More on Church

Yesterday we checked out a church in our area. The people were very kind and friendly, and the church itself was pretty but understated. There were shelves full of books you could check out, which I thought was pretty neat (and yes, I have seen that before). About ten minutes into the service I was the one who needed bamboo (see my previous post Finding the Perfect Church). Every worship song was a hymnal. Now- I've been "lectured" about this before. Hymns are important, especially to the older and more traditional crowd. That's fine, and I can do a few, but all of the songs were hymns, and I didn't enjoy that part at all.

The pastor was a better speaker than many I had heard, and the message was out of Hosea, and about how God made him an action sermon basically to show His mercy to us. Pretty good. Barrett did ok. He was the perfect, willing husband, but when I caught him reading Revelations I knew something was up. First I thought, oh, good! Maybe he's into this.... But no, as he would later explain (and by this point I'd guessed as much), "Revelations is the most interesting book."

Next weekend we will be flying to southern California only to stay with his family a night or two and then drive the awful 14+ hours back, since we bought his grandmother's Ford Explorer, and have to get it home:). But perhaps the following weekend we will visit somewhere else.

Finding the Perfect Church

My parents did not (and still don't) go to church. As a child, I sometimes went to mass with my cousins-most of my dad's side is Catholic. Those were my earliest memories of being inside a church. I used to think the Catholic Church in our hometown, St. Anthony's Church, was a beautiful place. It had stained glass windows, wooden pews, organ music, and a priest looking regal in robes. Communion consisted of real red wine and small pieces of bread...we children didn't take communion yet. At the same time though, the services were long, and for us kids it meant sitting in back and coloring. Yep, coloring. We just had to pay attention to the calisthenics so that we didn't look as obvious, sit, kneel, stand....the only church with an included exercise plan along with your sermon! I don't remember understanding most of what was said in mass, but I remember it both being scary and beautiful to me. 

In high school I became more interested in finding God, and I went to a handful of different churches, tagging along with friends. Some were okay, one was way too evangelical for my liking, and I also signed up to go with a handful of my friends to Church Camp.  I actually really enjoyed it. Something about hiking in the woods, staying  in cabins, and talking about God over a campfire, made Him seem much more real to me. Also around my high school years, my uncle's mom passed away. My uncle is Japanese (married to my dad' sister), and his family is Buddhist. His mother's funeral was held in a Buddhist temple, and I was taken with how gloriously peaceful, simple and lovely the place was. There was even a garden outside that you could sit in. I also visited a Mormon church and a dance with a friend in high school. I bet you would think it was uncomfortable, but it was nice, the people were so welcoming and friendly and not the least bit pushy. 

My ex-husband enjoyed Pentecostal churches. He likes the preacher being on fire for his message, the music, and even the speaking in tongues. We were married by a Pentecostal pastor, and attended a church in Manteca for about a year before moving to Oregon. It was not the best experience. I had never been a faithful church goer, a habit that is still, admittedly, very hard for me...and he wasn't great at it either. We liked the church and were part of a married class, but whenever we missed (about once a month because we wanted to sleep in or go somewhere else), we knew that we would have messages on our phone, asking where we had been. We both hated that. In Oregon, I went to church for awhile with my aunt and uncle, and their church was nice, non-denominational, and had beautiful outside services in the summer. Then, I found a church in our town, and attended it for the next 1 1/2 years,  a Baptist Church. I was baptized there at age 21. I went alone almost always, as Greg was working nights and weekends. I enjoyed the church, and the way I felt, but I never really got involved or made any friends. When Greg's schedule changed we would then attend the First Assembly of God Church in the next town over, and did so for almost 2 years and then another 6 months or so later on when we decided to go back. It was huge, and you could decide just how involved you wanted to be. 

Then I attended the Nazarene church in town prior to and just after our divorce. Great kids program, but I never really felt anything all the time that I went, and that bothered me a lot. Barrett and I have checked out a church that claims to be the church for those that dislike church. The music was great, but the people? Not that friendly. I know, that I am one of the disliked brand of church-hoppers, but it is only because I am trying to find something that has meaning for me and fits a myriad of other wants for my family. Barrett's goal is that the church not make him rather shove bamboo shoots under his fingernails. His words, not mine. My personal church wish list goes as follows (and some churches I went to had a few of these aspects, then lacked others...and that's how I know they matter to me.):

• Friendliness is welcome.
•  If I am visiting, you should direct me in the right places. 
• You may extend any event invitations.
•  I should not feel ignored.
• Pushiness is not welcome.
•  Do not pressure me.
•  Do not call me if I miss. 
• Let me know how I can be involved, but do not guilt it out of me. 
• (I would like a certain level of involvement, in something I am good at. Do not think because I have kids, that I should help with children's programs of nursery care! One church actually guilted me into this because I was using the service!! I would've been much better help just about anywhere else, and frankly I'd rather join Barrett with the bamboo! Just because I like my own children does not mean I am good with others!)
• Have a great children's program.
• Good music for me is a must.
• Teach me. I am there to learn, but not to be judged. 
• Have a clean, peaceful atmosphere. 
• Refreshments are good.
• Teach about life application. 
• Ever been to a church a few times and felt like you were hearing re-runs? But...we talked about the lady at the well last week. Oh, this is okay if it is an ongoing story, but just like in a classroom, things need to be changed up and dare I say it? They need to be made relevant to the congregation.
•  Tell us why this story matters to us, and how it applies. 

I am not sure the perfect church exists...but I am set to find one that works for all members of my family. So, now I leave you to go shower and get myself ready for my first church visit in all too long! Hopefully no bamboo will be needed. Have a great Sunday!

Confessions of a Distracted Mom

Okay, so here is my tell all on the things that moms (okay I) do sometimes when we are distracted when dealing with the kids. Maybe it should be like a what not to do list. So, we will pretend...the following are things I have never (wink, wink) done when wanting a few moments of peace or when I am totally, and I mean totally distracted.

• Suck on a lollipop the whole way home? Sure...if it'll keep him quiet! ;)
• Bubble bath in the middle of the day because sometimes, well sometimes Mommy just wants to waste time reading status updates on Facebook, and the kids like bubbles. Sue me.
• Take them to the park with the awesome playground? Why yes, so I can read 1-2 more chapters of my book.
• Nod and say "uh-huh" even when I have no idea what either one of them was just telling me. 
• Tell them to get on tennies and go play outside with their brother where I can see them (AKA so I can cook dinner in peace)
• Let them skip a bath, brushing teeth or putting PJs on because it's late, and they just need to be in bed.
• Skipped words in  the story I've read 1,283 times...and then been caught! Hey, how about reading it to Mommy?
• Bought an extra special drink (hot cocoa or a smoothie) along with my mocha at the coffee shop to avoid whining.
• Said it was bedtime...before it really was.
• Went to the bathroom, locked the door, and sat peacefully to read a magazine...not while on the toilet!
• Forgotten to feed the guinea pig.
• Pretended the soccer jerseys were freshly washed.
• Given a child the lunch I packed myself, because I forgot their's!

I'd love to hear your confessions! Comment on this link or on the blog itself. Hopefully this gave you a good laugh. Even fantastic moms need a break sometimes. :)

For additional laughs, check out Mom Confessions .   These had me cracking up! Some are plain awful, and I am not condoning them (I have never smoked pot or sent my kids to school too sick to go)...but I was snort-laughing my butt off! Okay, so #'s 7, 15 and 17 are hilarious!

A Different Kind of Christmas

Today I began Christmas shopping. There are only 94 days until it is here. I started with just a few small things for the boys, and got out my iPhone to take pictures of a couple of things I liked that may be good ideas (has anyone seen the Lite Brite Cube?).  Then I headed to Barrett's work and we went to Chinese food for lunch together. During the almost hour long drive (I was in Albany when I started), I started to think a lot about Christmas, not just the regular thoughts about budgeting for gifts and what everyone really wants this year, but thoughts about what I can teach my kids and my family about Christmas. The boys know the meaning of Christmas, and could probably tell you the story better than I can, but I started to think that while they know why we celebrate it, the how of it makes it not much different than a birthday (one of their's not Jesus' you smarties). There's food, presents and time with family. If we are lucky and are attending a church (see my other post on that!), then there is maybe a really great church service/program or two. I'm not sure that does Christmas justice, and furthermore, I am beginning to think that I have been missing some really great teaching opportunities with my kids. 

 

After discussing with and getting approval from Barrett, I decided this year would be a bit different. We will set our gift limit for the children, then we will take a set amount out of it for each boy and let them decide where to donate that money to. Mind you, they will still get presents, but a couple fewer. I have narrowed their choices to the following 5 charities, so that there are not too many choices: Humane Society of the United States, St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital, American Red Cross, Operation Homefront, & Children's Hunger Fund. I am going to print a logo or photo of each charity and sit the boys down and explain what they do. We will have a small chat about how we have been very blessed to have all that we have, and that there are many others who do not have the same things. Then after they decide, and closer to Christmas, Barrett and I will make the donations and wrap up (very fancily, mind you!) the cards that they will each receive from the charity. I am hoping this will make them more aware of the ways of the world, of helping others, and that they will be proud to share with their extended family and friends what they chose to give money to. 

I have also decided that a little volunteering is in order for both Matthew and mom. He is old enough to tag along with me to volunteer at many places, so again, I am going to give him a few options I can live with (!), and make it something we do 1-2 times a month. I think it will be a great gateway to talking to him more about this subject, and just to cultivating the compassion I'd like both boys to grow to have. 

If you like either idea, here are a few helpful sites you could explore:

• Charity Gift Cards
• Help Your Kid Help Others

Weighty Matters

So, I have been doing a lot of thinking about weight, self-esteem and being healthy these days. I have already shared that I am at my heaviest (even sadly including two pregnancies...one of which went to term). My feelings about this fluctuate given the hour of the day!  I wear a size 8 now, when I used to consistently be a 4. I also exercise almost daily...something I never did when I was that tiny. I am not trying to kid myself, it is not all muscle weight, in fact I'd be surprised if much of it was. My hips and bust are curvier, and in a swimsuit my tummy is still mostly flat...like I wouldn't be embarrassed to wear a 2 piece even now, though I am more conscious of it. I have tried to be objective and look at photos from the past. I have some in a camo bikini, and yes...I did look good. My breasts were tiny, hips barely existent and stomach flat. My face though was also very thin, and I have a long face that I have always disliked, so I actually love the little bit of weight now on my face!

I wish I could say that I have a totally healthy appreciation of just what I am now and how I look. These celebrities do (watch out, a few are really "busting" out):Big and Beautiful. While I am not uncomfortable all the time, I will admit it: I have cried about my weight, I have cursed at the scale (which never seems to vary much no matter what I do or don't eat!), I have commiserated with friends about the slowing of metabolism after 30, and at times I have even felt desperate. Desperate as in, I have thought about unhealthy ways to lose weight like diet pills and even purging...though the thought of puking still grosses me out WAY more than how I look in my panties and bra, and after working in a dental office for 6 years, I know the havoc it wreaks on teeth! :) But, I am being brutally honest...the media tells me that a size 8 at 145 pounds is FAT, and what is wrong with me? All I have to do is get up off my rather large behind...right?  Wrong!

We all need to exercise as much as we can without overdoing it. Walking a few miles everyday outside, doing aerobics, yoga, pilates...whatever makes you not hate exercise is the key. I do not like riding the exercise bike every AM...but guess what? It's getting easier, and I don't hate it anymore. I like walking Max, and I love to rollerblade (heehee), so those are also things I can do. I have also rediscovered pilates and actually enjoy it and feel great after. Yes...that statement just came from me. But the fact of the matter is that I also love food. I don't love to overeat, and I've been more aware of portions...but I am a social eater, which means unlike many women I don't tend to eat much (if at all) when I am stressed or unhappy (lost 7 pounds right after my divorce-but not the best diet plan ever!), but I eat when I am happy. I eat when I am around loved ones, and I have been enjoying meal-making and baking. Though I have decided that I am going to give away at lest 1/2 of what I bake from now on!

The biggest issue here though is being happy with yourself. While thin may still be what the media thinks is sexiest, what matters is what you think and how you feel. There are even studies that say being slightly overweight may help in chronic disease situations: Obesity Paradox.  Furthermore, we should know that many women suffer with eating disorders...even into middle-age: Too Old to Worry About Weight? What are we doing to ourselves ladies?  Perhaps healthy, not thin should be the standard we wish to attain.

Here are some easy tips to help us all along the way: 40 Tips, and in case you are curious like I was, what "average" is in the US. :) What is Average Anyway?

Oh You Know...Just Harnessing My Inner Martha Stewart

Lately I have had all this time and energy on my hands. What is a poor girl to do? While I would LOVE to spend every minute shopping (yes, there truly is that California valley girl in me!), that would not exactly be cost-effective. So...here are a few things I have done (in case you need inspiration!). 

My Vanity

Make-up-this one is eye-shadow

• Meal plans for October and November
• Activity Calendar for our family
• Chore chart and institution of "allowance" for the boys
• baked 3 new dessert recipes, and one new dinner...so far
• clipped coupons
• organized my special under-the-stairs closet and my vanity area in my room
• organized Isaiah's and Matthew's rooms
• schoolwork with Isaiah

I am liking the activities of finally being able to plan and organize my home. :)

My closet. Two shoe organizers, and totes filled with boots, scarves, tanks and swimsuits. 

Say Anything (2)

Today I was driving down to Springfield to meet Barrett for lunch and do some last minute school stuff before I start down at Lane CC next week. The traffic was heavy, and I was in a quiet mood (happens a lot), but my four-year old was not (is he ever?). 

"Mama, when I die will you see my food?" 
Me, very distracted, "huh?" 
"Mama, when I die, will you see my food?" Because repeating the same exact question will really help me understand. 
"Isaiah, I don't know what you mean...you wouldn't need food if you were dead." (Duh!)
"No Mama, I mean will you see what's inside my stomach if I were dead and laying there?" 
"No..., ummm....you'd just be lying there like you were in a very quiet sleep." 
"So Mama, dinosaurs show their bones when they die." (Ah, I was starting to kind of get it.) 
"Well, after some time your skin and muscles kind of break apart...I know that sounds yucky, but eventually you would be bones too, like a dinosaur.  But, where would your soul go?"
 "In my bones?"
 "No, silly. We hope our souls will go up to Heaven." 
"Oh. I hope you're the same person in Heaven. Will you be different?" 
"I'm not sure...I hope not. I hope I get to see everyone I love." 
"Me too, Mama." 
And there you have it, the deep conversation with my 4 year-old! :)

Another one today that I thought was kind of cute:
"This store is by where Barrett lived, right Mama?" (if I could count how many times I hear right Mama? in a day...it'd be a lot!)
"Yes, kind of."
"Barrett lived here, and you and daddy fighted a lot, and then went to different houses. Then you came here to get me another dad."
"That's not quite how it happened. I didn't know Barrett yet when Daddy and I argued a lot."
He didn't say much else about that, because we went in the store. I didn't bother correcting too much. He knows he has a dad, but he also knows that Barrett is a daddy to him too, just like Heidi is another mama. Rarely does he slip, but every now and then he calls Barrett "Dada", and I'll admit that I think it's sweet. I just want the boys to feel love no matter where they go, and I don't care if he calls Barrett Big Purple Sock-Eating Dinosaur (sorry, with 2 boys dinos are on the brain!), as long as he knows that he is loved.

To go a completely different route, here is a Say Anything moment from my brief time dating. I went on a date with this guy while Barrett and I were dating (don't worry, he knew about it!). I had to see what else was out there, and this other guy had contacted me (lots did, and I am not bragging, just saying that I had over 15 different contacts within the first 2 weeks on Match.), and he seemed funny and successful. He was divorced with two kids...originally I was looking for something closer to that-I thought they'd understand my life a bit better. I didn't have anyone to watch the boys because I had already been out twice that week, so he came by the house with wine and cheese and crackers. Yeah, yeah...he could have been a complete creeper, but my folks lived there, and we had two large dogs and awesome neighbors, so I felt safe...plus my ex was a cop, and offered to scare anyone that felt weird to me when I was dating, lol! Anyhow, we chatted, it wasn't too awkward, he was an attractive man and very nice. We talked about everything for like three hours...but the whole time I kept thinking of Barrett. I was already falling hard for him, but trying to make sure he was the right one, you know? This new guy moved in to kiss me. My thoughts were why not, might as well see if I like it. It was nice, but again, I thought of Barrett. "Can't you just feel the connection?" new guy said to me.  In my head, I was thinking ummm....no, not really? But I made up some excuse about needing to work the next day and thank you for a nice night and all that and sent him on his way. I called Barrett up when new guy was leaving the driveway and apologized and asked if we could be exclusive again. Luckily, Barrett has always been my patient, understanding rock. That same night I got a text from new guy saying how incredibly great I was, could he see me again soon, and he'd be thinking of me. I didn't respond. The next morning I texted new guy. I was honest. I told him I was more interested in the other guy I'd been seeing. He asked for another chance, a few weeks even. He sent me a message saying that he would "hold my hand and walk with me through life", which to be honest would have been melt-my-heart worthy if from Barrett, but was kind of creepy from a dude I'd just met!