If you were to walk into my home, yes, you would see order and general cleanliness (because I am kind of a control freak about that), but you would also see dog hair from our (usually) beloved German Sheperd, Max who is almost 1, and yeah...sheds like crazy. You'd see our Tuxedo kitty, Clarissa napping somewhere or imperiously meowing for attention or food. (If it is possible for a cat to have a bitchy meow, ours has the market on this!). One night B and I were laying in bed, wondering where Clarissa had gone (she is indoor/outdoor), and lo and behold she appeared (THUMP!), sticking like Velcro to our bedroom window screen, and meowing very maddeningly to be let in. But I digress... You would see the fridge covered not only in artwork and sticky finger marks, but sports schedules, school event flyers and lunch menus. You would see notes everywhere. Sticky notes to remind me of things to do, a whiteboard on the fridge declaring both "Barrett James you are loved beyond words.." and another saying "Clean out boys' dresser drawers!" Perhaps you'd find a note on Matt's bed saying "Please clean out your backpack, Love Mom." Oh, and don't forget the love note on our bathroom mirror in red lipstick. It changes every few weeks. :) You would also see artwork hanging in the hallway, and photographs all over the house. Family pictures, silly pictures, digital picture frames. You would see TONS of books, and many movies, fresh flowers on the counter top from outside, flavored coffee and gun magazines from my dear husband. You might find my treasured Mother's Day earrings on my dresser if not in my ears, and an outfit for the next day hanging up by my vanity area. You would see a Betta fish in both kids' rooms. In Matt's room you'd find sports paraphernalia, soccer cleats, baseball hat, mitt, etc, and in Isaiah's a mess. Zay is my tornado, and I can't predict what I will find going on in his room on a daily basis. Perhaps dress-up capes and masks to be various superheroes or a block tower...or every book off the shelf.
I have a point, I really do. The other day I watched a movie Friends With Kids (Cute, but very adult humor, so if language and sexual jokes bother you...skip this one), and I was honestly saddened by the portrayal of what "real" marriages with kids look like. Chaotic homes full of anger and resentment, unhappy spouses, constant disarray. This is how most families are portrayed...right? Watch a comedy about families and you will see the sex-starved husband (I always feel SO sorry for them...ladies, once a month is never acceptable!!! Just sayin'), messy house, and wild kids...oh, and overwhelmed wife. I know that my kids are now past the infant years, past the toddler years and now even past preschool years (Zay starts kinder in the Fall). Surely our life wasn't like THAT, was it? If I am perfectly honest with myself, I remember from my previous marriage times that honestly, well, sucked. And many were indeed related to kids. I remember feeling so sleep-deprived after Matthew that I thought infancy was a sick joke. It's like a slow form of torture for prisoners of war. Sleep? Yeah, right. A few hours a night at best. Pretty sure I hated EVERYONE at that point in my life, lol. I remember the sheer overwhelmingness (is that a word?) of Matt being a toddler and Zay being a baby. I distinctly remember sitting on their bedroom floor having a meltdown...just wanting to leave the house for awhile by myself. I remember resenting my ex when I felt I wasn't getting enough help. And I wonder...perhaps the movies are more accurate than we would all like to admit??
Articles abound about kids sucking the happiness right out of relationships. Here is an example: Does Having Kids Make You Less Happy? and another Why Parents Hate Parenting (long post, but fascinating). I write all this to pose a hypothetical question if you will: Is happiness what we make of it? I fully admit to some really rough times in the past, but they did pass. It didn't seem fast then, but now it seems like the blink of an eye. I spend 5-6 days a week watching one boy or the other play sports now. My butt spends hours of time in our lawn chairs that live in my trunk. But you know what? There is nowhere else I would rather be (except Mexico maybe...but really people, who wouldn't?). And I think on perhaps the most valuable statement in the silly movie I watched about marriage...you choose the person you want to be with during the worst of things, and then, even those aren't so bad. My marriage could not have recovered from the black things that grew up in it...but maybe yours can? Maybe you are just coming out of the other side of infancy, or toddler-hood ..or another difficult stage. Cling to what you have. I know I do now. And we make the BEST of this life we have been given, with every birthday party, every soccer game, every baseball practice, and every stolen kiss. Every one.
So, look around you. What does your home reveal about you? It is never too late to "redecorate".
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