Returning to normal life was very difficult after
separating from my husband of ten years. I was afraid to just go to the grocery
store by myself, let alone more family-oriented places like church. I felt
there was a flashing neon sign above my head saying in large, bold letters “NOT
WORTHY” or “HUSBAND HAS LEFT” or even “DAMAGED GOODS.” I knew that there were
plenty of people that cared about me, that would come alongside me as I healed,
but what I didn’t realize was how many people would mean me well but do me
harm, or would only care about me as a topic of conversation to fill their free
hours. I told people right away, heck, even posted it on social media that we
were splitting up. I did not say anything negative about him just that it was
over. I asked him first if that was
okay, and he was fine with it. My thoughts on that were that eventually the
world would know anyhow and I would rather tackle it in one fell swoop than
have to tell my story again and again. It was a Friday when we separated, and
by Monday, most of the people in our world knew the news.
The Good
During this time, my parents were my rock. They took
on many duties with the kids, knowing I was mentally exhausted just from making
it through the day. They cooked, they cleaned, they comforted me. They gave my
sons love that I was incapable of expressing for months. My attention was on
the separation, the divorce, re-entering the dating world, and holding down my
job when I felt like everything else was spinning out of control. If you can
help someone you love that is going through this rough time, help them with
their children (if they have any). It is likely that your friend is just going
through the motions and will continue that route for a while.
Like I said previously, I was teaching junior high
and high school students at the time, and they were phenomenal. If you ever
want to know how to help someone through a tough time, ask a teen. Seriously. I
think they are better equipped at the rawness that a life can encompass than
adults are, and less hardened by time. My students showed up as quiet supporters.
They brought me coffee and breakfast throughout the next week. There wasn’t a
day that went by that I didn’t have some form of unconditional love from them.
The students that normally acted out a bit, were quiet. My classes were easy to
teach. I have never felt so loved and respected than during that hard week.
They would hug me, tell me stories to make me laugh, and all the while not much
was ever actually said about what I
was going through. That really helped. When I was hurting the most, I didn’t have
to say anything.
My boss at the time was also wonderful. I will never
forget the kindness he showed me. Whether you personally are religious or not,
I will say that he showed me the true meaning of what it meant to be a
Christian. He offered me time off, but I declined. Work was a welcome
distraction. He let me know that he did not expect my teaching for the next few
weeks to be stellar and would understand if I took it easy and showed movies
for a while. He told me he knew I was a great teacher and would get it back as
I recovered. He also texted me out of the blue once Christmas break started and
asked if my children had a Christmas tree at home, and that he would bring one
out to the house if we did not. The tree had already been up at the time, but his
offer is never to be forgotten.
The secretary at the school I was at sent home some
wrapped presents that she and her son (one of my students) had picked out for
the boys. She told me she wasn’t sure if I had shopped yet, and her son
insisted that they contribute to a happy (as happy as it could be) Christmas
for my children. It still brings tears to my eyes.
During this time I also received a fair amount of
messages on Facebook from old friends I had gone to high school with that were
my age and had been through a divorce. I cherished all those emails, as it made
me feel like I wasn’t the only one out there that had been down this road. If
they made it through, so could I.
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