Many people can be so cynical around "newer" couples. They joke that the connectedness, the in-love feelings will go away at some point and that marriage will become dull. Others joke that life will become routine, a force of habit, and that any "romance" will have to be scheduled out, and it too will often be from feelings of obligation. I am here to tell you that this is unfortunate. This is simply a way to live that I hope to never engage in (again). While out with some friends this weekend, it was joked about that Barrett and I still had that "newlywed" glow about us, and when Barrett commented that this January we will have been together for 2 years, our friend said , "Wow! I guess I didn't realize it had been so long." Granted, two years is not that long in the grand scheme of things, but Barrett and I are closer now than ever, more in love now than the day we exchanged vows, more in awe of one another than when we were first falling in love. I'm not sure that we have stopped falling. Why stop? It is so wonderful. There is no better feeling in the world than the cocoon of warmth that exists around two people oblivious to the rest of the world. If this has been lost, if your relationship has become stagnant, I encourage you to get this back!
It is nice to hear people joke, and if it truly bothers anyone that yes, we do indeed hug and kiss (though not in a gross way!) in front of others, then they can turn away. Once Matthew remarked about just that. I joked that it must be terrible to have parents that liked each other so much. Conversations don't always run deep when you are the mother of young boys, but I can tell you that his shrug followed by his big grin and six little words, "It's a lot better than fighting" said all I needed to know. I am sobered by the fact that Matthew, unlike his little brother, is old enough to both remember some good times of his mom and dad together, but also lots of times with us at each other's throats. I am also reassured that yes, it is a good thing for a child to know his parents love one another.
So, how do you stay in love? How do you fall further with each passing day? I am going to tell you the secret, but you have to promise to take it for all it's worth, as likely you have heard it before and passed it off as cliche. Be your mate's best friend. Seriously. I cannot tell you what a difference this makes in a relationship. Not only do Barrett and I talk about anything and everything, but we make it a point to truly know one another's interests as well. We read some of the same books and discuss them. We watch movies the other one picks out. We read and then email news storied to each other that we think will interest them. I accompany him to do his hobbies and vice versa. Here's the key to the women reading...do you ever feel left out that your husband is gone? Is he off watching a game, deer hunting or fishing, and you are at home? Now ask yourself...has he ever invited you? Chances are that if your husband did and you went once and never again it was because you complained so much or showed such lack of interest that he figures he will do it without you. The secret that he may never tell you is that he actually wants you there. You may wonder why he has to do said hobby at all. Here's the thing, people should never have to give up something they love for someone they love, because if you love him (or her) you will try to understand that their interests are important to them. You will want to go along (even if sorting toenail clippings sounds like more fun), because you would rather be there with them than be apart. Make it part of your life too, even if just a small part.
That's the reason Barrett knew he could invite me to a gun show, and that I would attend with him. Other than my sarcastic quip ("why whatever does one wear to a gun show? Not sure Cosmo has ever covered this..."), he got reassurance the whole time that not only was his hobby okay, but that he could bring me into that world with him.
Can you be your spouse's best friend? It's not too late. I read on a blog that I follow that there is no such thing as being too tired to make love (could not agree more!), but I am going to go one further, there is no such thing as being too busy to truly know your partner. Instead of recreating the wheel, I came across a few pointers I have included below.
And finally, the quote we have decided to LIVE by..."Love one another when it is least deserved...because that is when it is needed the most."
I love you, babe. Thank you for coming to the gun show with me. :)
ReplyDeleteI think those rules are awesome... we really do need to type them up, make them look pretty, and frame them. :)