And then it hit...I'm a Stay-At-Home-Mom!

I was mulling over some things in my head today. The job-searching being as dull as could possibly be, and some signs being given that I definitely need to move on versus try to reach out to former employers...it dawned on me. I have been so busy trying to decide what to do with myself, applying for jobs, making substitute teacher goody bags, networking, etc...that I guess I had yet to fully realize what is going on. I am not working right now. I am not in school again now until August (if I get in to counseling program), and I haven't done much looking around, because I really like the program I found. Yes, yes I will get to the point. I realized that at this moment in my life, however long it may last, I have joined the ranks of being a Stay-at-Home-Mom. While I can put fancy labels on this juncture of time, like "I'm in between jobs..", I also realized with a growing sense of calm, that I am where I am at this moment in time because God must want me here. And when a little hand grabs mine and says, "Mommy, you have to see the rocket ship I built! Close your eyes!" And drags me down the hallway to see this new creation, by golly, I WILL so see the rocket ship! I will help build the next one. Staying home is not glamorous. I am constantly making one mess and cleaning another. The house is actually being USED! Oh my goodness! It used to just get come home to!  

At least 5 times a day I am privileged to hear a tiny voice say, "Mama? I love you." And I am also blessed to have my big first-grader invite me to come have lunch with him, to think I am cool, and to tell me having his mom sub his class would be "the coolest thing ever!"

I decided today, just a few hours ago really, that I will still plan for my future (aka job hunt/network) an hour or two a day, but that it will be scheduled into and around my day with Isaiah, and be finished for the day before my Matthew comes home. I have always believed that things happen for a reason. There may be a reason that jobs are scarce right now. I have a son about to enter full days of kindergarten in the Fall, and this is the first time I have ever been truly HOME with him since he was an infant. Funny how teaching jobs begin in the Fall too, isn't it? While I am not giving up on subbing, nor on applying for the few jobs that are available...I have also come to an understanding with myself. I am not a lazy person. I am not going to feel guilty. I am not "over-educated" or "over-qualified" any more than my home could be "over-clean" or I could be "over-involved" with my sons. I am going to embrace this time and live in the present. I am going to fingerpaint, do science experiments with my kids (instead of in a classroom), read to them, volunteer to help Matt's teacher, and be the best freaking stay-at-home mom and wife my family has ever seen, and never anticipated. Thank you God, for the wake-up call.