Putting Down the Bell for Good

In our office at home, there upon the desk is my teacher's bell. It was with me during my four short years in the classroom. It is a reminder that I was, and in some ways, will always be a teacher. It is a reminder of students that touched my heart. I had a high school student (a few actually) that would put scotch tape on my bell on the underneath so that when I went to ring it, it would not ring. Those were good times. I will miss teaching, but I am putting down the bell for good. It is relegated to do its part now as a symbol of where I have been, but there are other places I have yet to be. 

I had been waiting to hear about one final job I had interviewed for and one other district I had applied (but not gotten an interview for yet). Last week I received a letter in the mail saying I was not chosen to interview, and just yesterday I received an email about my previous interview for a school that the position for a part-time science teacher had been filled. A month ago, I would have cried, but on Friday I actually chuckled, and said "okay, God, you've got me." When I got the bright idea way back in April that I would apply for teaching positions, Barrett and I had decided that I would do so on three conditions: 1) that I would only apply to jobs I thought I would want (like not an hour commute away), that if I was not offered a teaching job I would pursue counseling as a career, and 3) that I would trust in the plan that God has for me. Part of my reasoning (admittedly) was that it seemed an easy out (or way back in?). This was what I had gone to school for, and it meant not going anymore. But education is never a waste. I will always use what I learned, with my family, with my friends, and in every endeavor I come across. 

This past year has been a long and bumpy ride. I left a solid job to become a nurse, felt in my heart it was the wrong decision (never leaving where I was, but nursing), and spent the next 6 months being a stay-home mom to Isaiah (and Matt when he was home!), doing a small bit of subbing, and doing a large bit of soul-searching. I have discovered so much about myself, and my time has been full of tears of frustration, laughter with my family, and hope for a new beginning. In more than one way, I have been given the gift of a second chance. Yes, there have been days that I have felt hopeless, days where I felt I didn't have a place, but there have also been other days, more days that I feel alive, strong, and ready to take on the world. 

I am volunteering at a pregnancy center as well as mentoring a young, pregnant girl that I have taken a liking to. I am writing a book about my own struggles through divorce. Our house plans are finally taking shape, and could begin in the next month or so. Barrett's grandparents are joining us at the end of August. Isaiah will begin kindergarten in the fall. I had plans to go to school this fall, and they fell through, but I am awaiting one more call and interview for a graduate program in clinical mental health counseling that still has a handful of openings to begin in September.  I am very hopeful. I feel I now know my purpose, but I also know that God has his own timing. I have experienced it again and again in my own life. It was not through my own timing that my Matthew would be delivered just in time to save his life, not through my timing that I would spend 12 years in a relationship that ultimately failed, and not my timing that I would meet the man of my dreams just days before my divorce was final. I feel calm, happy, and satisfied. So, whether I am meant to go to school in the fall or not, I will know soon enough, but I learned something. I may have finally learned patience.