I want cookies...so sue me.

I am trying hard to be healthy, I really am...but sometimes, a girl just wants a cookie (or 3). We keep healthy snacks in our home like fruits and veggies, and I cook FAR more than we go out these days, and exercise is on its way to becoming a daily habit. Barrett and I tried the Weight Watchers thing, and it wasn't that successful. I know that it is for many people, and it indeed made us both more aware of portion control, healthier choices and the need to exercise...but I think I speak for us both when I say that denying ourselves things we really wanted made us both overdo it the next time. Maybe you haven't been in that boat. Or maybe you say but you can have what you want on Weight Watchers. Let me clear things up...NO, you can't, there is still an insane amount of self-deprivation going on to stick within your daily allotted points (26 for me, though B had much more!). Knowing that, and the type of OCD personality that I am blessed/cursed with, I would practically starve myself all day to have enough points leftover at night to eat a "normal" dinner and have a bowl of ice cream or popcorn. I would also save ALL of my bonus points to eat however I wanted one day on the weekend. Honestly, this way of eating was making me make worse choices than not being on the plan at all. I would eat everything I viewed as off-limits.  Yes, I made healthier choices most of the week, and yes I ate lots of fruits and veggies, but again-if you are like me, they aren't filling for me. It must be a mental block. An entire army full of blueberries could march into my digestive tract, filling it with all their super-food nutrients, and I'd be thinking I'm starving, where's the bread? Can I get an amen for a carb-lover's diet? Barrett was more successful than me at swearing off carbs. I tried...and it made me a mean, hungry, nasty person. And I would feel guilty for craving things. Like we need more guilt in our lives.

I want to enjoy food. I know that it is just a fuel for our bodies, but by golly it can be fun! I enjoy eating, and cooking...and baking. I used to joke (when I was thin as a rail)that a fat girl lived inside me. She does (and is more present now). I also used to hate exercise SO much that I told friends I'd rather starve myself than workout. Truth be told, I still don't like it, but it is becoming more bearable. I am not a lazy person. I will clean house, work like crazy, or insert other thing hear from dawn to dusk, but I hate feeling sweaty and well, exercising. I dislike group exercise with a passion-why do I want to be sweaty and uncoordinated in front of others? I have reasoned with myself now that I will exercise each day and make healthier choices, but I will NOT give up all the foods I love. I will eat them when I want without recording them, and bake when I want (giving some away). I am only 10 pounds above my healthy BMI range, and while I would love to lose those 10 (heck 20!), each time I have lost, I can't keep the weight gone while enjoying my life. I can keep it steady now...but not gone (if that makes sense), because I cannot commit to a life of deprivation. I want to be healthy, and I want to be toned, skinny would be great, but I am okay with being curvy too. I don't feel like I have given up. I feel like I have made a commitment to be healthy while allowing myself to be ME. I am aware, but I only get one shot at this life, and I choose to enjoy it while forgiving my occasional cravings. 

What are your takes about diet and exercise? Do you deprive yourself to look better, or are you happy in the body you have?

***I know that for some of you group exercise keeps you going, and for others Weight Watchers has been just the thing you need. I applaud you...just saying it isn't for me.