Safeguard Your Heart

Isn't it funny how the closer we get to God, the harder it becomes to deal with everyday life? Have you ever felt that icky, stomach-churning, burning in the pit of your stomach type feeling over something that you just KNEW was not okay? I am going to share something with you that is rather personal. Identifying details are (of course) left out, but I think you can get the message just the same. 

Something happened when I was a pre-teen girl that contributed to me having a very unhealthy outlook on sexuality for the next decade or so in all honesty.  I am not proud to say this, but purity and modesty were not characteristics that I held in high esteem. Back in the day I had many boyfriends before I married, I flirted shamelessly, and I toyed with young boys the same way that you see playboys in stories and movies do with girls. I am not sure how much heartache I caused, but I do know of one that was pretty bad. Isn't it refreshing that we get to decide who we will be? This is not me today at all, in fact that girl is LONG gone. She has grown-up, has responsibilities, and self-esteem and integrity like never before. 

Social media outlets (such as Facebook)  can invite things into our lives that we would rather keep away. It seems no one is shy in an instant message! I know that in my previous marriage trouble was caused because of ex-girlfriends of his or ex-boyfriends of mine. We instituted a "no exes rule". The tough thing about that was that there truly were some nice people I dated once upon a time (and was never that serious with), that wanted nothing more than to check-in, say hello and show off happy, smiling pictures of their children. I like Facebook for that reason. I enjoy the fact that I can see the children of old friends, their vacations, their spouses, and get to feel genuinely happy for how well their lives are going. I too, had a few issues with "chatting" in the past, where an ex (or random guy you went to high school with!), would cross a line and get kind of flirtatious. I used to even think, what's the big deal, we live in different states? It's all innocent fun and games, right? Right?

WRONG. When you get that icky feeling I described earlier, it is because God Himself is convicting you about something you are doing that is not right. Some people would say that it is your conscience speaking, like old Jiminy Cricket in Pinocchio. If that "innocent" flirting is something you would freely tell your best friend or spouse about, then maybe it is innocent...but if not, if you would seek to hide it-then face it: it isn't innocent at all. 

I climbed on Facebook this morning and my laptop dinged at me. I had an message. I looked, and it was a message from a man  I dated way back in high school a few times. It seemed very friendly. Happy looks good on you-it read. Wow! What a nice compliment. I AM happy, and have been teased by a few people that my real smile makes an appearance a lot more often. So I typed back a quick thank you. That was followed by him asking about how I was, my marriage, my family. Friendly enough, so I thought nothing of it being wrong. We were never serious, in fact never really even an item, so I thought this was just catching up. I'd chat for a few minutes then go start Isaiah's morning lesson. But then the tide changed. There were a few simple flirty messages that I tried to diffuse (you see the problem with reading a conversation, is that you never really know the tone as well as you would in person or even over the phone). I changed the subject and asked about his family, his wife, etc. Ah, I see...you MUST be happy...avoiding flirting with me? I read. Icky. Uncomfortably icky, I thought, because now I knew he was purposely (and shamelessly I might add) flirting with me, AND he brought attention to the fact that I was not responding as he'd hoped. I said I needed to go be with my son, and glad he was doing well, you know all the happy (but I'm getting rid of you) send-off type things. Then he typed something that made my cheeks flare, and my gut clench...something I will NOT repeat, but will tell you that no-one, other than my husband, EVER has the right to talk to me that way. It was overly salacious and sexual. EWWW!!!! I closed the lap-top shut and told Barrett right away. 

I felt so dirty I needed to shower. Mind you, I have never been someone that blushes easily at language. I am no shy violet, but this made me feel vulnerable and violated. Then I was mad! How dare he? I am quite obviously a very happily married woman! I am no silly teen (nor do I have ANY desire to be remembered the way I was then), and I am no seductress or vixen looking for a "good time"!  Needless to say, this person has no access to me anymore, and some of my privacy settings in various places look a bit different. Did I overreact? I don't think so. I know I haven't (nor will I) said what he typed...but you can use your imagination and make it as lewd as possible, followed by and if you don't respond, I will just try harder. Was that supposed to be sexy? So totally misplaced, and almost threatening if you ask me. I feel sorry for the wives out there that have men like this at home. I feel angry that something I naively thought was nice lead to such awkwardness. I am grateful I have a place to vent, and grateful that my reaction was what it was, instead of me thinking this person was charming. 

The Bible tells us "More than all else that is to be guarded, safeguard your heart, for out of it are the sources of life," Proverbs 4:23

Are you safeguarding your heart, your integrity, your relationships? I urge you to cut out anything that is effecting this right now. And remember, that just because you USED to be someone or act a certain way, does not mean that anyone gets to treat you that way NOW. 

When is Enough, Enough?

I am a woman, therefore, I get emotional at times (sometimes I don't even know why!), and I change my mind at times. This morning I have been deep in thought about the American lifestyle, our constant need for MORE, and what that really means. I have felt a growing sense of sadness, as well as the need to change things.  Have you ever felt it too?

Talk to most anyone, and you will get this idea that they are in some form of waiting. They are waiting for something. They are waiting for a new job, a raise, to finish school, a bigger home, more vacation time, the list goes on and on.

The Waiting Place…
…for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go 

or a bus to come, 

or a plane to go or the mail to come, 

or the rain to go or the phone to ring, 

or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or a No 

or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite 

or waiting for wind to fly a kite 

or waiting around forFriday night 

or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake

 or a pot to boil, or a Better Break 

or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

-Dr. Seuss-Oh! The Places You'll Go

I love that quote! I am a huge Dr. Seuss fan anyhow, but the man was a genius! Combine that quote with the intro scene of Whoville in How the Grinch Stole Christmas movie, you know where everyone is spending like crazy to get ready for Christmas?- and there you have it-the way many Americans live their lives. We get SO hung up on how things could be, that we forget to enjoy how things ARE. We rush ahead to the next goal, and we constantly want more.I am not trying to condemn here, I am admitting my own guilt in this all too common arena. 

In my first marriage, this was the way that life was. We were waiting to each have our degrees, to buy a home, to start on our career paths, to have babies...I'm not even sure exactly WHAT we were waiting for! Life felt like it was in a constant state of wait. But when you are always looking forward, you don't notice what you already have. I was SO busy (or so I thought) when both my sons were infants, and I guess in many ways I LET myself be too busy. I worked full-time and attended grad. school. Why? Why was I in such a hurry? I was in a hurry to finish, to attain more, to be done...that I now regret not just enjoying that time more. Have you been in this situation too? Do I speak to your heart today? When is enough, enough? 

From the outside in, for years I am sure that my life and even my marriage back then, LOOKED good. It may have looked like I was doing it all. Again, I'll ask-for what? What was the hurry? What was the driving force? Did we really NEED a bigger house, a nicer truck, an ATV, a camper, etc? Oh, because of all this I also played the debt game that many Americans play, the I want it now syndrome, instead of the I'll work hard for that sentiment of the past. All the stuff? It didn't buy happiness. There is nothing wrong with having these things (I am not saying not to), in fact, I want an RV, and a boat, and a hot tub, BUT the problem is when the THINGS in your life become a priority. THINGS should never trump PEOPLE. Ever.

This morning these things have been heavy on my mind. Sometimes I feel like I am in The Waiting Place right now. Sometimes I feel guilt over my parenting time and effort when I had babies and want another one...a redemption of sorts, a do-over to do it right this time. Does that sound awful? It feels awful thinking that way, and I have to remind myself to look at my life and truly think about things. I am a great mom now (most of the time). I homeschool Isaiah for preschool, and we do arts and crafts, science lessons, read tons of books, and snuggle lots. We even have 5 live caterpillars in our bathroom right now, as we "grow" butterflies. I keep the house clean, I cook almost every night (Barrett does a few times a week!), and I help at Matt's school when I can for special events, and attend all of his school functions. My boys play soccer (and baseball for Matt), take swimming lessons, and seem to be pretty happy, well-adjusted kids. My wonderful husband pays our monthly bills, provides us health insurance, and goes to work each and everyday to keep us cared for. We go on small trips when we can, do home improvements, and plan a big (just the two of us) trip each year. I am not uneducated, and I am qualified to work, but I CHOOSE to stay home right now, and I choose to go to graduate school (again) in the Fall, not because I NEED more, but because I am finally at a place where I know who I am, and I can BE more to help others. 

Life is good. I say all this to not only remind myself, but to encourage YOU as well to count your blessings. If you constantly feel like you are waiting for something, remember that you are MISSING things that are happening each day around you. Remember that God has given you ENOUGH already. Maybe focus on improving what you already have, taking care of the thinngs that are already blessings, and reaching out to serve others in your community. And ask yourself: When is it enough? I bet you will find that IT ALREADY IS

.

PS: If you scrolled this far down ( I am hoping you did!), I have a request. Post on this link 1-2 things that you are thankful for RIGHT now, or 1 thing that you are doing to care for what you already have or for others. Let today's FaceBook posts be full of gratitude. Let your life be enough. :) 

You're the Author

I have a story to tell you. It is a simple story of something that happened to me recently, but I think the lesson I learned applies to just about every choice we make in life.

It was Friday late afternoon. I had been alone in the house for over three hours after dropping the boys for a weekend at their dad's. I had relaxed, finished a book I was reading, spent some time on Pinterest. It was a nice afternoon, but come about 4:30 or so, and I was ready for company. Barrett gets home around 5:30 each night, and would be just a bit later because our plan was to indulge in pizza (it has been awhile!), and to watch Lost on Netflix. We were only a few episodes from being finished with the show, and we had been really into it. Sounds like a great plan for the night, right? It did to me anyway. At 5:15 I get a call from Barrett that he is headed home with the warm pizza. As we are on the phone, he says, "Oh great, I should've remembered to stop." He was running out of gas! Barrett fills me in on the fact that the Explorer had been warning him all day that the fuel was low, but he kept putting off stopping, and then had forgotten. He was two miles past the last gas station between his work and home, and the car was beginning to stutter. "If you want pizza and a husband home tonight, you're going to have to come bring me gas," Barrett says. He begins to tell me where the extra gas container is in the barn, and what exit he is off of. I was so irritated. It had been such a relaxing afternoon, and here we had plans for a great evening, and he runs out of gas?! Twenty minutes away no less..., with a wife that hates to drive (I know, I know, but I truly do). I know that what I said next was not pretty, that there was a very loud sigh (probably could've heard it from where he was without the phone!), and me telling him, "Geez Barrett-you ruined tonight!  Just text me the instructions. I gotta go throw shoes on and grab my keys!"

Two minutes later I am in the (nasty) barn with the Ranger key in my hand, because Barrett told me I would have to move the Ranger to get to the gas cans because it was blocking the stall they were in. This involves me opening up both heavy barn doors, driving the Ranger out, getting the gas, then putting the Ranger back. Opening the first heavy barn door, I eyeball the stall that the gas is in. Hmmm...if I can just shimmy across the back seat of the Ranger, I won't have to mess with moving it. This will be faster AND easier. Perhaps just faster, I think as I squeeze through the back, into the stall, and lug (a very heavy) gas can up onto the back seat and then heave it across the other side. Stumbling to the car with the (HEAVY) gas can, I realize I have not crated Max (the Wonder Dog), so I sigh and open the back door of my once clean car. Furry dog in the back, gas in the front, and a still very irritated wife in the driver's seat, I peel out the driveway. 

And then it dawns on me...What is the BIG deal? This night can go two ways right now, and I am solely in charge of the outcome. I can continue to be mad at my husband for something he did by accident, ruining the pizza night date, or I can choose my own adventure, and just go with it. I slow to a stop at the corner, and text Barrett: I am so sorry. I will be there soon. I love you. Got a drink? We can eat pizza and watch the sunset. As I drive, I realize that my initial reaction was to be a jerk to my husband. I also realize with chagrin, that my husband would NEVER act that way if I ran out of gas. He would rescue me in a heartbeat without thinking twice. It is Barrett's unconditional love for me, that is teaching me how to treat him, others, and even showing me what God does for us daily.


I arrived on the side of I-5 to a giant hug, kiss, and a husband that was grateful I had decided to not be angry. He jokingly told me that I was his Princess Charming. After we got a few gallons of gas into his car, I followed him to a country road where we sat in his car, ate still-warm pizza, laughed and talked. We missed the sunset in all the excitement of re-fueling his car, but we got to see the hills begin to darken, and listen to the frogs croak. I am thankful for Friday, because I learned a much needed lesson. We are all authors. Life is our story...and we choose how to write it.

I want cookies...so sue me.

I am trying hard to be healthy, I really am...but sometimes, a girl just wants a cookie (or 3). We keep healthy snacks in our home like fruits and veggies, and I cook FAR more than we go out these days, and exercise is on its way to becoming a daily habit. Barrett and I tried the Weight Watchers thing, and it wasn't that successful. I know that it is for many people, and it indeed made us both more aware of portion control, healthier choices and the need to exercise...but I think I speak for us both when I say that denying ourselves things we really wanted made us both overdo it the next time. Maybe you haven't been in that boat. Or maybe you say but you can have what you want on Weight Watchers. Let me clear things up...NO, you can't, there is still an insane amount of self-deprivation going on to stick within your daily allotted points (26 for me, though B had much more!). Knowing that, and the type of OCD personality that I am blessed/cursed with, I would practically starve myself all day to have enough points leftover at night to eat a "normal" dinner and have a bowl of ice cream or popcorn. I would also save ALL of my bonus points to eat however I wanted one day on the weekend. Honestly, this way of eating was making me make worse choices than not being on the plan at all. I would eat everything I viewed as off-limits.  Yes, I made healthier choices most of the week, and yes I ate lots of fruits and veggies, but again-if you are like me, they aren't filling for me. It must be a mental block. An entire army full of blueberries could march into my digestive tract, filling it with all their super-food nutrients, and I'd be thinking I'm starving, where's the bread? Can I get an amen for a carb-lover's diet? Barrett was more successful than me at swearing off carbs. I tried...and it made me a mean, hungry, nasty person. And I would feel guilty for craving things. Like we need more guilt in our lives.

I want to enjoy food. I know that it is just a fuel for our bodies, but by golly it can be fun! I enjoy eating, and cooking...and baking. I used to joke (when I was thin as a rail)that a fat girl lived inside me. She does (and is more present now). I also used to hate exercise SO much that I told friends I'd rather starve myself than workout. Truth be told, I still don't like it, but it is becoming more bearable. I am not a lazy person. I will clean house, work like crazy, or insert other thing hear from dawn to dusk, but I hate feeling sweaty and well, exercising. I dislike group exercise with a passion-why do I want to be sweaty and uncoordinated in front of others? I have reasoned with myself now that I will exercise each day and make healthier choices, but I will NOT give up all the foods I love. I will eat them when I want without recording them, and bake when I want (giving some away). I am only 10 pounds above my healthy BMI range, and while I would love to lose those 10 (heck 20!), each time I have lost, I can't keep the weight gone while enjoying my life. I can keep it steady now...but not gone (if that makes sense), because I cannot commit to a life of deprivation. I want to be healthy, and I want to be toned, skinny would be great, but I am okay with being curvy too. I don't feel like I have given up. I feel like I have made a commitment to be healthy while allowing myself to be ME. I am aware, but I only get one shot at this life, and I choose to enjoy it while forgiving my occasional cravings. 

What are your takes about diet and exercise? Do you deprive yourself to look better, or are you happy in the body you have?

***I know that for some of you group exercise keeps you going, and for others Weight Watchers has been just the thing you need. I applaud you...just saying it isn't for me. 

How to Be Happy, Part 2

Welcome back! Make sure you check out How to be Happy, Part 1.

In case you are new here, as I am starting to really branch out, let me tell you a tiny bit about me. Those of you that read me daily A) Thank you! and B) You can skip to the next paragraph. :) I am currently a stay-at-home-mom (for the first time ever!) to two sons as well as a substitute teacher. I take roughly a job a week on average and cherry-pick the jobs I get (hey, subs are somewhat in need in my area). I am a licensed teacher, and I have been accepted into a school counseling program to begin this coming fall. I am happily married, and I love to read, write and do crafts with my kids. You can follow me here, and on Pinterest at http://pinterest.com/sarahbrice11/.

Now, we were talking about (or at least I was) how to be happy. First of all, there is a simple saying that it has taken me 31 years to learn how to follow: Happiness is a Choice. No really, it is so true. We can choose to be happy no matter what we are doing. Are you on your fourth load of laundry today? Cleaning up (again) after a child? Cooking dinner for the 118th night in a row? Are you dealing with someone you have a genuine liking problem (as in you don't) with? Take a deep breath...now, smile. Did you know that the simple act of smiling has actually been proven to make you slightly happier? Think of it as exercise for your face...and your soul. 

This is going to seem like a simple list, and I tried to keep it that way. This gives you a starting point. Anyone can do any of these things and feel better as soon as possible. I suggest you choose a few to do today, and get a move on. Make the choice to BE HAPPY.

1. Pray. Each day talk to God...but here's the key, take time to THANK Him. Counting your blessings in this way will make them more obvious to you.
2. Smile (like I said).
3. Put on an upbeat song while you do housework, cook, or exercise. I promise it'll go faster.
4. Exercise. Daily. I know you are supposed to take a day off or whatever, but I'm not talking running a marathon, I am saying just do something each day. Start small. Aim for 20-30 minutes. Once this becomes a habit, aim for this twice a day.
5. Touch. Hug the people you love, your spouse, your kids, your parents, your friends. Touch has been known to make us feel better.
6. Do something you love for 15 minutes. Again, start small if you think you don't have the time, and work up to a few hours a week. This could be reading quietly, playing a video-game  doing a craft, taking pictures, you name it.
7. Pet your dog or cat. This is that touch thing again. Studies have shown that petting an animal releases chemicals in our body that make us more relaxed (it actually lowers blood pressure!), and make us happier.
8. Take a hot bath or shower. This is a way to just escape the hectic nature of life for awhile, and if you are like me-feeling clean helps you relax.
9. Pursue something you enjoy. This can happen in many ways. Plan a vacation (even if you can't take it for awhile), take a class, volunteer for a cause you believe in...etc. Pleasureful activities release serotonin in the brain...making us happier.
10. Help someone else. This could have been higher on the list...but I wrote them as I was thinking of them. Joyfully cook your loved ones' favorite meal, run a bubble bath for them, etc. Give of yourself. 
11. Okay I know I said 10...but this is important: Surround yourself with beauty. Whether this means candles, flowers and deep colors like in my home or vibrant modern art for you...make your home your sanctuary. It will make you happy to be in it.

How to be Happy, Part 1

Do you ever have one of those days where you are so insanely happy that you just long to tell everyone about it? I am having one of those days. I cannot type fast enough to keep up with joy bubbling inside of me. If you are one of those people that can't stand reading about others being happy, you best look away now (ever notice how angry and sad rants get the most reads? Just sayin'). I am so excited in fact that I spent about five minutes wondering why I was so happy. Have you ever done that? There is no specific reason, nor does there need to be, life is meant to be enjoyed.

The Bible tells us that: Thou hast put gladness in my heart-Psalm 4:7

Today I am happy just to be. I looked back this morning and thought about my divorce that occurred a little over 2 years ago. If there was one word for how I felt that cold December, it definitely was not joy. Shattered would have been the descriptor. I was broken in so many ways. I think back to how I would drag myself through the motions of teaching and parenting during that season. Thankfully, it was such a short season, because God works in His own timing...not ours. Even I expected it to last much longer. I was hurting in such a way that I was ready to self-destruct. I had never really experienced the partying, wildness or wantonness that effects so many adult singles out there...because I was married through my twenties. I did not want any part of that world ever, had never even dated as an adult..., but I was in such an emotional wasteland that I thought bring it on. It was right on this brink that I met my sweet Barrett. The rest is history. The destruction that could have been, the mom that could've become the party girl, well it never happened. For this, I am incredibly thankful. 

I am so saddened when I look at the world today, and the pallor that has been brought to marriage, family and the home. Why do women speak so poorly of their spouses and of the children they have? Why do we always yearn for more, when we have enough? I am no religious scholar, but I know that I speak correctly when I say that this...THIS WAS NOT THE PLAN. I could speak until I am blue in the face, recount the hundreds (if not thousands) of times that I have heard spouses belittle one another while I cringed, the children that are left to feel like an afterthought or even worse completely unwanted, and the families wrecked by the constant attainment of MORE. 

Surely I am not alone in the fact that things could be a lot worse? In fact, I know that I cannot be alone in the fact that things are actually pretty great. In Part 2, I will give you a simple list of things that you can do daily to make sure that you are living a life full of joy. For me? I am elated to be a wife and a mama. I am excited to become a counselor (in a few years!), and I am happy to be on my way to becoming a volunteer at an organization I have respected. What brings you joy in life? Comment here or on my link. I'd love to hear from you.

Link to Part 2: How to be Happy, Part 2
-Sarah

Home Sweet Home

Ah, I finally get to write again! Life never does really slow down, does it? Friday evening I returned home from Camarillo. It was a long week of packing, painting, cooking and visiting. We did enjoy many conversations with Grandma and Grandpa, beautiful weather (seventies!), a trip to Santa Barbara, swimming, and a visit to the local gorgeously exquisite new library (it was massive and like entering a castle...complete with a "ship wreck" among shelves in the children's area!). I was definitely ready to come home though. For those of you that hate sappiness, quick...look away! I missed Barrett so much it literally hurt. The first night I was in tears, and I have to admit I cried almost every day (in private of course!). When your husband is your best friend and companion, being away is really hard. I have always had so much respect for those women who have husbands away in the military. I couldn't do it. Barrett had a rough time too, saying he hardly slept the whole week-making him a zombie at work. We both agreed that though this was necessary, it will never happen again that one of us travels without the other, not as long as we can help it!

I feel like I helped to get a ton done (as well as returning with a nice tan!), and Matthew indeed got some needed time with mom, but I am so glad to be home. I am glad to be back to playing with Isaiah, cleaning my own home (lol!), cooking for my hubby and kids, soccer schedules, and applying for financial aid. It may be mundane stuff, but it's comfortable and it's home.