How to Be Happy, Part 2

Welcome back! Make sure you check out How to be Happy, Part 1.

In case you are new here, as I am starting to really branch out, let me tell you a tiny bit about me. Those of you that read me daily A) Thank you! and B) You can skip to the next paragraph. :) I am currently a stay-at-home-mom (for the first time ever!) to two sons as well as a substitute teacher. I take roughly a job a week on average and cherry-pick the jobs I get (hey, subs are somewhat in need in my area). I am a licensed teacher, and I have been accepted into a school counseling program to begin this coming fall. I am happily married, and I love to read, write and do crafts with my kids. You can follow me here, and on Pinterest at http://pinterest.com/sarahbrice11/.

Now, we were talking about (or at least I was) how to be happy. First of all, there is a simple saying that it has taken me 31 years to learn how to follow: Happiness is a Choice. No really, it is so true. We can choose to be happy no matter what we are doing. Are you on your fourth load of laundry today? Cleaning up (again) after a child? Cooking dinner for the 118th night in a row? Are you dealing with someone you have a genuine liking problem (as in you don't) with? Take a deep breath...now, smile. Did you know that the simple act of smiling has actually been proven to make you slightly happier? Think of it as exercise for your face...and your soul. 

This is going to seem like a simple list, and I tried to keep it that way. This gives you a starting point. Anyone can do any of these things and feel better as soon as possible. I suggest you choose a few to do today, and get a move on. Make the choice to BE HAPPY.

1. Pray. Each day talk to God...but here's the key, take time to THANK Him. Counting your blessings in this way will make them more obvious to you.
2. Smile (like I said).
3. Put on an upbeat song while you do housework, cook, or exercise. I promise it'll go faster.
4. Exercise. Daily. I know you are supposed to take a day off or whatever, but I'm not talking running a marathon, I am saying just do something each day. Start small. Aim for 20-30 minutes. Once this becomes a habit, aim for this twice a day.
5. Touch. Hug the people you love, your spouse, your kids, your parents, your friends. Touch has been known to make us feel better.
6. Do something you love for 15 minutes. Again, start small if you think you don't have the time, and work up to a few hours a week. This could be reading quietly, playing a video-game  doing a craft, taking pictures, you name it.
7. Pet your dog or cat. This is that touch thing again. Studies have shown that petting an animal releases chemicals in our body that make us more relaxed (it actually lowers blood pressure!), and make us happier.
8. Take a hot bath or shower. This is a way to just escape the hectic nature of life for awhile, and if you are like me-feeling clean helps you relax.
9. Pursue something you enjoy. This can happen in many ways. Plan a vacation (even if you can't take it for awhile), take a class, volunteer for a cause you believe in...etc. Pleasureful activities release serotonin in the brain...making us happier.
10. Help someone else. This could have been higher on the list...but I wrote them as I was thinking of them. Joyfully cook your loved ones' favorite meal, run a bubble bath for them, etc. Give of yourself. 
11. Okay I know I said 10...but this is important: Surround yourself with beauty. Whether this means candles, flowers and deep colors like in my home or vibrant modern art for you...make your home your sanctuary. It will make you happy to be in it.

How to be Happy, Part 1

Do you ever have one of those days where you are so insanely happy that you just long to tell everyone about it? I am having one of those days. I cannot type fast enough to keep up with joy bubbling inside of me. If you are one of those people that can't stand reading about others being happy, you best look away now (ever notice how angry and sad rants get the most reads? Just sayin'). I am so excited in fact that I spent about five minutes wondering why I was so happy. Have you ever done that? There is no specific reason, nor does there need to be, life is meant to be enjoyed.

The Bible tells us that: Thou hast put gladness in my heart-Psalm 4:7

Today I am happy just to be. I looked back this morning and thought about my divorce that occurred a little over 2 years ago. If there was one word for how I felt that cold December, it definitely was not joy. Shattered would have been the descriptor. I was broken in so many ways. I think back to how I would drag myself through the motions of teaching and parenting during that season. Thankfully, it was such a short season, because God works in His own timing...not ours. Even I expected it to last much longer. I was hurting in such a way that I was ready to self-destruct. I had never really experienced the partying, wildness or wantonness that effects so many adult singles out there...because I was married through my twenties. I did not want any part of that world ever, had never even dated as an adult..., but I was in such an emotional wasteland that I thought bring it on. It was right on this brink that I met my sweet Barrett. The rest is history. The destruction that could have been, the mom that could've become the party girl, well it never happened. For this, I am incredibly thankful. 

I am so saddened when I look at the world today, and the pallor that has been brought to marriage, family and the home. Why do women speak so poorly of their spouses and of the children they have? Why do we always yearn for more, when we have enough? I am no religious scholar, but I know that I speak correctly when I say that this...THIS WAS NOT THE PLAN. I could speak until I am blue in the face, recount the hundreds (if not thousands) of times that I have heard spouses belittle one another while I cringed, the children that are left to feel like an afterthought or even worse completely unwanted, and the families wrecked by the constant attainment of MORE. 

Surely I am not alone in the fact that things could be a lot worse? In fact, I know that I cannot be alone in the fact that things are actually pretty great. In Part 2, I will give you a simple list of things that you can do daily to make sure that you are living a life full of joy. For me? I am elated to be a wife and a mama. I am excited to become a counselor (in a few years!), and I am happy to be on my way to becoming a volunteer at an organization I have respected. What brings you joy in life? Comment here or on my link. I'd love to hear from you.

Link to Part 2: How to be Happy, Part 2
-Sarah

Home Sweet Home

Ah, I finally get to write again! Life never does really slow down, does it? Friday evening I returned home from Camarillo. It was a long week of packing, painting, cooking and visiting. We did enjoy many conversations with Grandma and Grandpa, beautiful weather (seventies!), a trip to Santa Barbara, swimming, and a visit to the local gorgeously exquisite new library (it was massive and like entering a castle...complete with a "ship wreck" among shelves in the children's area!). I was definitely ready to come home though. For those of you that hate sappiness, quick...look away! I missed Barrett so much it literally hurt. The first night I was in tears, and I have to admit I cried almost every day (in private of course!). When your husband is your best friend and companion, being away is really hard. I have always had so much respect for those women who have husbands away in the military. I couldn't do it. Barrett had a rough time too, saying he hardly slept the whole week-making him a zombie at work. We both agreed that though this was necessary, it will never happen again that one of us travels without the other, not as long as we can help it!

I feel like I helped to get a ton done (as well as returning with a nice tan!), and Matthew indeed got some needed time with mom, but I am so glad to be home. I am glad to be back to playing with Isaiah, cleaning my own home (lol!), cooking for my hubby and kids, soccer schedules, and applying for financial aid. It may be mundane stuff, but it's comfortable and it's home.

When Giving Up is the Wrong Choice

This morning I had an early lunch with my former best friend. Those who know me really well and read my blog know that my best pal of 4+ years and I had a huge blow-out (which was not like us at all) way back in October, and that she moved five hours away at Christmas-time. We hadn't spoken in months. The day I interviewed for admission to the counseling program I realized I only had one enemy that I could think of, one person that I had truly wronged (and had felt wronged me), and it had been my best friend. That same day I couldn't get this person off my mind, so I finally gave in and emailed her. I had thought of her often, prayed for her more, and was just beginning to think that it was ridiculous that we let that happen. Ours was not a petty fight. Some really hurtful things were said on both sides, the kind of things you have a hard time forgetting...I mean, this was the same person I shared kid stories with, laughed with, prayed with, cried with, and yes, we had grown apart, but that was mostly my fault. I started thinking that most of what I had said had been with me being of the defensive, and me being angry, and that just possibly that was a lot of what she said too. So anyhow, I emailed-a heartfelt, I miss you, I know you are gone, but we really messed this up kind of email.

And I heard back. Right away. She felt the same way. We have emailed and chatted a few times, and no, it isn't quite the same, but it is good and it is close enough, and better than not at all. Today we had lunch. It was wonderful, and felt like home. I learned an important lesson, some things are too good to just throw away. It's like a favorite pair of jeans. You wear the heck out of them, because they feel good. They get loose and frayed edges, and you fix them, they get missing buttons or holes, and you mend them...they are just too good to give up. I feel blessed to have learned this lesson.

Look in the Mirror Girls...Marriage by Design

I am going to make some people angry with this post...so here is my disclaimer right here-if you don't like it-don't read it!

***This is for the many wives (and soon-to-be wives out there). 

Be the change you want to see, be the spouse you want to have, and never, ever quit looking for ways to make your partner happy. These are the ingredients to a happy marriage. 

Marriage matters.  Divorce sucks. Is that succinct enough for you? I never believed in divorce. I believed that all couples should try their very hardest to make things work before ever even considering severing those bonds. Am I the pot calling the kettle black? Yes, your memory serves you right, I indeed have been through a divorce after a 10 1/2 year marriage and 12 1/2 year relationship. We did try, but he chose to move on. It was a good choice now that I can look back on it, because we were not both willing to try to the same level and that can make all the difference, and because the words we used on a daily basis were becoming abusive, acidic and atrocious in front of our lovely sons. This gives me all the reason to do it right this time, and if you too, are on your second chance, count your blessings that there is a God above that believes in second chances too. 

I read 7-8 blogs on a daily basis by Christian women about parenting, marriage and sexuality in marriage (good stuff!). I will provide their links below in case you are curious. Yes, I have time on my hands to read, but honestly reading a few blogs takes a few minutes at a time spread over the course of the entire day, so you can too if you choose no matter how busy your life is. :)

I have a great marriage, wonderful even. Oh sure, you may be thinking that at 1 1/2 years married and only 2 together that we are still in the honeymoon stage. Let me tell you (and some of you are out there nodding your heads at this right now!), that the honeymoon stage is a lot shorter when you are blending kids, careers and moving into the mix. I will always respect Barrett for how he hit the ground running, taking on numerous new responsibilities, and did so like he was made for it. A man that can love your kids day-to-day as his own is a true gift, and if you are in a situation like mine, remember that your guy chooses each day to love you and your children with no reserve. No, I have a wonderful marriage because both my husband and I are fixers. We look for problems and fix them. We look for what works and do more of that, and we constantly take note of what makes the other happy.

One of the things I participate in is online "challenges" to romance my husband (link below). Each day I am given 5-6 suggestions, and I try to do 2-3 of the things on the list every single day. They are easy to do, and they let my husband know I appreciate him. This is where I make some of you mad. Women, it is your job to set the tone in your marriage. This may sound old-fashioned, but be what it may YOU have the power in your relationship to change the way things feel. Again, YOU set the tone. If you are bitchy, nagging constantly, you will set a tone of inadequacy in your home and of resentment. To counter, if you are loving and joyful, you will set this tone in your home. And...if you are romantic, your husband will be also! Seriously. I was reading on this blog I read a plethora of negative comments to this woman's suggestions to be the spouse you want to have. Women, when did we become so spiteful? Things like:

• "Why should I try-he doesn't do anything for me?" (Because serving others makes us feel good too!)
• "I am sick of cleaning up after him, why would I want to romance him?" (Because it shows him that you love him and need him.)
• "If I kiss him, he will just get all grabby." (So???  Grab back!)

I am sadly including just a few of the real honest to God comments that I read (my thoughts not in Italics). Wow. This is the man you chose to spend your life with. Are you really going to let some dirty socks and resentment get in the way of having a better marriage...one that will make you BOTH happier? If so, seems awfully petty to me. Unless your husband is abusive or unfaithful (in which case you need to RUN, girl!), he is a man that deserves your love, respect and commitment to your marriage each and every day. Do not speak poorly of your mate to others. Do not nag him relentlessly to get your way, and NEVER, EVER use sex as a weapon-do not withhold when he needs your touch to feel loved. Why don't you try forgiving him, even if he hasn't apologized?

You set the tone. Do you want him to notice you? Notice him. Did he trim his beard lately or wear a different shirt today?  Do you want him to help around the house? Help him with a project he cares about. Offer to help clean his man cave or go do a hobby with him. Do you want to be sweetly romanced and even seduced by your husband? Show him what you want (he will be more than willing). You see, men need to know that they are doing something right. TELL him what you love about him. Tell him thank you for working each day (even though you may too), tell him you love the fact that he can fix things in your home, how handsome he looks, or that you really enjoy when he kisses you just like that. They need positive affirmation. You may think like those women I quoted above that you do enough, and he needs to do more. I respectfully disagree with part of that statement. While he may indeed need to step it up a bit, unless you are giving 100% to be the kind of loving wife that literally grows a loving husband, then NO, you are not doing enough either. Be it the way of the world to tell you that you deserve more. I am telling you (except for in extreme situations), you deserve what you have; you reap what you sow. 

The things I am doing take maybe an extra 30 minutes a day. Maybe. But the rewards are huge. Yesterday, I made a dinner that Barrett loves. On purpose. I was going to cook anyway, why not spoil him? I touched up my make-up and put my hair up the way he loves. I lit candles downstairs in our room, had the lights dimmed upstairs, and had classical music playing when he came home. The kids were here. They had helped pick up the house, and they too, seemed to thrive in the beautiful atmosphere that I was purposely setting up in our home, an atmosphere that said our home, our family and our time is beautiful. In our bathroom I had taken a red lipstick and written I love you always on our mirror and underneath planted a red lipstick kiss. Barrett said it made him smile to see it this morning when getting out of the shower, and that it should always be there. That took less than 2 minutes of my time, to let my husband know how much I love him. Easy stuff, ladies. We just have to do it. I don't know about you, but I got a husband who cleaned up the dishes from the meal I made him, interacted with our boys, and held me close in his arms all night long (I will leave out the other stuff!!!). This is the marriage I dream of. 

Be purposeful. Be diligent. Be loving. Be respectful. Be beautiful. Design the marriage you want to have, and I assure you the rest will follow.

Marriage Blogs I follow:

•  Intimacy in Marriage
• Hot, Holy, and Humorous
• Happy Wives Club
• Time Warp Wife
• 14 Day Romancing Your Husband Challenge

Sunshine, Here I come...in 5 days

This coming Sunday I will be flying down to Camarillo, California to help Barrett's grandparents begin packing/sorting through their things for their upcoming move to Oregon. I will be there 5 nights, and it will be the longest I have been away from Barrett since before we were even married! Since we met, actually, and it makes me sad, but needs to be done all at the same time. Barrett cannot go, as he is saving all his vacation for when we go on our tropical trip (something I may have convinced him to do yearly-since he enjoyed our trip to Maui last year so much!), and I am certainly okay with that! On that note, after much research, we ended up picking Cozumel, Mexico after finding a top-notch resort running a 50% off sale, and reading about the snorkeling there, and the fact that it has little night-life (something we introverts both want). Anyhow, I do have to say that I am getting kind of excited despite the fact that I will miss Barrett like crazy. I get to pack sundresses, flip-flops and t-shirts to go, as it has been in the mid to upper 70's there-though with my luck it'll cool down a bit.

I was going to go alone, the point is me helping after-all, but after much consideration we decided that I am taking Matthew with me. Matt has loved the fact that I am home more, and helping with a few things here and there for his class, but he is so jealous of the fact that Isaiah is home with me almost everyday while he is at school, even to the point that he has asked on more than one occasion that I just home school him. It makes me sad. Matthew excls in school, makes friends readily, and I think he needs to be there, but I understand and secretly also love the fact that he would rather be with me. As a teacher, I always wondered about those parents that pulled kids out of school for a trip, and thought it was kind of ridiculous that they couldn't do it during the summer...BUT, after talking to Matt's teacher ahead of time, and him about getting to go, I think he can handle it, and it will do him good. He is of an age where he can also be helpful, and will thrive with the special attention from both grandparents and mom. He is thrilled to fly for the first time, and to go to Santa Barbara and see a beach with palm trees on it! Furthermore, Barrett's grandparents are just tickled to get some time with Matt. The tough thing (there is always a tough thing when parenting, isn't there?) is that Isaiah is not going. While he is excited to spend some special time with both his dad and then his Pop, I had to explain to Isaiah that for this type of trip I felt he would have more fun staying here. I think he understood, but he did ask me, "Mommy, do I get to fly with you sometime?" To which of course I answered, "absolutely, when you are a bit older and we are going on a true vacation-you bet!" The fact is that Isaiah will not be entertained with boxing up books, sorting through dishes and furniture, and actually helping to pack. Matt will (as long as we throw in some fun stuff here and there, which we fully intend to!).

I also made the decision that my trusty old laptop is staying at home. The poor thing is on its last legs, and the thought that it may perish soon may really panic me if it weren't for the fact that my awesome tech savvy husband has been backing up all my pictures and documents and has an extra laptop that will likely become mine...but still, mine is pretty. Anyhow, I am leaving all laptops at home. I do not want the trip to be detracted from by needing to watch a movie on the plane, check FaceBook or Pinterest, or be otherwise engaged with the virtual world. It is not like we don't use computers, Netflix and video games on a daily basis in our home...but we do limit the kids' time with them, and I want to be fully engaged with my son and he with me and the world around him than "plugging him in" (though I will have my phone!).

Are You a Mom in a Rut?

As I was drinking my coffee this morning and skimming some of the great pins I had found on Pinterest, I felt so incredibly blessed to be where I am in my life right now. I have not always been a great mom to my sons. I have had many times where I was so preoccupied with work, school and my own relationships (both old and new), that sadly the boys were often an afterthought. Oh, I went through the motions, but they know when your focus is not on them. Not that I am fantastic now,  because I have also had my tough days home where I questioned my own self worth for not being at a job, or feelings of boredom or sadness have rained on the day. What is it about that debate over working moms and stay-home moms. Are they not both trying their hardest to be mothers? Why is it that women break each other down instead of building one another up? I can honestly say now after being in both situations, that being a good mom can happen in either circumstance, and that no one should feel guilty for their situation as long as they are giving their kids as much as they can of themselves. 

Are you a stay-at-home mom who has found yourself in a rut? My heart goes out to you this morning. Though I have only been doing this for almost three months now, and my own schedule can get crazy with whether I sub or not, I do have some words of advice that I hope you will take to heart.

• This is only a season. Maybe your child/children have some annoying habits right now. That WILL change eventually. Meet them where they are, correct lovingly, and focus on what they do right.
• Have fun. Make messes, try new foods, get out of your comfort zone. You only live once, right? As my mom says..."Hands are washable." (love you Mom!)
• Get a project (or 5). Have a few fun things that you and your kids work on together, like a garden, a scrapbook, a science project that is ongoing (I just got one of those grow your own butterfly kits to do with boys!).
• Leave the house. Seriously!!! This can make all the difference in the world. Go to the park, the library, go on a walk, play fetch with your dog. Fresh air and a change of scenery puts life in perspective.
• Be thankful. Many moms would give anything to be home full-time. It is not a curse, but a blessing that  your life circumstances allow you to be where you are. 
• Start some traditions. If you are a believer, read devotions each morning. Light candles at dinner, make a bubble bath for your kid when they are having a rough day-all these little things are BIG for routine, stability and happiness in the home.
• Work together. Teach your children that the home is a place where everyone contributes. Put on music and assign chores to each person to get done in 30 minutes. 
• Find some great ideas on Pinterest for crafts and activities...only here's the thing...don't just pin for later...actually make time, make a plan and try the things that look so cool!
• Call a friend. Make a play-date. Talk to another adult. 
• Tell your kids you love them. Often. Always, even when they irritate you! :)