I have a love/hate relationship with nursing school.

I have a love/hate relationship with nursing school.

In less than two weeks I begin my second and final year of nursing school until I can have the coveted RN after my name. I've written it a few times to see what it looks like. Sarah West, RN. I like it, a lot.

 I know that I still have a full year to go, and yet, I don't. Really, right now I am over halfway through as I will finish my final clinical hours sometime this coming May 2016 and then I will walk across the stage at graduation in June 2016. When you do the math it is actually less than a year away. 

I know that the next year will be a struggle. I know that more will be expected of me when I am at the clinical sites, my care plans will be expected to be more thoughtful and detailed, and up until spring term I will have many more duties as acting president of the Student Nurses Association. At times I will want to quit. At times I will feel completely incompetent. At times I will think that this was the worst career decision I could ever have made! At times I will look around me and think that every single one of my classmates has it way more together than I do.

And yet, I know that at other times I will feel like I understand. I will feel like I am prepared. I will feel like I actually know how to provide care for a patient. During these times, I will feel proud as I lean on my new-found skills. During these times I will know that the best career decision I could ever have made was a that to become a nurse. I will keep the experiences I gained this summer in the emergency department close at hand, as memories that I can savor on tough days, replaying the homeless patient that thanked me profusely saying,"thank you for your care today, and for your respect," the scared grandmother that I comforted as her granddaughter struggled for breath after an attempted drug overdose, the alcoholic man that I carefully tucked in as he slept and got re-hydrated... Because THAT is what nursing is about.

In many ways I write this as a reminder to myself of this oh so long but also in many ways oh so short journey to become a nurse. In the next year of school I will laugh, I will cry, I will feel frustrated and overwhelmed, I will feel confident and proud, and I will feel a multitude of different emotions as I deal with different patients throughout each day. I will grow in my skills until I am ready to be on my own.I know that it is not something that happens all at once, but more akin to the gradual change we see each year as summer slides quietly into fall. One day it will get easier, and I will think to myself, I am a nurse!

 I will also have to decide what comes next. In the next nine months of schooling I will have to decide what is next on my journey. I know that I will be applying for jobs, and I will hope to be working at least part-time as an RN in the following year. I am not sure which department and I am not sure which hospital. Of course, a lot of that will have to do with who is hiring! I do not know yet if I will go on for my RN to MSN program so that I can eventually, after I amass some experience, be a nursing instructor or if I will go on right away and apply to a family nurse practitioner program as was my original plan way-back when I began this journey… Or if I will decide to be in the workforce for a few years before I make any other decisions!  Only time will tell, but I am excited to find out.