Italy Trip Day 4: Angels and Demons Tour and Vatican City

Wearing my new Italian linen pants and sleeveless top (since my luggage is still MIA), I set out for my first full day in Rome. It had been an awful first night. I spent half of it attempting to sleep on a towel on the floor of the bathroom. Migraine combined with the fact that I am an insanely light sleeper...yeah. We breakfasted at the hotel, which had a nice selection of pastries, breads, fruit, cereal, meats and cheeses, as well as scrambled eggs (for us Americans! Italians do not eat eggs at breakfast I have read). I ordered my first coffee in Italy quite by mistake walking by the coffee counter. "Americano?" the gal asks. "Umm...yes!" I reply. A few minutes later out comes a cup of steaming hot black coffee. Yech. I like my coffee about half cream and sugar, half actual coffee. Candi looks at me, "Order it wrong?" Me: "Pretty sure I did. I wasn't sure if she was asking about coffee or my nationality!" It was coffee. No amount of sugar could rescue that first cup. Thank God for adrenaline when there's only been about 4 hours of sleep! The next few days I would order a cafe latte or cappuccino and be good to go.

I was not to be deterred though. The day would begin with a tour titled Angels and Demons where we would visit all the churches on the path of enlightenment (as well as where 4 cardinals were murdered) in Dan Brown's novel. Places visited include:

• St Maria del Popolo Church
• St Peter's Square
• St Maria della Vittoria Church and Ecstasy of St. Teresa Sculpture by Bernini
• Piazza Navona
• Castel Sant'Angelo

St. Peter's Square

The Ecstasy of St. Teresa

Inside Vatican Museum

In the courtyards at the Vatican Museums

That tour was amazing! I have been home now for a week as I write, and I still think it was one of the best that we went on! The tour guide, Massimo, was a fantastic story-teller, and he re-told the story as we traveled to each site, being sure to point out fact and places where the author had taken poetic license (like the fact that Galileo could not actually have been an Illuminati because they were not around until after his death). It also helped that Massimo was pretty nice to look at.

Close-up of the face of St. Teresa

And the fact that he told us all about the controversy surrounding the sculpture by Gian Lorenzo Bernini called The Ecstasy of St. Teresa! The controversy is that the sculpture is to depict St. Teresa's night-time visions of angels visiting her and alighting her with passion...the description in her book is quite sensual, and the statue is as well (including the fact that there are other sculptures on either side portraying people "viewing" her ecstasy), hence the Catholic church not knowing where they should even place this work of art.

Excerpt from My Life by Teresa of Avila:
I saw in his hand a long spear of gold, and at the iron's point there seemed to be a little fire. He appeared to me to be thrusting it at times into my heart, and to pierce my very entrails; when he drew it out, he seemed to draw them out also, and to leave me all on fire with a great love of God. The pain was so great, that it made me moan; and yet so surpassing was the sweetness of this excessive pain, that I could not wish to be rid of it.

Picture from the Internet of God touching Adam

St. Peter's Basilica

That afternoon we had another big tour to Vatican City which would include the Vatican Museums and Sistine Chapel, as well as St. Peter's Basilica. There are really no words that can do proper justice to the place. The Sistine Chapel does not allow photography (I was a bit late catching up to the group after a restroom break, and I got this yelled at me by one of the guards!), but the ceiling is breathtaking. I marveled at the section of painting depicting God touching Adam and giving him life. St. Peter's Basilica though, was the icing on the cake. I am not Catholic myself, though this trip has almost convinced me otherwise. When we entered the basilica, there was a mass going on in the inner most part. It was being held in Latin, and the sheer sound of the ancient language while being amidst the opulence of the basilica was enough to give me goosebumps.

Italy Trip Day 3: finally here!

So the third day I was gone ended up being the first actual day in Rome. Our flight came in about 11:30 in the morning, and our plan was to push on through and spend the day exploring so that we could go to bed exhausted that night and acclimate to the new time zone. But wait... Had there been enough travel issues yet?? Apparently not. As we waited at baggage claim and watched the carousel go around and around, Candi got her luggage. Mine? It was a no show. We had been assured by United that when our flight was rescheduled the luggage would go right onto that new flight. So, here I am in a foreign country with no luggage. I went to the customer service counter and was asked to return "in 10 minutes" not once, not twice, but four times! I was told by the not so nice Italian workers that I had to wait long enough to make sure my bag truly wasn't there. When I saw workers come to collect a handful of unclaimed bags, and mine still was MIA, I went to the counter again. I told the man "please do not tell me to come back again in ten more minutes!!" Turns out my bag was left in Chicago. Wonderful.

We took a cab to our hotel, and Candi was amazed with the scary driving. I had experienced similar in Mexico before and only need to add that apparently speed limits and lanes are merely suggestions, and the horn, not the turn signal, is used for letting other drivers know you are coming into their lane. 

Our hotel was very cute and clean and we attempted to settle in. For me this involved washing my undies in the sink so that I had a clean pair for the next day. Seriously. But ah, Rome. One can't let a lack of panties ruin the day! 

We went on a walking tour that evening and marveled at the Spanish Steps, which are 135 steps that our tour guide insisted we walk part of twice... You know, because once wasn't enough. We saw Trevi Fountain, that sadly is being renovated so was empty but still beautiful. We saw our first couple of piazzas and ate our first gelato and then went shopping for a new outfit for me so that I'd have some clean clothes. Good thing too- since my luggage (that was supposed to arrive the very next day) would not arrive until Wednesday AM. 

Italy Trip Day 2: Are We There Yet??

This was supposed to be our first day exploring Rome. Candi had a tour booked to go see Pompeii and the Amalfi coast. It was going to be the one day that we each did separate things because I couldn't get on that tour. I was actually OK with that because I had found a couple of cool tours right in the city to do. I had toyed with the idea of taking a train to Venice because it is a must see for me, but the idea of doing it alone and how much travel would be involved (and the fact that my parents would have wanted to kill me!) with it had thwarted that idea. Instead, I had booked a tour that went over into Isola Tiberina to see an island that is attached by a bridge to Rome. And then that evening I had booked a walking tour around the city to see the sights.

Instead we spent a lazy morning in Chicago. All I could think the whole time was of that line in the cartoon movie Monsters Vs. Aliens: "Fresno? In what world is Fresno like Paris??" In what world is Chicago a fair replacement for Rome?? Well, it isn't. We tried to make the best of it and went and grabbed Candi's old favorite, White Castle for lunch and then walked around a little bit at a local nearby park and river.

We got to the airport with plenty of time and got checked into our flight. We even were the first ones in line to board the flight to Rome. We were just a little bit antsy to finally get to the city! We stood in line for about 90 minutes as one delay turned into two more as they "cleaned the plane." I finally say to Candi "what the hell is on the plane?? A dead body? I'm pretty sure I still want on it at this point!"

Finally we boarded!!! The flight had some open room so we had a row of three for just us two. I was still pretty jealous of the first class "sleeping pods"- have you seen those?? There was onboard entertainment and I settled in to watch Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1. We were served a three course meal on this flight that consisted of a small appetizer of crackers and cheese, an actual meal of pasta and salad with bread, and then gelato for dessert. It was pretty decent for airplane food.

I was even able to catch about four hours of sleep. The next morning we would finally arrive.

Italy Trip Day 1

Decided to do a post for each day of the trip here as well as link to Candi's blog (she did an amazing job matching up all her pictures to the descriptions). 

My trip began 1 week ago early on a Saturday morning as I met Candi and her sister, Jacqueline to go to the Portland airport. We got all checked in and had a fairly uneventful flight at first. Then right around the time we were supposed to land, the captain came on the radio. "I have some bad news," he says, "look out your windows. Obviously I cannot land in this." We look out our window to see (gasp!) rain clouds, and say to ourselves "really? What's the big deal here?" Obviously, when you come from Oregon you wonder why this would slow anything down. The captain goes on to explain that there is thunder and lightning, and our flight (and many others)  are being diverted to Milwaukee. 

This stressed us quite a bit since we were only going to have 1 1/2 hours in Chicago before the flight to Rome left. Sure enough, our 3 hour and 45 minute flight transformed into a 6 hour flight as we sat on the Tarmac in Wisconsin and eventually got refueled and back in the air to Chicago. Once landed, Candi and I did a mad dash through the large airport. Our flight to Italy had also been delayed twice and perhaps we could make it??

Nope. We arrived at the gate ten minutes after the flight took off. Then we spent the next hour trying to finagle our way onto any flight in Europe that could get us connection to Italy. That could've even been cool to get stuck in Munich or Frankfurt (2 we were looking at) even if it was overnight we'd get the bonus of another country. Instead? No flights had room. No flights left Chicago until six the next night. Because we were ten minutes late- we had just lost an entire day in Rome. Luckily, Candi has family in the Chicago area, who came and got us and let us stay until we could try again.

On a side note, there were no thunderstorms in Chicago that night, at least none that anyone we knew in area knew about. There was however an air traffic control tower down ( maybe due to weather???). Why we weren't told this, I'm not sure -but my guess is that it is because of the fact that United only offers hotel vouchers for delays/missed flights that are not weather related...

It's Just a Car...Or Is It? Learning to Embrace Me

About a week ago Barrett and I sat and talked about our goals and some financial decisions we should make when his new job begins, and then later when my new career begins. It was a good check-in, and I am thankful to be in a relationship where this happens when it needs to. We talked about vehicles, and possibly selling my Charger and getting him a newer truck until I was done with nursing school. I sat and listened, knowing that the Jetta we have is newer, potentially more reliable, and costs about half as much to keep fueled as my car. I reminisced over the fact that I had barely even driven my car the past year because it wasn't the smartest option. As we talked, and I tried to keep calm, tears began rolling down my face at the thought of selling my orange beauty. Get a grip, Sarah I thought, it's just a car, and you can get something new later on. But is it just a car? Sometimes what should be just an object has sentimental attachment to us for other reasons. My car does, and I don't want a new one. 

One of the hardest lessons I have learned in the last year or so is that sometimes niceness gets you nowhere. I even cringe typing that. I was taught to be nice, to be amicable; I hate making a scene. Deep down I do want everyone to like me. It is no big secret that my ex and I are not on great terms. I tried. We tried. And I am not here to bash. That is not what this blog has ever been for. But I have learned that niceness is sometimes construed as weakness, and that niceness does not mean others will reciprocate. Sometimes you have to be tough. Sometimes you have to cut ties. Sometimes these things become necessary to protect yourself, and often in my case, necessary for me to do what I feel is best for my children. Sometimes that means things get worse before they'll ever get better, and sometimes that means burning bridges (that maybe should've never been built). Sometimes, rather often, it means being who I need to be. 

 

I have talked of my divorce on my blog quite a bit. While it does not define me, it is part of me. It has changed me. In many ways, as clichéd as it may sound, I was refined by the fire. It has taken years to decide who I am again, and who I want to be. I am still deciding, and it is a tough, but extremely necessary process. 

Not that long ago, in a kingdom not that far away, a girl was coaxed into giving up the only cute car she had ever had in exchange for a mini-van she didn't want. Disclaimer here: I am not knocking mini-vans, many people love them. If you are a proud mini-van owner, more power to you. To me, the mini-van took on a sentimental value that was not good or healthy. It was one more step in "taming" me to be the wife someone else wanted me to be.  Believe it or not, I was a bit of a wild child in high school (close, long-lost friends feel free to laugh and nod here), and often was looked at in those years as something that needed to be shaped into the perfect wife, an animal needing to be broken. The mini-van represented a part of me gone, and I resented the fact that I had been weak and (begrudgingly) given in. 

Once upon a time, in a kingdom far away, I dated the resident "bad boy." He was older, lots of fun, and drove a red Barracuda with a white, vinyl, convertible top. I loved that car and all that it represented: driving too fast, bare feet up on the dash, music playing too loud, staying out too late, and stolen kisses. Part of me loves the adrenaline of a roller coaster, the thrill of the open ocean, candlelight dancing, and too dark lipstick. This is a part of me that I have learned slowly to re-embrace. It doesn't need tamed. It is these same things that allow me to bat my son's pitches in the yard while wearing a dress, spontaneously suggest a road-trip just so we can eat good Chinese food by the beach, and also the part of me that longs to be an ER nurse where I will never know just what to expect. Maybe to some the thought of motherhood, being a good wife, and being a dedicated soccer mom are somehow ensconced by the mini-van image. But I am these things, and will do them all and more from my bright orange car.

Barrett and I were dating when he brought that car off his friend's car lot to show me. To impress me he later said. I fell in love. I was already in love with the man, but as I sat behind the wheel of the car and drove it a few times, I was in love with the car too and the freedom it represented as I rebuilt my life. I blasted the music, and enjoyed the appraising looks of other drivers. Barrett and his friend helped me get out of my van loan into the Charger, and I never looked back. THIS was more me. Teenage boys I taught loved it, the staff at Oil Can Henry's talked to me about the Hemi, and on more than one occasion I tested the speed of the car (I am sure it can go faster, but 130 mph was my limit!). I had always been a cautious, even fearful driver, but now driving was fun!  This car has become a symbol to me of embracing the things I felt I lost and still wanted to be. I love that my sons think it is cool, and I don't care if it is shallow of me that part of me digs the image they have of me being a "cool" mom-a a mom that snorkels, water slides, and zip lines with them, and a mom that drives a shiny orange and black car that their friends whisper is "sweet!" on the rare occasions I get to pick them up from school. I will take "cool" mom as often as I can get it, since I know in the years that lie ahead there will be many "uncool" moments as I lay down the law.

 And forgive me for being crass, but mainly, what the car represents to me, is me giving my ex a big middle finger salute, as I embrace who I am and who I want to be. For me.

So maybe it is just a car, but then again, maybe not.

Today I celebrate the unplanned things in life…

I will celebrate this date forever, but not for the reasons you might think. 

Today is an anniversary of sorts, or more so, an un-iversary. 15 years ago today I was 18. I was preparing for my wedding to my high school sweetheart. Today was the day that we were wed. 15 years later, I still celebrate today but for very different reasons. After 10 years of marriage I ended up a single, divorced, mother of two boys five and under. My entire world was reeling. How was I going to pay the bills? Would we have to give up the farm home that we had bought together with my parents? How in the world could I act as both a mother and a father to the kids when their's would not be around every day any longer?  It was 14 days before Christmas when we separated, and I was also worried about how I would keep a happy face on for the kids when I felt like the entire world was falling apart. 

To say that I was crushed however, would be a blatant lie. Shocked, a bit confused, and angry would be more sufficient descriptors. Another feeling kept attempting to bubble up to the surface though- even as I attempted to redecorate the bedroom, needing to make the space my own in that very first day. That feeling was relief. It had been 10 years of a toxic, messy, jealous, and abusive relationship. 

Side note-Do you know that for years I have hesitated to use that adjective? Abusive. Like it means I am admitting that I was weak. Like some people might even think that it was a lie. Here's what I have learned about lying and the truth: I am a truth teller. I say this not because I am brave, but because I believe in the truth. Sometimes the truth is ugly and sad, tarnished and shameful, but just because it is not pretty, does not make it a lie. 

With my relief came just a little bit of hope as well. I felt I had wasted 10 years of my life... but they were not truly wasted. I had two beautiful sons and two college degrees to show for it. I had my mom and dad in the exact house that I was in willing to help with the children. I had a career, that while I did not love, I enjoyed most of the time. Maybe this was my chance to start over and decide who Sarah was on her own without being part of this couple that everyone knew (only they didn't really). I had just a few friends at the time due to always keeping everyone truly at arms length- something that happened a lot during that 10 years of marriage. It really was no one's fault but my own, that even my best friend of four years at the time had no idea why I would be getting a divorce! She had no idea because I very rarely spoke bad about my marriage. In those years, I tried so hard to plaster on a smile and to be strong. I reasoned that all couples had issues, so why should mine be any more important? It was quite the convincing facade . My parents and a few other family members were probably the only ones who knew any better.
I have always been someone who likes to live my life within the boundaries of the plans that I create. There is a plan for every day and every year of my life, or at least there was. My ex and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary, not very happily, and we never made it to the 11 year anniversary. This may seem like a weird thing to announce and be happy about, but I have to say now that every year on July 15th, it is a new sort of celebration.  It is a

celebration of hope, unplanned events, a new start, and a life happier and better than I had ever imagined possible for myself. Because, this day should have been my 15 year wedding anniversary, but instead I am a month and five days away from my four year wedding anniversary with the man who treats me like I am the most important thing in his entire life. I am never talked down to, I am never screamed at, I am never taken for granted, I am never scared of him, and I am never controlled. I now live in a relationship where I do not feel like I have to walk five steps behind my husband (because I could never be or do anything as valuable as he) but instead walk along by his side as a partner in life. What I do matters. What he does matters as well. This is not a competition, but instead a joint celebration of our dreams and goals. My children are well loved and don't have to hear screaming from their parents every single day. 

I have never been at such peace in my life. Even when other things, other plans are up in the air, I realize that that it doesn't really matter… God has other plans for us. Often we cannot see them, but that doesn't mean that they aren't there. Life is full of possibilities that we can't even imagine. One of the very best things in my life that has helped to make me the person that I want to be was entirely unplanned. So today, and every year now on this day, I celebrate the different path that I am on. I celebrate the options I have and the new plans I have made, and I celebrate the plans that will come to be that I know absolutely nothing about...and I welcome them. 

Half a Nurse...

I made it through year 1. I am still in one piece even, and have amazed myself at the things that I have learned in just one year straight. While it will take many, many years to feel like an expert, some of the things I now can do are no small feat: I can give medications, including injections, IV pushes, and hanging IV meds. I can put in a Foley catheter, perform a complete head-to-toe assessment, pack and clean a wound, and remove drains and IVs. I can give patient discharge instructions and education before they go home from the hospital, and I can tell you which labs are not normal, need closer watch, or indicate quite serious conditions. I have well over 200 common medications (and just as many-though probably more-medical conditions) with adverse reactions, contraindications, and drug interactions swimming through my head at all times. I have learned everything from types of cancer treatments to birthing complications, cardiac emergencies to erectile dysfunction drugs, and there has been no shortage of opportunities for critical thinking. I have survived a Code Blue simulation, and while not real, I was impressed with the seriousness of my instructor and classmates, and grateful for the opportunity to practice something so vital before actually experiencing one. 



I remember being terrified to even go into a patient's room and take vital signs, and wondering to myself how the heck I would ever be able to do a quick (but thorough) assessment on a patient and get it electronically charted. My last week in clinical I performed 3 full assessments and charting, which was a huge feat (though I need to be able to take 5 patients by the end...but since previously I'd been taking 2 patients a day, I feel I am well on my way!). My hands shook like crazy as I hung IV fluids and programmed the pump for my IV check-off in lab. Funny, they didn't shake at all as I gave my first Zofran (an anti-emetic AKA makes you quit puking drug) push (a med that goes straight into an IV port in the patient's arm) or hung my first bag of Ampicillin (IV antibiotics). I didn't flinch when my almost naked elderly male patient started bleeding copiously from an IV site that he'd accidentally pulled out, while I quickly gloved up, held gauze to his arm, and reassured him that as soon as the bleeding stopped, he could have a clean gown on. I joked with patients that I helped ambulate (walk) around the halls after surgery, as I held their arm and directed their IV pole. And yes, the last time I wrote, I wrote how medical was not my most favorite placement...I did indeed like surgical much better. 


In the past year I have taken over as the president for the Student Nurses' Association, speaking to high school classes about the nursing program, volunteering to provide first aid at events, and yesterday helping with the graduation ceremony of the class ahead of mine. I have been really lucky in finding great classmates that I consider friends. Because I am so introverted a lot of the time, it saddens me that many are just good acquaintances, not necessarily people I would call up out of the blue, but I have made one close friend that I imagine will be a lifelong friend, and I love that we can talk about nursing stuff all day long, but also about life, our kids, and husbands too. 

In my final evaluation with my spring term clinical instructor, she took the time to talk to me about what I wanted after school was done. I told her I was interested in so many things, and that eventually I want to teach nursing. She told me that I am the "complete package," and that I will make an excellent instructor one day, and that patient education is perhaps my biggest strength (surprise?), and that I would make a great nurse practitioner, or she really thought, a case manager because of my ability to see the big picture about patient care. I like that idea really, though have not quite put nurse practitioner out of my mind. She also gave me the encouragement I need to do what I have been thinking of all along, which is to not go to OHSU for my BSN, but to "skip past it" so to speak and enroll in an RN-MSN program when I finish Lane. I may even be able to hold off on that statistics course for a bit (so I am not taking this summer!!). 


Sorry for all the nursey talk, I think I needed to get it out of my system before transitioning to summer mode. This summer I am taking courses (online) to keep my teaching license up-to-date, will find out what co-op clinical placement I have gotten for the summer, and if I want to take it this week (it is optional, and it is roughly 14 full shifts), and am doing a ride-along with CAHOOTS (Crisis Assistance Helping Out On The Streets) next weekend. Of course like all summers we have soccer camp, swim lessons, and camping trips planned, but the boys are with me 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off all summer, so keeping myself busy in between is imperative!  Awhile back I posted on Facebook that our family had been hit hard recently and were in need of prayer. Our health is fine (I have had some people ask), but finances are tough and may prove to get tougher (it is still not my business to fully share), and with me having 1 more year in school to go, the timing is of course awful, scary, and very stressful...that being said, I have faith that we will pull through and be just fine in the end, but your continued prayer and well-wishing are much appreciated. I hope to post again soon, and hope you enjoyed the (rather lengthy) update on my life. 

Sarah