The Love Day

It has been awhile since I have given the history of anything much thought, but the histories (yes, plural) of Valentine's Day are pretty interesting. Seems there is a Christian account and a Pagan one, and both are pretty captivating stories. For a short summary go here: History of Valentine's Day. Anyhow, I have been trying to make a big deal out of things at the house (creating some cool memories and traditions), with me being home most of the time and all, so we have been baking (all Weight Watcher's desserts, lol!), decorating and talking about Valentine's Day all week. I was explaining that Valentine's Day is a day that we show people we love them and are kind to everyone...at least that was my simple explanation to my 4 year-old. As I was telling him this, I felt silly, and said to him "Well, I guess every day should be like that, shouldn't it?" He agreed.

Finger-painted rainbows

A Valentine's Day lunch fit for a king...or a small boy.

I am blessed to have found the love and the joy that I have in my life. It feels each day as though I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I will continue to sub here and there, but I am beginning to really enjoy my time in the home. I am excited that we have talked about this being the plan as I continue with school in the Fall. Though I hope to accelerate the program, and take 3 classes every 8 weeks instead of 2, it will still keep me here quite a bit. I am finding my rhythm with Isaiah, and have made a stay-home schedule that we both really thrive on. If you want to see it to give you ideas, feel free to let me know. I have focused a lot on reading, crafts and cooking together. These are things we both enjoy. I read in this great book I am reading that the best way to parent your child is to let them see who you are, to introduce them to things you like, and to share your passions with them. They won't like everything you do, but you won't be bored trying to be someone you aren't. I love this advice! This means that Isaiah (and Matthew on Fridays) gets exposed to nature, animals, artwork, different types of music, cooking, science, and things I find beautiful. Have you ever noticed how just the simple addition of something YOU love in a room can improve your mood tremendously? I have silk flowers in the bathrooms, real ones in the kitchen, candles throughout the house, and children's artwork to decorate for the seasons/holidays. These things make me happy, and when I am happy I set the tone for my kids (and often my sweet hubby too).

He is crazy excited to have Sierra Mist and cupcakes!

While Barrett and I do not have any big couple type plans for Valentine's Day, nor are we exchanging gifts, I have set out to make the day a special one for everyone. This took a bit of planning and the help of Pinterest, but both boys have heart-shaped sandwiches and red foods for lunch tomorrow, we have decorated the kitchen with hearts that have been finger-painted by the boys, we baked strawberry cupcakes, and for dinner tomorrow I have planned pink pancakes with berries and cool whip, as well as Shirley Temple type fancy sodas for the boys. I have learned that making a big deal out of the little things (in a good way!) makes a fun, happy home.

Confessions of a Substitute Teacher

Dear Classroom Teacher, 

I am your sub while you are out sick, off learning teaching techniques, or playing hooky. I will do my best to care for your classroom and your students, but at the end of the day-I get to go home and not worry about this again. Thank you for the lesson plans you left that require leaving already squirrely kids sitting in  their desks for over an hour. Was this left purely to test my resolve, or did you honestly think it would be easy to fill their time with worksheets and mine with the job of classroom policeman?  I will loosely follow the lessons you left, giving breaks when needed. I will bribe your students with candy, the promise of games, and perhaps an art lesson or two. I will read the stories I brought, because they are more likely to hold the interest of your class, because they are new and different. Quite honestly, if you left me with no lesson plans, and gave me enough notice, you would find me capable of making my own that would keep the kids better entertained so that they were only vaguely aware that they were even learning. I am not criticizing your teaching style whatsoever, as a former teacher, I know that what you leave for a sub is based purely on keeping your students busy while you are gone, and that some subs cannot be trusted to get even the bare minimum done. I remember. 

It is not my classroom, it is not my classroom, it is not my classroom is the mantra that I will repeat over and over again in my head as I look at the messy desk, disordered bookshelves and general disarray of the room. I want to fix it so bad, but have a feeling that me completely reorganizing and cleaning your classroom would not be welcome. Can I do that instead of babysit the kids? I digress. Little Annie in the front row? She is a whiner. I would not send her to the office for countless fever checks and band-aids  She seemed just fine to me. Johnny over in the corner did no work today despite repeated warnings from me and loss of part of a recess (which just meant more work for me). If he were my student, I truly would worry about this problem, but as your sub I will just tell you-he did nothing. As long as he stayed remotely quiet, it was no longer worth a battle. Oh, and cute little Derick in the corner? Yes, his desk is probably still a mess, and you may have fainted if you saw that he spilled his water-color cup not once, not twice, but three times. He's probably the type of kid you may cringe about even touching paints...BUT he seemed so happy, didn't struggle at all with art like all the other subjects, and I loved seeing him succeed and getting to champion his talents in front of his peers. For how big his smile was, I will come shampoo your carpets at your liking. 

Please don't tell me about the "trouble" kids. I know you are trying to help me, but it just makes me sad. I want to go in for my day or two filling in for you with fresh eyes, not biased already toward a kid I have never met. Though know that when you do tell me about these kids (and maybe you should for this reason), I will do my best to see them in the exact opposite way. They will become my helpers, receive tons of praise and smiles, and probably have one of their best days in school ever. Little Jake that you described as a "hellion"? He was awesome for me...not a problem in the world. He was helpful, energetic, and eager to please. Perhaps you do get more flies with honey...or whatever that saying is. Don't be surprised when my note back to you indeed has your trouble-maker's names, letting you know what awesome kids they were for the day...and don't be surprised when they ask you if I am ever coming back, because I gave them a chance.

I know that these are your kids, and this is your space day-in and day-out. I have the utmost respect for you. Teaching is tough. Your kids are in good hands with me. The main thing to remember is that I will not be YOU, no matter how detailed your plans, and this is on purpose. I will be me, and they will have fun, they will respect me and follow my rules even if they are different than yours. I will keep order, even if that means imposing consequences, and I will take fondly to the kids that no one else seems too, because they too, need a day in the sun.

Sincerely,
Your Sub

Super Sub Essentials

I just spent the entire last week subbing. Lucky for me, 2 of the 3 districts I sub for are on 4 day weeks, so I didn't even have to make it through a whole 5 days...THANK GOD! :) I spent 1 day in a second grade classroom, and three more in a third grade class. Each night I was filled with anxiety...oh not because the kids were that awful, but because I don't do new situations, or situations where I don't feel completely in control very well. It's enough to make me want to puke honestly. But I am proud of myself that I made it. I had fun (at times), wanted to cry (at times), and ended my week soaking in a bubble bath last night with a glass of wine while Barrett cooked dinner-hey, it was medicinal. 

I learned a lot about substitute teaching the last few weeks-call it baptism by fire. I have now had 6 sub jobs, which still is not much, but I can tell you in my opinion, high school is easiest. If you have subbed, are thinking of subbing, or just want a good laugh, read on as I tell it like it is. As I know from formerly being a full-time classroom teacher, teachers leave subs a bunch of busy work for students to complete, or not enough work at all. Plan ahead. You will have complaining kids and likely a lot of down time that you have to fill. In my sub bag, here is what I have for grade school:

• a soft Nerf ball (for an impromptu or completely bribed for game of Silent Ball)
• Suckers (again for bribing)
• a whistle
• band-aids (I keep cool pink or blue camo ones)
• a discipline plan (more on this in a minute)
• personal necessities for me (Advil, migraine meds, deodorant, chapstick)
• 2-3 stories to read, picture books. I love Dr. Seuss, The Tale of Brother Rabbit, and Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day...These work for grades K-4 or so in my opinion.
• story starters (this is a great website: Free Illustrated Story Starters)
• sidewalk chalk (make sure this is ok with schools though!)
• If I know ahead what they are covering, I may bring in my own short worksheet or activity for like a science lesson. 
• word searches (website: Free Word Searches)
• A DVD of a Disney movie...just in case!

For high school, I take out the story books and story starters, but try to take something slightly "fun" for them to do together, like a scavenger hunt type thing that they use to fill in information about classmates, a short personality test...that kind of thing. For an English class I would also take a fun activity that has to do with poetry (maybe Haiku because they are easy) or creative writing. I used to do "quick writes" in third grade where I would give a topic and then time the students for 5 minutes as they wrote whatever came to mind on that topic. I think this would totally work for upper grades too.

-(Icebreaker: Free Printable Icebreaker for High School Kids)

For me, art is a great time filler. I tend to think in a very artistic way, though I lack the talent, and I love coming up with art ideas and seeing what blossoms in students. This week I was in the same classroom for 3 days, and the teacher trusted me a lot to have some freedom in her classroom because I have previously taught third grade. I did an art lesson where we talked about cool and warm colors, and did a water color painting of various colored stripes. Once this was dry the students took black, dark blue and purple construction paper and used scrapbook (wavy) scissors to cut out mountains and trees. These were glued on top of the watercolor stripes giving the project the look of a sunrise or sunset with silhouettes. They turned out great!

Subbing is basically surviving for one (or more) days. You are not taking over, you have very little say, but you CAN keep order and do some things of your own. I found out quickly that I need to come in with my own discipline plan (again it is much more to the point with older kids, as in I will kick you out if you don't behave). I go over in the morning my short list of rules (basically normal stuff like: we remain seated, we raise our hands to be called on, we don't talk when others are talking, and we keep our hands and feet to ourselves). I also write a sentence on the board. I use Always Show Respect. I tell them that as a class, if they are too noisy or not on task, I will erase letters. If there is a letter left at 20 minutes until the end of the day, we play a game (or do art). Believe it or not, it is that simple, and the kids police each other. For individual incentives, I tell them that if I have to get onto them for misbehaving their name goes on the board. This is a warning. If they get 1 check after name, they owe me half of their next recess, and 2 checks is the whole recess. If they got to 3 they would go to the office. At the end of the day if their name has not been on the board, they get a sucker. I have used this all week and only had to take half a recess away from 6 kids (in 4 days that's not bad at all).

On another note, the lessons left for you are typically pretty flexible. Again, they are almost always filler. I am not saying to not do them, but I am saying that if your sub notes say Do Reading Workbook from 9-10 am, and it is 9:30 AM and the kids are so restless they could scream, move things along. These plans are not set in stone, and the teacher would love to use you again if he/she can later on...so show that you can be flexible too. Go to the next activity, take a break for a story, or (with younger kids) take a quick restroom and drink break. It can make all the difference in the world. 

That's all for now...but my own confessions from substitute teaching coming soon.  Sure to make you laugh...and maybe cry too. :)

Truth Is...

The truth is that I was an excellent student. I was the type that people hate, because school has always been easy for me (except Math, which I got B's and C's in). Texting with a former student who is like a daughter to me, she insinuates that I too, must have been as wild as the 3rd graders I was subbing today. Ha! I thought. That came later. I was a goody-two-shoes, know-it-all child in grade school that excelled in everything. Now, in junior high, I was the popular, friendly, outgoing, athletic (believe it or not!) girl. Call me the "queen bee". I say that because I think that often with my former students they are mistaken that I was the snotty, bratty, yet popular girl in high school. Not so. I had mellowed a lot between junior high and high school truth be told, and in high school was shy, with just a handful of close friends, but many friendly acquaintances, and I was not a pain in the butt to teachers...at least not like I was in junior high. Then? Yes, I was indeed rowdy, talkative and mouthy at times. In high school, I will admit that though I got good grades, and though I was quieter, I did have a few downfalls: boys, and manipulating the system. Hear me out. I have always liked boys...I never remember thinking they had cooties! Though I was never quite a tomboy, and though in the way that I dress and carry myself I may seem like the girly girl, I have never been interested in the petty squabbles that girls can have. Things like I can't believe she kissed that guy, or did you see what she was wearing, or Mary has no right to like the guy I like...those things do not interest me at all. In fact, they anti-interest me. In that way, I have always felt like at least part of my mind was more aligned with how boys think. Boys tend to tell it like it is, they see the big picture, and they don't worry as much about other people's business. Because of that, I often had boy friends and boyfriends throughout both junior high and high school. I think I still relate to boys better, and it's probably no accident that I have sons.  Now, confession time here. By manipulating the system I am referring to the fact of life that students who get good grades and are generally quiet get away with more. For example, I was getting a 'C' in one of my high school math classes, and I didn't even attend it once a week. The teacher probably should have cared, but I was quiet and got great grades in other classes, so he let me go practice my lines for whichever play I was in (I acted in high school). Another example...I rarely went to PE. Okay, you try being a senior with 8th period PE...a class that means nothing on your transcripts after the regular school day was over. The teacher (a football coach) who taught the class basically pulled me aside and said something to the effect of he knew that I did very well in school, knew I didn't care what I got in PE, and could I just show up often enough for class so that he could pass me? Righty-O Coach! 

The truth is, often we appear different than how we seem. :) Though I may have once been loud and boisterous, and maybe now can laugh and joke with students of all ages, I have at times been quite the opposite! 

I tried to stalk myself and find an old high school photo or newspaper article from one of the plays I was in...but alas, I guess 13+ years is too long! If I find any, I will make sure to post for a good laugh :) 

If You Want to Hear God Laugh

Do you ever have one of those days where the free time is actually abundant, but your brain can't seem to focus on a darn thing? You know it's bad when nothing on Facebook or Pinterest interests you, there's a new novel on the table at arm's reach, and the floor could really use a good sweep. Instead you (or I actually) sit there and just zone out. It must be a sign of a tired mind. Barrett tossed and turned like nobody's business last night, leaving both of us zombies today. I am in fancy yoga pants and a tank (maybe I'll actually exercise later, right?) feeling completely and utterly useless today. I did have a burst of energy earlier this morning, and got us packed for this weekend, a load of laundry put away, and the kitchen cleaned.

So, I subbed first graders on Tuesday. They were kind of scary, lol. Oh wait, let me put my appropriate filter into place- they were very energetic. FULL of energy, let me tell you. That was the hardest half day of work I have ever had. Was it possible? Yes. Was I exhausted? Ummm...YEAH. I get all settled in my mind thinking I will just enjoy being a stay-at-home-mom until the Fall, and you know what? I told God that plan and He apparently thought that was funny. I am working all of next week, subbing third grade three days and second one. I even had to turn down two sub jobs because I am already subbing. While happy for the business, I am anxious as ever. It took every ounce of my energy to keep the first grade class under control, and sometimes I felt I was losing that battle. I have no doubt that their regular teacher is wonderful, as I know the family, BUT the class was a bit tough for me. Maybe it was the grade? I sure hope it wasn't me.I can tell you one thing-getting to leave at the end of the day and not having to take anything home is amazing. Maybe I will get the Spotted Cow Flu and be sick all next week. Just kidding?...

On a brighter note, my interview went fantastic to get into the counseling program at Northwest Christian University. At least I think so. I got a lot of nodding and smiling, so I think it went well. I sure felt like it did. I especially enjoyed the part where after I was interviewed by two people for 40 minutes I get told it was time for the writing prompt. "Oh, did we tell you there would be a writing portion?" the interviewing woman asks me. NO-I think, but I was not nervous at all, thankfully I like writing-so I think that portion was A-OK as well.

Barrett turns 30 next week. For one month and one week every year I am 2 years older than him, then he catches up and is just one behind! I booked us a night at a great hotel on the Oregon coast with a fireplace. I also booked a couple's massage at the nearby spa, and we are having dinner at this great restaurant. I am excited, and I am hoping it is a nice break for us both-him at the end of a long week (they have been very busy this week) and me right before one.

Ah-thank you to grandparents and shared custody. :)

On Top of the World

Have you ever had one of those bounce-off-the-walls, crazy-happy days? A day where you feel like ALL of the pieces of your life that seemed so out of place are finally coming together? It's like my life has been this mixed up mess of seemingly random puzzle pieces, and I finally figured out how they all fit together. Turns out..the pieces that I thought made up a mess are actually making one beautiful, organized piece of art. I wonder if that is exactly as God intends it to be?

I used to always tell my high school students not to worry, that those days would not end up being the best days of their lives. For me, it is right now-right where I am. I had a plan but no clue what I was doing when I was 18, or 21 or 25 for that matter. My life was a dreadful mess at age 28 when I separated from my high school love. At 30, though happier than ever before with my relationship and family, I found I was still floundering rediscovering who exactly I was. At 31? I finally feel like I am beginning to be the person I want to be, and I have gotten to know and even like myself. Sure, I was probably much prettier (and definitely thinner) ten years ago-but I LIKE myself a whole lot better now. 

What made me so happy today? Well, today I got the call that I have been selected to interview for a counseling program that has both an excellent reputation, and a pretty flexible schedule. I am thinking more and more that this is the area that I feel called to go into. School counseling actually makes both my Bachelor's in Psychology and my Master's in Education seem to go together :) and HUGE NERD ALERT HERE,  but I practically drooled reading course descriptions for all the classes. That ever happen to anyone else, where you think wow, I am actually interested in all of these classes, or am I alone in my utter nerddom? I got to go shopping today sans children (which is always nice), and picked a practical interview dress that can also be dressed up for a nice date out. I rehearsed to myself while driving (again, completely  outting my nerdiness here!) for what I would say to possible interview questions. I thought I sounded like the perfect candidate by the way!

Today my husband (who is the BEST ever match for my puzzle masterpiece) told me that we can take a vacation for the two of us in late spring, and that I could choose anywhere I wanted to go for a week (within certain financial restrictions of course). We had been planning on Mexico, because it is pretty budget friendly, but the more I priced things it seemed we could go almost anywhere for around the same amount. I have longed to be a traveler for as long as I can remember. You can read about my obsession here: Oh to See the World! So I saw this as a golden opportunity. Though not 100% decided yet (give me a few days to obsess over choices), I am pretty sure we will be vacationing this year in....Italy! 

I am a happy girl. I have two more possible sub jobs lined up, an interview for grad school, and a trip to plan. Plus, I finally feel like I am coming to terms with (and learning how to navigate) this thing called parenting. By the way, a quick recommendation-if you are a mom of young kids I HIGHLY recommend a book I am currently reading: Desperate- Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe. 

And on another note (I know my writing is slightly disjointed today, and I apologize), to those who have been through a divorce-it takes time to find yourself, especially if you have been with someone else for a long time. Sometimes it is so difficult to see where they stopped and you began. If you feel like you don't know who you are, take some time off work if possible (even if it is just a small weekend trip) and begin to categorize the things you know you enjoy and those you don't. It may take awhile, but just start. Up until a few days (honestly!) ago, I couldn't even name the things that interested me, or what I liked to do. I am still working on my list that sums me up, but I have pinned down a few things. I am a wife, a mother, a forever student, a teacher. I am a pet-lover, with an interest in decorating and photography, and cooking as well.  I like studying, and intend to at least take a crash course in Italian. I love curling up with a good book or movie, and there are entire days I'd be content to live within my own head. I love the beauty of nature, long to travel the world, and am amused by news in health and science. I care about people's feelings a lot, the nature of education, and becoming a good person and role model. I am silly, sarcastic, and serious-extroverted and introverted. I love fashion and great dinners out. I am sure I will find out a lot more that is the essence of me in the future. 

Happy day all! :)

Sometimes...Parenting Sucks

So, I know that I tell it like it is on a regular basis anyhow, but I just have to vent today. 

Sometimes...parenting sucks. Like, a lot. 

I am not even talking about the boot camp of diapers, spit-up, sleepless nights and mountains of laundry that occurs during those glorious days of infancy. Nor am I talking about the tantrum-throwing, sticky hands, and more sleepless nights of toddler-hood. I have cleaned up puked in beds, we once found a turd (not joking here!) in the washing machine, and I have walked into all kinds of interesting "kid" moments like a "pool" of baby powder all over the carpet that two young boys were jumping into. I have seen the bathroom floor SOAKED with water after a good bubble bath, muddy footprints throughout the house, and children playing the "throw the matchbox cars at the freshly painted wall because it seems fun" game. 

Nope, none of those truly suck THAT bad...I am talking about when, as a parent, you have to make the decision to do...well, the grown-up thing. Now I wonder how many times my own parents were in this same boat. By the way, this boat might as well be sinking slowly, riddled with holes, and I ordered the fantastic cruise-liner over yonder. I am talking about when we have to give up something we wanted, some sort of treat or freedom we have, to instill the importance of rules and consequences in a child. 

My example? Isaiah was supposed to go hang out with my dad, and spend the night with my parents. To the currently not working me, this was a fantastic idea. Isaiah gets fun with his Papa, and mommy gets time to pass out more business cards for subbing, and well...enjoy some quiet time. You mean I can read, blog or plan intricate fantasy vacations (because if I plan them enough-they will happen) in peace? I LOVE my son so much, but let me just say that my Isaiah is a rule-bender, pusher and breaker. He is the child that sees the line and constantly wriggles his toes on the other side...just to see what it is like. I often respect that about him, Barrett and I always say that his lack of people-pleasing nature will actually do him a lot of good later on. As a 4 year-old though? It often collides with our need for order in the home. This time though, Isaiah was told that going over to Nan and Pop's was a treat, and that Mom expected good behavior. For the next like 14 hours (mind you he was asleep for like 10 of those!) Isaiah pushed at the rules constantly. I couldn't even detail all the ones he broke, and none would seem like a HUGE deal on their own, but it was the attitude of nonchalance and sheer volume of rule-breaking that did him in. It was also the spoiled, bossy and expectant behavior I got from him this morning. I don't know how else to describe it. After about 3 warnings that he needed to behave better, I had to do the grown-up thing. I had threatened no stay with his grandparents, and I had to act. If I didn't, he may never take me seriously. 

I had to give up coveted free time and worry about what my parents might think. You ever feel like your parents think you are doing it all wrong? I know my parents love me and think I do okay, but I often feel I need to defend my decisions, and I felt bad for changing their plans but also explained that I had to make sure my son knows I mean business. After-all, it may not seem like a big deal now, but I need him to know that the rules in the house apply to him too. I need him to know that I love him even when he is in trouble, but that yes I do get angry and/or disappointed by his actions. I need him to be accountable. I never went easy on Matt, and I get that I still have plenty of time to see him step over the line as well, and that by nature as a first-born he is a people pleaser...yada, yada, yada...BUT Matthew behaves, respects authority, and honestly, gives us very little reason to do anything other than offer rewards when the time comes. Matt has always been held to high standards, and I feel I have been doing Isaiah a disservice by continuing to treat him as the baby, to let the rules bend. Not only does that create strife between the brothers (because Matthew is WELL aware of what his brother gets out of), but it teaches Isaiah nothing.  

At my expense, as well as his own, my son lost a privilege today...but I hope he learned a lesson. Parenting does not happen by accident-not if you want it done well.