Letter to Me

If I could write you a letter to share what I know now, I'd give it to you (me) when you're 15. I've been giving this some thought on what I would say, and though I know you (we?) are headstrong, this is not arbitrarily done. At first I thought I would tell you to avoid boys (and men especially!), to focus on your studies and to take the scholarship to UOP (yes, you'll be offered one your senior year). Or maybe I'd tell you to reach even further, to apply to even more prestigious schools, to declare premed as your major, and to work your butt off for the next 15 years. I'd tell you that you see, only I wouldn't mean it. Not really. There will come a time when we regret not doing just that, but there have been other choices instead that have lined our path in life. Like a stone thrown into a placid pond, life's choices have quiet but profound ripple effects. Every choice has consequences, and every choice will lead us somewhere new.

We will meet a boy at 16. He's a special one. We will fall in love, though young, and spend our days and later nights together. We (you and I of course!) will have a wedding as if from a fairy tale. Now here's the spoiler- you will not live happily ever after with him. But instead of warning you against him, I am writing to say you should love him anyway. Love without abandon, have fun, and learn together. This man will hold your hand through the birth of two beautiful sons, your college graduation and his police academy graduation. You will not last though, you will grow apart and anger and hurt, resentment and loneliness will replace the carefree laughter of earlier years. When it is time, let it go. It will tear you apart, but you will know it has been coming. This will be ugly and tough. You will lie in bed at night and cry, and take many long, hot showers where the silent tears can be washed away. But you will heal. These times cannot simply be erased or avoided. They are necessary to move you (me) past the person you were and into who you will become.

The children you think you will never want (let's be honest- you can't even fathom ever wanting to be a mother right now) will teach you more about how to love than anyone ever will. They will teach you what it means to be silly again, to stay up all night caring for someone who is sick, and how to be selfless. You will find the truth of who you are in your sons' eyes. Love them unfailingly. Smile often, for the years are fleeting where you are their princess and they your knights in shining armor.

Take the job at the dentist office after moving to Oregon. You will make lifelong friendships. I know it's hard not to just see this as a stepping stone, but enjoy your time here. You will look back and remember a wonderful boss and work environment.

We become a teacher, but we don't stay a teacher. It will be hard, but rewarding-and though it too does not last, do it anyway. You will learn so much about yourself and others during this time. But then, move on. Go back to school and try to become a nurse (believe it or not that's what we are doing now as I write to you.) College will be difficult at times,but also inspiring. It will awaken you more now then when you were younger.

Please be open minded about love after our divorce. Do not write it off. It exists. Do not mourn what you have lost, but use it to strengthen you. There is happiness where you least expected it, and a man that will bring happiness, passion and contentment into your life. Trust this. It has done us so well.

Finally, be kind to all you meet- you never know their struggles. People will hurt you at times, even work hard at ruining your character. It's ok to be angry, but don't let that define you. Define yourself. Define yourself with many titles and adjectives, for we are the sum of all these things, not solely one thing or another. You (we) will be a mom, a wife, a teacher, a student, a writer, an artist, a lover, a friend...and anything else you desire to be. Never let anything come between you and your parents-they are truly some of the best and smartest people you'll ever know. Respect the stories of others, especially those who've been around longer than you.

Love life, and you will find love and happiness in return. So, my biggest advice to you...you will make mistakes, but it is what you do with them that defines you. Be content in the journey, smile, slow down and love yourself. The rest will follow.

Sincerely,
Me