The Calm Before the Storm

It is one of those blessed lazy days that strike every once in a blue moon when there is nothing, and I mean nothing on the calendar. I slept until after 8 AM (this doesn't happen often), and proceeded to have coffee and read until finally showering around 10:45, and slipping into comfy leggings and a long sweater. The outfit is not quite enough to wear outside the home (despite flocks of women that seem to wear tights as pants and then wander public places together in groups...), but it is comfy and cute and definitely okay to wear with just myself, my husband, a dog and a cat present. 

Last night as Barrett and I sighed in relief after dropping the kids off with their dad then going out together, we realized the glorious news that we had an entire weekend with nothing at all planned. After the hustle and bustle of Christmas, out-of-state visitors, etc, etc, etc, we had had things planned every day for what must have been at least the past 3 weeks or so. "It almost gives you a feeling of panic, like there must be something you are forgetting about," Barrett said. I'm almost sure we haven't forgotten anything. :) 

I am lapping up all the laziness and snuggles, and comfort this weekend has to offer. I almost feel like it is the calm before the storm, the lull before the busyness begins again, as it no doubt will next week as I am home with the kids, and have my 32nd birthday, and have a car once again in the shop (sigh-my orange beauty is showing her years). I wait to hear about one possibility of a job that I could maybe love (maybe?) or to plan for CNA 2 and nursing school admissions and the hopes that hang on those. Barrett loses his work-at-home day for at least the next 3 months as he fills yet another role in his company (GRRRRRRR!!! Is all I have to say to that, as his once flexible job becomes anything but for hopefully just a short while), and I know the kids will bring busyness galore with whatever random school and scouts adventures happen to come up. 

So here's to the break. I hope that you too can be blessed soon with a day where nothing is planned. 

Merry Christmas! 2013 At a Glance (Our Christmas Newsletter)

I have decided that I like this venue more than the sending out of traditional photo Christmas cards. For one thing, it saves me time and money (yes, please), and for another, anyone can read it that wants to. 

2013 has been a year that has taught this family, and yours truly especially, that life rarely goes as planned. Reading my Christmas post from last year, I thought how neat and organized our lives and plans sounded. Ha! Shortly after my blog post (which you may remember from other posts later), Barrett's grandmother was hospitalized, our yellow lab died, and I freaked out about changing careers and bowed out of the CNA program. I spent the remainder of last spring and summer being home with our boys, and loving it often. We have watched our German Shepherd puppy go from being a complete nuisance to quite the good family dog. Barrett's grandparents moved up to be with us in August, and after a few months of them staying in a new 5th wheel trailer while we planned and got construction bids on adding onto our home, they decided to move instead to a home in Lebanon. I re-took and finished my CNA certification, and loved it. I also did a very short stint with Samaritan Health Services in the billing department, and the job proved to be a bad choice for our family for many reasons. 

Isaiah began kindergarten in the fall, and much to my delight his teacher says he is doing well and is such a bright boy (I knew that part!). :) He is learning to read, is a whiz at math, and most days seems to really enjoy school. This year we went sledding and there were no broken bones! Seems he has now mastered the jumping off the sled before you hit a tree trick! :) Zay is amazingly fun, insanely cute, and has enough personality for 4 people, let alone one 5 year-old boy. Oh, and he loves getting to ride the bus to school with his big brother now!

Matthew continues to do well in school as a second-grader now at Central Linn Elementary. He has many friends, and even a little "girlfriend" (ha!).  He loves soccer, swimming, and anything Mario (we only let him play Wii games, because they seem so much less violent than other console games, so Mario it is, plus we play as a family and limit his time!). Matt is going to eat us out of house and home far before he is a teenager, and he gives Barrett his breakfast "order" each night before bed for the next day. This year Matthew has joined Cub Scouts, and we are impressed so far with the amount of activities he "has" to do that encourage family time, faith, and independence. 



Barrett has seen a few changes at his job, as he has been moved around this past year to fill various roles, such as editing technical documents and being a team "Tech Lead" to help co-workers solve and stay on top of their cases. It remains a great job for this family. I have to brag on my husband who would never brag on himself, but this past year with diet and exercise he has lost 30 pounds, and is feeling much healthier. 

Together we are doing wonderful, and did get to see a great vacation to Cozumel, Mexico this past April. You can read about that here: Snorkeling with Stingrays and Sea Turtles. We also have a trip coming this February to Oahu, as well as a family vacation to Great Wolf Lodge as well as to Seattle during Spring Break. Can't wait! And I know next summer or fall we are going to California finally to see my family and maybe a few theme parks!

I remain the confused, mysterious one. Just kidding-well, kind of. Ever since before I even left teaching it has been a decision of teaching versus nursing. Actually that has been a conundrum since my freshman year in college. I can tell you that I still think about both. That I can, and am applying to nursing programs this winter for next fall, but I am also considering other paths in education, such as adding a special education endorsement to my teaching license (to work with special education students at the high school level) down the road. Right now, it is about 50-50. Until I know, I may sub or work-part-time as a CNA, or both...or neither. I wish I knew what my future holds, but some plans, even now as I write are still too up in the air to share. I should have some idea by January, and even more of an idea and some finality by June.  I am content this year though in the fact that I am confident good things are coming. I have made a few friends this year that I am glad to know, have gained new skills, and am starting to learn that life isn't always meant to be planned 100% of the way. 

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year from our home to yours!

10 Things I Won't Apologize For

I saw another blog this morning with a list of 10 things that the writer felt, believed, or simply was with that title: "10 Things I Won't Apologize For", and I thought that I need to write my own out as well. What a great exercise in defining the things that matter to you (whether silly or serious), and sharing it with others. I would love to see your list, and if you can't think of 10, give me 5, or 3! I enjoy reading other responses. 

So here it goes. These are 10 things that I will not apologize for. :)

1. The fact that Barrett and I spend LOTS of time together.
I have surprisingly gotten many negative comments in the past on the fact that my husband and I are pretty inseparable when we can be. We love being together and will both gladly choose to accompany the other in doing just about anything so that we can be together. We go to bed at the same time at night, we choose hanging with each other over hanging with friends quite a bit, and we text A LOT. I have heard comments such as "You two are attached at the hip", "You should do things apart more often" (to this I say why?), and "it's just a phase-you're newlyweds"-and to this I say we have known each other for 3 years this January, and if anything, we spend even more time together. How long are people considered newlyweds for??  Google and Yahoo both say 1 year. This is the way we choose to be a couple. With the exception of the boys and maybe 20 relatives and/or friends, we'd both be happy on a deserted island away from the world. I have no problem with how much time you and your significant other spend together or apart-and that being said, I will not apologize for the time mine and I spend together. 

2. That expensive coffee is simply better for me. 
Last summer I gave up coffee (eek!!!) because I was having major stomach issues that I attributed to it after cutting out everything else first (I did not want to give up coffee). In the last few months I have been drinking coffee again, and have discovered something. The "gourmet" flavored coffee grounds versus Folgers in a huge can, do not upset my stomach (and this explains the years I drank it just fine)-but the cheaper grounds do...a lot. So be it, my coffee costs a bit more, but doesn't make me sick for hours on end each morning, and I will take that. We think it is due to the level of acidity, and could also explain why the "fancy $4 coffees" from like Starbucks, etc. also do not upset my stomach.

3. That I like pretty things. 
I realize it sounds air-headed, but I am not sorry. Pretty clothes, jewelry, makeup, shoes, purses, scarves, fresh flowers, and home decor items make me happy. I do not go overboard, BUT yes, retail therapy does indeed work wonders for me. 'Nuff said. 

4. That I talk to my pets. 
Does anyone NOT do this?? I have entire conversations with Max and Clarissa, though not Mr. Fishy or the chickens (hey, I have my limits). Mind you, these are not serious conversations, but I do indeed talk to them. I think it's good, and they seem to like it. :)

5. That I am fiercely protective of my loved ones, and the causes I care about.
I am not an easy-going person, surprise there, but I am easy to get along with for the most part. But you threaten my boys' sense of security in any way, speak bad about my parents or my Barrett, or in rarer (but indeed possible) cases argue against one of the few hot topics that I really have an opinion on (education, abortion, animal rescue, and the right to a dignified death to name a few...), and I will come at you like an avenging angel/banshee on fire, screeching all the way, claws ready. And I am not sorry for that. We should all have passions we would fight for. 

6. That I don't care about politics. 
I know, I am almost afraid to write that. I DO care about being informed (but not overly so), and I mostly care about just living a good life, a life that I can be proud of when it comes to the end. I will admit that in some cases that can overlap with what is going on politically, and that is normally when I become interested. But every issue, every lying politician, every possible change to laws, taxation, etc...I just don't really care. 

7. That though I am a reader girl, I will read what I like. 
I am not a classics girl. I cannot tell you the number of times I have decided to read a classic novel, and not been able to get through the first few chapters without feeling like I was dying from boredom. I used to actually feel really guilty about this. I like my literature as far from reality as it comes. I love YA dystopic fiction.  I love to read, and I read to escape, so I will not apologize for choosing the likes of Harry Potter, Sookie Stackhouse, Clary Fray, and the House of Night books over classic lit. Now, that being said, there are some great "classic-ish?" novels that I have loved such as Brave New World.  Also, as part of this, I will not spend time trying to finish a book I just am not enjoying. Life is too short.

8. The fact that I will likely never be a size 2 again.
I have talked about some weight struggles on here before, and I am proud to say that through Weight Watchers I have lost 16 pounds since the end of summer. I will also admit that I could likely have lost 20-25, but I LOVE food, and I am within a healthy weight range again. So, yeah...I will give up the dreams of being size 2 for a size 6 that has food she likes within reason. ;)

9. My belief that exercise is like a huge multivitamin. 
By this I mean that there are certain things we do simply because they are good for us, but not necessarily because we enjoy them. I do not love exercising. Usually I loathe it. Sometimes I am glad I did it...but honestly, I will take the couch and a good book any day over the treadmill. I won't always choose that though, because like green beans, exercise is good for me...but I don't have to like it. For those of you that love to run (this is alien to me), I am happy for you, but I am also not sorry that I don't have any aspirations, ever (EVER) of running in a marathon. Ever. Okay, you get my point. 

But I would be happy to hike, Rollerblade, swim, or walk with you.

10. My supposed lack of direction.
I just left a job after 2 1/2 weeks. I should likely be sorry for this, but I am not. I am a grown woman, and it is up to me to make decisions on things that work for my family and things that don't-as well as what works for me. I am qualified to teach as well as to be a nursing assistant. I can build on my education in either direction or not at all. I used to really have guilt about not knowing what I should do with my life, but lately I am much calmer about this. I have many options, and you never know where I might end up. Every twist and turn has taught me something about myself as well as about others, and when I do decide what path to take this information with be incredibly valuable. Oh, and I am more than welcome to change my mind. I am a woman after-all, and one with many interests. 

What 10 things will you not apologize for?

And to this I say: I don't know...

Hi there! I know it has been awhile yet again since I have written. Life has had many ups and downs lately and so many momentous decisions made behind the scenes. I couldn't even begin to share all of what has transpired in the last month or so in my life. That sounds all dramatic, and I don't mean to be so-but it has been a lot. In October I finished my CNA 1 class. At the beginning of November I tested and passed to now be a certified nursing assistant. Also in November I began job searching. The plan at the time was that RN school was still 9 months away IF I got in the first try. I decided that I needed a job, preferably part-time, and it could be anything. I applied at Barnes and Noble, the local Safeway, for all kinds of clerical jobs with Samaritan Health Services, for in home health care and even for a teaching position open mid-year. 

If you follow me on Facebook, you will know that I thought I had rocked the teacher interview-only to find out that I was a "close second" choice, and the position had gone to someone else. I will admit that I was crushed, and is the "close second" thing supposed to make me feel better? I had visions of me in the job-probably highly romanticized, but still...I obtained a job with New Horizons right away, but then after orientation didn't pick up any shifts (purposely) because I was waiting to hear about the other job interviews. After 2 interviews and a long THREE weeks that seemed to stretch forever (and give me LOTS of time to think), I was offered a full-time position with Samaritan. The job is clerical, I will have my own cubicle, and be part of team of 6 women who also analyze insurance claims, overdue accounts, etc. I know it doesn't necessarily sound super adventurous, but I am looking forward to the office environment, the ladies (who I have met and liked...at least so far, lol), and just being and feeling professional and productive again. It is good hours with benefits and okay pay, and opportunities to make more, have more responsibilities and cross-train. Oh, and they will honor the 2 vacations we have planned (Hawaii in February, and Great Wolf Lodge with the kiddos in March). While I am not looking forward to 5 whole days a week (I know, I know...), I am looking forward to the job. 

What does this mean, you may ask? I left a career to go into nursing. I have a BS, an MS, and now CNA 1, and a pretty, little office job to begin soon. Well you know that whole gap of over 3 weeks with lots of decisions? Yeah, the tip of the iceberg is that we (again) talked about a baby, and NO we are not planning on having one now (or ever), but felt it needed to truly be discussed and put to rest...and you might be surprised that that very decision right there could have easily been flipped the other way.  We talked in depth about teaching careers, but I stand by my thoughts that at least for me, it was not family friendly. To be a truly great teacher meant too much time without my own family. It meant hours upon hours grading and planning for 6 different courses! That helped me also to feel better about the job offer I didn't get, because I had prayed incessantly, and well, maybe God agrees with me on that one. It's hard to explain how much I wanted it, but yet didn't at the same time. We talked and prayed, and talked some more about nursing as a career for me. The thing is that I want it, but I do not want the probable nights, long shifts, weekend and holiday work. My prerequisites are complete...drum-roll please, but we do not know what that will mean for me in the future. We even discussed alternatives, like Medical Assisting because of the more family-friendly hours. For every tear I shed (and there were many), I prayed even more. I want to do the right thing-and that means it's not just about what I want. 

I have again changed.  At first I was disappointed when I realized I felt unmotivated about future possibilities. I have always had SO much drive, but my priorities have sometimes put my own goals first and my children (and husband) second. I feel that my degrees, education, or even ambition pale in comparison to how very important it is to me to be here for my family. So let it be said that after talking God's ear off for the past month (as well as Barrett's), this job helps us in a number of ways. I was honest in my interview as far as that I do not know what my future plans hold-that really depends on a lot of things, especially how happy I am at the job, but I am an excellent worker and will do my very best for as long as I am part of the team. 

I know where I will be come next Monday, and I feel that this is the most right path for us at this moment. Sometimes what makes a good job is your availability outside work.  So where will I be in the future? I have asked myself this very question.  And to this I say-I don't know, but I am going to enjoy the journey.

Of Cubicles and Classrooms...

With today being a holiday, I am trying to not be quite so anxious. It is a waiting game, and I have a definite liking problem with waiting. I tend to be more of a "good things come to those who hunt them down" kind of a person than "good things come to those who wait." Just sayin'. 

About 2 weeks ago I decided that I needed a job. Isaiah has adjusted surprisingly well to kindergarten, and I have to wait until February to apply to the RN program which if I got in (BIG if) doesn't start until next Fall-as in a year away. This girl has moments she loves being at home, and moments that she's so stir-crazy she'd happily come clean and organize YOUR home (because this one is done), lol. So I set out to find a job. I got hired the same day for an in-home healthcare company, and I took it, as a CNA 1, but....I wasn't given any hours at first, and then I began applying to other things. I have heard good and bad about the company itself, so technically I am an employee that has so far only been paid for orientation. I have told them I will come in end of this week (if nothing else pans out). See, I set the hours I wanted to work, and there weren't many clients within those needs, so I'd be getting like 10 hours a week. 

I applied and interviewed for an Account Analyst position with Samaritan corporate offices in Corvallis. It is similar to work I had done in the past at the dental office. It is pretty good hours, full-time, better pay than a CNA, and the interview seemed to go pretty well. I find out about that job this week sometime. 

I also applied and interviewed for a teaching position in Sweet Home, that is great hours, even better pay, and 4 days a week! The interview went very well, and I should hear by this Wednesday or Thursday (I am hoping for tomorrow though). The position is in Alternative Education, and is as a teacher/tutor to students that are making up credits. There is a cute little classroom with attached office and bathroom, and I can just FEEL the potential! I want this job the most, but I am unsure if it will leave me wanting to stay in education again (??) or not. 

My last plan is that I am scheduled to be in the CNA 2 class in December, something I obviously won't do if hired at either job, but something I will do if not. Then I can apply to hospital CNA jobs after December, and gain great experience. I hate not knowing, but all plans are pretty feasible, so wish me luck! :)

The Witching Hour

What's your "witching hour" like? If you are a parent, no doubt you have heard this term used in reference to none other than your own sweet children. If you haven't heard this term, let me explain. When my sons were littler (infant and toddler...eek!), the witching hour was that time in the evening when it isn't quite dinner time yet, definitely not bedtime, too late for nap-time, and the children are tired, fussy and no doubt underfoot while you try to be productive by cooking said dinner, opening mail, straightening up the house...whatever.  I will admit to lots of help from my parents during this time of day (we all lived together then) and lots of...ahem....cartoons. Yes, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse was a Godsend when dinner needed to be made! 

Last night I am starting dinner, and laughing to myself as the witching hour descends upon my house. I always tell Barrett that I cannot talk or text much after the kids get off the bus before he gets home. Why? Because it is plain craziness this time of day! Last night I congratulated myself with a pat on my super-woman caped shoulders for being patient, efficient, friendly and mommy-like while only snapping at a child once (Mind you this is when I was pouring pancake batter on the griddle, listening to Matt's pj day plight, and Isaiah asks for a glass of water-which he does darn well how to get for himself). 

For illustration purposes, and reminders of what you have already been through or have yet to conquer as a parent, last night looked something like this. I am cooking breakfast for dinner, and have turkey bacon sizzling in the pan and banana cinnamon (my specialty) pancakes laid out on the griddle when the witching hour begins. Here come two hyper boys off the "rabbit bus" (called so because of the pink rabbit picture on it). Matthew is in a complete, close to meltdown tizzy (my sweet husband says he gets this from me, lol!) as he comes in. 

"Mom, my class earned a pajama day tomorrow and we get to bring stuffies to school and everything...BUT I have to wear my Cub Scout uniform for the assembly!" My sweet child is near tears as Mom comes up with the plan that he take jeans and his uniform shirt and wear pjs, and just ask his teacher nicely if he can change for the assembly. Ah...disaster #1 diverted.  Just then a panicked Isaiah comes running into the kitchen from his room. He had been quietly munching on Angry Bird cheese crackers. "Mom?! Can you please feed my fish when I'm at school? I keep forgetting!" It is all I can do not to burst out laughing. Isaiah remembers to feed his poor fish like once a week, does he really think Mr. Fishy has managed to live this long on those measly rations?! I feed the poor, dumb fish daily. But I smile and tell Zay that yes, Mama can feed his fish when he is gone. I send the boys off to do their daily after-school tasks which is mainly emptying their backpacks (making sure I get anything I need to see), laying out school clothes for tomorrow, showering, reading homework in the kitchen with me, and maybe a chore or two-yesterday they had clean laundry to put away. It is the same everyday, but each day you'd think I made this routine up and pulled it out of my magic hat as I try to herd the little kittens into their duties. 

Matt (who is supposed to be cleaning the toilet-a chore we taught him that he hates) sidles up to me in the kitchen. "I got a part in the Holiday program." Me: "you did? that's great Hun. Did you have to try out?" "No, I just told my teacher I wanted one." Me: "What are you?" "Either a reindeer, a dinosaur, or Santa." Me: "That's awesome Matt." Then I think to myself why the heck are there dinosaurs in a Christmas program? At this time Isaiah hears talk of the program and comes running back into the kitchen to sing part of a song for me. I listen, laugh, then herd the children back to their tasks as I flip pancakes and start to make the made-to-order eggs. Sometimes it's scary how much like me Matthew is. He must have been on the same track in his mind, because he appears again to me out of his room. "Mom, the Christmas program is not very Christmassy. There's all these dumb songs about other things, and none about Jesus." Me: "Well at least you boys know the true meaning of Christmas." Him: "Yeah, it's just weird to sing about dinosaurs at Christmas

time." I could not agree more. He runs off to clean the toilet and calls out "Do I have to clean the inside?" Wow. I am laughing as I say "yes, that's the most important part." The witching hour includes Isaiah bringing me a book that we HAVE to read tonight, as well as 3 items of clothes that he just can't fold (but wants Mom to do for him). Matthew tells me his hair is getting too long, and that he needs a "buttload of cheese" on his eggs and we momentarily ponder what exactly a "buttload" is, and Isaiah insists that he needs a bubble bath, not a shower, so that he can be a crocodile in the tub. Oh, and he also needs me to get down his octopus decoration that he made in craft class last summer, as it needs to go to Show and Tell. 

Somehow, miraculously, one hour later when Barrett pulls up at home, dinner is warm and ready on the table. The boys are in their pjs doing reading homework, and the chaos has died down significantly. You;d have never known the absolute madness that existed only moments before. What is your witching hour like?

I'll Take My 30's Any Day

During this month of gratitude, I enjoy reading about the things that people are thankful for, as well as sharing my own blessings. Some people may find this annoying, but I admit that I truly smile for those that have so much to be thankful for, as I know that I too, have many thanksgivings in my own life. 

In a few short months I will turn 32, and I can say adamantly, without a single doubt, that I will take my 30's any day over being back in my 20's or (Heaven forbid, my teens!). These really are the best years so far. When I look back at pictures of my younger self, I see a pretty girl, awkward as can be, and full of self-consciousness. When I look in the mirror now though, I see a woman that has hurt, and been hurt, loved, and been loved, and above all someone who has learned many things (with many more to come!). The woman I see now has a few wrinkles and crinkles around her eyes starting to show, a few faded stretch marks and scars from being a mommy, and a few extra pounds here and there. You know what though? She is more beautiful, confident and happy than ever before. 

At 31, I love my life. I love my family, my boys, my home, and myself. In my 30's I have learned that what I think of myself matters more than what others think. I have learned that happy moms have happier children, and that a Saturday spent looking for adventures and making messes is far more productive than cleaning my house (though I still want it clean!). I have learned that pets make more messes than children, but when they cuddle with you-it is still worth it. I have learned to humble myself. Our economy cares not a bit that I have two college degrees-I still have to work my tail off and sell myself if I want a job doing anything. I have learned that it is okay to be friends with my ex, to invite him and whoever he is seeing over to dinner, because it is good for our children to see us have a friendship, and good for our own souls for us to let things go and realize that we both could have done much better for one another but now we can with others. In my 30's I have learned that spirituality doesn't always happen in a church-it often happens in daily interactions with others, and through who we help and serve, and who changes us along the way.  I have learned to be honest with my children in all things, in hopes that they learn life is  not perfect, but it is good. 

My mother tried to teach me years ago that there is no such thing as a set plan. I drove her insane with my inflexibility at times, and my insistence that anything wanted bad enough could and would happen. Mom, if you are reading this, you were right. Letting go of my need for a perfect plan has made me a better person. As I type today, I have many things up in the air being juggled. I am waiting for test results to see if I passed my CNA 1 certification exam. I am wondering if I should progress to CNA 2 and look for a hospital job. I am an employee (technically) for an in-home health organization, though I am holding off on accepting my first few clients until I know about some other things. I have applied to be a medical office secretary, and I have also applied for a teaching position that I am hoping to get an interview for. My plans right now are pretty darn amorphous. I have no idea which way things will shape up. I may get the teaching job and decide to stick with it, or a hospital job and continue going for my RN, or I could start taking prereqs to be a vet, a lawyer, or an astronaut (joking here). I guess what I am saying is that I do have a plan...but it is more like many plans, many paths, and they are all okay with me. I have a husband who loves me, boys that still think Mommy is a princess, time to spend with them all, and parents as well as grandparents that think the world of me. I'm doing ok-in fact, I am doing well.

 I'll take my 30's any day.