to just escape the hectic nature of life for awhile, and if you are like me-feeling clean helps you relax.
9. Pursue something you enjoy. This can happen in many ways. Plan a vacation (even if you can't take it for awhile), take a class, volunteer for a cause you believe in...etc. Pleasureful activities release serotonin in the brain...making us happier.
10. Help someone else. This could have been higher on the list...but I wrote them as I was thinking of them. Joyfully cook your loved ones' favorite meal, run a bubble bath for them, etc. Give of yourself. 
11. Okay I know I said 10...but this is important: Surround yourself with beauty. Whether this means candles, flowers and deep colors like in my home or vibrant modern art for you...make your home your sanctuary. It will make you happy to be in it.

How to be Happy, Part 1

Do you ever have one of those days where you are so insanely happy that you just long to tell everyone about it? I am having one of those days. I cannot type fast enough to keep up with joy bubbling inside of me. If you are one of those people that can't stand reading about others being happy, you best look away now (ever notice how angry and sad rants get the most reads? Just sayin'). I am so excited in fact that I spent about five minutes wondering why I was so happy. Have you ever done that? There is no specific reason, nor does there need to be, life is meant to be enjoyed.

The Bible tells us that: Thou hast put gladness in my heart-Psalm 4:7

Today I am happy just to be. I looked back this morning and thought about my divorce that occurred a little over 2 years ago. If there was one word for how I felt that cold December, it definitely was not joy. Shattered would have been the descriptor. I was broken in so many ways. I think back to how I would drag myself through the motions of teaching and parenting during that season. Thankfully, it was such a short season, because God works in His own timing...not ours. Even I expected it to last much longer. I was hurting in such a way that I was ready to self-destruct. I had never really experienced the partying, wildness or wantonness that effects so many adult singles out there...because I was married through my twenties. I did not want any part of that world ever, had never even dated as an adult..., but I was in such an emotional wasteland that I thought bring it on. It was right on this brink that I met my sweet Barrett. The rest is history. The destruction that could have been, the mom that could've become the party girl, well it never happened. For this, I am incredibly thankful. 

I am so saddened when I look at the world today, and the pallor that has been brought to marriage, family and the home. Why do women speak so poorly of their spouses and of the children they have? Why do we always yearn for more, when we have enough? I am no religious scholar, but I know that I speak correctly when I say that this...THIS WAS NOT THE PLAN. I could speak until I am blue in the face, recount the hundreds (if not thousands) of times that I have heard spouses belittle one another while I cringed, the children that are left to feel like an afterthought or even worse completely unwanted, and the families wrecked by the constant attainment of MORE. 

Surely I am not alone in the fact that things could be a lot worse? In fact, I know that I cannot be alone in the fact that things are actually pretty great. In Part 2, I will give you a simple list of things that you can do daily to make sure that you are living a life full of joy. For me? I am elated to be a wife and a mama. I am excited to become a counselor (in a few years!), and I am happy to be on my way to becoming a volunteer at an organization I have respected. What brings you joy in life? Comment here or on my link. I'd love to hear from you.

Link to Part 2: How to be Happy, Part 2
-Sarah

Home Sweet Home

Ah, I finally get to write again! Life never does really slow down, does it? Friday evening I returned home from Camarillo. It was a long week of packing, painting, cooking and visiting. We did enjoy many conversations with Grandma and Grandpa, beautiful weather (seventies!), a trip to Santa Barbara, swimming, and a visit to the local gorgeously exquisite new library (it was massive and like entering a castle...complete with a "ship wreck" among shelves in the children's area!). I was definitely ready to come home though. For those of you that hate sappiness, quick...look away! I missed Barrett so much it literally hurt. The first night I was in tears, and I have to admit I cried almost every day (in private of course!). When your husband is your best friend and companion, being away is really hard. I have always had so much respect for those women who have husbands away in the military. I couldn't do it. Barrett had a rough time too, saying he hardly slept the whole week-making him a zombie at work. We both agreed that though this was necessary, it will never happen again that one of us travels without the other, not as long as we can help it!

I feel like I helped to get a ton done (as well as returning with a nice tan!), and Matthew indeed got some needed time with mom, but I am so glad to be home. I am glad to be back to playing with Isaiah, cleaning my own home (lol!), cooking for my hubby and kids, soccer schedules, and applying for financial aid. It may be mundane stuff, but it's comfortable and it's home.

Are You a Mom in a Rut?

As I was drinking my coffee this morning and skimming some of the great pins I had found on Pinterest, I felt so incredibly blessed to be where I am in my life right now. I have not always been a great mom to my sons. I have had many times where I was so preoccupied with work, school and my own relationships (both old and new), that sadly the boys were often an afterthought. Oh, I went through the motions, but they know when your focus is not on them. Not that I am fantastic now,  because I have also had my tough days home where I questioned my own self worth for not being at a job, or feelings of boredom or sadness have rained on the day. What is it about that debate over working moms and stay-home moms. Are they not both trying their hardest to be mothers? Why is it that women break each other down instead of building one another up? I can honestly say now after being in both situations, that being a good mom can happen in either circumstance, and that no one should feel guilty for their situation as long as they are giving their kids as much as they can of themselves. 

Are you a stay-at-home mom who has found yourself in a rut? My heart goes out to you this morning. Though I have only been doing this for almost three months now, and my own schedule can get crazy with whether I sub or not, I do have some words of advice that I hope you will take to heart.

• This is only a season. Maybe your child/children have some annoying habits right now. That WILL change eventually. Meet them where they are, correct lovingly, and focus on what they do right.
• Have fun. Make messes, try new foods, get out of your comfort zone. You only live once, right? As my mom says..."Hands are washable." (love you Mom!)
• Get a project (or 5). Have a few fun things that you and your kids work on together, like a garden, a scrapbook, a science project that is ongoing (I just got one of those grow your own butterfly kits to do with boys!).
• Leave the house. Seriously!!! This can make all the difference in the world. Go to the park, the library, go on a walk, play fetch with your dog. Fresh air and a change of scenery puts life in perspective.
• Be thankful. Many moms would give anything to be home full-time. It is not a curse, but a blessing that  your life circumstances allow you to be where you are. 
• Start some traditions. If you are a believer, read devotions each morning. Light candles at dinner, make a bubble bath for your kid when they are having a rough day-all these little things are BIG for routine, stability and happiness in the home.
• Work together. Teach your children that the home is a place where everyone contributes. Put on music and assign chores to each person to get done in 30 minutes. 
• Find some great ideas on Pinterest for crafts and activities...only here's the thing...don't just pin for later...actually make time, make a plan and try the things that look so cool!
• Call a friend. Make a play-date. Talk to another adult. 
• Tell your kids you love them. Often. Always, even when they irritate you! :)

The Love Day

It has been awhile since I have given the history of anything much thought, but the histories (yes, plural) of Valentine's Day are pretty interesting. Seems there is a Christian account and a Pagan one, and both are pretty captivating stories. For a short summary go here: History of Valentine's Day. Anyhow, I have been trying to make a big deal out of things at the house (creating some cool memories and traditions), with me being home most of the time and all, so we have been baking (all Weight Watcher's desserts, lol!), decorating and talking about Valentine's Day all week. I was explaining that Valentine's Day is a day that we show people we love them and are kind to everyone...at least that was my simple explanation to my 4 year-old. As I was telling him this, I felt silly, and said to him "Well, I guess every day should be like that, shouldn't it?" He agreed.

Finger-painted rainbows

A Valentine's Day lunch fit for a king...or a small boy.

I am blessed to have found the love and the joy that I have in my life. It feels each day as though I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I will continue to sub here and there, but I am beginning to really enjoy my time in the home. I am excited that we have talked about this being the plan as I continue with school in the Fall. Though I hope to accelerate the program, and take 3 classes every 8 weeks instead of 2, it will still keep me here quite a bit. I am finding my rhythm with Isaiah, and have made a stay-home schedule that we both really thrive on. If you want to see it to give you ideas, feel free to let me know. I have focused a lot on reading, crafts and cooking together. These are things we both enjoy. I read in this great book I am reading that the best way to parent your child is to let them see who you are, to introduce them to things you like, and to share your passions with them. They won't like everything you do, but you won't be bored trying to be someone you aren't. I love this advice! This means that Isaiah (and Matthew on Fridays) gets exposed to nature, animals, artwork, different types of music, cooking, science, and things I find beautiful. Have you ever noticed how just the simple addition of something YOU love in a room can improve your mood tremendously? I have silk flowers in the bathrooms, real ones in the kitchen, candles throughout the house, and children's artwork to decorate for the seasons/holidays. These things make me happy, and when I am happy I set the tone for my kids (and often my sweet hubby too).

He is crazy excited to have Sierra Mist and cupcakes!

While Barrett and I do not have any big couple type plans for Valentine's Day, nor are we exchanging gifts, I have set out to make the day a special one for everyone. This took a bit of planning and the help of Pinterest, but both boys have heart-shaped sandwiches and red foods for lunch tomorrow, we have decorated the kitchen with hearts that have been finger-painted by the boys, we baked strawberry cupcakes, and for dinner tomorrow I have planned pink pancakes with berries and cool whip, as well as Shirley Temple type fancy sodas for the boys. I have learned that making a big deal out of the little things (in a good way!) makes a fun, happy home.

Sometimes...Parenting Sucks

So, I know that I tell it like it is on a regular basis anyhow, but I just have to vent today. 

Sometimes...parenting sucks. Like, a lot. 

I am not even talking about the boot camp of diapers, spit-up, sleepless nights and mountains of laundry that occurs during those glorious days of infancy. Nor am I talking about the tantrum-throwing, sticky hands, and more sleepless nights of toddler-hood. I have cleaned up puked in beds, we once found a turd (not joking here!) in the washing machine, and I have walked into all kinds of interesting "kid" moments like a "pool" of baby powder all over the carpet that two young boys were jumping into. I have seen the bathroom floor SOAKED with water after a good bubble bath, muddy footprints throughout the house, and children playing the "throw the matchbox cars at the freshly painted wall because it seems fun" game. 

Nope, none of those truly suck THAT bad...I am talking about when, as a parent, you have to make the decision to do...well, the grown-up thing. Now I wonder how many times my own parents were in this same boat. By the way, this boat might as well be sinking slowly, riddled with holes, and I ordered the fantastic cruise-liner over yonder. I am talking about when we have to give up something we wanted, some sort of treat or freedom we have, to instill the importance of rules and consequences in a child. 

My example? Isaiah was supposed to go hang out with my dad, and spend the night with my parents. To the currently not working me, this was a fantastic idea. Isaiah gets fun with his Papa, and mommy gets time to pass out more business cards for subbing, and well...enjoy some quiet time. You mean I can read, blog or plan intricate fantasy vacations (because if I plan them enough-they will happen) in peace? I LOVE my son so much, but let me just say that my Isaiah is a rule-bender, pusher and breaker. He is the child that sees the line and constantly wriggles his toes on the other side...just to see what it is like. I often respect that about him, Barrett and I always say that his lack of people-pleasing nature will actually do him a lot of good later on. As a 4 year-old though? It often collides with our need for order in the home. This time though, Isaiah was told that going over to Nan and Pop's was a treat, and that Mom expected good behavior. For the next like 14 hours (mind you he was asleep for like 10 of those!) Isaiah pushed at the rules constantly. I couldn't even detail all the ones he broke, and none would seem like a HUGE deal on their own, but it was the attitude of nonchalance and sheer volume of rule-breaking that did him in. It was also the spoiled, bossy and expectant behavior I got from him this morning. I don't know how else to describe it. After about 3 warnings that he needed to behave better, I had to do the grown-up thing. I had threatened no stay with his grandparents, and I had to act. If I didn't, he may never take me seriously. 

I had to give up coveted free time and worry about what my parents might think. You ever feel like your parents think you are doing it all wrong? I know my parents love me and think I do okay, but I often feel I need to defend my decisions, and I felt bad for changing their plans but also explained that I had to make sure my son knows I mean business. After-all, it may not seem like a big deal now, but I need him to know that the rules in the house apply to him too. I need him to know that I love him even when he is in trouble, but that yes I do get angry and/or disappointed by his actions. I need him to be accountable. I never went easy on Matt, and I get that I still have plenty of time to see him step over the line as well, and that by nature as a first-born he is a people pleaser...yada, yada, yada...BUT Matthew behaves, respects authority, and honestly, gives us very little reason to do anything other than offer rewards when the time comes. Matt has always been held to high standards, and I feel I have been doing Isaiah a disservice by continuing to treat him as the baby, to let the rules bend. Not only does that create strife between the brothers (because Matthew is WELL aware of what his brother gets out of), but it teaches Isaiah nothing.  

At my expense, as well as his own, my son lost a privilege today...but I hope he learned a lesson. Parenting does not happen by accident-not if you want it done well.

What do you DO all day?

I have to say that God humbles us in every way possible. In the past few months I have entered a realm of two careers I never thought I would want to do: being a substitute teacher and being at stay-at-home-mom. Today I will talk about the latter. I have to admit that I always secretly had a bit of contempt for stay-at-home moms. Hear me out-I do not mean to be offensive, just honest. I always thought that I handled it just fine being a mom, and working, and often going to school too...and the hard truth is that I wondered to myself about stay-at-home moms the big question: "What do you DO all day?" 

It turns out I am not alone in this thought, nor am I alone at all in the career woman turned stay-at-home mom for a season or two of life. I am not the only one to feel overwhelmed, depressed, and unaccomplished by the new found freedom and absolute lack of a schedule. Maybe that sounds weird to you? Like an oxymoron? How can a lack of a schedule be overwhelming? Well for me (and it seems many other women according to the great blogosphere), that having life scheduled by professors and bosses was actually easier. It was a no-brainer. Now I have to decide what gets done each  day, how my children and I interact together, and how I get in "me" time throughout the day as well with scheduled "free-play" times for Isaiah. I am here to say that I have a new respect for stay-at-home moms (at least those that truly are making a big effort for their homes and families... which I would daresay is most, though not all). Staying at home feels like I am accomplishing nothing. This is a mental block that I need to get over. On a good day the laundry is kept up, the floors are cleaned, dishes washed and meals made, as well as my four-year old having time to play, read, sing and bake with Mommy. On a good day my seven-year old is fed and off to school, and returns home to a loving mom who leads him though chores, homework, reading and play-time. And on a good day my husband comes home to happy kids, a clean house, fresh laundry, and a prepared dinner. 

If you have been in this boat, I encourage you to share with me what works for you. For me? I am finding that I need a schedule. Yes, it is a loose schedule that can change due to weather, energy level and even the grumpiness of a pre-schooler. Though a schedule can keep me on track with things I want to accomplish each day. This might be getting some pictures scrapbooked during nap time, trying a new recipe, or doing an art project with Isaiah. 

 Another thing? I REFUSE to do it all. Yes, I am home. Yes, I have time more abundant than ever before, but I will not be a slave to my home or family. To me, part of being in any family is learning how to be a team. For example, I did the HUGE grocery list yesterday, but Barrett washed some laundry and vacuumed the stairs (a task I TRULY hate). My sons? They may be small, but they do chores. We have taught Matthew to clean toilets, sweep, mop, vacuum and take out the trash. Isaiah knows how to clean counter-tops, dust, and do bathroom sinks. Both boys know how to make their own beds and fold and correctly put away their own laundry. Does this mean I never do any of these chores? Heck no. I do them a lot. I like to keep a clean house, and I also try not to overload the kids on any given day. so though Matt can vacuum, he may do it once a week and I may do it two other times (I like a clean house, but I have pets...and kids!). It is still a huge help to the household, and I hope that we are teaching the boys that everyone contributes. They do get a small amount of chore money for some chores (they don't for making the bed or brushing teeth-things that are daily), and more money for chores we really don't want to do but they offer to help, like picking up shell casings after Barrett shoots, or weeding a flowerbed. 

Anyhow, those are my thoughts for now.