How to Love an Idealist

I am an idealist in every sense of the word. I see things in my head so clear and true the way that I think they should be. Before every major (and often minor) event in my life, I have an entire outline in my head of what should happen. I know the conversations that should take place, the actions that need to occur, and everything that happens later if things go as they should. Often, my idealism gets in the way of reality a bit. Sometimes it makes me naive to the goings on in the world. Some things are too awful for me to wrap my

head around that they actually exist, or too simple a fix in my mind that I can't clearly see the problem for what it is. Sometimes I may even come across as insensitive to a cause when I am actually anything but, because of the aforementioned issues.

At times, my predisposition for seeing the best in situations has come back to bite me, hard. I have been told that often things and people don't live up to my expectations because my expectations are so incredibly high. Then I am disappointed beyond belief because what I thought should happen, how I thought things should go, didn't come anywhere near. This doesn't always make me optimistic, but it does make me believe that everything always works itself out. Sometimes I am so angry with the world, or so disappointed. Sometimes I am bored with it. I don't say that to sound stuck-up, just real. Does anyone else have this problem?

I was thinking that sometimes I am hard to love because my head is so often in the clouds...or really, truth be told, I am living within my own head. My head is a wondrous place to be. I would invite everyone there if I could! If you have been reading me for awhile, you know that I am hugely interested in things like personality type and introversion versus extroversion. While I don't think that anything defines us 100%, I think that these "typing" tests can give you (and others) a great idea about why you are the way you are. Read 52% Introvert, How About You? It has links to 3 great FREE tests. Anyhow, back to my thoughts here. Maybe you recognize that you too are an idealist, or maybe you are in love with one (and they drive you insane with their lack of practicality at times!). 

This morning I decided to make a list of ways that an Idealist can be shown love: 

How to Love an Idealist

• We love symbolic gifts. Honestly. A memento from a great trip can hold more meaning than something new that is bright and shiny. AND if you point out why it is special, we will love it even more. 
• Some of my own personal favorite items: A bracelet that belonged to Barrett's mom that has his name on it, a necklace my parents got me that is a nest with 2 eggs (symbolizing my two boys)
• We need to know you are thinking of us. Thankfully, the electronic age has made this pretty easy. Send a text or an email saying that you miss us and we are in your thoughts. Often.
• Have private jokes with us and other things that are "ours", like a television show we watch, a song, a place, even a pet. It makes us feel like there is a deeper level to our relationship.
• We are very sensitive to what others think, especially you if we are in a relationship. Please know that often listening (without providing answers) is the BEST way you can show support.
• We have strong values. Whatever they may be, we need to know that we are in sync on them.
• I think the first time Barrett experienced my passion was when he brought up the topic of abortion when we were dating, and saw me moved to anger and tears as I talked about my feelings on it. And of course, the way it should be.  I also believe that people walk their own personal walk in faith, but having a man that believed in God was very important to me, no matter what their church attendance was like.
• We crave need intimacy in every way. One way we feel intimate with you is to know your deepest secrets. Tell us something you have never told anyone, and not only will we keep it safe, but you will have a friend for life. 
• Do not withhold information when something is wrong. Most idealists are highly intuitive, and we can see right through you or even know you are upset sometimes before you realize why (B and I have experienced this many times). If you hide something, we will not only be upset you didn't share it, but we will view this as a breach of trust.
• In some ways we can be an open book. Sometimes we over share or say too much. Love us anyway. Love that we can tell you any second of the day what we are feeling (which is often like 5+ things at once!)
• We long for romance and can lose interest quickly in overly social atmospheres, wanting instead meaningful encounters with only one person.

Other things you should know: 

1. We are intensely loyal and devoted. 
2. Haha! I loved this quote: "An Idealist's"truest" self is the self search of itself, or in other words, her purpose in life is to have a purpose in life!"
3. We are not flaky by nature, but we can come across that way. We wander. We wander spiritually, psychologically, and topically. We may even like to wander geographically because we want to experience life at its fullest.
4. Idealists devote much of their time to pursuing their own identity, their personal meaning, what they signify-their true Self. It is not, mind you, that they are self-centered, self-serving, or selfish; they have to find this in order to help others and change the world!
5. Idealist expression is rich in exaggeration and overstatement.  We do not say we are "somewhat" interested in an idea, or dissatisfied "in some degree" with a person's behavior; we are "totally" fascinated or "completely" disgusted, "perfectly" delighted, or "absolutely" appalled.
6. We sometimes appear ADD, like we can't form a thought to save our lives, but it's because there are SO many thought in there!
7. "The Idealists, warm, generous, vivacious, soulful, personally conscientious, and interpersonally sensitive, are quite attractive to the other temperaments." Quote from: Idealists

J.R.R. Tolkein