In a few short months I will turn 32, and I can say adamantly, without a single doubt, that I will take my 30's any day over being back in my 20's or (Heaven forbid, my teens!). These really are the best years so far. When I look back at pictures of my younger self, I see a pretty girl, awkward as can be, and full of self-consciousness. When I look in the mirror now though, I see a woman that has hurt, and been hurt, loved, and been loved, and above all someone who has learned many things (with many more to come!). The woman I see now has a few wrinkles and crinkles around her eyes starting to show, a few faded stretch marks and scars from being a mommy, and a few extra pounds here and there. You know what though? She is more beautiful, confident and happy than ever before.
At 31, I love my life. I love my family, my boys, my home, and myself. In my 30's I have learned that what I think of myself matters more than what others think. I have learned that happy moms have happier children, and that a Saturday spent looking for adventures and making messes is far more productive than cleaning my house (though I still want it clean!). I have learned that pets make more messes than children, but when they cuddle with you-it is still worth it. I have learned to humble myself. Our economy cares not a bit that I have two college degrees-I still have to work my tail off and sell myself if I want a job doing anything. I have learned that it is okay to be friends with my ex, to invite him and whoever he is seeing over to dinner, because it is good for our children to see us have a friendship, and good for our own souls for us to let things go and realize that we both could have done much better for one another but now we can with others. In my 30's I have learned that spirituality doesn't always happen in a church-it often happens in daily interactions with others, and through who we help and serve, and who changes us along the way. I have learned to be honest with my children in all things, in hopes that they learn life is not perfect, but it is good.
My mother tried to teach me years ago that there is no such thing as a set plan. I drove her insane with my inflexibility at times, and my insistence that anything wanted bad enough could and would happen. Mom, if you are reading this, you were right. Letting go of my need for a perfect plan has made me a better person. As I type today, I have many things up in the air being juggled. I am waiting for test results to see if I passed my CNA 1 certification exam. I am wondering if I should progress to CNA 2 and look for a hospital job. I am an employee (technically) for an in-home health organization, though I am holding off on accepting my first few clients until I know about some other things. I have applied to be a medical office secretary, and I have also applied for a teaching position that I am hoping to get an interview for. My plans right now are pretty darn amorphous. I have no idea which way things will shape up. I may get the teaching job and decide to stick with it, or a hospital job and continue going for my RN, or I could start taking prereqs to be a vet, a lawyer, or an astronaut (joking here). I guess what I am saying is that I do have a plan...but it is more like many plans, many paths, and they are all okay with me. I have a husband who loves me, boys that still think Mommy is a princess, time to spend with them all, and parents as well as grandparents that think the world of me. I'm doing ok-in fact, I am doing well.
I'll take my 30's any day.
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